# 130 - SWEET HOME ALABAMA (2002)

SWEET HOME ALABAMA (2002 - ROMANCE/COMEDY) ***1/2 out of *****

(What is this chick embarrassed about? Like she’s the first fashion designer to be descended from white trash? Please…)



CAST: Reese Witherspoon, Josh Lucas, Patrick Dempsey, Candace Bergen, Fred Ward, Mark Kay Place, Ethan Embry, Rhona Mitra, Nathan Lee Graham.

DIRECTOR: Andy Tennant

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and uncomfortable Hoity-Toity Pseudo-Yankee Bitch shenanigans right ahead…




You folks have heard me opine in past reviews about the LLT - or “Lopsided Love Triangle.” It’s a syndrome that affects most romantic comedies, basically describing a central character who is caught between two potential mates. Mate # 1 is usually an annoying fuckhead that any normal person would sooner drink rancid milk before associating with. Meanwhile, Mate # 2 is usually a breathtaking individual who is basically, well, Mr. Wonderful (or, Ms. Wonderful) who also: (1) practically walks on water, (2) can cook like a master chef, (3) funny as hell, (4) supremely sweet, and (5) is capable of rocking your world in the bedroom to the extent that you forget what city you live in - and how to walk properly for at least two days. Ahem.

So? Who would you choose? Exactly. That’s the problem with the LLT: it’s painfully obvious to the audience who the protagonist should choose, and all that dithering and fretting is just a way to kill a couple of hours until said protagonist decides to make a no-brainer of a decision. Truthfully, if these people actually behaved like normal human beings and made choices like normal human beings, there wouldn’t be a movie.

It’s refreshing, then, to encounter a film that plays fair and gives us a triangle that is truly a triangle. That is, a protagonist caught between two great people - in other words, a true conflict. There have been a few of those throughout the years, to include: CASABLANCA (1942), AGAINST ALL ODDS (1984), BROADCAST NEWS (1987), SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME (1987), WOMAN ON TOP (2000), and SWEET HOME ALABAMA (2002). The latter is the subject of this latest review, and its solid central triangle is the chief reason it rates as high as it does.

Our protagonist is Melanie Carmichael (Reese Witherspoon). Melanie is a New York City fashion designer who has it all: (1) an impending fashion show that promises to launch her in the stratosphere; (2) glamorous designer friends like Frederick (Nathan Lee Graham) and supermodel friends like Tabatha (Rhona Mitra); and (3) a dashing fiancee in Andrew (Patrick Dempsey) who is also the son of the city’s mayor, Kate Henning (Candace Bergen). In short, Melanie is living the good life.

Except she has a secret. See, Melanie’s last name isn’t really Carmichael. It’s Smooter, which somehow would not look as striking on the back wall of a fashion show runway. Unless she’s showing the latest in Trailer Trash Apparel. And she’s not really descended from Deep South royalty like the New York press believes. More like descended from the trailer park over yonder in Pigeon Creek. And, worse of all, technically she’s still married to her childhood sweetheart, Jake (Josh Lucas) - because the jackass never signed the divorce papers she served him. Now, with her marriage to Andrew looming in the very near future, her still-married status is a major monkey wrench in her program.

So… as you can imagine, Melanie Carmichael Smooter sneaks out of NYC to settle her affairs down in Pigeon Creek, Alabama. She’s hoping to just cruise in, have Jake the jerk finally sign the divorce papers, then scoot right back to the Big Apple and forget she ever made the mistake of marrying him. Of course, things go about as planned as the Donner Party’s trek out west. Only Melanie’s clashes with her Southern Fried roots are more grisly.

To wit, the following occur: (1) Melanie butts head with her Mom and Dad (Fred Ward and Mary Kay Place); (2) Melanie butts heads with her old friends at a bar and basically calls them all losers; (3) Melanie outs closeted best pal Bobby Rae (Ethan Embry) in front of his redneck buddies (Oh. FUCK.); and (4) Melanie clashes with Jake over the divorce papers. Needless to say, Pigeon Creek is just a tad unprepared for Hurricane Melanie.

Meanwhile, back in New York, Kate and Andrew are clashing over his engagement to Melanie. Kate is suspicious of Melanie (with good reason, as it turns out) and thinks Andrew can do better. Andrew, for his part, thinks him mom should mind her own goddamn business and concentrate on not screwing up the mayoral affairs of the city. To prove her wrong about Melanie, he heads on down to Alabama to see what’s what. Good thing he didn’t make a bet with Kate, eh?

While Kate and Andrew have been butting heads up north, Melanie has slowly been mellowing the fuck out. As our Mel is discovering first-hand, it seems all you need to do to get all that big city adrenalin flushed out of your system is do the following: (1) make plum jam with your mom in her double-wide trailer; (2) attend a country fair where you sheepishly admit you done fucked up by calling your best friend a flamer and all your other friends losers; (3) sit in a pet graveyard with your soon-to-be-ex and watch fireflies dancing in the dark, and (4) notice just how blue the eyes are of your said soon-to-be-ex, and how much he looks like a blonde Kevin Costner fused with Chris Evans, which (5) is not a good thing if you’re about to marry the awesome son of New York City’s mayor. Decisions, decisions…

Will Melanie embrace her past? Will she reaffirm her connection with Jake? Or will she decide her future is with Andrew? Will Kate try to ruin things by sabotaging the wedding? How will the humble folk of Pigeon Creek react when Andrew decides to have the wedding right there? Will Jake even sign those divorce papers in time to for Melanie to get married again? And most importantly: is it just me, or do Jake and Bobby Rae actually make a far more gorgeous couple? See below:






Now that’s one wedding I’d attend: blonde on blonde, baby… I'd kill to see a dark-haired version of this pairing.


BUT, SERIOUSLY: As I wrote in the intro, SWEET HOME ALABAMA’s chief asset is the well-crafted love triangle at its core. The story itself is something we’ve seen before: super-successful city-dweller rediscovers his/her small-town roots - and is humanized in the process. This thread is done well enough, and makes the film an above-average entry into the Romantic Comedy genre. But, make no mistake, it’s the conflict between Melanie, Jake, and Andrew that elevates SWEET HOME ALABAMA into the “good” category.

The plot isn’t complex, but director Andy Tennant and his writer add sufficient nuance and shadings to the situations and supporting characters to give the story some heft. Some critics have complained that this film’s treatment of the South and its denizens is cliched and fanciful. There may be some validity to these complaints, but I didn’t mind the portrayal too much since the Romantic Comedy is a bit fanciful to begin with, anyway. What matters is the film is entertaining, funny, soulful, and - yes - suspenseful.

Like WOMAN ON TOP (2000), the question of who our protagonist will choose is up in the air until pretty much the last few minutes. I remember watching SWEET HOME ALABAMA for the first time and feeling breathless with anticipation as to who Melanie would choose. I know who I wanted her to choose, but I wasn’t 100% certain it would be him. Not going to reveal who I was rooting for. Suffice it to say, she didn’t choose him. But it’s a testament to the beauty of this triangle that I was also happy with the other guy. Bottom line: Melanie has to choose between two great guys - and even though it’s initially an extremely difficult decision, it is also ultimately a win-win situation.

Reese Witherspoon makes some brave choices with her acting. In the first act, when Melanie first arrives in Pigeon Creek, she is almost a caricature of the preening, entitled city careerist who has forgotten her humble past. Melanie flirts with being too badly-behaved, especially in the bar scene where she outs Bobby Rae and insults all her other old friends. You can understand Jake’s anger towards her. Witherspoon is formidable and hard-boiled in these scenes, and you worry that she might lose audience sympathy because of it.

But Reese Witherspoon knows what she’s doing, and when she finally allows Melanie to thaw and gradually embrace her origins, we begin to warm to the character. Watch for the lovely scene at the country fair where Melanie makes amends for her earlier behavior. Witherspoon conveys Melanie’s contriteness and shame without saying too many words. From this point forward, we are firmly on her side as she re-discovers her love for her hometown.

Josh Lucas is a terrific foil for Witherspoon. Combining smashing great looks with potent charisma, but also sparking it with a mischievous intelligence, Lucas is one of those actors like Paul Newman, Robert Redford, and Kevin Costner who are much more than just handsome faces. They slyly use their physical appeal to subvert expectations and trample on conventions to create something new and refreshing. Lucas does this with Jake, making him both complex and simple. In his hands, the character is stubborn, smart, seductive, shy, and soulful. You can understand why Melanie would fall for Jake in the past - and how she would be given pause about him in the present, even as her wedding to Andrew draws closer and closer.

But you can also understand Melanie’s loyalty to Andrew. Patrick Dempsey wisely plays Andrew as down-to-earth and pragmatic, avoiding any pitfalls that could’ve led to the character being seen as elitist and snobbish. Andrew’s best qualities are his forgiving nature and open-minded outlook. He eventually understands why Melanie would lie about her past and embellish her lineage, and ultimately doesn’t judge her for it. On the flip side, though, Dempsey manages to make the character human and not some flawless Prince Charming. That would’ve been boring. Instead, we get a character whose high status in society doesn’t change the fact that he’s just like the rest of us.

As for the supporting cast, as with MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING and its extended network of characters, everyone is ideally cast and nails their roles. The standouts are Candace Bergen as the well-meaning but misguided Kate, Fred Ward and Mark Kay Place as Melanie’s quirky but wise parents, and Ethan Embry as the sweet and closeted Bobby Rae who ultimately mans up and faces who he is. His scenes with Reese Witherspoon have a nice brother/sister rapport.

Ultimately, SWEET HOME ALABAMA is like a like a slice of Southern Pecan Pie - sweet and bit of a guilty pleasure, but with surprises that go down well. Especially that central triangle….

# 129 - MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING (2002)

MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING (2002 - ROMANCE/COMEDY) ***1/2 out of *****

(That’s one brave WASP, I tell ya what….)



CAST: Nia Vardalos, John Corbett, Lainie Kazan, Michael Constantine, Gia Carides, Andrea Martin, Joey Fatone, Fiona Reid, Bruce Gray.

DIRECTOR: Joel Zwick

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and larger-than-life Greek-Americans straight ahead…




MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING has a special place in my heart. Growing up in a bi-cultural household, I could totally relate to the experiences of Toula Pourtokalos (Nia Vardalos). But it’s not my viewpoint that this movie most closely aligns with. Nope, that honor would go to my Pops. Being a strapping German/Norwegian farm boy from the Great Lakes who looks like a Nordic cross between Harrison Ford and Richard Gere, he must have been quite the oddity to my Mom’s Southeast Asian family. I can only imagine the figurative cannonball jump his presence must have had on the proverbial pool of their daily lives.

I can just picture Dad attending the first huge get-together with my maternal relatives. He’s even worse than me when it comes to putting his foot in his mouth, which is like saying someone is actually more profane than Cartman from SOUTH PARK. Pops must have asked several questions over and over again at the party, like: (1) “Where did all these kids come from? Oh, wait… they’re not kids… they’re just short.” (2) “What’s Manuel doing with that gun? Oh. FUCK!!!” (3) “Honey, is it normal for people in your country to put leftovers in their handbags? And some of the smaller furniture?” (4) “Can you folks explain to me - in ten words or less, please - what the fuck you’re doing with that dog?” and, of course, my favorite: (5) “You want me to eat WHAT!?!?”

I’ll say this for Dad, though: at least my Mom’s people loved him from the get go. It wasn’t so much a question of if she should marry him, but rather: (1) “When is the wedding? Hurry up! Hurry up!” (2) “Can we come and visit whenever we want without advance notice?” (3) “Can we serve fermented shrimp paste and boiled chicken feet at the reception?” (4) “Since the fusion of Scandinavian genes and Asian genes will likely produce kids that are tall and exotically gorgeous, can we be their talent agents?”

Well, at least they got the “tall” part right. But I digress…

Anyhow, Toula’s love interest in MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING, Ian Miller (John Corbett), doesn’t have it as easy as my Dad did. Nope, not even close. Toula’s family reacts to the news that they are dating as if she just told them she has decided to become a Turkish citizen. Pops (Michael Constantine), in particular, acts like it is the end of the world as they know it. And he definitely ain’t feeling fine.

See, Pops just recently allowed Toula to go back to school and take computer classes that have helped her leave behind the family restaurant and start working in… the family travel agency. It ain’t exactly moving to New York to start her own on-line magazine, but Pops treats it as such. And Ian showing his pasty face to ask for Toula’s hand in marriage is like someone coming up to him while he’s carrying several huge boxes of feta cheese and baklava - and kicking him right in the nuts.

And so begins Ian’s quest to try to win over Toula’s family. There are many challenges in his way, such as: (1) he’s a vegetarian, and they seem to never eat anything unless it had parents; (2) they are loud and explosive and he’s about as aggressive as a comatose puppy dog, (3) he is of a different religious persuasion than them, meaning they think he’s basically the devil, (4) and his parents are about as energetic and vibrant as wilted celery, making it a complete mystery where Ian got his personality from. Ahem.

So… the important questions… Will Ian ever win the approval of the Portokalos clan? Does he have some secret allies and supporters within the family? And if so, will they talk some sense into that fucking Pops? Will Toula rethink her love for Ian? What about Ian? Will he realize he can marry some blonde chick from an Irish-American family instead, and not have to worry about what the fuck he’s eating? Speaking of food, will Ian’s parents be able to explain the concept of a Bundt cake to Toula’s family? Were Ian and Toula really meant for each other? And the most pressing question of all: why doesn’t Joey Fatone have more lines in this goddamned movie!?!?!

I’ll say one thing: I’m pretty sure my Dad didn’t have to squat in a kid’s wading pool in the middle of a church to get baptized in order to win my Mom’s hand. At least, that I know of…


BUT, SERIOUSLY: There are some movies that are the cinematic equivalent of a warm, comforting blanket. For me, MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING is one of those movies. Maybe it’s because it deals with the importance of family, the eccentricities of an ethnic clan, and also shows the inner-workings of that clan in a humorous way. Whatever it is, this movie never fails to put a smile on my face.

It wasn’t always like that, though. I first saw MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING on a flight to Europe. This was at the tail end of its remarkable North American box-office run that eventually nabbed it a total domestic gross of $241 million - making it the highest grossing romantic comedy ever. Naturally, I was eager and expectant. I mean, if a flick that no one even heard about comes out of nowhere and rakes in that kind of dough, it has to have something going for it.

Well, let’s just say that when I landed in Italy, I got off that plane disappointed. While I certainly laughed a lot and thought the movie was solid, I was expecting more from a film that took the world by storm and bagged over $241 million. It wasn’t until I rented the DVD the following year and watched the film from a different perspective - that it clicked.

See, I was expecting a conventional love story. You know… boy-meets-girl, boy-falls-for-girl, boy-loses-girl, boy-fights-to-get-girl-back, boy-and-girl-live-happily-ever-after. The things is MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING is not a love story between Ian and Toula. It is that only on the surface. At its core, though, the film is about the family and Ian, and how they eventually accept him into the family. It’s also about Ian’s fish-out-of-water experiences as he is slowly assimilated into the Portokalos rhythms.

Once I watched the movie through this viewpoint, it all made sense, and I realized what I was watching was an unconventional love story. Not so much between man and woman, because Ian and Toula’s bond is unassailable, but between two cultures. It’s between Ian and the Greek culture of the family that he is about to be a part of. Once that conflict is resolved in the third act, it becomes just a matter of watching all the pieces of the wedding fall into place. And it’s a delight to watch.

MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING is a love letter to large, crazy, quirky families all over the world - regardless of ethnic background. The cast of characters is colorful and vivid, and the actors and actresses playing them are all perfect. Nia Vardalos and John Corbett make one sweet couple. Vardalos, in particular, deserves special mention for making Toula a relatable blend of old-world traditions and new-world assertiveness. She is beautiful and lovely in a way that is real and relatable, and this everywoman quality sells the character. The supporting cast is flawless, with Lainie Kazan, Michael Constantine, Louis Mandylor, Gia Carides, Andrea Martin, and Joey Fatone nailing all their lines. And as Ian’s befuddled parents, Fiona Reid and Bruce Gray are appropriately shell-shocked and hilarious.

Anyone for a moussaka and baklava run?

# 128 - LAST CHANCE HARVEY (2008)

LAST CHANCE HARVEY (2008 - DRAMA/ROMANCE/COMEDY) ***1/2 out of *****

(The last time I was in London, I ran the hundred-meter dash through Heathrow in ten seconds flat to catch my flight, meaning I didn't have time to fuck around and flirt with any airport personnel - unlike the hero of this movie....)



CAST: Dustin Hoffman, Emma Thompson, Kathy Baker, James Brolin, Liane Balaban, James Brolin, Wendy Mae Brown, Broonagh Gallagher, Daniel Lapaine.

DIRECTOR: Joel Hopkins

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and really cool London adventures straight ahead...




Harvey Shine is having a rough week.

In London for his daughter Susan's (Liane Balaban) wedding, he has to deal with the following bullshit: (1) his music production company bosses back in New York are pressuring him to get back to land an important account; (2) his ex-wife Jean (Kathy Baker) is busy making him feel like shit by parading her new hubby Bryan (James Brolin); (3) Susan has just dropped the bombshell that she'd like Bryan to be the one to give her away (ouch); and most annoyingly: (4) the suit he bought for the rehearsal dinner still has the security disk attached to it, so he basically has to walk around with one hand behind his back like he's picking a monster wedgie.

Kate Walker is having an equally crappy week.

A resident of London, she has to deal with the following bullshit: (1) a mundane job as an airport survey-giver who has to stop grumpy, jet-lagged passengers to get their opinion on airport services or some such; (2) a mother (Eileen Atkins) who is constantly calling her about the guy next door, who may or may not be a serial killer (I wish I were kidding here); (3) a best friend named Aggie (Wendy Mae Brown) who constantly sets her up on blind double dates - then promptly ditches her to sink-or-swim; and (4) well, I guess that's pretty much all of it.

Harvey and Kate meet briefly when he first arrives in London - and she makes the mistake of trying to get him to answer a few questions. He basically confirms the stereotype of the ugly, rude American by telling her to take a hike - and she confirms the stereotype of the "British stiff upper-lip" by suppressing the raging desire to beat him to death with her clipboard.

Anyhow, as Harvey endures a rehearsal dinner that's just as little bit lower on the Jigsaw Torture Scale than someone tazing your testicles, Kate is busy undergoing a trial of her own. Remember diabolical best friend Aggie? Well, the cow has set up Kate with on yet another blind double date - and abandons her with the dude. Which would be fine - if the dude's friends didn't show up to basically rag on them for being on a "blind date." Needless to say, Kate ends scurrying to the loo for a good cry.

We know that Kate and Harvey will eventually meet (aside from the poster and trailers, that is) because the next shot is of Harvey sitting alone in another loo, lost in his own existential angst while Kate is lost in hers - in her own loo across the city.

They finally do meet the following day when Harvey cuts out of the wedding and attempts to return to New York for that all-important account his asshole boss (Richard Schiff) wants him to land. Due to the fact that Harvey got up late or something, he misses the flight - and gets fired. Now it's official: he is the star of a new reality show called... Worst. Fucking. Week. Ever.

Dejected, Harvey heads over to an airport lounge to do what he does best when the chips are down: drink his ass off. It's there where he meets Kate, reading a book and enjoying a glass of Chardonnay. Harvey recognizes her as the woman who tried to ask him a couple of questions when his flight first landed the day before - but whom he told basically go fuck herself. Being a somewhat decent man, after all, Harvey attempts an apology.

After some initial resistance, Kate accepts it... and soon they are talking and joshing like instant friends. They spend the next day and night doing the following things: (1) walking along the banks of the Thames - and talking; (2) shopping for a dress for Kate to wear to Susan's reception, which they've decided to attend - and talking; (3) dancing like kids gone wild at the reception - and talking, (4) and sitting around a square and watching the sunrise - while talking.

Is this chance encounter the real thing? Are Kate and Harvey going to take this thing to the next level? Or will they part and just think of each other often? Is Harvey good enough for our Kate? Will Kate even allow another man into her heart? And if so, should it be Harvey? Can two people who stopped believing in happy endings a long time ago... actually have a happy ending now? Why is Emma Thompson so utterly awesome? And why hasn't she been declared a British National Treasure yet?

Find out for yourselves. Me? I want a sequel - if for no other reason than to admire Ms. Thompson standing under the refracted glow of the sun on the river Thames...


BUT, SERIOUSLY: Without Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman (especially Emma Thompson), LAST CHANCE HARVEY would be just a sweet, innocuous, above-average romantic comedy drama. Any story that echoes BEFORE SUNRISE or BEFORE SUNSET could never be average, by the virtue of the fact that so few movies attempt to go down that path these days. And the ones that do get made almost always range from above-average (CAIRO TIME) to very good (THE BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY) to spectacular (LOST IN TRANSLATION).

With Thompson and Hoffman present, however, LAST CHANCE HARVEY enters the realm of legitimately good movies. And it does so on the sheer emotional power and honesty of the leads' performances.

Harvey Shine is clearly one of those guys whose boyish earnestness was a magnetic draw when he was younger. But as everyone around him grew older, Harvey hasn't found a way to balance that child-like enthusiasm with mature wisdom. This has led to his family being fractured - and him essentially being put out to pasture, emotionally and psychologically. Hoffman finds all the levels of regret and sadness in Harvey, as well as the energy and vivacity that obviously made him a draw to women like Jean back in the day - and to Kate in the present. Hoffman manages to show the character's gentle disappointment with himself, but never wallows in it. Instead, he balances Harvey's occasional melancholy with a stubborn self-respect and dignity that basically says, "This is me. Love it or leave it. Your call. And your loss."

But the emotional heart of the film - bruised but still beating and ever resilient - is Emma Thompson as Kate Walker. Kate is a winning character, and almost a female mirror image of Harvey. She, too, wishes that some aspects of her life was different, but she's got a good job and family and focuses on that instead of self-pity. Her droll sense of humor also puts a no-nonsense spin on things that is refreshing.

This is not to say that Kate doesn't give in to her sadness occasionally. However, when she does so, she does it privately and keeps her own counsel - it's no one's business but her own. The scene where she escapes into the women's restroom and weeps during that disastrous blind date could've been a pathetic sight. However, neither the script nor the director nor Emma Thompson passes judgement on the character - and Thompson pulls the scene off with an admirable blend of dignity and restraint. Thompson basically makes Kate into a melange of dry humor, kindness, and hidden melancholy - with her kindness visible above all.

As for the supporting cast, Eileen Atkins is fine as Kate's quirky mother. Kathy Baker and James Brolin's characters don't really get much shading or fleshing out, but they seem to represent that sort of smug, entitled, self-righteous type of upper-middle-class American you sometimes encounter overseas - and whom you avoid like the plague. In any case, both Baker and Brolin are okay.

Liane Balaban as Susan has some very sweet scenes with Hoffman as her father. The scene where Susan tells Harvey she wants someone else to give her away is just heartbreaking. However, Harvey shows his generous heart by not holding this against her - and gives a very lovely speech at the wedding reception about how Susan has turned into strong and determined person - without losing any of her remarkable sensitivity and compassion for others.

In the end, LAST CHANCE HARVEY might have been a different movie if another pair of leads had been cast. I might have even accepted someone else in Hoffman's role, as decent as he is. But make no mistake: this movie would be far less enjoyable without Emma Thompson. I really don't think any other actresses could've provided the same spin on Kate Walker that she gives us. Which is why she is one of my top three favorite actresses....

REVIEW UPDATE: The Romantic Comedies, Part Two...

Greetings, folks... hope everyone's having a great weekend and doing the "Carpe Diem" things. I know I am...

At any rate, the last of the Hitchcock reviews just posted, so we're good there. Please expect the 7 Rom-Com reviews to post by tomorrow at midnight...

Just to refresh everyone's memory as to the list:

# 128 - LAST CHANCE HARVEY

# 129 - MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING

# 130 - SWEET HOME ALABAMA

# 131 - WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING

# 132 - RUNAWAY BRIDE

# 133 - LIFE AS WE KNOW IT

# 134 - GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST

And once those post by tomorrow, I'll release the list of Serial Killer movies for Halloween next week...

Hanno un buon fine settimana!

# 127 - THE BIRDS (1963)

THE BIRDS (1963 - HORROR/SUSPENSE/DRAMA/HITCHCOCK FLICK) ****½ out of *****

(Time to invest in sling-shots and BB Guns, people of Bodega Bay…)



CAST: Tippi Hedren, Rod Taylor, Jessica Tandy, Suzanne Pleshette, Veronica Cartwright, Ethel Griffies, Malcolm Atterbury, Elizabeth Wilson.

DIRECTOR: Alfred Hitchcock

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and too many birds pinging like, well, birds on crack…




In my review for REAR WINDOW (review # 121), I mentioned that whoever hooked-up Alfred Hitchcock with leading lady Grace Kelly should be rewarded with a cut of the Master’s inheritance, since that union between director and star resulted in some of the very best films in his stellar body of work. Now, I also think that whoever hooked-up Hitch with Daphne DuMaurier should also get a chunk of his estate.

Daphne DuMaurier was a British writer and novelist whose works include the novels JAMAICA INN and REBECCA, as well as the short stories THE BIRDS and DON’T LOOK NOW. Alfred Hitchcock’s cinematic association with her started when he adapted JAMAICA INN in 1939. The results and ensuing reception were merely lukewarm. Indeed, JAMAICA INN is considered to be one of Hitch’s weaker efforts. Still interesting, just not on a par with his usual output.

Lady Luck would smile on their next union: it was a year later in 1940 when Hitchcock’s second adaptation of a DuMaurier novel was released - and it became a worldwide sensation. The novel and film were titled REBECCA, and went to garner accolades from all quarters, including Oscar nominations for leads Laurence Olivier and Joan Fontaine, as well as for Hitch himself as Best Director. Even though the only Oscar REBECCA ultimately won was for Best Cinematography, its triumphant overall success made up for the disappointing JAMAICA INN.

In 1963, the third Hitchcock-DuMaurier cinematic union was released - and it was just as much a hit as REBECCA was, if not more. Titled THE BIRDS, the short story that the film of the same title is based on was about small farm on the Cornish coast in England that suddenly finds itself under attack from… birds. The narrative focused mostly on a farmer and his family, and their attempts to survive the suddenly murderous onslaught of their former feathered friends.

The film is still limited in its scope, but broadens it somewhat to encompass the entire town this time. It also switches the setting from rural England to rural California. And instead of a humble farmer at the center of the tale, we have a rich, restless, swinger of a playgirl named Melanie Daniels (Tippi Hedren) who leaves San Francisco for an impulsive weekend jaunt to sleepy Bodega Bay - but gets more than she bargained for.

We first meet Melanie as she crosses a busy street in Frisco. In the sky above her, hundreds of seagulls are swirling like someone laced their drinking water with espresso. Melanie takes note of this - before walking right into a… bird shop. Evidently, she’s ordered a Mynah bird for someone as is there to pick it up.

Unfortunately, Melanie is told by the shopkeeper that the bird hasn’t arrived yet. While the lady goes in the back to check on the status of the order, Melanie hangs by the counter - already bored out of her skull. Fortunately, another customer arrives to break the boredom - and he’s a hottie. Named Mitch Brenner (Rod Taylor), our hottie is trying to find a pair of lovebirds as a gift for his younger sister - and he mistakes Melanie for the shopkeeper.

Now, a normal person would have replied, “I’m sorry, sir. You have me mistaken for the shopkeeper. I’m afraid she’s in the back right now, checking on my order. But I’m sure she’ll be able to help you in just a second.” However, as we’ve already established, Melanie is a bored playgirl, so she instead responds: “Well, HELLO! What can I help you with, you red-hot piece of ass, you!”

So Melanie spends the next few minutes showing Mitch the various birds in the shop, and talking about them as if she knows two shits about the difference between a Canary and a Strawberry Finch. Which she doesn’t. Soon, her mischievousness catches up to her when she accidentally releases one bird from its cage - and it goes predictably ape-shit around the room.

After the real shopkeeper captures the escapee bird and returns it to the cage, Mitch drops the following bombshells on Melanie: (1) he not only knew she wasn’t really the shopkeeper the second he laid eyes on her, (2) but he also knew she was Melanie Daniels because (3) her exploits as a rich and rambunctious heiress have been splashed all over the papers as if she were a 60’s version of Paris Hilton, and (4) she shouldn’t quit her day job (whatever the hell that may be) for a career as a bird shop owner because (5) what she knows about birds couldn’t fill a thimble.

With those declarations, our hottie Mitch Brenner does an about-face and marches out of the store. Leaving our playgirl Melanie to stand there like someone just spanked her verbally on the ass. Which, I guess, Mitch actually did. Obviously, Melanie is used to having hottie guys wrapped around her pinkie, and not being dissed by them. In other words: Mitch is now to her, what crack is to a crack whore.

In even other words: the chase in on, baby…

This leads to Melanie doing several things: (1) she buys a pair of lovebirds, (2) traces Mitch’s license plate number to find out who he is, (3) finds out from one of his neighbors that he left Frisco for the weekend and went up north to his hometown Bodega Bay, (4) drives all the way to Bodega Bay with the lovebirds, (5) finds out from the local post office where Mitch lives, (6) hires a boat to sneak across the bay to his seaside house, (7) sneaks into the house, (8) leaves the lovebirds with a note in the middle of the living room, and (9) tries to sneak back across the bay on the boat without Mitch spotting her.

Fortunately, Mitch does spot her - and hightails it in his car back to town. He beats her to the docks, and stands there waiting as she approaches in her boat. Before they can resume where their argument left off in San Francisco, a seagull swoops down and takes a chunk out of Melanie’s scalp. Mitch helps her out of the boat and treats her wound - while interrogating her as to what the fuck she’s doing in Bodega Bay.

Melanie feeds him some pap about how she’s visiting Annie Hayworth (Suzanne Pleshette), whom Melanie just met that day while asking for directions to the Brenner house. Mitch, being Annie’s good friend, sees this as the same Grade-A Bullshit that Melanie’s “Bird-Shop-Owner-Helps-Hot-Customer” was back in Frisco. Yet, again, he plays along. Their cozy little reunion is interrupted by the arrival if Lydia (Jessica Tandy), Mitch’s mom. It is suddenly clear to the audience where Mitch got his “quick study” tendencies, because Lydia takes one look at Melanie and wrinkles her nose like she just walked into a gas station restroom that hasn't seen the business end of a toilet brush in seven years.

Melanie, you’ve got an uphill battle, sweetheart.

So you’re probably wondering where the hell the birds are in all of this. I mean, the movie is called THE BIRDS, for fuck’s sake. Well, slowly but surely, our feathered friends gradually make their presence known. To wit, in addition to the seagull’s attack on Melanie, the following fun stuff also occurs: (1) another gull smashes into Annie’s front door one night and kills itself, despite a full moon making it impossible for the bird not to see where it was going; (2) a pack of gulls attacks Mitch’s sister Cathy’s (Veronica Cartwright) party, scaring the little brats away from the precious cake; (3) Lydia visits a nearby farmer to investigate why his chickens - like hers - are suddenly not eating, only to discover birds have apparently broken through all the windows of his house - and pecked his eyes out; (4) the schoolhouse is surrounded by a pack of crows who then (5) attack Annie, Melanie, and the kids when they try to make a run for town; (6) and all species of birds finally attack the town full-force with everyone having to barricade themselves in their homes.

What in the name of Kentucky Fried Chicken is going on? Why did the bird attacks start with Melanie’s arrival in town? Has nature gone crazy? Or are the birds attacking to show the bickering humans of Bodega Bay that they have absolutely nothing to worry about? Or are they simply tired of being the target of spitballs and slingshots? Or is it truly the end of the world - as the drunken bastard in the diner scene keeps bellowing? And the most important question of all: did Melanie bring anything with her to wear from San Francisco besides that green suit? Maybe the birds are attacking because she hasn’t changed her clothes in three days. Hey, someone has to ask the hard questions...

I’ll just say this: the best way to repel a bird invasion is to round up all the stray cats in the country - and outfit them with body armor and helmets. Then declare war on the feathered fuckers…


BUT, SERIOUSLY: One of Hitchcock’s trademarks are mysteries that are neatly wrapped up by the end. Hitch often goes out of his way to do this. Remember the psychiatrist explaining Norman Bates’ (Anthony Perkins) psychosis at the end of PSYCHO? What about Scotty Ferguson (James Stewart) and Judy Barton’s (Kim Novak) confrontation in the mission bell tower at the end of VERTIGO? Or the rooftop battle between John Robie (Cary Grant) and the real cat burglar at the end of TO CATCH A THIEF?

All these sequences were designed to be both exciting climaxes - but also instruments intended to answer any lingering questions that the audience might have. This is not to say that ambiguity doesn’t exist in the Hitchcock universe, because it does. Just not, however, when it comes to his endings.

Which is what makes THE BIRDS an intriguing entry into the Master of Suspense’s canon. Suffice it to say, even though Hitchcock plants some suggestions as to why the birds of Bodega Bay (And the world?) have begun attacking humans, we are never told explicitly why. Is it the wrath of God to punish us for our pettiness, as evidenced by the conflict between Lydia and Melanie, and Melanie and Mitch? Or is there a scientific reason? Hitchcock never gives us a direct answer, which is one of the reasons THE BIRDS lingers as long as it does in the memory. It’s scarier when you just don’t know why.

As he did with PSYCHO and pretty much all his strongest films, Hitchcock spends the first act building the various character relationships and following Melanie as she embarks on what starts out as a light-hearted act of playful revenge against Mitch. We get pulled in even more when Mitch catches on to her - and they actually strike sparks together. Just as we followed Marion Crane’s (Janet Leigh) escape from a bad situation into an unforeseen worse one in PSYCHO, we also follow Melanie’s journey from San Francisco to Bodega Bay, unaware of the threat waiting for her there.

While Melanie gets to know not just Mitch, but also Lydia, Annie, and Cathy, Hitchcock gradually brings the threat of the birds to the foreground. As with REAR WINDOW and SHADOW OF A DOUBT, he slowly turns up the heat by adding drop by drop of unease until it all escalates into full-blown panic in the third act of the film: (1) the initial attack on Melanie on the boat, (2) the unsettling scene where Annie and Melanie discover the dead gull on the porch, (3) the attack on the kids at the party, (4) the attack on the schoolchildren as they try to flee for safety, (5) the first full-blown attack on the town that results in the gas station explosion, and (6) the scene where Mitch, Lydia, Melanie, and Cathy hole up in their house - with the birds pecking away at the wood shutters and making serious progress.

These are terrifying setpieces made even more scary by Hitchcock’s masterful use of space and silence to convey building terror. What’s even more remarkable about THE BIRDS is that Hitchcock uses no musical score here - at all. Just the cawing, flapping, shrieking, and screaming of birds. The fact that the film is absolutely frightening even without the support of any kind of atmospheric musical score - which is often what saves a lot of thriller or horror films - is nothing shot of phenomenal. That is the true mark of Hitch’s genius.

Another reason THE BIRDS stands tall in its genre of suspense/horror is Hitchcock’s refusal to let the characters take backstage to the central horror. Another director might have emphasized the bird attacks and made the people tangential to that. Instead, Hitchcock carefully develops his characters and their connections to one another. This attention to humanity and its foibles gives THE BIRDS an added layer of meaning, as we see that the seemingly-important conflicts between these people are rendered trivial when the balance of power man and nature is cruelly upset.

Tippi Hedren is terrific as Melanie Daniels. Touted as the “new Grace Kelly,” Hedren (who is also Melanie Griffith’s mother) brings the same blend of cool beauty, playful intelligence, and surprising sensitivity that Kelly brought to her roles - but with a slightly warmer aura. While Grace Kelly will always be the quintessential "Hitchock Blonde," Hedren is a close second. She humanizes the archetype, and is in full control of the character, showing us Melanie’s journey from carefree, rich heiress to heroic and caring savior - and making it very satisfying. Hedren would go on to star in another Hitchcock film, MARNIE, the following year with a certain actor named Sean Connery.

Rod Taylor is equally good as the object of Melanie’s affection. Mitch Brenner clearly does not intend to march to Melanie’s tune - and that’s what makes him so irresistible to her. Hedren and Taylor have a nice rapport that goes from combative to tender to playful, and its their connection that pulls us in and distract us from the growing threat of the birds in the first act.

Jessica Tandy is no slouch herself as Lydia, the enigmatic mother who regards any woman in Mitch’s orbit with deep suspicion. Her growing respect for Melanie, whom she’d written off as an irresponsible party girl, gives the narrative some added emotional heft as the story turns grim and frightening. Suzanne Pleshette is also refreshing as Annie Hayworth, another one of Mitch’s exes who didn’t survive the “Lydia Gauntlet.” Annie and Melanie’s budding friendship, as well as their frank conversations about Mitch, are probably the best aspects of the film, clearly showing that rivals for the affections of a man need not be enemies.

Finally, Veronica Cartwright as Cathy Brenner shows her talent even as a child. In her hands, Cathy is believably sweet, stubborn, and smart. In short, she plays her as a real kid - and not a writer’s construct. Cartwright would grow up to become a prominent part of the horror/thriller genre with her roles in INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (1978) and ALIEN (1979).

Long story short: THE BIRDS is a classic film that could have easily been a schlocky creature-feature even with its pedigreed source. The wrong director could have cheapened the whole affair. Thank goodness that the best thing that could’ve happened, actually happened: Alfred Hitchcock directed the film - and made it into something special.

Another director could’ve ended up making THE BIRDS a movie for, well, the birds.

# 126 - NOTORIOUS (1946)

NOTORIOUS (1946 - THRILLER/ROMANCE/ESPIONAGE/HITCHCOCK FILM) ***** out of *****

(Oh. My. God! If you two dipwads really loved each other you’d sit down and talk this bullshit out!)




CAST: Cary Grant, Ingrid Bergman, Claude Rains, Louise Calhern, Leopoldine Konstantin, Reinhold Schulzen, Moroni Olsen.

DIRECTOR: Alfred Hitchcock

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and unfortunate miscommunication leading to a battle of the sexes ahead…




Remember that book called MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS? The one that basically stated that men are gorillas who communicate with chest-thumps and grunts, and women are doves that coo and flutter and communicate by, well, crapping on the gorillas’ heads? The one that every woman in the Universe has read - and forced every man she knows well enough to read under threat of castration? Well, if there was ever a movie that captured the essence of that book, it’s Alfred Hitchock’s classic romantic thriller NOTORIOUS.

See, our hero and heroine are deeply in love with each other. Problem is our hero is too proud to show that he cares for our heroine. And our heroine wants to know that the hero cares for her - which, as already established, he refuses to show. Which makes her make some rather stupid decisions out of remorse. Which piss him off and make him hide his love even more. Which make her do even more dangerous stuff. Which piss him off even more. Which makes her do… well, you get the picture. And that picture is the most fucked-up merry-go-round in the Universe.

Put it this way: if this book had been published in 1946, they both would’ve read it, learned from it, and there wouldn’t be a goddamned movie.

Our heroine is Alicia Huberman (Ingrid Bergman), the daughter of a German immigrant who is also a recently-convicted traitor. Turns out Alicia’s old man and some of his fellow expats were spies during WWII. Alicia, though, is very fond of her adopted nation - and turned her back on her Pops right before he was busted. It’s because of her proven loyalty to the U S of A that the CIA - or whatever the fuck they called themselves back in the 40’s - approaches Alicia and requests that she spy on her Dad’s remaining bad-apple pals in Brazil.

You see, Mr. Huberman was just a sardine in the Pond of Villainous Spies - and his friends are the tuna and mackerel. And don’t even start on me with that “sardines and tuna and mackerel don’t live in ponds” argument. The metaphor stays. Anyhow, the CIA (or whatever) wants Alicia to infiltrate their circle and report back to her handler.

He is Devlin (Cary Grant), and he first meets Alicia during a party to celebrate her father’s conviction. The party ends with Alicia driving drunk at night with Devlin sitting coolly next to her side. Something tells me that this scene wasn’t recreated in the 1992 remake - and had MADD been around back in 1946, they would have certainly picketed this movie because of it.

Anyhow, after Devlin scares off a cop with his credentials, Alicia sobers up a little and realizes she’s in the company of, well, a company man. Devlin lays his cards on the table and tells Alicia that her country needs her now - and the fact that no one but the CIA (or whatever) knows she basically turned her back on her Pops means that his friends think she’s still on their side.

Deciding that playing 007 in Brazil isn’t exactly a shabby way to forget that you are descended from treacherous scum, Alicia eventually agrees. She and Devlin fly to South America, and when they land, the following things soon happen: (1) Alicia falls in love with Devlin, (2) Devlin falls in love with Alicia, (3) Devlin decides to hide his love for Alicia, (4) Alicia tries to provoke him to get some sort of reaction, (5) Devlin hides his feelings even more, (6) Alicia tries harder, (7) and the audience wonders whether or not this operation is such a good idea, considering (8) nothing has happened yet but these two are already giving each other looks that could kill.

Things get even rockier when Paul Prescott (Louis Calhern), Devlin’s boss, finally reveals the specifics of Alicia’s assigment: she is to re-connect with a ex-flame named Alexander Sebastian (Claude Rains). Evidently, Sebastian is one of the tunas in the Pond of Villains - and don’t start. Once she’s hooked up with him, Alicia is expected to infiltrate his household and basically be Mata Hari.

If you thought there was tension between Alicia and Devlin before, imagine the utter delight the above news brings them. See, Devlin would prefer that Alicia not go through with the job - but he’s too much of a man (or asshole) to tell her so, and expects Alicia to make her own decision not to do it. For her part, Alicia, expects Devlin to show that he cares by demanding that she reject the assignment. But, as we already covered, there’s a greater chance of Devlin making out with Paul than Alicia hearing what she wants to hear from him. Like I said, one chapter of MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS would have solved this bullshit. Fast.

And so goes the comedy of errors that pushes Alicia into the forbidding household of the Sebastians - which is really more of a den of vipers. I say that in the plural sense because our villain lives with his, ahem, mother. She is Anna Sebastian (Leopoldine Konstantin), and she regards Alicia with the same warmth that a spider displays towards a fly trapped in its web. Instantly suspicious of the younger woman, Anna basically skulks around and keeps both eyes on her. Good luck with that spying, Alicia.

So… will Anna eventually expose Alicia? What are Sebastian and his villain friends planning to do? What is the secret hidden in the wine cellar? Will Devlin be able to stand that the woman he loves is basically spreading ‘em for someone else - in the name of freedom and liberty? Or will he finally bust in to the Sebastian mansion and forcibly remove her? And what happens when Sebastian pops the question to Alicia? Will she go that far for her country? And who is Devlin’s tailor? Because those are some sharp suits. Or maybe even a potato sack would look great on Cary Grant…

Anyhow, if I could travel back to 1946 in a time machine, I would bring copies of every self-help relationship book from the local Barnes and Noble. Then I would track down Alicia and Devlin - and throws the books right at them while yelling, “GROW. THE FUCK. UP!!!!”

Then I would invent the Internet. And Starbucks…


BUT, SERIOUSLY: Watching NOTORIOUS reminds me of that saying, “You always hurt the one you love…” The central romance of this film is neither warm nor light-hearted, but is instead harsh and edgy. Alicia Huberman and Devlin are basically two porcupines circling each other warily, both wanting to trust and open up to the other - but afraid to. And how do two porcupines dance? Very, very, very, very carefully. That’s an apt analogy for this couple - they’re both cynical and have long ago taken off their rose-colored glasses, threw them onto the ground, and stomped them into a fine powder. But when they prick each other with those quills, they still bleed.

Cary Grant downplays his usual debonair charm, and plays Devlin with a no-nonsense directness that is both intimidating and disarming. Here’s a man who conceals volcanic emotions that are suggested by the merest of facial movements: (1) a flick of the eye towards Alicia during crucial moments, (2) a look of both discomfort and subdued excitement when Alicia’s face comes a little too close to his, (3) A hint of longing to his brow when you least expect it. To me, Devlin is Grant’s more intriguing Hitchcockian hero. This guy’s flaw is his fear of showing his love for Alicia for fear of his own vulnerability. Only when her life depends on it, does he finally overcome this weakness and take action. Indeed, Devlin’s rescue of Alicia in the end still has the power to move after all these years.

As Alicia Huberman, Ingrid Bergman delivers one of Hitch’s Top Five Heroines (the others being Francie Stevens from TO CATCH A THIEF, Lisa Fremont from REAR WINDOW, Marnie from MARNIE, and Judy Barton from VERTIGO) Alicia is hard-bitten, jaded, but with a strong soulful streak to her. She has some very cutting lines that would play just as well in a 2010 movie. Bergman, however, is too shrewd and talented an actress to play Alicia as a one-note cynic. Even when the character is verbally squaring off against Devlin, there seems to be a tinge of sadness to her words and expressions. Entirely understandable for someone who’s had to make the hard choice of renouncing her father on moral grounds. It’s this vulnerability that her stop-start relationship with Devlin uncovers. Just like his attraction to her reveals his soft underbelly.

Claude Rains is memorably vulnerable, himself, as the nicely-layered villain Sebastian. There’s no question that Sebastian loves Alicia, and the scene where he becomes convinced of her disloyalty is genuinely sad. You sense the character’s pain at realizing that everything he had with her was a lie. Hitchcock had an uncanny way of making his audience care about his villains. Sebastian in NOTORIOUS is no exception.

As for the supporting cast, Louis Calhern and Leopoldine Konstantin are the standouts. Calhern makes Paul Prescott one likable boss to work for - even when he asks Devlin and Alicia to do some very dangerous things. Meanwhile, Konstantin is appropriately menacing as the matriarch who is more sharp-eyed than anyone gives her credit for - and suspects Alicia from the get-go. Anytime the character is onscreen, the suspense rachets up.

In the end, it’s clear why MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 2 basically cloned this film: it’s a smart, mean, and gripping thriller that aged quite well - and vividly illustrates why love is sometimes the most terrifying mystery of all…

HUMP NIGHT!

Hi, folks... Got a little sidetracked tonight with errands and other stuff - so please expect NOTORIOUS and THE BIRDS to post by tomorrow night. Pinky swear!

No worries. By Sunday COB, we will be caught up with all the Hitchcock reviews from last week and the Rom-Coms for this week. Then we're on to our Serial Killer Movie theme for Halloween next week.

Anyone care for any fava beans? Or Chianti? I didn't think so...

Buona notte, peeps...