# 219 - BLACK SWAN (2010)

BLACK SWAN (2010 - DRAMA / THRILLER / MYSTERY) **** out of *****

(Is that role really worth it, sweetie?)

The make-up artist is so fucking fired!

CAST: Natalie Portman, Vincent Cassel, Mila Kunis, Barbara Hershey, Winona Ryder.

DIRECTOR: Darren Aronofsky

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and beautiful - but utterly nutty - ballerinas straight ahead.




I’ve always thought that ballerinas are batshit crazy. Consider the following: (1) these chicks starve themselves to almost nothing; (2) they prance around doing some seriously painful-looking moves (seriously - who came up with the idea of standing on your fucking toes, anyway?); (3) have to wear ridiculous-looking costumes; and (4) are pretty much has-beens when they hit 40.

You’d have to be either seriously passionate about ballet or a masochist of the highest order to put yourself through the above shite. Which might actually be the same thing, when you think about it.

Consider the 1977 Italian horror classic SUSPIRIA, which was about a German Ballet Academy that turns out to be a witches coven. Ostensibly, we are supposed to fear for the lives of the dance students who don’t realize their teachers are actually spell-casting, throat-cutting banshees from hell. But let’s face it: those crazy witches ain’t got nothin’ on the bitchy ballerinas under their questionable care. Even before the blood starts flying we see just how nutty these dancing chicks are - so much so that when the witches start knocking ‘em off left and right, you can’t help but root a little for the old crones.

And if SUSPIRIA wasn’t enough proof that you should give ballerinas as wide a berth as possible, along comes the lovely - sarcasm alert! - film BLACK SWAN, which makes SUSPIRIA look like TOY STORY by comparison.

Our lovely - seriously speaking - heroine is Nina Sayer (Natalie Portman), a sweeter-than-cane-sugar lass who is part of the, I guess, New York Ballet Company. Nina is fiercely dedicated to her craft and has a reputation as a perfectionist. Her dedication and skills are suddenly put to the test when the company’s egotistical choad of a director, Thomas Leroy (Vincent Cassell), decides to do a “reimagining” of “Swan Lake.” Nice to know the movies aren’t the only medium plagued by the Curse Of The Remakes.

Thomas, however, stresses that this won’t be your average re-do of “Swan Lake.” Those of you familiar with the story of “Swan Lake” - and I’m not one of you - will recall that it tells the story of the Swan Queen who committed suicide when her prince fell for her evil twin. Or something. Basically, we’re talking “The Young and the Restless” with tutus and feathers here, folks.

How will Thomas’s version be different? Well, for starters, the ambitious fucker plans to cast the same actress as both the Swan Queen and her evil twin, also known as… The Black Swan. In other words, he needs someone who can be both Julia Roberts… and Traci Lords. Or, in this movie’s terms, Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis.

Thomas tells Nina that if he were just casting the role of the Swan Queen, the part would be hers. However, he needs her to also be believable as a diabolical whore, AKA The Black Swan - and frankly, Thomas doubts Nina could tap her dark side enough to pull off the dual performance.

But after a bit of a struggle - and torture passing for an audition - Nina eventually lands the role. Apparently, Thomas glimpses something inside Nina that makes him think she might be able to go very “Sharon Stone in BASIC INSTICT” after all. Ecstatic, Nina shares this news with her overprotective Mom (Barbara Hershey) - who reacts like Mommie Dearest, only without the wire hangers. Sure, she smiles like she’s happy for her daughter, but her eyes clearly say she’d love to acquaint Nina with a couple of sturdy two-by-fours.

Things should be peachy, right? I mean, after all, Nina got her dream role. Well, if things got resolved that easily there wouldn’t be a movie. Sure enough, it doesn’t take long for Nina’s insecurities to surface - and Thomas’s doubts to rise concerning his casting choice. It doesn’t help matters that new student Lilly (Mila Kunis) keeps turning up everywhere to freak Nina out.

See, if Nina is the perfect White Swan (AKA Swan Queen), then Lilly is the perfect Black Swan. Where Nina is virtuous, sweet, and nice, Lilly is dynamic, forward, and ready to stick her tongue down anyone’s throat - Nina’s included. This barely-contained sexual charisma doesn’t escape the attention of Thomas, who makes Lilly the understudy for Nina’s role.

As you can imagine, this freaks out Nina even more. Soon, she’s glimpsing Lilly on every street corner - and hanging out with her in an effort to uncover her dark side. But what happens when sinister things start to happen all around Nina? What is going on?

Is Nina cracking from under the pressure of playing both the White Swan and the Black Swan? Is Lilly angling to steal the role? Can Nina unleash her inner whore? Or will Lilly steal her thunder? Is Thomas pitting these two chicks against each other? Or does he have something else up his sleeve? Who agrees that Mila Kunis going down on Natalie Portman was the sapphic equivalent of Heath Ledger cornholing Jake Gylenhaal in BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN?

Two words about that scene. Hot. Damn.


BUT, SERIOUSLY: I am tempted to spit out the titles of films that BLACK SWAN is reminiscent of, but I will not do that. As soon as you recognize the titles of those films, you will know BLACK SWAN’s secret. Sure the ultimate revelation of BLACK SWAN’s twist isn’t anything earth-shatteringly original. But the journey there is what makes this film remarkable. It’s intense stuff, and those easily-rattled are warned to stay away.

Those of you who can take it, though, are in for a ride. Without giving away too much, I will say that Natalie Portman is nothing short of a revelation. I must admit that I never had an especially high opinion of her prior to BLACK SWAN. After seeing it, though, I am now a fan of Ms. Portman’s. She turns Nina into the role of a lifetime. This film rests squarely on Portman’s shoulders, and she carries the whole thing flawlessly - and fearlessly.

Mila Kunis is equally impressive as Lilly, the girl who may or may not be out to steal the Swan Queen role from Portman. In the grand pantheon of ambiguous femme fatales who draw the unsuspecting to them like moths to the flame, Lilly is definitely worthy of a spot - and its due largely to Kunis’s confident, sensual performance. I have to admit that I didn’t think much of Kunis based on her lackluster appearance in THE BOOK OF ELI and FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL. Evidently, all she needed was a great script to unleash her own inner Black Swan.

Vincent Cassell, Barbara Hershey, and Winona Ryder round out the main cast with bravura acting as, respectively: (1) the ruthless, manipulative director who may or may not be driving Nina crazy; (2) Nina’s clearly-unbalanced mother; and (3) the fading star of the Ballet Company who would rather see Nina die than lose the Swan Queen role to her.

In summary, see this movie now - but only if you don’t mind leaning into the abyss - and staring right into it. But remember what Nietzsche said: “When you look into the abyss, the abyss looks into you…”

You have been warned…