(There is nothing “weird“ about creating the perfect sex slave. That‘s just normal… “Weird“ would be not wanting to have one… )
CAST: Anthony Michael Hall, Ilan Mitchell Smith, Kelly LeBrock, Bill Paxton, Robert Downey Jr., Robert Rusler, Suzanne Synder, Judie Aronson.
DIRECTOR: John Hughes
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and two seriously horny would-be Dr. Frankensteins - straight ahead…
Apparently, the main uses for computers in the mid-80’s were pretty much limited to the following: (1) taking up gargantuan amounts of floor space by CPUs the size of your average pool table, (2) hacking into Department of Defense mainframes, and (3) creating living sex dolls with British accents and legs up their chins. That is, if anything contained within WEIRD SCIENCE is any indication.
Our heroes are Gary (Anthony Michael Hall) and Wyatt (Ilan Mitchell-Smith), and as far as the pecking order of horny, upper-class Chicago teens goes, they’re pretty much resting on the lowest rung. Of course, that changes during the course of an eventful (understatement alert) weekend that sees our two heroes left behind in Wyatt’s huge mansion while his parents are off to wherever, doing whatever. The bottom line is they’re gone, and for a couple of hard-up teens like Gary and Wyatt, that’s better than a winning lottery ticket.
Unfortunately, another pair of teens would’ve probably thrown a house party. Gary and Wyatt, however, being on the lowest rung of the social ladder, opt for a more appropriate activity: creating “The Perfect Woman” from the aforementioned computer the size of a pool table. Basically, these two numbnuts do the following during a thunderstorm: (1) strap up on some brassieres on their heads (really), (2) hook up a barbie doll to the oversized computer, (3) toss in a lightning strike, and (4) voila! Out pops at 5’10” chick with a sultry British accent and legs that go up to her chin, who looks like Kelly LeBrock. In other words: HAAAAWWWWWT!!!!
They christen their “perfect chick” Lisa, and before you know it, she’s basically turning our two geeks’ world upside down. To wit, Lisa: (1) drags Gary and Wyatt to a jazz club where she basically shows them how to hang (and get drunk on bourbon), (2) revamps their outfits into then-cool-now-hilarious-80’s fashions, and (3) throws that awesome house party that they should’ve thrown in the first place.
Will Lisa help Gary and Wyatt turn into “cool dudes”? Will Gary and Wyatt play along? Or will they chicken out and, uh, blow it? What happens when Wyatt’s dickhead brother Chet (Bill Paxton) comes home for the weekend? Will he ruin Lisa’s plans for the boys? Or does Lisa have her own plans for Chet? Who do I need to talk to about creating my own “Lisa”?
Except I’ll call mine “Alessandro.” Or maybe, “Russell Crowe.”
BUT, SERIOUSLY: A lot wackier than the rest of John Hughes’ teen output, WEIRD SCIENCE is a fun ride that succeeds because of the energy and confidence of its cast. Its central premise is interesting, but hardly plausible. It’s not meant to be taken seriously, but breezily. And like the rest of Hughes’ oeuvre from the 80’s, it speaks distinctively of a specific period and time - from the attitudes, to the lingo, to the raunchy but disarmingly sincere approach to teendom.
Anthony Michael Hall and Ilan Mitchell Smith make for an engaging comedic duo. Chemistry is just as important in comedy as it is in romances, and their energy makes for some very hilarious encounters. Hall’s Gary is the most spastic and outgoing of the two, while Mitchell-Smith’s Wyatt is the more reserved one, and they both take ownership of their roles and make it hard to imagine anyone else playing their roles. Which is the mark of success, in my book.
British model Kelly LeBrock made her debut in THE WOMAN IN RED the year before, and gets a bigger, better showcase here. As Lisa, the “perfect chick”, LeBrock is self-assured and crisply funny, displaying a finely-tuned sense of comic timing. And, being a model, she’s physically right for this role. From some angles, she resembles a cross between Angelina Jolie and Rachel Ward - and it’s not too farfetched to posit that she actually is the feminine ideal for most men.
Bill Paxton and Robert Downey Jr. are also on-hand in early roles that clearly hint at their future as stars. Both are hilarious as, respectively: (1) Wyatt’s tyrannical older brother, Chet; and (2) one of our heroes’ nemeses. Paxton, in particular, is a scream. Watch for his “Jabba the Hut” scene. You’ll see…
Verdict - WEIRD SCIENCE may be the silliest of all John Hughes’ films, but that’s precisely what makes it the most fun. And it’s all due to its vibrant and clever cast.
