(I liked this movie better when it was called SALT…)
CAST: Gina Carano, Ewan McGregor, Michael Fassbender, Channing Tatum, Michael Douglas, Michael Angarano, Antonio Banderas.
DIRECTOR: Steven Soderbergh
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one really familiar mash-up between Jason Bourne and Lara Croft - straight ahead…
IT’S LIKE THIS: Steven Soderbergh, the director of our next review (the estrogen-actioner HAYWIRE), must have been absolutely sick and tired of female-centric action movies with actresses whom we’re supposed to believe can kick butt - but barely look able to take on a 90-pound extra from REVENGE OF THE NERDS. Seriously. Think about it: Angelina Jolie and Charlize Theron might have been striking to look at in SALT and AEON FLUX, and were certainly dramatically credible, but who believed for even a nanosecond that their reed-thin bods could pull off in real life the heinous shit the baddies threw their way? They would be broken-in-half after the first rooftop jump or sucker punch.
Enter Gina Carano, a mixed-martial experts/cage-fighter and former AMERICAN GLADIATOR contestant with no prior acting experience whom Soderbergh must have a serious jones for (not that I blame him) - because here she is in her own star vehicle as a present from him. Is that all I have to do to get my own movie? Beat up someone in a cage on television? And look hot doing it?
Anyhow, Carano plays Mallory Kane, a former black-ops operative who now does contract work for shadowy international baddies. In true Thriller Genre fashion, her latest job that promises to be a “walk-in-the-park” turns out to be more of a “cluster-fuck-up-shit-creek” when the op goes sour - and she is nearly killed. Realizing she’s been had, Mallory goes rogue and takes more than a page of the “Jason Bourne Manual Of Self-Preservation.” Meaning she basically determines to wipe out each and everyone of the jackasses who done her wrong. They are the following: (1) Kenneth (Ewan McGregor), Mallory’s ex-lover and handler who may still have the hots for her; (2) Coblenz (Michael Douglas), high-level Fed who may or may not be on Mallory’s side; (3) Aaron (Channing Tatum), former colleague of Mallory’s who has a boner for her, too; (4) Rodrigo (Antonio Banderas), past employer of Mallory’s who might be a baddie; and (5) Paul (Michael Fassbender), Mallory’s latest contact who might have a secret or two up his sleeve.
And then there’s the only true innocent in the whole bunch: Scott (Michael Angarano), who gets yanked into the fray when Mallory picks him up at a local diner - and not in that “let’s-go-home-and-fuck-each-other-senseless” way. More in that “do-you-have-a-car-because-I-need-to-get-the-fuck-out-of-Dodge” way. Just think of him as “The Girl” - he’s basically Franka Potente from THE BOURNE IDENTITY - but hotter and with a penis…
THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Let’s not kid ourselves: Mallory’s got this one - all the way.
EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Gina Carano is pretty fine, yo. But the male beauty on parade here is staggering. Steven Soderbergh basically turned this into a belated Christmas present to chickz and gay dudez everywhere - because ALL the men are HOT: Channing Tatum, Ewan McGregor, Antonio Banderas, Michael Fassbender, Michael Douglas, Bill Paxton, Michael Angarano. The hottest guy (for yours truly, anyway) is Michael Angarano as the innocent dork who gets thrown into the deep end with Mallory. Then again, I have a thing for nerds - there’s so FUN to corrupt. So… this award, once again, goes to the Italians: Carano and Angarano. VIVA ITALIA!!!
MOST INTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Mallory putting the beat-down on Paul in their Dublin hotel room. Now that’s foreplay…
MOST UNINTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Mallory putting the beat-down on Aaron over breakfast - then running off with Scott. YEAH!!!
HOTTEST SCENE: Mallory and Scott’s farewell. Awwwwwwwww….
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Who betrayed Mallory and set her up? Aaron? Kenneth? Rodrigo? Coblenz? Paul? Someone else? What will she do when she finds out? And how long can Scott go on the run with her before he becomes another casualty? Will Mallory be able to protect him? Or is she the one that needs protection? Will her Dad be able to look out for her? Or is he another target, too? How will this all end? Put it this way: this is one chick I wouldn’t worry about. She’s got more testosterone in one butt-cheek than the entire NFL.
WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “HAYWIRE”: If you like reasonably smart, entertaining action fests with believably tough female leads.
WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “HAYWIRE”: If you want your actions thrillers to be more than just reasonably smart and entertaining - but also emotionally resonant and thematically distinctive.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: At the beginning of our review, I joked about how Steven Soderbergh must have gotten tired of all the “Female Action Movies” that had lead actresses who weren’t believable as action figures. Seriously, though: I’m told that much of his motivation to direct HAYWIRE did stem from a desire to see a believably physical and tough woman front an action movie, for a change - and not your basic Hollywood Mega-Actress who might have the dramatic chops but not the “guns” to look believable in the role. Indeed, while Angelina Jolie sold her characters in the TOMB RAIDER films and SALT through the sheer power of her charisma, the fact remains she is far too diminutive to be 100% believable as an action heroine. We end up going along for the ride simply because of Jolie’s unique appeal. Ditto, for Charlize Theron in AEON FLUX, Jennifer Garner in ELEKTRA, and Halle Berry in DIE ANOTHER DAY.
With HAYWIRE, we are dealing with a lead who is not a trained actress, but a trained mixed-martial arts/cage fighter. Unlike the actresses mentioned before, Gina Carano has the solid physicality to immediately convince you she is a lethal assassin. She moves like a dangerous jungle cat. But she’s more than just brawn alone - Soderbergh knew what he was doing by choosing her for his lead, because Carano also has a natural screen presence that keeps your eyes on her even when she’s not saying anything. She also delivers her hard-edged lines with enough conviction and cool fire to get you interested in her mission. Indeed, despite solid turns from the likes of Michael Fassbender, Ewan McGregor, Antonio Banderas, Michael Douglas, Channing Tatum, Michael Angarano, and Bill Paxton, Carano is the main reason HAYWIRE rates an above-average rating.
But the reason it doesn’t rate any higher than that is because of Lemm Dobbs’ script. While it is a solid, zippy, and engaging actioner, HAYWIRE is also lacking the one necessary element that separates above-average films from the ones that are good or even better: heart. Dobbs and Soderbergh do not give Mallory any vulnerabilities that we can be concerned about - we never doubt that she’s going to get herself out of whatever bind that bad guys put her in. At some point, her relentless invulnerability becomes almost… Steven Seagal-like. Even Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) in the Bourne films had a hidden fragility stemming from his amnesia that, despite his crafty lethality, always kept us concerned for his fate. Not so with Mallory Kane - she’s 100% unfazed by anything. It’s all entertaining and engaging, but in the end it’s not enough.
HAYWIRE does begin promisingly, though, with Mallory forced to go on the run with Scott, an innocent bystander played by Michael Angarano (in the film’s best performance after Carano’s) - and narrating to him everything that’s happened until that point (which we see in flashbacks). This promising Hitchcockian thread echoes similar elements in THE THIRTY-NINE STEPS, THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR, and THE BOURNE IDENTITY. Carano and Angarano have a nice chemistry that is both playful and sexy. There’s a telling moment at the beginning where Mallory is waiting for Aaron to arrive at the diner, and she sees Scott (for the first time) goofing around with his buddies at another table. She smiles this tiny smile at the sight of this stranger that speaks volumes - and hints at things to come for them.
Indeed, the Mallory-Scott piece could’ve been HAYWIRE’s emotional center the way the Jason-Marie thread was the heart of THE BOURNE IDENTITY. In fact, it would’ve been even more interesting because of the gender-reversal of a tough woman having to look out for and protect a vulnerable male. Unfortunately, (SPOILER ALERT) Scott disappears from the action halfway through (don’t worry - he survives) and Mallory continues her mission on her own. After Angarano exits stage left, the rising promise of HAYWIRE stops abruptly - and we plateau with action scene after action scene after action scene, with very little character development in between.
Soderbergh and Dobbs could’ve also given HAYWIRE some emotional heft by exploring Mallory’s connection to her tough military father played by Bill Paxton. But, as with the Mallory-Scott thread, this angle is shunted aside in favor of more fast-cut action scenes. The result is a movie that is just as cool, clinical, and emotionally-detached as its heroine. Soderbergh and Dobbs might’ve thought they were being fresh and original by creating a female action hero who’s just as remorseless and stone-cold as any male hero. In the end, though, they just created an interesting-but-flawed spin on the same old story.
