(Seems like the casting couch might be a lot less trouble - and a lot less bloody)
CAST: John Vernon, Samantha Eggar, Linda Thorson, Anne Ditchburn, Lynne Griffin, Sandra Warren, Lesleh Donaldson, Deborah Burgess, Michael Wincott, Maury Chaykin.
DIRECTOR: Richard Ciupka
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and a lot of bloody catfights over one big nothing - straight ahead…
Ah, the life of an actor.
Not only do you have to stay in shape and look your best, but you also have to keep your mental and emotional faculties sharp so that you can play a role effectively. Then, as if that’s not enough of a colossal pain-in-the-ass, you also have to deal with a bazillion other actors trying to muscle in on your territory and steal the role you‘re up for. And given that the ratio of “available roles-to-aspiring and established performers” is kind of like the ratio of “suitable bachelors-to-desperate single chicks” in any major American city, you can imagine how much of a headache this might be. Just ask Clark Kent. If he gets any more female admirers, he’s going to have to start tazing some of them. Elvis Presley never had it this bad.
But I digress. Again. Anyhow, my point is this: you could not pay me to go into the world of acting. No, sir. Not for a million bucks. If I found the screenwriting world a vile snake pit, I can’t even imagine how I’d tolerate an environment where you: (1) are judged on how you look; (2) are constantly looking over your shoulder at the competition; (3) are pretty much replaceable by anything younger and hotter, despite your acting talent; and (4) if you’re somewhat lucky, you might land a role in a Mentos commercial acting all orgasmic over a fucking candy. In short: no, grazie.
The cutthroat world of the acting biz is given the literal treatment in our latest review. The film is entitled CURTAINS, and it explores what happens when a Machiavellian film director named Jonathan Stryker (John Vernon) gathers a group of actresses at his isolated estate in the Canadian rockies, where he intends to do a weekend casting session to find the perfect woman to play… “Audra“, the heroine of his latest project. The film revolves around a woman who if left by her lover, goes mad, and is eventually confined in an insane asylum. In other words, it’s basically ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST - but with estrogen.
Before you get too wrapped up in Stryker’s rather unorthodox (to say the least) casting methods, let’s backtrack a bit and talk about another actress, Samantha Sherwood (Samantha Eggar). Samantha and Stryker were basically lovers and business partners, and “Audra” was supposed to be their labor of love. Stryker promised her the part, and to reasearch the role, Samantha faked a mental breakdown - and got herself confined in an insane asylum to find out what Audra knew and felt. I guess you could say she went the BLACK SWAN route. Which, considering how that film eventually ended, can’t be a good thing.
Anyhow, while Samantha is busy going undercover at the asylum, Stryker - the rat - decides to leave her there and continue with the project, searching for another actress to play Audra. He pulls together a secret casting session and recruits six actresses of varying fame to join him for a weekend in the country. Our lovely ladies are: (1) Brooke Parsons (Linda Thorson), the most famous of the group who says she would “kill for the part.” A-fucking-hem; (2) Patti O’Connor (Lynne Griffin), a comedienne who somehow thinks she has the chops for this extremely dramatic role; (3) Tara DeMillo (Sandra Warren), smokin’ hot Italian-American chick who is also a musician - how many people think she’ll be playing Stryker’s flute before the weekend is over?; (4) Christie Burns (Lesleh Donaldson), sweet and innocent ice-skater who is just begging to be deflowered by our horny director; (5) Laurian Summers (Anne Ditchburne), fragile and sensitive ballet dancer who resents Stryker’s manipulative tactics; and (6) Amanda Teuther (Deborah Burgess), ambitious ingenue who likes to play sex games with her swarthy boyfriend - and pays for it dearly.
If you’re suspecting that Stryker is just using the casting session as an excuse to get six hot chicks to hole up with him for a weekend in his country estate (which, by the way, has a Jacuzzi and a room full of mirrors), then you get the privilege of taking me out to dinner next week. Email me and we’ll talk logistics. Bottom line: Stryker and his ladies are in for one interesting weekend.
Then Samantha finds out about Stryker’s betrayal - and escapes from the asylum, intent on getting revenge and doing whatever she needs to do to get the role of “Audra” back. Sure enough, she shows up unannounced and uninvited at Stryker’s country estate - ready to do some literal and figurative cock-blocking. If Stryker is pissed, he doesn’t show it. Then again, if he’s been in a relationship with Samantha for years, he probably already knows that all actresses are bat-shit crazy and are capable of anything.
Then the women are attacked one-by-one by a mysterious killer wearing an “old hag” mask, wielding a sickle. As they vanish one after another, the remaining chicks start to suspect something utterly heinous is up (ya fucking think?) and get a little antsy. Trapped and snowbound deep in the countryside, our heroines slowly realize that one of them is actually, literally, willing to kill for the part of “Audra.”
Who is the killer? Is it Samantha? Does she really want the part that bad? Or is she framing Stryker as revenge for his treachery? Or is the killer actually Brooke, who’d already said she’d be willing to kill for the role? Is she living up to her words? Or it someone else? Patti? Tara? Laurian? Christie? Amanda? Someone else? Who is the murderer? And will she get away with it? Or is the killer really a ‘he’? Is it actually Stryker? Was this whole casting session one big trap?
Wouldn’t surprise me one bit. That fucker makes Thomas from BLACK SWAN look like a cub scout.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: After the resounding success of HALLOWEEN in 1978, the Modern Slasher Genre was born. Soon, titles like FRIDAY THE 13th, PROM NIGHT, MY BLOODY VALENTINE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, THE PROWLER, FINAL EXAM, GRADUATION DAY, and THE BURNING were flooding the marketplace. Most of these films managed to turn a profit, since their stories didn’t require complicated elements - and therefore, didn’t need high budgets.
The Slasher Formula was pretty simple: (1) take a bunch of footloose teens or young adults; (2) plop them in an isolated setting; (3) sic a masked killer on them to decimate their numbers, one by one; and (4) see who survives long enough to face off against the killer at the end. In short, these movies didn’t set out to dethrone WAR AND PEACE. They just wanted to frighten audiences - and hopefully turn a buck in the process. Of course, it’s more likely that those priorities were the other way around: turn a buck first - then hopefully scare us.
By the time CURTAINS was released in 1983, the Slasher Craze was starting to wane. It became necessary to tweak the formula a little. CURTAINS does exactly that. This film is notable for introducing some intriguing elements to the tried, true, and - by then - a little tired HALLOWEEN formula. With this film, we get sophisticated, urban adults instead of party-crazy suburban teens. We get a mystery and an isolated setting that echo Agatha Christie’s AND THEN THERE WERE NONE. We get a motive for the murders that is rooted in the present, and not the distant past. And we get some scare sequences that are flavored by the Italian “Giallo” genre, making them not only frightening - but also somehow stylish and beautiful to look at.
Two sequences in particular are now considered classics, and are the two main reasons that CURTAINS is remembered by most people who see it. The first sequence is Christie’s extended chase scene on the frozen lake, and then subsequently through the surrounding woods. This sequence is remarkable and noteworthy for the way it subverts the typical “horror scene.” It takes place in broad daylight, in open space, during a moment when you would least expect the killer to strike. Watching the killer skate across the lake to attack Christie must have sounded silly in the script. But director Richard Ciupka brings it to terrifying life onscreen. Paul Zaza’s eerie and unnerving score further enhances the scene’s power. To further cement CURTAINS’ connection to the Italian “Giallo” genre, this scene is reminiscent of a similar attack sequence in a “Giallo” from the 70s called THE RED QUEEN KILLS SEVEN TIMES.
The second memorable sequence from CURTAINS also has strong echoes of the “Giallo” genre. Tara’s 13-minute chase scene through the prop house at the end mirrors a lot of Dario Argento’s setpieces from SUSPIRIA, INFERNO, and TENEBRAE. This sequence also has strong parallels to Mario Bava’s BLOOD AND BLACK LACE (1963). The images of Tara trying to elude the killer through a symbolic maze of curtains, mannequins, artificial sets, and flashing neon signs effectively blurs the boundaries between nightmare and reality. Just like with Christie’s attack sequence, you are not likely to forget this extended chase setpiece that ranks right up there with best of them.
As for the cast, they bring a worldly maturity to their roles. John Vernon is a highly-respected Canadian actor, and Samantha Eggar needs no introduction to the fans of British cinema. The clash of wills between Stryker and Samantha is so compelling primarily because of Vernon and Eggar’s talent and chemistry. Their confrontations are combatively riveting and well-written, leading us to the inevitable conclusion that none of this will end well.
As for the other actresses playing the, well, other actresses, they are all fine and memorable. Each of them is given her fifteen minutes in the spotlight to make her mark - and they generally do. Lynne Griffin effectively combines charm, determination, and humor as the comedienne that Stryker feels is wrong for the role of Audra. Lesleh Donaldson is touchingly vulnerable as the naïve ice skater trying to make the jump into acting - but gets in way over her head. Linda Thorson delivers strongly the aloof and imperious Brooke whose cool surface masks deep insecurity. Sandra Warren is appropriately sexy as the resourceful Tara, who deserved to be the centerpiece of that great chase scene at the end. Deborah Burgess and Anne Ditchburne make the most of their limited screen time to give us a sense of the women they play - before they are killed off.
So… who is the person behind that “old-hag” mask? Well, find out for yourselves. Trust me - you will be shocked. But, at the same time, not really….
