(Once an asshole, always an asshole…)
CAST: Bill Murray, Karen Allen, Alfre Woodard, Bobcat Goldthwait, Robert Forsythe, David Johansen, Robert Mitchum.
DIRECTOR: Richard Donner
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and severe bastardization of A CHRISTMAS CAROL straight ahead.
Anyone who follows this blog knows that I love Sir Bill Murray. This is one of the guys who made droll humor popular in the United States, after all. I often wonder if he’s a Brit trapped in an Yank’s body. Sir Bill has toplined some hilarious films like STRIPES, GHOSTBUSTERS, GROUNDHOG DAY, LOST IN TRANSLATION, MEATBALLS, GARFIELD, and WILD THINGS.
Well, okay, that last one was mostly unintentionally hilarious. But it’s downright golden, humor-wise, in comparison to our next review, which does the unthinkable: this movie makes Sir Bill seem, well, unfunny. Now, excuse me for a moment while I go back and flagellate myself for having typed those words. Note to the perverts out there: do not confuse “flagellate” with “fellate.” I’m not that flexible.
Okay, I’m back. Barely. Anyhow, I never thought I’d ever watch a Sir Bill Murray film that I detested. Even overrated fare like CADDYSHACK was saved by Sir Bill’s unique “dry nut” presence. It grieves me to say that there’s actually one film that Sir Bill couldn’t save. In fact, he has a strong hand in doing it in. More on that in the BUT, SERIOUSLY portion of this review.
The movie with the lamentable title of “Movie Where Sir Bill Kind of Sucks” is SCROOGED. A modern, allegedly-comic spin of the classic and oft-filmed Charles Dickens tale, “A Christmas Carol,” SCROOGED revolves around a narcissistic asshole named Frank Cross (Sir Bill) who is just one step away from being Satan. Frank is meant to be a modern-day, young, but no less loathsome incarnation of Ebenezer Scrooge.
Except that Frank actually may make Scrooge look like a cub scout leader, by comparison. To wit, Frank is a cutthroat television network president who does the following: (1) peddle a line of Christmas programming so disturbing it actually makes old ladies attempt suicide; (2) throws an underling out onto the street after he voices an objection to said disturbing Christmas programming; (3) force his secretary, Grace (Alfred Woodard), to work long hours and miss her son’s important appointment; (4) gives utterly shitty presents to his family like… towels; and (5) generally goes around yelling at everyone at the top of his voice.
Anyone who’s read “A Christmas Carol” or seen any of its gazillion movie adaptations know that it’s just as a matter of time before Frank’s comeuppance comes a’calling. Sure enough, he is visited by the phantom of a former network president, Lew Hayward (John Forsythe). Seems that Lew was Frank’s hard-drinking, high-living, underling-abusing mentor who taught Frank all the deplorable things that Frank now unleashes on everyone around him. It looks like death has not been kind to Lew, and he warns Frank to change his ways… or end up like him. Which means having some really bad skin, apparently. Hope they have Retin-A in the afterlife.
If you think Frank takes any of this seriously, you are obviously mistaking Frank for someone who takes ugly ghosts seriously. But, as everyone who knows what Ebenezer eventually had to go through in “A Christmas Carol,” this won’t be the last royally fucked-up revenant who will be parading through Frank’s orbit. Far from it, as there are three more of them waiting in the wings to give Frankie that what-for: (1) The Ghost of Christmas Past (David Johansen); (2) The Ghost of Christmas Present (Carol Kane); and (3) The Ghost of Christmas To Come (Your Guess Is As Good As Mine Since He Has No Face).
Will Frank see the error of his way? Will he realize just how much a shit he’s been? Will he start treating Grace and his underlings in a manner more befitting a human being? Or will he continue being the colossal prick that he is? Will our quartet of ghosts make him realize just how much he loves his college sweetheart, Claire (Karen Allen)? Will she even want him back? Or is Frank pretty much a lost cause? And what’s up with those Ghosts anyway? Don’t they have mirrors in the great beyond so they can check their goddamn appearance before showing up on this this side? Jeeeez…
Whatever. I still think Sir Bill deliberately fucked up his performance as an elaborate practical joke. No, I don’t know what denial means.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: As I mentioned in the intro, and as much as it grieves me to write, Sir Bill’s performance in SCROOGE is its major liability. He’s just so ridiculously over-the-top that its hard to care about his character’s transformation from unrepentant asshole to flawed and contrite human being. He seems to think that screaming his lines will make them funnier. Sadly, that is not the case.
That might have been forgiven if the film itself was actually funny. Unfortunately, it is only mildly amusing in fits and starts. Most of the time, the cast just seems desperate to win any laughs they can. The singing climax is particularly painful. And when the film ends, you’re actually relieved.
This is all the more shocking because of Bill Murray’s near-flawless track record. He has played serious roles effectively (THE RAZOR’S EDGE, LOST IN TRANSLATION) without sacrificing humor, and this is the same approach he should’ve taken in SCROOGED. If we don’t buy into Frank Cross as a character in the beginning, then we won’t give a whit about his transformation.
In the early going of the film, the script does try to establish Frank’s cruel nature. However, by virtue of either director Richard Donner’s instruction or Bill Murray’s own choice, Frank is portrayed as a gross and repellent caricature that we don‘t care about. Bill Murray doesn’t deliver a performance so much as yell out his lines. Couple this central problem with the fact that most of the humor is simply grating, and you’ve got a film whose initial promise is squandered. In fact, the only that keeps this film from rating in the Crap Zone (*1/2 and below) are a couple of sharp lines and scenes.
Most of the cast, with the notable exception of its leads and a couple of others, are okay. The best performances comes from Alfre Woodard and Karen Allen as, respectively, Grace and Claire - the two good women who are badly treated by Frank in the early going. Veteran actors John Forsythe, Carol Kane, and Robert Mitchum are vivid in their small but pivotal roles, while relative newcomers (for 1988, anyway) David Johansen and Bobcat Goldthwait follow Bill Murray’s lead of overplaying their roles.
All in all, a big disappointment. Like opening a beautifully-wrapped Christmas present - only to find a lump of coal inside.
