(Should’ve just gone golfing, assholes…)
CAST: Hal Holbrook, Lawrence Dane, Ken James, Robin Gammell, Gary Reineke, Michael Zenon.
DIRECTOR: Peter Carter.
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and questionable decisions from some highly-qualified individuals straight ahead…
One of the best films in the Wilderness Survival Genre is DELIVERANCE from 1972. Chronicling the canoeing vacation of four city men, and how that vacation rapidly goes south when they encounter some rather disgusting hillbillies who like to say things like, “He sho’ do have a purdy mouth” and “squeal like a pig, boy! SQUEAL!”, DELIVERANCE became an instant and unforgettable classic.
Needless to say, this canoe trip ain't one they’re going to want to show slides of at the next dinner party back in the city.
I’d thought about adding DELIVERANCE to the list of films for this week, but ultimately decided to choose another one. You see, in the wake of DELIVERANCE’s success, quite a few films using the same premise of “city dwellers trying to survive a vacation from hell in the sticks” were released. Some were terrible. Some were okay. One was terrific. Just as good as DELIVERANCE. If not even better in some respects.
That film is RITUALS, a Canadian film from 1977 that takes the themes that DELIVERANCE ignited in 1972, and then stoked them even more. Much, much, much more.
Our heroes are a quintet of doctors who have been taking annual vacations since they were in med school together or something. They are: (1) Harry (Hal Holbrook), the ethical idealist of the group; (2) Mitzi (Lawrence Dane), the cynical bastard of the group; (3) Martin (Robin Gammell), the gay alcoholic of the group; (4) Abel (Ken James), the opportunistic prick of the group; and (5) D.J. (Gary Reineke), the dorky schlub of the group. Yes, sir. Somehow, all these disparate personalities somehow bonded together in med school and became friends. Just a little bit more believable than the idea of a Great White shark and a seal becoming pals.
Anyhow, as our story opens, our five docs (as opposed to “dicks,” although that’s appropriate, too,) are getting dropped off by seaplane. The drop-off point is an extremely isolated place in the Canadian wilderness called “The Cauldron of the Moon.” Which, as the crazy pilot so helpfully points out, is in the middle of nowhere. “Come back for us here in six days!” instructs Abel to the crazy pilot. Then, not long after that, our five heroes pose for a picture and yell “CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZEEEEEEE!!!"
I don’t have to point out that, in a Wilderness Survival Flick, when someone does the following: (1) tells the transport to come back for them in a certain amount of time, then (2) gathers everyone together for a posed shot, two things are sure to happen. Those things are: (1) the transport will not find them when it returns, and (2) hardly anyone in the group picture will be left standing to tell the tale. In the words of Bruce Hornsby: “That’s just the way it is - some thing just never change…”
So the plane leaves behind Harry, Mitzi, Martin, Abel, and D.J. in the deep woods to do the following: (1) fish, (2) swim, (3) camp, and (4) talk shop about the penis-enlargement clinic that Abel wants to open. I must strenuously interject at this point that I am not making this shit up. As Abel himself says: “Who wouldn’t pay for a bigger dick?” Well, Abel, for starters: how about entire nations that already have large dicks, like Italy, Spain, and Hungary. And I have the empirical research to back it up. Don’t worry about setting up shop in those areas, bud. Just keeping it real.
Oh, just to show how progressive this film is, we have an openly gay character like Martin hanging out with his buddies who are clearly red-blooded heteros - and they clearly don't mind camping out with the fruit. Then we get frank discussions about penis-enlargement clinics. Those Canadians… so ahead of their time, dontcha know? Gotta love 'em.
Anyhow, not long after our guys set up camp, disturbing things start to happen: (1) someone steals all their boots; (2) someone leaves a deer’s head on a stake right next to their camp; and (3) Martin prances around the camp in nothing but his shirt and bikini briefs. And that last bit just might be the most frightening thing of all. Dude, seriously - put some goddamn pants on. That is one look that you definitely don’t pull off.
Fortunately, Abel brought an extra pair of boots. Unfortunately, no one else did. Which sends the hot-tempered Abel through the roof. Abel berates the others by yelling: “I sent you guys Xeroxed copies of what you were supposed to bring two months ago! One of those things were EXTRA. PAIRS. OF. BOOTS!!!!! GAAAAAD!!!!” If you were laboring under the delusion that this film was made during the era of e-mail, the preceding bit of dialogue should disabuse you of that foolish notion.
Needless to say, the missing boots presents a serious problem. Not having shoes in the middle of the woods, is like not having a condom in a whorehouse full of syphilic hookers. In other words: awkward, to say the least. So, given that Abel is the only one who actually thought to bring extra boots, he decides to lace up and head to a nearby hydro-dam for help. And by “nearby” I actually mean: “20 miles, one day’s worth of hiking through deep forest.”
After Abel goes, the rest of the guys don’t have much choice but to wrap their bare feet in cloth and hobble around like arthritic dorks. Make that arthritic dorks who don’t think ahead and follow the Xeroxed instructions they’ve been given. After awhile, they realize that Abel’s been gone for awhile and still hasn’t returned. Their worried minds aren’t exactly placed at ease by the discovery of the aforementioned deer’s head next to their tents. Then there’s the general sense of, ahem, being watched by something in the woods.
Spooked, the guys decide to hike to the dam themselves to see what’s keeping Abel. Despite having no shoes. And not knowing where the hell they are. Then, just to make things progressively worse, the following things happen: (1) a wasp’s nest is hurled right at them by something - or someone - lurking in the woods; (2) while trying to escape the angry wasps, Abel hits his head on a river rock and is swept away; and (3) while trying to cross another part of the river, Martin steps into a bear trap hidden in the water. All together now: ouch.
It becomes crystal-clear to our M.D.s that someone is stalking them in the woods. Someone with a possible grudge against doctors? With them, specifically? A former patient? Is it really Abel lurking in the forest? A wild animal? Or is it… someone else? Will any of them survive? Will this “someone else” kill them all? Will Martin ever stop prancing around in his bikini briefs and end our misery?
Bet on the “someone else” theory…
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Sometimes, a film inspired by a classic can reach the same level as that classic - or even surpass it. Examples are scattered throughout cinematic history. There’s THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS and SEVEN. There’s HALLOWEEN and SCREAM. There’s DIE HARD and SPEED. There’s BEFORE SUNRISE and LAST CHANCE HARVEY.
Then there’s DELIVERANCE… and RITUALS.
RITUALS is a little-known gem of a horror/thriller that can stand proudly next to its much more famous and lauded progenitor. While DELIVERANCE is practically a household title (especially that infamous scene), RITUALS is barely known outside Canada and film buff circles. Which is a shame, because it is a raw, tense, and quietly terrifying experience. And, like DELIVERANCE, it has influenced many films to come. Modern thrillers such as WILDERNESS and THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT bear strong traits that RITUALS first established in 1977.
What makes RITUALS as strong as DELIVERANCE (perhaps even stronger) is that its threat is never revealed in full until the very last frame - unlike DELIVERANCE, which made it clear from the first act what the danger was. Director Peter Carter wisely gives us just little hints to the growing menace as the film goes on: (1) a P.O.V. shot of someone lurking in the woods, watching the doctors; (2) the deer head materializing next to the camp; (3) the disappearance of our heroes’ boots; and - most chillingly - (4) a lone, mysterious figure on the horizon, watching our heroes from afar with deadly intent. This last one in particular was repeated exactly in WILDERNESS.
More of a horror film than DELIVERANCE was, RITUALS plays its strongest card: the unseen threat slowly breaking down these civilized doctors until they behave like animals in order to survive. Ethics are cast aside. Friendships are destroyed. True colors are revealed. All in the name of survival.
The character who holds on to his humanity the most is Harry, refusing to leave the injured Martin - as Mitzi insists they should do. The idea that our relationship with our closest friends can be easily frayed by isolation and a sinister interloper is an uncomfortable one. We’d like to think that we’d stand next to our friends in a life-or-death battle. But… would we?
The cast of RITUALS is instrumental in essaying the answer to that provocative question. Filled with respected Canadian actors and one American film star (Hal Holbrook), the movie successfully gives us a raft of characters who behave in credible ways under pressure. Some behave nobly (like Harry), while others behave shamefully (Mitzi). But they all behave in a believably human way.
What is the threat stalking our heroes? Well, allow me to say this: the major pleasure of RITUALS is slowly discovering the nature of this danger. It may not pass the credibility test 100%, but by the time it is revealed, RITUALS has built such a potent and suffocating atmosphere of dread and terror that you don’t question it in the moment. That is the mark of a very good thriller…
RITUALS is a forgotten classic that needs to be re-discovered. ASAP.
