(Good try, Steve. Good try… )
CAST: Narrated by: Matt Dillon.
DIRECTOR: Paul Crowder, John Bower.
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one millionaire tycoon‘s noble effort to bring soccer to hearts and minds of Americans everywhere…
When you have a lot of money, you can do pretty much anything you want. Take that old billionaire geezer from JURASSIC PARK, who apparently couldn’t find anything better to do so he decided to: (1) buy an island off Costa Rica; (2) clone a bunch of dinosaurs; (3) set them loose on said island; (4) call it a theme park; and (5) invite a group of dumbasses to the place to systematically get munched and crunched. Maybe if the rich dipshit would’ve, I don’t know, joined a gin rummy league at the local senior citizen center instead, he wouldn’t be dealing with involuntary manslaughter charges courtesy of the dead dumbasses. Rich people. Jeez. How else did he think everything would turn out when you clone goddamn dinosaurs? Thank god he’s a fictional character.
Then there’s Steve Ross, former head of Warner Communications in the 1970’s. This real-life rich dude undertook an undertaking that makes the above fictional endeavor of cloning dinosaurs look like a simple Sunday chore. Dazzled by the spectator fervor at the 1970 World Cup, Ross wondered (quite rightly) why soccer (AKA football) hadn’t caught on in the United States as much as it had in the rest of the world. Being wealthy and having millions to burn, Ross made it his personal mission to open the eyes of Americans everywhere to the wonders of soccer.
Ross’ plan was simple: (1) create a team; (2) lure Pele, the legendary Brazilian player, out of retirement; (3) surround him by a bunch of talented foreign players from other countries; and (4) pull down America’s pants and spank its ass until it cries out: “YES, I LOVE SOCCER!” Whoa, wait a minute… Was that Ross’ strategy - or is that a repressed memory or something. Hmmm… Mental note: do not mix beer, wine, and hard liquor at the Seattle Sounders Fan Club after-party.
Whatever. Anyhow, Steve’s plan actually worked. His team, called the New York Cosmos, took the country by storm. Having Pele as the head of the team and ambassador for Soccer was kind of like putting a Playboy Playmate in a Girl Scout uniform and siccing her onto a neighborhood of cookie haters. The Cosmos basically started in a field that had to be painted green - and ultimately wound up in Giants’ Stadium for the 1977 playoffs - in front of over 77,000 fans.
Also, the Cosmos are soon fixtures on the Studio 54 disco circuit. I don’t have to tell you that being able to just saunter into Studio 54 in the 70s could only mean one of three things: (1) you’re Robert Redford; (2) you’re Christie Brinkley; or (3) you’re a New York Cosmo. These guys make David Beckham and Gennaro Gattuso look like downright squares, by comparison.
How’s that for results? Did Ross succeed in winning the hearts of Americans when it comes to soccer? Or was this success a blip? How long can the Cosmos’ luck hold? How will the feisty Italian player, Giorgio Chinaglia, influence Ross’ decisions? How will Chinaglia and Pele deal with being on the same team? Will they clash? Or will they bond like brothers? Can soccer succeed in a country addicted to ball-fondling?
Um, let me explain about the ball-fondling… What I actually meant was sports where touching the balls is okay. Like basketball and football, where the balls are often, uh, handled.
Oh, fucking forget it….
BUT, SERIOUSLY: It’s no secret that the United States is just a little behind the rest of the world when it comes to soccer appreciation. Americans seem to be more content with the stop-start nature of Basketball and American Football, where nary a ten-second span goes by without a whistle blowing. Which is one of the things I dislike about those two sports. I can never get into them because they’re always stopping for some reason. Soccer, on the other hand, is more fluid and ongoing. Like life, it never really stops.
ONCE IN A LIFETIME chronicles a noble attempt on the part of media tycoon Steve Ross to bring soccer to America during a time when many people weren’t quite sure what it was. I’ve mentioned in our reviews for THE GAME OF THEIR LIVES (review # 186) and FIFA WORLD CUP 2006 MOVIE (review # 289) that the victory of the Italian-Americans from St. Louis over the UK team during the 1950 World Cup was considered a remarkable achievement.
This was because many quarters consider England as the birthplace of modern football/soccer, whereas it was barely present at the time in the United States. Even with this triumph, the U.S. would not send a team to the World Cup again until 1990 - forty years, folks. That’s how slow soccer was to take hold in the States.
Which makes Steve Ross’ efforts to bring soccer to the U.S. courtesy of Pele and the rest of the New York Cosmos, an admirable one. Of course, Ross may have been motivated in his crusade by potential profit, but an advocate is an advocate, regardless of the final motive. And having the head of Warner Communications as a benefactor is very useful indeed.
ONCE IN A LIFETIME entertainingly recounts this saga, complete with shifting alliances, surprise allies, sudden reversals, and endless intrigue. It almost feels like a juicy tell-all book in documentary form. Steve Ross’ crusade to broaden soccer’s appeal in the States pulled in a lot of interesting people, not the least of which was Pele. We get a glimpse into the persona of the legendary superstar in this movie, and he’s a fascinating guy. Especially when contrasted with the more fiery and flamboyant Italian striker, Giorgio Chinaglia, who often clashed with the Brazilian superstar and is pretty interesting himself. Most compelling is Chinaglia’s relationship with Ross, who developed a paternal affection for the Italian player. There are those that say Chinaglia had Ross’ ear, and some question his influence over the tycoon. Just one of many juicy tidbits in this documentary.
In the end, ONCE IN A LIFETIME gives us a glimpse into one man’s attempt to bring America up to speed in the sport of soccer. The New York Cosmos may not have lasted, but you can’t deny the effect their illustrious reign in 1970s did for the profile of soccer in this country. God bless Steve Ross….
