(Next time, Marianne, get gas someplace else)
CAST: Mel Gibson, Goldie Hawn, Bill Duke, David Carradine, Stephen Tobolowsky, Joan Severance.
DIRECTOR: John Badham
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one lost lover who maybe should’ve stayed lost…
IT’S LIKE THIS: Imagine you are Marianne Graves, the lovely heroine of our next movie who looks like Goldie Hawn. Imagine you fell in love with a sexy goofball named Rick Jarmin who looks a lot like Mel Gibson. Imagine Rick went off for a bachelor party trip in New Mexico with a pal of his right before your wedding. Imagine he never came back and was presumed dead in a plane crash. Imagine you cried your eyes out and eventually picked up the pieces and become a very successful Manhattan attorney years later. Then imagine you are on a business trip in Detroit (yes, Detroit). You pull up into a gas station for some, you know, gas - and you discover that the attendant is none other than Rick Jarmin. Turns out he never died in the plane crash fifteen years ago, but witnessed something horrible in the New Mexico mountains - and had to fake his death to protect his life and his loved ones - such as Marianne (you). Now imagine the bad guys also discover Rick’s hiding place. Now imagine that you and he are now on the run to save your lives. Imagine a cross-country trek from Detroit to… Wisconsin to try and solve the mystery. Well, I guess it’s really more of tri-state trek, really. Anyhow, stop imagining shit already. You must have a pounding headache by now.
THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Rick, whose sexy ass has become pretty savvy at the art of survival over the last fifteen years. And I do mean sexy. Can you say “Mel Gibson Gratuitous Ass Shot?” In this case, literally and figuratively. You’ll see….
EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Mel Gibson at his peak. My girl Goldie H. is at her prime, too. Then there’s model Joan Severance playing Rachel, one of Rick’s other ex-flames. She’s pretty easy on the eyes, too. And handy with a shotgun. Yeah!
MOST INTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: The climax in the indoor zoo, where Marianne and Rick have to not only contend with the gun-wielding baddies, but also a bunch of pissed-off tigers, orangutans, and piranhas. Yes, piranhas.
MOST UNINTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Rachel point-blank telling Rick that if he sticks around, she will cancel her wedding to another guy - which is in two days. Ya gotta love someone who’s stone-cold blunt. Especially when it comes to love and sex.
HOTTEST SCENE: Rachel tending to the gunshot wound on Rick’s bare ass. Remember my earlier quip about the “Gratuitous Mel Gibson Ass Shot?” Well, I wasn’t kidding, folks. He does get shot in the ass by the bad guys, and we get a shot of that ass, as well. But not a shot at that ass. Too bad. Do you see the distinction?
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Why are the baddies so determined to kill Rick? Is there anyone he can trust in the Federal Witness Protection Program? Or has his case office (Stephen Tobolowksy) sold him out? How long can Marianne stand by his side for old times’ sake before she realizes she liked her safe life before? Or does she still love him after all these years? Or will he go for Rachel instead? Hmmmmm… decisions, decisions…
WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “BIRD ON A WIRE”: If you like reasonably funny and entertaining comedy action thrillers that are seriously helped by the sheer charisma and rapport of its stars. And if you love Mel and Goldie.
WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “BIRD ON A WIRE”: If you don’t like films that concoct a flimsy chase-thriller plot just as an excuse to throw together two attractive and highly-compatible stars, and watch them bicker, yell, laugh, and fall in love over the course of two hours or so…
BUT, SERIOUSLY: I’m going to come right out and say it: if there was anyone besides Goldie Hawn and Mel Gibson starring in BIRD ON A WIRE, it would rate **½ at best. With Hawn and Gibson in the lead roles, though, the movie gets a whole lot of kick and energy it may not have had otherwise.
The thriller plot is so thin as to be almost non-existent. Rick Jarmin saw a drug sting go bad on his bachelor party trip, and had to go into the witness protection program as a result. Now the bad guy he helped put away is out of jail and wants revenge - and tracks Rick down. That’s pretty much it. There’s no mystery to solve or “McGuffin” to track down, or person to rescue. It’s just Rick and Marianne running from the bad guys until they confront them and put an end to the chase.
Fortunately, Hawn and Gibson make their roles so engaging, and have such a comic click with one another, that the chase becomes somewhat enjoyable. In the end, it’s not enough to make the film rise above being a better-than-average cinema experience. However, it’s enough to make the film better than it has a right to be. And full credit for that must go to its lovely, talented, and funny leads - who are very well-matched.
Watching Gibson in the press today, it’s sometimes easy to forget what a vibrant, sexy, and comic presence he was in his day. Although they look nothing alike, he and Chris Evans share the same energy: that sort of confident, smart swagger that is both alluring and hilarious at the same time. Gibson is playing the kind of role that requires him to be equal parts vulnerable, mischievous boy and strong, wise man - similar to his role in the LETHAL WEAPON movies. Except Rick is less intense than Martin Riggs was. And that’s appropriate, because BIRD ON A WIRE is much more of a comedy than it is a thriller. Gibson holds the screen with his “star presence.” And he meshes very well with Goldie Hawn.
Speaking of Hawn, she is my favorite thing about BIRD ON A WIRE. Along with Janeane Garofalo and Sandra Bullock, she’s one of my Top 3 Favorite Comediennes - particularly because she has always cleverly subverted the “Ditzy Blonde” stereotype that people always tried to label her with. Watch Hawn’s strongest performances in films like WILDCATS, PRIVATE BENJAMIN, PROTOCOL, OVERBOARD, and even in DECEIVED. She always manages to give a layered, complex performance that goes beyond the surface. In 2002, when Cameron Diaz’s THE SWEETEST THING was coming out, I remember reading all the press about Diaz being “the new Goldie Hawn.” I couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of that. Diaz is a talented actress - but as a comedienne, she is no Goldie Hawn. Her comic performances do not have the same depth as Hawn’s.
If you’re asking how a comic performance can have depth, I present to you her role in BIRD ON A WIRE, which is a prime example of a seemingly simple role that the performer chooses to infuse with layers and complexity.
Marianne Graves is one of those cool, confident, hard-charging career gals who seem to have all the answers. But her Achilles Heel is her lingering love for Rick, who she thinks is dead and buried. She still carries a picture of him in her wallet after fifteen years. And when she runs into him again, it’s like the bottom opening up under her. With little non-verbals and tiny vocal inflections, Hawn clearly show us Marianne’s vulnerability and sadness just beneath her smooth, polished surface. I like how the character tries really hard to emotionally distance herself from Rick, but can’t quite do it. One minute she’s trying to do the best Ice Princess routine she can muster and ignore him, but in the next she’s gazing at him with adoring eyes and laying her heart bare. Before pulling back and freezing up again.
As Marianne says to Rick at one point, “My heart can’t take losing you again.”
And the constant “cold-hot-cold” shifting in Marianne is proof of that. Hawn makes this woman’s desire to reach out to Rick - as well as her fear of getting hurt again - very vivid. And Hawn wraps it all up in a nice humorous package. That’s a lot harder to pull off than you think. Genuine and real, but not too sappy. Funny, but not so zany that you lose the emotion. No disrespect to Cameron Diaz, but I don’t think she or anyone could play Marianne in the same compelling way that Goldie Hawn does.
With the exception of the gorgeous Joan Severance as Rachel, the supporting cast is pretty one-note and bland. The baddies played by Stephen Tobolowsky, David Carradine, and Bill Duke look straight out of Central Casting. By contrast, Severance has only a few scenes, but she makes both an emotional and visceral impact on the story with them. Just as with Hawn and Marianne, Severance imbues Rachel with complexity, using a lot of short-hand expressions and gestures that paint a vivid portrait of her past with Rick. I would have loved to see her part made bigger. But even in her few scenes, she creates a lasting impression. That’s talent.
In the end, BIRD ON A WIRE rates as high as it does because of Mel and Goldie. If the baddies and the thriller plot had been as dynamic, we might have a modern classic on our hands. As it is, it just pleasantly above average.
