(Work those Army Greens, Matthew baby…)
CAST: Matthew Broderick, Christopher Walker, Corey Parker, Penelope Ann Miller, Matt Mulhern, Markus Flanagan, Casey Siemaszko, Michael Dolan, Park Overall.
DIRECTOR: Mike Nichols
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and smart-ass army recruits straight ahead…
The first thing my Dad said to me after I told him I was joining the military was: “ARE YOU INSANE!?! DO YOU WANT TO BE THE VICTIM OF A HATE CRIME!?!?!” I just rolled my eyes and was like: “Dad, stop being a Drama King. This is the only way I’ll be able to see the whole world. I know what I’m doing here. I think of it as going undercover. Deep undercover. I’ll pretend I’m James Bond and Pussy Galore rolled into one. Only more fabulous. So stop frothing at the mouth already.”
When he realized that neither he nor anything else on this Earth could change my mind, and that it would be easier to convince a tornado to change courses, or convince Godzilla to leave Tokyo alone and jump back into the sea, he simply shrugged and said: “Well, when you get to Basic Training, just make sure to… watch… your… mouth.”
Presumably he was referring to my smart-ass tendencies, which during the best of times can ignite blood feuds and catfights, let alone during the worst of times. And let’s say that Basic Training would be the worst of times. Which is what the hero of our next review, BILOXI BLUES, finds out first-hand. He is Eugene Morris Jerome (Matthew Broderick), and he probably has a bounty on his head in his hometown of New York City. He’s that sarcastic. And he’s headed for Biloxi, MS, for boot camp, circa WWII, before being shipped out overseas to kick some Nazi ass.
Oh, Biloxi… the jewel of Mississippi. As far as I’m concerned, anyway. Things may sadly be a bit different now after Hurricane Katrina, but my memories of that Gulf Coast city, pre-Hurricane, are all warm and fuzzy. I was there twice for training, and learned several things: (1) Biloxi has some of the best All-You-Can-Eat places in the World; (2) Biloxi has some of the most terrifying thunderstorms in the World; and (3) After Italy, Biloxi has the hottest construction workers in the Galaxy.
Unfortunately, Jerome’s Biloxi experience isn’t quite as invigorating as mine. To wit, he discovers: (1) Biloxi Boot Camp has food that actually terrifies people; (2) Biloxi Boot Camp has no thunderstorms or rain because it’s the middle of the summer and, in Jerome’s own words, the place is “as hot as Africa”; and (3) Biloxi Boot Camp has no hot construction workers whatsoever.
At least some of his fellow recruits are kind of interesting. They consist of: (1) Joseph Wykowski (Matt Mulhern), Alpha-Male dude whose shooting skills are just about as strong as his appetite; (2) Arnold Epstein (Corey Parker), nebbishy Jewish guy who is about as popular in the platoon as a raging case of hemorrhoids; (3) Roy Selridge (Markus Flanagan), second Alpha-Male dude who intellectual skills are about as strong as soggy tissue paper; (4) Don Carney (Casey Siemaszko), affable Beta-Male dude who singing chorus numbers in his sleep (really); and (5) James Hennessey (Michael Dolan), second Beta-Male dude who, ahem, has a big secret.
These dudes and Jerome pretty much butt heads during their training. But their relationship is downright copasetic in comparison to their relationship with their drill instructor. He is Sgt Toomey, and since he’s being played by Christopher Walken, let’s just say the guy’s probably a couple sandwiches shy of a full picnic basket. It boggles the mind that the U.S. Army would let a loose cannon like this train and shape a bunch of youngsters into soldiers, but there he is in all his loony glory.
It goes without saying that it takes about 4.3 second for Jerome to go from “Just another dumbass recruit” to “Smart-ass recruit marked for death in the eyes of Sgt Toomey.” See, Sarge is a smart-ass himself, and “The Law of Sarcastic Bastards and Bitches” is like the “Law of Blind Dates“: either you click together and unleash sardonic hell on the rest of the World - or you just want to claw each other’s tongues out. In this case, Jerome and Sgt. Toomey definitely do not band together to take over the world.
So… will our smart-ass hero survive the tutelage of his smart-ass drill sergeant? Will Jerome get on with his colorful comrades? Or will they bushwhack him like those dudes from A FEW GOOD MEN? Or will he win them over with his wit? What about Sgt Toomey? Does he really respect Jerome and is just doing the “Tough Love” thang? Or does he really want to put a tunnel through his head with a .45 bullet? Will boot camp break Jerome? Or will he turn everyone there into Sarcastic Bastards and Bitches?
Let’s just say that you should never underestimate the power of sarcasm.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Warm, witty, and winning, BILOXI BLUES in a solid film that will put a smile on your face, and occasionally make you laugh out loud. The legendary Neil Simon effectively wields his wit in any film or play he writes, and BILOXI BLUES is no exception.
Basically a coming-of-age tale, this film based on Simon’s play of the same title is essentially a chronicle of a summer spent at boot camp which shapes Eugene Morris Jerome without him realizing it. Anyone in the Armed Forces, or formerly of them, will appreciate the familiar atmosphere abundant here. A lot of that comes from the well-written characters themselves. Each role is not only vividly delineated, but also essayed by the perfect actor.
Matthew Broderick is ideally-cast as the sardonic-yet-serious Jerome, and he sparks well his fellow recruits. Matt Mulhern as Wychowski makes the perfect “Sporty Hunk With Hidden Depths”; Corey Parker is the right mix of annoying and likable as the stubborn, quirky Epstein; Markus Flanagan nails his “Obnoxious Hunk” role of Selridge; Casey Siemaszko is good as Don Carney, the guy who sings in his sleep; and Michael Dolan exudes quiet, humble strength as the reserved Hennessey.
In the film’s two major female roles, Park Overall and Penelope Ann Miller are both strong as, respectively: (1) a good-hearted prostitute who deflowers Jerome; and (2) a bookish-and-beautiful Southern Belle who catches his eye. Overall and Miller provide the right “Female Touch” to keep BILOXI BLUES from being too much of an “all-boys’ party.”
Broderick clicks the most with Christopher Walken as the complex Sgt. Toomey. In Walken’s reliably quirky hands, Toomey is always likable - even when he’s basically putting his recruits through the Seven Circles of Boot Camp Hell. Walken wisely refrains from turning into a screaming caricature of Drill Sergeant, and infuses the role with something almost approaching bemusement. His various confrontations with the recruits are more acerbic than aggressive, and that goes a long way in making us like the characters. His climactic scene with Jerome and the rest of the platoon in the rain is a great one.
In the end, BILOXI BLUES is not a comedy that will make your stomach hurt with continuous laughter, but it will definitely put a consistent smile on your face - and burst out a strong yuk or two. For a comedy, that’s considered a success. For a Neil Simon comedy, that’s par for the course.
