(Did you hear the one about the killer who looked like Nanook of the North?)
CAST: Jared Leto, Alicia Witt, Rebecca Gayheart, Joshua Jackson, Michael Rosenbaum, Tara Reid, Loretta Devine, Natasha Gregson-Warner, John Neville, Danielle Harris.
DIRECTOR: Jaime Blanks
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some rather literal (and bloody) interpretations of urban legends - straight ahead…
I remember the first urban legend I heard about while growing up in Southeast Asia. It was the one about “The Babysitter and the Killer Upstairs.” If you folks will recall, that story revolved around a babysitter home alone who starts receiving threatening phone calls. Eventually, she gets the police to trace the calls - and they discover that they’re coming from a second phone line upstairs. Cue the killer’s entrance and cue our heroine’s messy curtain call.
Anyhow, even at that young age, I knew for certain this had to be something that happened in the States, because there’s no way it would have happened in the Southeast Asian country I grew up in. To wit: (1) people there wait years and years to get a phone installed in their home - I can’t even fucking imagine how long a wait a second phone line would require - and by the time they get a phone line, the kids would be all grown up and there wouldn‘t be a need for a babysitter; (2) the cops barely have the technology to make a decent cup of coffee, let alone trace a goddamn phone call; and (3) the killers in that country don’t fuck around - he would’ve come downstairs the minute the parents left and turned the babysitter into meat on a stick. He wouldn’t have wasted time making any fucking phone calls.
This is very much unlike the killer in our latest review, the horror flick URBAN LEGEND. This dude (or dudette?) actually enjoys taunting his (her?) victims, to the point where you’re just begging them to be killed and put out of their misery already. Our killer’s MO also involves turning urban legends into reality, hence the title.
The first UL to get the reality treatment is “The Killer In The Backseat.” Just like it sounds, our killer climbs into the backseat of co-ed Michelle Mancini’s (Natasha Gregson Warner) car and, after an interminable amount of listening to her sing along (badly) to Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” he finally chops her head off. Leading to a, well, total eclipse of her heart.
News of Michelle’s murder spreads like wildfire through Pendleton University, rattling the student body and staff. A few of them include: (1) Natalie (Alicia Witt), hot and brainy chick who harbors a dark secret; (2) Paul (Jared Leto), hot and studious journalism student who smells a story; (3) Brenda (Rebecca Gayheart), hot and sporty co-ed who really wants Paul; (4) Sasha (Tara Reid), hot and slutty co-ed who is also the campus DJ; (5) Damon (Joshua Jackson), hot and cocky frat boy who should really put some conditioner in his hair; (6) Parker (Michael Rosenbaum), hot and cocky frat boy #2 who should really study more and party less; (7) Tosh (Danielle Harris), hot and weird goth chick who is also Natalie’s roommate; (8) Professor Wexler (Robert Englund), not-so-hot but definitely weird prof who knows something about the school’s grim past; and (9) Reese (Loretta Devine), head of campus security who thinks she’s Pam Grier.
All these folks are bothered by Michelle’s murder. Things get even worse when Damon bites it while trying to make out with Natalie, in what appears to be a reenactment of “The Scratching Sound on top of the Car.” Then Tosh dies while Natalie sleeps soundly nearby, in an obvious reenactment of “Aren’t You Glad You Didn’t Turn On The Light?” Doesn’t take long for our heroine Natalie to come up with the same conclusion my cat did after taking one look at the DVD cover: “Someone is turning urban legends into reality!”
The authorities’ response to Natalie’s hypothesis is basically gales of laughter, and basically a nice pat on the tushie while saying, “Run along and study hard, toots.” Undeterred, Natalie eventually teams up with Paul to figure out what the hell is going on. Their sleuthing reveals that a massacre happened at Pendleton U. about 25 years ago, and the sole survivor was… Professor Wexler. Is there a connection to the new set of murders?
What is going on at Pendleton U.? Who is the parka-clad killer? One of the students? One of the staff? Someone else? Who will be the next victim of an urban legend? Parker? Sasha? Brenda? Paul? Or even Natalie herself? What secret is Natalie hiding that might be able to solve the mystery once and for all? Will Reese be able to protect the students? Or is she just another another lamb to the slaughter? And why the hell does this chick think she can out-fabulous Pam Grier?
Whatever. Just prepare yourself for some rather creative interpretations of your favorite bullshit stories…
BUT, SERIOUSLY: In the wake of SCREAM’s success in 1996, the floodgates opened and a tidal wave of post-modern slasher flicks flooded the marketplace. Of those, the best were I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER and… URBAN LEGEND. With a very interesting premise at its core, URBAN LEGEND could’ve easily been as good as SCREAM. Unfortunately, a great concept doesn’t always guarantee a great film. The script takes some rather illogical leaps that sometimes take you out of the story.
Fortunately, director Jamie Blanks helms the film with such grace and confidence, that the momentum of the plot helps offset any head-scratching moments of incredulity. The way he shoots URBAN LEGEND is reminiscent of the look and feel of horror classics like HALLOWEEN and THE FOG. In other words, each shot breathes atmosphere and tension - and it goes a long way in keeping us engaged in the film. There are also some exciting sequences that rank up there with those in SCREAM and I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER. The opening murder of Michelle, and Sasha’s extended chase scene through the deserted radio station are two that come to mind.
The cast is solid, if not exactly remarkable. They do what they have to do - and do it reasonably well. The standouts in the younger crowd are Alicia Witt as the conflicted heroine Natalie, and Jared Leto as the crusading would-be journalist, while Loretta Devine as the quirky campus cop Reese is the best of the veteran cast. Robert Englund provides some occasional creepy moments as the professor who may or may not be the killer.
All in all, URBAN LEGEND may not live up to its fantastic premise, but it still delivers an engaging and suspenseful ride for modern audiences, while still retaining the feel of the old-school classics. Given how many slasher films strike out, that is something to praise.
