(Terry, you fucking idiot… Cardinal rule of sex: you only go out of your way to help hotties you haven‘t already slept with - after you nail them, they‘re on their own…)
CAST: Steve Guttenberg, Elizabeth McGovern, Isabelle Huppert, Brad Greenquist, Carl Lumbly, Paul Shenar, Frederick Coffin, Wallace Shawn.
DIRECTOR: Curtis Hanson
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one colossal dumbass - straight ahead…
A good friend of mine whom we will call “Forest Whitaker” because he looks like a more athletic version of the actor (sorry, Mr. Whitaker) says that there are a few thrillers that are completely free of bonehead decisions on the part of its characters. The Thriller and Horror genres, more than any other, are often dependent upon their players behaving as if they have the survival instincts of bungee jumpers on meth. If these folks behaved the way people do in real life, they wouldn’t be in any kind of trouble - and, I suppose, there wouldn‘t be any movies.
But, no… time and again, people in Thrillers and Horror Movies always choose the wrong thing to do - which often lead to: (1) danger, (2) dismemberment, and (3) death. Some examples include: (1) playing detective when there are people who get paid to do that shit, thank you very much; (2) not getting out of a dangerous location when the getting is good; (3) forgetting how to run properly when the inevitable chase scene happens; or (4) developing the alertness level of comatose potatoes. Basically, “Forest” is dead on with his assessment: even the most brilliant entries in these genre have at least one thing a key character does that defies logic, but is necessary to push the plot forward. The only thriller that I can think of that is (arguably) free of any bonehead decisions is THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. Jodie Foster’s Clarice Starling pretty much behaved in a level-headed way all throughout, making decisions you or I might make if we were in her shoes. But the rest of them? You’d be forgiven for wondering if there were such a disease as “Horror/Thriller Movie Character Random IQ Drop“.
That’s definitely the disease afflicting Terry Lambert (Steve Guttenberg), the hero of our latest review, the 1987 Hitchcock homage THE BEDROOM WINDOW. Instead of breaking down the plot as per my usual manner, I will instead list the colossal “Oh, My God! You Fucking Idiot” moments that our hero Terry unleashes on us during the course of the movie:
1. Barely two minutes in, Terry is already walking down the Bonehead Path. He has just left an important office party at the architectural firm he works at. What’s so bad about that? Well, he’s brought with him his boss’s wife, Sylvia (Isabelle Huppert). In other words, while Terry is clearly smart enough to get an architectural degree and get employed by Baltimore’s top firm, he is clearly not smart enough to forego risking it all on a couple of “Who’s Your Daddy?” sessions with his employer’s woman. All together now: “Oh, My God! You Fucking Idiot!”
2. About five minutes in, God Almighty proves he has a sense of humor. Not long after Terry and Sylvia have a bunch of illicit orgasms, Terry goes off to, I guess, trim his pubes or something. Sylvia, on the other hand, hears a scream, looks out the, ahem, bedroom window, and sees… a woman getting attacked in the park below by a creepy-looking redhead. Sylvia opens the window - loudly - and scares off the attacker, leaving the woman behind. Terry comes back from, I guess, manscaping his johnson and asks “Whazzup?” To which, Sylvia pretty much says, “I just witnessed an attempted murder, dipshit, while you were carving animal shapes in your pubic hair. Asshole.” This is a problem for Sylvia, because if she comes forward as a witness, everyone will know she was in Terry’s apartment - and that will be the end of that. So what does Terry do? He calls the police and says he was the one who witnessed that assault on the woman below.
Once more, with feeling: “Oh, My God. You Fucking Idiot!”
3. With the Baltimore cops treating Terry like a star witness, he shows up at the station acting like Cock of the Block. There he meets the girl that was attacked. She is a smokin’ hot chick named Denise (Elizabeth McGovern), and she basically wonders why Terry acts like he’s never seen her before. Ah-fucking-hem, folks. Maybe it’s because he is, you know, not really the witness. Using Sylvia’s description of the assailant, Terry tries to pick the best match from the line-up. Which is kind of scary, when you think about it. What it if he gets it wrong? Too flustered, Terry tells the police he can’t be sure. This doesn’t stop him from tailing Carl Hendeson, the guy (Brad Greenquist) that best fits Sylvia’s description. Yes, folks… our hero Terry has decided to become a Hardy Boy and add sleuthing after suspected killers to his already established skills of architecture and fucking the boss‘s wife.
Yes, it’s time again, folks: “Oh, my God! You Fucking Idiot!”
4. Terry’s snooping after Carl eventually convinces him that Carl is the killer. Especially after another girl is attacked - and this time, murdered. Right after Terry saw Carl eye-fucking her in a bar. In other words, while Terry was stalking Carl, Carl was stalking this chick. Scary, ain’t it. This time, Terry goes to the police and basically says something along the very reasonable and convincing lines of “Gee, guys… shucks, but I think the guy who attacked Denise is that creepy redhead named Carl Henderson - and he might have killed this new chick. Is it too late to finger him?” Fortunately, the Baltimore detectives on the case, Detectives Quirk (Carl Lumbly) and Jessup (Frederick Coffin), are either too stupid or too amused by this dork of a witness to do anything but indulge him and take him at his word.
This one goes out to Terry, Quirk, and Jessup: “Oh, My God. You Fucking Idiots!”
Trust me, there are more of these head-slapping moments through THE BEDROOM WINDOW. Such as the scene wherein Terry blatantly keeps looking at Sylvia in the audience at Henderson’s trial to see what he should say on the stand. Such as the scene where Terry forgets to tell the prosecuting attorney that he wears contacts - which is used by Henderson’s defense attorney to destroy their case. Such as the scene where Terry pretty much leads Henderson to Sylvia, therefore exposing her to danger. Such as the scene where Terry recruits Denise to help trap Henderson before he kills again.
I mean, why not? Denise survived an attack from Henderson once. Why not push her luck?
A-one, a-two, a-one-two-three-four: “OH. MY. GOD!!! YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!!!”
Trust me: "Forest" would go into epileptic seizures over this flick.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Sometimes, if you have a cleverly-written script, the right director, and a cast that is just as talented as it is attractive, you can get away with murder. Or at least some sizable suspensions of disbelief. Such a film is THE BEDROOM WINDOW. It has a script that is an engaging and exciting compendium of Alfred Hitchcock’s themes. It is written and directed by Curtis Hanson, who would go on to direct L.A. CONFIDENTIAL, WONDER BOYS, and 8 MILE. It’s toplined by Steve Guttenberg, Elizabeth McGovern, and Isabelle Huppert. In other words, it succeeds more than it has any right to.
One of the main reasons THE BEDROOM WINDOW hooks us for the ride is the intriguing premise at its core: an eyewitness can’t come forward because of an illicit affair, so her lover does it for her - and everything explodes and goes wrong for her, him, and the woman whose assault the movie pivots on. The key thing to the plot is you have to believe Terry’s decision to come forward and pretend to be the witness so that justice can be served - while protecting his and Sylvia’s privacy at the same time.
Many critics have knocked Steve Guttenberg in this film for being so goofy and loose, but I think that’s the reason we buy Terry’s actions. In Guttenberg’s hands, Terry is an amiable romantic whose infatuation with Sylvia pushes him to “impress” her with his gallantry. Clearly, he wants justice. But, just as clearly, he wants this elegant, sophisticated woman to think favorably of him. What guy (or gal) hasn’t been in that position? Bottom line: Guttenberg is perfect as Terry - he makes the character believably flawed and human - but always likable.
As the two major female characters, Elizabeth McGovern and Isabelle Huppert are smashingly good, and almost steal the show from Guttenberg. McGovern’s Denise is actually the film’s true heroine, despite Huppert’s Sylvia initially getting prominent treatment as the “eyewitness.” As the story moves forward, Denise gradually shapes up to be an extremely valuable ally to Terry, determined to help him nab her attacker. Meanwhile, Sylvia increasingly distances herself from the whole thing, fearing it will expose her affair with Terry and destroy her marriage. McGovern’s direct, no-bullshit take on Denise is a great contrast to Huppert’s cooler and more calculating interpretation of Sylvia. You almost feel like Terry is James Bond, and Denise is the “Good Bond Girl” and Sylvia is the “Bad Bond Girl” - or at least the “Not-So-Good Bond Girl.”
The rest of the cast is good, especially Brad Greenquist as the killer Carl Henderson. Despite his sizable role, he only has two lines in the film. Which actually has the great effect of making him seem even more menacing. Henderson is scary because of his… ordinariness. If you saw him on the street, you’d think he was an average guy - and not the vicious killer that he is. Isn’t how they all are? Bottom line: Greenquist makes Henderson into a memorable villain. And as I mentioned to my screenwriter pal “Brad Pitt” recently, “a thriller is only as good as its villain.” And THE BEDROOM WINDOW’s villain is a great one.
In the end, THE BEDROOM WINDOW is one of the better Hitchcockian homages. It succeeds in selling some potentially implausible scenarios with a confident script, a talented director, and a cast that is both beautiful and commanding. In short, it’s a very good thriller.
