tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775960478976646642024-03-05T20:01:55.394-08:00Woman on Top4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comBlogger503125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-39802636174623659122012-02-09T11:37:00.000-08:002012-02-09T11:37:29.127-08:00Beautiful Breasts - Beauty<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_wMS5mBfznI/Ta5UhdoN_WI/AAAAAAAAAMM/ETlLti9uOW0/s1600/Beautiful+Breasts+6.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="186" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_wMS5mBfznI/Ta5UhdoN_WI/AAAAAAAAAMM/ETlLti9uOW0/s320/Beautiful+Breasts+6.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">A woman is the picture of beauty. A man always agrees with that. The proof is, a man usually has his dream girl. She must be beautiful at least from his point of view. What he likes is her beauty. And the shape of beauty is in many forms. It can be in eyes, lip, nose, head, hair, body, skin, or breast. For the last one, many men like it in a big or proportional shape, not in a flat or small shape.</div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"> But unfortunately, a beautiful breast does not belong to every woman. There are plenty women do not have a breast shape they have been expecting because of many causes.</div><a href="" name="more"></a><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bT6SjTBWkhY/Ta5cQqezHzI/AAAAAAAAAMQ/rY56scRM41I/s1600/Beautiful+Breasts+5.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bT6SjTBWkhY/Ta5cQqezHzI/AAAAAAAAAMQ/rY56scRM41I/s640/Beautiful+Breasts+5.jpg" width="424" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">For example, a breast surgery buries their dream to have a stunning breast. The root cause is cancer. What would you do? Can you have your dream back? Do you still dare to think about having a good shape breast?</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xmaNxZubD1w/Ta5UVv6cDEI/AAAAAAAAAL8/YK1KU7MCJK4/s1600/Beautiful+Breasts+2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xmaNxZubD1w/Ta5UVv6cDEI/AAAAAAAAAL8/YK1KU7MCJK4/s640/Beautiful+Breasts+2.jpg" width="526" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Why not? As long as there are still breasts on your chest, you can pump it up to a beautiful shape like you have been expecting since months, or years ago.<br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MWdu8SmIT2U/Ta5UP1yzjiI/AAAAAAAAAL4/eNg8Sbu1DtQ/s1600/Beautiful+Breasts+1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MWdu8SmIT2U/Ta5UP1yzjiI/AAAAAAAAAL4/eNg8Sbu1DtQ/s640/Beautiful+Breasts+1.jpg" width="426" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Maybe you ever bought some products to gain a great shape like they promoted rapidly. And you tried them many times and spent much money. But in the end you got nothing but anger and disappointment.</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HWOPnFQ9YJo/Ta5UbZ3k57I/AAAAAAAAAME/RqpqF4aheYk/s1600/Beautiful+Breasts+4.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HWOPnFQ9YJo/Ta5UbZ3k57I/AAAAAAAAAME/RqpqF4aheYk/s640/Beautiful+Breasts+4.jpg" width="472" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Do not worry. There is something new about breast enhancement. This is not like any other breast pumpers they sell in the market. Many medicines contain dangerous materials from chemicals which react quickly to make breasts bigger then before.<br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-l9jbHjcn8r4/Ta5UNXlURBI/AAAAAAAAAL0/xXDeMOlmU-g/s1600/Beautiful+Breasts+8.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-l9jbHjcn8r4/Ta5UNXlURBI/AAAAAAAAAL0/xXDeMOlmU-g/s640/Beautiful+Breasts+8.jpg" width="410" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">This is different. This is not a medicine or cure. This is only supplement, made from natural ingredients. It is made from herb, tree, root, leaf, etc. In Asia, they are used to heal many diseases. So, it is completely save for human body.</div>4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-5900168748812715892012-02-09T11:24:00.000-08:002012-02-09T11:25:30.873-08:00Breast Beauty Treatment<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-54poMPPMEds/Ta5CF5RA9DI/AAAAAAAAAKk/aDLCsj3YlVY/s1600/2947_spa-directi-green1.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-54poMPPMEds/Ta5CF5RA9DI/AAAAAAAAAKk/aDLCsj3YlVY/s400/2947_spa-directi-green1.jpg" width="386" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">When you receive the Seal you begin to care more for your health. And now you have some new options. Stem cells have just been used successfully in regrowing breasts damaged by removing cancerous lumps.</div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">Many women get breast cancer, and many of them have cancerous lumps that can be removed. But many of them elect not to remove those lumps but remove the whole breast. Why? Cosmetics. If the whole breast is removed they can have an implant put in and the two breasts will still look the same. But if some lumps are removed from one breast, most often the two breasts are left looking quite different.</div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">One breast will be natural, and the other breast will be a different size and often a different shape. This is the result of a "lumpectomy," and ugly word for a procedure that leaves women feeling ugly.</div><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=677596047897664664&postID=590016874881271589&from=pencil" name="more"></a><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OOPJ4YL5KLI/Ta5C0X6uVVI/AAAAAAAAALM/6weOQByt-yM/s1600/beauty_20treatments_njlw.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="610" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OOPJ4YL5KLI/Ta5C0X6uVVI/AAAAAAAAALM/6weOQByt-yM/s640/beauty_20treatments_njlw.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Or the women with just some cancerous lumps can elect to have a mastectomy where their whole breast is removed and they get an implant. Since the implant looks like the other breast, many women go with the mastectomy.</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_u3M6Hy3XaM/Ta5CKNUbFsI/AAAAAAAAAKs/t-mejyzkH3w/s1600/51740285.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_u3M6Hy3XaM/Ta5CKNUbFsI/AAAAAAAAAKs/t-mejyzkH3w/s640/51740285.jpg" width="549" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">That may all be changing soon. A new procedure recently tested in Japan takes fat from a woman's stomach or thighs and uses it to rebuild the tissue of the breast, using stem cells.</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yclzZcLcs9k/Ta5CSbpDeZI/AAAAAAAAALA/jVkDmN64JKw/s1600/milk+bath+body+treatment.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yclzZcLcs9k/Ta5CSbpDeZI/AAAAAAAAALA/jVkDmN64JKw/s640/milk+bath+body+treatment.jpg" width="427" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Now these stem cells are not embryonic stem cells, but created from the fat taken from the woman by liposuction. The stem cells come from half of the fat taken from her. The other half of the fat is mixed with the stem cells. So it is living tissue with some stem cells added as "starter culture" and can grow into healthy breast tissue, since the breasts are composed largely of fat.</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-o9OgdKZftec/Ta5CULmQNzI/AAAAAAAAALE/kmvuBmqyd2s/s1600/rby-diy-beauty-pms-de.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-o9OgdKZftec/Ta5CULmQNzI/AAAAAAAAALE/kmvuBmqyd2s/s640/rby-diy-beauty-pms-de.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Of course doctors (and already some patients) anticipate this process with excitement for its cosmetic possibilities. Fat can be taken away from where a patient does not want it and put where she needs it in one operation.</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-t3x5OE48CJA/Ta5CPGCRwUI/AAAAAAAAAK4/Nws3iReZeH0/s1600/breast.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-t3x5OE48CJA/Ta5CPGCRwUI/AAAAAAAAAK4/Nws3iReZeH0/s640/breast.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The ethics of cosmetic surgery are often dubious. God created you. He created your natural beauty. You do not need to change your natural beauty. It is beautiful the way you were made. But in cases like those of breast cancer survivors, cosmetics is not so doubtful ethically. A woman has every right to want to replace the diseased tissue in her breast with healthy tissue from elsewhere on her body.</div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">And God wants that too. God wants to put that woman and her beauty He created back together. He did not cause her disease. He is the Healer, not the spreader of disease. Healing is what Jesus came to do. Many doctors are expecting uses for such procedures far beyond the "necessary" restoration of natural beauty after disease. They can be developed into the restoration of beauty after the effects of aging also.</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Uzf2AzwtKXY/Ta5CRfT6S8I/AAAAAAAAAK8/DGUtb32Z01k/s1600/breasts-01.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="538" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Uzf2AzwtKXY/Ta5CRfT6S8I/AAAAAAAAAK8/DGUtb32Z01k/s640/breasts-01.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">But aging also happens naturally and happens to everyone--it is not the result of disease. If you do not eat the right foods and you smoke, among other health risks, you will age unnaturally. So there are ways to combat unwanted aging effects without reconstructive surgery. If you are recovering from disease, God wants you to be able to recover your beauty too.</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Fuh9JUd7T3I/Ta5CMTdbzNI/AAAAAAAAAK0/n6-Jz3RSfD8/s1600/breast+beauty+enlargement.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Fuh9JUd7T3I/Ta5CMTdbzNI/AAAAAAAAAK0/n6-Jz3RSfD8/s640/breast+beauty+enlargement.jpg" width="460" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">But if you are aging then your beauty naturally changes (as long as you do not do the unhealthy things that will "age" you unnaturally) and to fight aging with stem cells is not natural recovery, but artificial. Everyone ages at least a little. When you are sealed you will begin to take care of your health more. The most power you have over your health is your diet after quitting bad habits. God will show you how to eat when you receive the Seal.</div>4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-30046746193768762012012-02-09T11:15:00.000-08:002012-02-09T11:15:25.424-08:00The Most Beautiful Woman<div style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-38lbVm79Wwc/TaxpbMVrdKI/AAAAAAAAAKc/SpzPZNE2Umg/s1600/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+14.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-38lbVm79Wwc/TaxpbMVrdKI/AAAAAAAAAKc/SpzPZNE2Umg/s320/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+14.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>The most beautiful woman in the world, for stealing the show, goes to Natalie Portman. Of course, she had been in <i>Anywhere But Here </i>and <i>Beautiful Girls</i> along with a slew of other huge hits. But, I didn't sit up and notice her until a pregnant girl with no shoes is abandoned at America's department store in <i>Where the Heart Is</i>. Adopted by a crazy couple, she grew from a childish teenager into a professional lady who finally learns how to trust her heart again. From then on, I have not been able to take my eyes off of her. She rocks the innocent look in <i>Sesame Street</i> while dominating sexy in such works as <i>Black Swan</i> and <i>No Strings Attached</i>. Natalie Portman is hands down the most beautiful woman in the world for stealing the show.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wRKrYhmKyz4/Taxo91M11cI/AAAAAAAAAJ0/gE2bTEXW5PE/s1600/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+3.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wRKrYhmKyz4/Taxo91M11cI/AAAAAAAAAJ0/gE2bTEXW5PE/s640/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+3.jpg" width="513" /></a></div>The most beautiful woman in the world, for total whiplash head turner, goes to Katherine Heigl. When you see her smile from the side in that infamous "sucker" scene in <i>The Ugly Truth</i>, your heart passionately screams, "I want to be in that guy's shoes." She's down to earth playful, seriously red carpet hot and even pulls off the bad hair day with beauty most runway models would die to embody.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rvjzg7Lq_9M/Taxo8fTmE8I/AAAAAAAAAJw/0I_6kOCuxK4/s1600/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rvjzg7Lq_9M/Taxo8fTmE8I/AAAAAAAAAJw/0I_6kOCuxK4/s640/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+2.jpg" width="540" /></a></div>I think I love her most when she's facing her own mortality in <i>Grey's Anatomy</i> "Good Mourning" or facing someone else's in "Dream a Little Dream." It's in those deadly serious moments that you find her true beauty glowing from within. Katherine Heigl rules the most beautiful woman in the world for total whiplash head turner.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0KiAZ3oDSs4/Taxo7SGm3MI/AAAAAAAAAJs/N0-noOlPDus/s1600/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0KiAZ3oDSs4/Taxo7SGm3MI/AAAAAAAAAJs/N0-noOlPDus/s640/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+1.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>The most beautiful woman in the world, for dripping hot sexy, goes to Charlize Theron. When she caught my attention in <i>The Devil's Advocate</i>, I thought to myself that someone would literally have to be daft to drift away from her into a meaningless marriage. But, that was written into the script. Just look at how she rocked <i>Mighty Joe Young</i>, <i>Reindeer Games</i>, <i>The Italian Job</i> and <i>Hancock</i>. She even made a serial killer seem likable in <i>Monster</i>.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-p5g-Nmg38cA/TaxpDKUKKrI/AAAAAAAAAKE/lFTsxeOE31c/s1600/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+8.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="502" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-p5g-Nmg38cA/TaxpDKUKKrI/AAAAAAAAAKE/lFTsxeOE31c/s640/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+8.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>But to really understand the jaw dropping, massive coronary, stand-there-with-nothing-to-say pure sexiness Charlize exudes, all you have to do is witness her raw amour as she walks down the hallway leaving layers of clothing behind in the renowned Dior J'Adore commercial. Charlize Theron demands the most beautiful woman in the world for dripping hot sexy.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gau1lD1N4wE/TaxpOIrypBI/AAAAAAAAAKM/C-6j2UtnOYM/s1600/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+10.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="432" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gau1lD1N4wE/TaxpOIrypBI/AAAAAAAAAKM/C-6j2UtnOYM/s640/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+10.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>The most beautiful woman in the world, for pure enchantment, goes to Christi Paul. The CNN's Headline News anchor as well as for <i>In Session</i> on truTV. She is the ultimate girl next door with the prom queen beauty. But, there were some Miss America aspirations that could have come true as witnessed by her climb from Miss Mansfield to Miss Greater Cleveland as she worked her way up to running for Miss Ohio in 1993.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-orKgHidQeK4/TaxpATYvnFI/AAAAAAAAAJ4/eYPuHE_XXOY/s1600/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+4.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="454" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-orKgHidQeK4/TaxpATYvnFI/AAAAAAAAAJ4/eYPuHE_XXOY/s640/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+4.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>WDTV was smart to hire her as broadcast journalism just seems to be in her blood. And now you know where I get my news spoon fed from everyday. Christi Paul wears the most beautiful woman in the world crown for pure enchantment.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-f7Jqcc9VfK4/TaxpB9XzJFI/AAAAAAAAAKA/cUBX3BzWaq8/s1600/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+7.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="474" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-f7Jqcc9VfK4/TaxpB9XzJFI/AAAAAAAAAKA/cUBX3BzWaq8/s640/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+7.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>Robin Meade certainly shares the title of pure enchantment along with Christi Paul. With her adorable laugh and the new style she has brought to the news, I stay on top of what's going on in the world today and it's easy to figure out why. Plus, Robin's song <i>Welcome Home</i> is a touching tribute to the troops who are fighting overseas and that means a lot to a veteran like me. But, the reason why I step out of protocol and share a title between these two gorgeous anchors from CNN is because their lives are so totally similar.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4rE9RuFFZpI/TaxpBK8iLVI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/Akc4plBLETc/s1600/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+6.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="620" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4rE9RuFFZpI/TaxpBK8iLVI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/Akc4plBLETc/s640/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+6.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>Robin Meade was born in Ohio in 1969. However, she went on to become Miss Ohio in 1992 and was one of the top ten finalists in the 1993 Miss America Beauty Pageant. They both are married with children and living in Georgia. So, I tap Robin Meade to share the most beautiful woman in the world for pure enchantment with Christi Paul. It's the most beautiful woman in the world for crying out loud! I'm sure they don't have a problem sharing it.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BJTk9IPwaRU/Taxo6Q0sj1I/AAAAAAAAAJo/A7iBv59oENg/s1600/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman5.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BJTk9IPwaRU/Taxo6Q0sj1I/AAAAAAAAAJo/A7iBv59oENg/s640/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman5.jpg" width="489" /></a></div>The most beautiful woman in the world, for knocking my socks off entirely, goes to Scarlett Johansson. With only one exception, the mysterious skip in 2000, Scarlett has at the very least brought us something new every year since her inception in 1994 with <i>North</i>. Among my favorites are <i>Lost in Translation</i>, <i>The Perfect Score</i>, and <i>In Good Company</i> just to name a few.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sh0N3oIqYXI/TaxpSm0af7I/AAAAAAAAAKU/6AiY0tKkjxU/s1600/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+12.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="512" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sh0N3oIqYXI/TaxpSm0af7I/AAAAAAAAAKU/6AiY0tKkjxU/s640/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+12.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>But, it's when she plays the parts in such movies as <i>He's Just Not That Into You</i> that you see her amazing sensuousness. Her wonderful laugh, the elegant look over her shoulder, even her ability to be innocent while entrenched in raw passion makes me fall in love with her over and over again. Scarlett Johansson epitomizes the most beautiful woman in the world for knocking my socks off entirely.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TCxf12VD2Dc/TaxpD5FOjSI/AAAAAAAAAKI/zViLNekAKto/s1600/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+9.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TCxf12VD2Dc/TaxpD5FOjSI/AAAAAAAAAKI/zViLNekAKto/s640/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+9.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>The most beautiful woman in the world, for endearing fascination, goes to Julie Bowen. Catching my attention in <i>Ed</i>, I immediately hung on her every scene. I cursed the director and the other actors who were stealing our precious time away from me. But then, she became the love interest in <i>Happy Gilmore</i> and Adam Sandler's daydreams are nothing short of ingenious.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QDl8-HeNT78/TaxpXKuV6PI/AAAAAAAAAKY/u95wqAvlUI0/s1600/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+13.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QDl8-HeNT78/TaxpXKuV6PI/AAAAAAAAAKY/u95wqAvlUI0/s640/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+13.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>She is the reason I became a fan of <i>Boston Legal</i> just like she's the reason I watch <i>Modern Family</i> now. Her soft brown eyes can flash intense every once in awhile. But, her smile! It's the kind of smile that radiates and it is very contagious. Julie Bowen exhibits utter greatness of the most beautiful woman in the world for endearing fascination.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-scvORklQjBI/TaxplLm4RdI/AAAAAAAAAKg/iNT9OUETNRc/s1600/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+15.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-scvORklQjBI/TaxplLm4RdI/AAAAAAAAAKg/iNT9OUETNRc/s640/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+15.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>The most beautiful woman in the world, for being drop dead gorgeous, goes to Diane Lane. She cannot be touched! Since 1979, she has touched my heart and I wasn't even aware of how deeply then. But, I caught on when she exploded on the screen in <i>Streets of Fire</i>. That was the making of history. An all-time favorite of mine, I have enjoyed her in such greats as <i>Chaplin</i>, <i>A Walk on the Moon</i> and <i>Under the Tuscan Sun</i>. But, she brings it home in works like <i>Jack</i>, <i>Judge Dred</i>, and <i>The Perfect Storm</i> where she's not the lead but she steals each scene. She's class and elegance and everything you can say about a princess. A genuine model of all that is beautiful in the world, Diane Lane easily exemplifies the most beautiful woman in the world for being drop dead gorgeous.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--gjRBSHkaSA/TaxpRvfVIEI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/t5yGZTb3dws/s1600/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+11.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--gjRBSHkaSA/TaxpRvfVIEI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/t5yGZTb3dws/s640/The+Most+Beautiful+Woman+11.jpg" width="416" /></a></div>The most beautiful woman in the world, for everlasting magnificence, goes to Ashley Judd. So powerful in her back story, she left her mother and sister while they were still on the road performing. She went off on her own to do her own thing and what a gift she has given us! She's in a long line of favorites to cherish such as <i>Double Jeopardy</i>, <i>High Crimes</i>, and <i>Where the Heart Is</i>. She could easily become a cult classic with roles like <i>Eye of the Beholder</i>, <i>Twisted</i> and <i>Bug</i>. She has the allure to bring fans from the outskirts into the mainstream because she can be pleasantly charming even when her character might be suffering from alcoholism, is mentally disturbed or grossly psychotic. Her beauty requires absolutely no makeup as she rocks the red carpet in dresses and skirts that she makes look good, while trumping the beauty of all the celebrities who flock to take their pictures with her. Ashley Judd simply is the world's most beautiful woman in the world for everlasting magnificence.</div>4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-64887813127154704632012-02-05T21:04:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.023-08:00The Valentine's 2012 Celebration...<img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/valentines-heart.jpg" alt="Amore"/><br /><br />Good evening, folks. Hope everyone's doing fine. Due to some intense Serie A action today (our version of the SuperBowl), I'm two reviews behind: I still owe you CELLULAR and THE GREY. Please expect those reviews to post, schedule willing, by Wednesday, at the latest. <br /><br />Then we start our Valentine's 2012 Celebration. Please find below the schedule for reviews for the whole month of February. Due to some Valentine's travel, other social engagements, and the increased activity on the soccer blog, please expect some gaps between reviews this month. No worries, though: they'll all post. The order may also change based on which reviews get done first. <br /><br />Our movies explore Love in all its shapes and sizes: Straight love, gay love, friendly love, familial love, love for ideals, love for sports, love of art, and more. <br /><br /><div style="width:480px; text-align: center;"><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" src="http://w1194.photobucket.com/pbwidget.swf?pbwurl=http%3A%2F%2Fw1194.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Faa366%2Fjadena1%2F170bef02.pbw" height="480" width="480"><a href="http://photobucket.com/slideshows" target="_blank"><img src="http://pic.photobucket.com/slideshows/btn.gif" style="float:left;border-width: 0;" ></a><a href="http://s1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/?action=view&current=170bef02.pbw" target="_blank"><img src="http://pic.photobucket.com/slideshows/btn_viewallimages.gif" style="float:left;border-width: 0;" ></a></div><br /><br /><br /># 432 - FOR LOVE OF THE GAME (AKA: Love, Sex, And Baseball)<br /><br /># 433 - I HATE VALENTINE'S DAY (AKA: Spoilsport - The Movie)<br /><br /># 434 - THE VOW (AKA: You Were So Wonderful, You Literally Blew My Mind And I Forgot All About You!)<br /><br /># 435 - CIAO (AKA: Lost In Translation With Spaghetti)<br /><br /># 436 - VALENTINE'S DAY (AKA: Love Actually Times Eighty)<br /><br /># 437 - FRIED GREEN TOMATOES (AKA: Girl Power In The South)<br /><br /># 438 - RUDO Y CURSI (AKA: Soccer Bromance)<br /><br /># 439 - PUNCTURE (AKA: Why Can't All Lawyers Be As Hot As Chris Evans?)<br /><br /># 440 - MINE VAGANTI/LOOSE CANNONS (AKA: Fucked-Up Family Reunion, Italian-style)<br /><br /># 441 - THE SECRET WORLD OF ARRIETTY (AKA: Love Among The Wee People)<br /><br /># 442 - A BETTER LIFE (AKA: I Love You, Dad)<br /><br /># 442 - GOOD DEEDS (AKA: Janitors Make The Best Lovers)<br /><br /># 443 - I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT (AKA: Girl On Girl Action, Jordan-Style)<br /><br /># 444 - THE BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY (AKA: Clint And Meryl Make Magic)<br /><br /># 445 - WEEKEND (AKA: The Bridges of Madison County, With Dudes)<br /><br /># 446 - FANDANGO (AKA: Frat Boy Bromance)<br /><br /><br /><iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/t0kY3ByzQfQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8swF2-R6X9A" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/7FoexC7gccQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/vYrlYGe_YT4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/k0t8-l8SMxA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/LkC7xHAfxm4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/uaLSBdL-zCY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/JEuYaFRGatY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/XoHtIKBZUbM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/orInEN7Zq_Q" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/lznSuKO_D4U" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/zAMlwcJchoQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br />Have a great one, folks. Happy Valentine's Day in advance!4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-64970360833989229732012-02-05T19:28:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:16:26.398-08:00ENTRAPMENT<div style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Work that catsuit, baby!" height="640" src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/entrapment-1.jpg" width="427" /></div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">CAST: Sean Connery, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Ving Rhames, Will Patton, Maury Chaykin. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">DIRECTOR: Jon Amiel</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one really determined pair of crooks - straight ahead…</div><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/71qhx1LlHAY" width="480"></iframe><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;">IT’S LIKE THIS: After watching THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR (review # 233) and, now, ENTRAPMENT, I have to say that I’m ready to switch careers and become an insurance investigator. If these flicks are to be believed, these folks always get to: (1) wear a lot of sharp clothes; (2) have a lot of hot sex; (3) travel to a lot of exotic places; and (4) look fabulous doing it. In THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR, our sexy sleuth is Catherine Banning (Rene Russo), and she got to play “Cat and Mouse” with a hot billionaire playboy named, ahem, Thomas Crown (Pierce Brosnan) because he was implicated in the theft of a $100 million Monet. If you want to know how that particular “Cocktease/Chase” went, then go read the review. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">ENTRAPMENT’s sexy sleuth is Virginia “Gin” Baker (Catherine Zeta Jones), and she immediately suspects Robert “Mac” MacDougal when a priceless work of art is stolen from a NYC office tower. Why? Not much. Turns out Mac is a supposedly-retired thief, but Gin is certain he hasn’t changed his ways one bit. She gets her horny boss Hector Cruz (Will Patton) to send her to England undercover, where she poses as a thief herself - and entices Mac to help her steal a priceless Chinese mask from a local exhibit. Mac falls for it, and before you know it, the “reformed” thief and the “fake” thief are planning a much, much bigger heist than the Mask - big enough to net them both $7 billion dollars, folks. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Think of all the edible body oil you could buy with kind of dough… Mmmmmmmmmmmm…</div><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Mac, with a solid cross (or is that double-cross?) from Gin…</div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Go, boy…" height="480" src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/entrrrrrrre.gif" width="640" /></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Go, girl…" height="360" src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/entrr.jpg" width="640" /></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Go, guyz…" height="379" src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/entrrrrrr.jpg" width="640" /></div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Sean Connery and Catherine ZJ, all the way…</div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Naughty!" height="320" src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/entrrrr.jpg" width="640" /></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Naughty!" height="350" src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/entrrrrer.jpg" width="640" /></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Naughty!" height="422" src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/entrapmentrr.jpg" width="640" /></div><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">MOST INTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Mac and Gin pulling off the climactic heist at the twin skyscrapers in Kuala Lumpur on New Year’s Eve. Hope no one’s afraid of heights…</div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Treadmill Time!" height="514" src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/entrapment____2.jpg" width="640" /></div><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;">MOST UNINTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Gin tussling with a London thug as a sort of “initiation” courtesy of Mac. And the final confrontation at the Pudu train station in Kuala Lumpur…</div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><img alt="What?" height="305" src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/entrapp.jpg" width="640" /></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Seriously?" height="360" src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/entree.jpg" width="640" /></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Seriously?" height="485" src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/entrapmentww.jpg" width="640" /></div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">HOTTEST SCENE: Gin, in a catsuit, practicing her way through a series of strings meant to simulate a laser net. Yowza! </div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Partay!" height="640" src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/entrapment_480x480.jpg" width="640" /> </div><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Will Mac and Gin be able to steal the Mask? And if so, does Gin intend to arrest him with his hand in the cookie jar? Or does she have something else up her sleeve? And what happens when she offers him another additional job that will take them both to Kuala Lumpur for a staggering payday? Is she taking the whole “undercover” things a bit too far? Is she playing both sides for her own agenda? Or is she trying to build a better case against Mac? And will Hector pull her out of the field for her own sake? Or will he continue to let her do the “Mata Hari” thang? Will Mac discover she’s a cop? How will this all end? Well, with faces like those on Mac and Gin, I wouldn’t worry about them too much. It’s a proven fact that hotties can pull off two things very well: (1) bald spots and receding hairlines (Mac); and (2) tight catsuits (Gin). They’re gonna be just fine. Emphasis on “fine”. Ahem.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “ENTRAPMENT”: If you like sleek, entertaining, and just a tad contrived thrillers with stunning and charismatic leads. And if you don’t mind turning your brain off for a couple of hours of decent thrills… And if you liked THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR, and don’t mind seeing a similar, if also inferior, film…</div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “ENTRAPMENT”: If you have a hard time suspending your disbelief. And if you don’t allow the sheer beauty of a production and its stars to compensate for some contrived plotting. And if you liked THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR so much that you won’t accept any substitutes….</div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">BUT, SERIOUSLY: In 1998, MGM announced it was remaking the 1968 classic THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR with Pierce Brosnan and Renee Russo stepping into the roles popularized by Steve McQueen and Faye Dunaway: a craft billionaire thief - and the cool, equally crafty insurance investigator who pursues him. As usually happens in Hollywood, around the same time, 20th Century Fox announced its own competing “Thief/Insurance Investigator” thriller: ENTRAPMENT - which is essentially THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR with a few minor modifications. </div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">ENTRAPMENT beat THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR to theatres in May of 1999, and opened to solid numbers ($20 million in its first weekend). It would go on to gross close to $90 million in North America - a bonafide hit. A few months later, the THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR remake was released to a smaller opening ($14 million in its first weekend) and a smaller final North American gross ($72 million). So, does this mean ENTRAPMENT is a better film than THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR? In a word, no. Definitely not. That’s not to say it’s a bad film, though. It’s actually a pretty entertaining ride - but it just doesn’t have the solid finesse and charm of THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I have to be upfront and say that the THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR remake is one of my favorite movies. It’s much better than the original, which had some glaring story flaws that always bugged me. Those flaws are fixed in the remake, and additional changes are made to make it a far stronger film than the one before it. I won’t go into those comparisons with the original (read review # 233 for that), but I will say this about how it stacks up against ENTRAPMENT: whereas THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR ‘99 focused on the one-upping “cat-and-mouse” love affair between two opposing but surprisingly similar people, ENTRAPMENT chooses to focus instead on energetic but implausible action setpieces that constantly divert us away from the central relationship of its leads. </div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta Jones are two of the most strikingly attractive folks working in film today. In fact, there are those who say that Catherine Zeta Jones, with her exotic and cat-like beauty, takes the best close-up out of any other actress out there right now. It is the sheer beauty and charisma of these two that help elevate ENTRAPMENT above the average mark. Mac and Gin are thinly-drawn characters, but Connery and Zeta-Jones are expressive and talented enough to hint at deeper layers with small gestures and short words. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Watch for the scene where Mac gives Gin a gorgeous evening gown to wear to their first heist. She reacts with a mixture of shyness and sadness, saying no one’s ever given her a gift like that before. Then there’s the lovely final scene at the Pudu station, where Gin waits to rendezvous with Mac, and keeps glancing nervously at the platform’s clock - each passing second signals the growing unlikelihood of Mac ever turning up. Zeta-Jones beautifully plays Gin’s fear, anxiety, sadness, and dwindling hope with no words - just expressions. Then when Mac finally shows up, the relief on her face is like a bursting ray of sunlight. Essentially, Zeta-Jones takes an underwritten role - and connects the dots in a compelling way. As any good actor should. </div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">Connery is also expressive, but buries it under a more stoic and harder exterior. The more he hides his affection for Gin, the more interesting it becomes. He ably suggests Mac’s growing conflicted feelings for this beautiful woman - whom he can’t determine whether is friend or foe. Connery and Zeta-Jones actually make Mac and Gin’s relationship more interesting by avoiding a more conventional “romantic” path, and portraying it more like “mentor-protégé”. As I mentioned before, the main reason ENTRAPMENT scores a *** (above average) rating is because of their combined “X-Factor“. </div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">Ultimately, what keeps ENTRAPMENT from rising to the levels of THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR ‘99 and is a tendency to move away from Mac and Gin’s relationship and focus on the details of the heists themselves. The problem is, unlike the heists of the MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE and OCEAN’S movies, these jobs are too easy. It’s also highly implausible that both Gin and Mac would get their hands on the access codes and security blueprints to their targets so handily. The result is an artificial feel to the heists which undercuts the suspense. The only thing that keep us interested is Gin and Mac themselves. </div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">Will Patton, Ving Rhames, and Maury Chaykin are vivid in key supporting roles. But, in the end, as with many films that barely avoid being an average experience because of the skill and magnetism of its stars, ENTRAPMENT belongs to Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Without them, this heists would’ve been an average one. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">And remember the “Sexiest Eyebrow Brigade” that includes Mark Wahlberg, Michael Keaton, Colin O’Donoghue, Chris Evans, Famke Janssen, Jennifer Connelly, and Russell Crowe? Well, I officially add Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones to that list…</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Naughty!" height="320" src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/entrrrr.jpg" width="640" /></div>4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-40090241582965166022012-02-05T11:41:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.024-08:00HAPPY SUPERBOWL SUNDAY: Napoli Vs. AC MilanHi, folks...<br /><br />To the Americans out there, Happy Super Bowl Sunday. Honestly, I am not much of a NFL fan, so we're tuning in to our own game: the much-anticipated Serie A battle between my adopted hometown Napoli vs. AC Milan. VIVA NAPOLI!<br /><br />Have a great Super Bowl Sunday, Yanks. To the Serie A fans out there, both in Italy and elsewhere, don't forget to tune in to Napoli vs. AC Milan, starting right now! And please expect the reviews for ENTRAPMENT, CELLULAR, and THE GREY to post by tonight...<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/napoli-vs-ac-milan.jpg" alt="Viva Napoli!"/>4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-32209784048992820592012-02-04T18:42:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.024-08:00# 428 - THE FIRM (1993)THE FIRM (1993 - THRILLER) ****1/2 out of *****<br /><br />(I knew there was a catch…) <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thefirm-1.jpg" alt="Oooops!"/><br /><br />CAST: Tom Cruise, Gene Hackman, Jeanne Tripplehorn, Hal Holbrook, Gary Busey, Wilford Brimley, Ed Harris, Holly Hunter, David Strathairn, Karina Lombard. <br /><br />DIRECTOR: Sydney Pollack<br /><br />WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one really Machiavellian law firm - straight ahead…<br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/I8k4wZp6Wio" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br />IT’S LIKE THIS: Poor Mitch McDeere (Tom Cruise). He’s a recent Harvard Law grad who was courted by a powerful and prestigious Memphis law firm with the following enticements: (1) they will pay of all of his student loans; (2) they will buy him and his wife Abby (Jeanne Tripplehorn) a nice home with a low-interest mortgage; (3) they will lease Mitch and Abby a super-cool (for 1993, anyway) Mercedes Benz; and (4) they will assign him a brilliant mentor in the form of Avery Tolar (Gene Hackman) to ensure Mitch will find the right path through, uh, the firm. <br /><br />What’s so bad about that, you ask? Was I being sarcastic when I wrote “poor Mitch”? No, folks - I’m as serious as when I say people who wear a lot of black and white clothing are fucked if they own a white cat and tuxedo cat - you can’t win. You’re better off going naked. Not that I know anyone like that. Ahem. Anyhow, the reason I am feeling very sorry for our dear Mitch is this: that “prestigious and powerful” Memphis Law Firm he signed up with turns out to be pretty grim, after all. You see, Bendini, Lambert, & Locke has some very, very, very questionable clients. Who, you ask? No one too evil - just the Mafia. You know? Those guys who kill you and your entire bloodline for something as simple as, you know, crossing them? Now, that was sarcasm. <br /><br />Oh, and to make it even more interesting the FBI begins targeting Mitch to get him to snitch on his homeys at the firm. Then, on top of that shit, Mitch’s homeys start getting suspicious and put him and Abby on surveillance. Great employers, I tell ya (more sarcasm). Oh, and to make things even more pleasant, the firm has a habit of killing off employees who don’t agree to cross to the dark side and protect the mob. Yes, folks - suddenly that house and Benz and fat paycheck don’t look nearly as appetizing (zero sarcasm). What good is it if you turn into fish food? <br /><br />The FBI and the Mafia: let’s just say that there are better cross-fires to get caught in the middle of. Like the Annual Chippendale’s Water Balloon Fight I am looking forward to this summer. If only those bastards would stop waxing their chests, life would be perfect. Maybe we need more hairy Mafiosos to join Chippendale’s. Of course, the FBI would just move in and shut their shit down fast. Damn. <br /><br />THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Mitch is pretty wily - but he’d be lost without some solid assists and playmaking courtesy of wife Abby and equally resourceful secretary Tammy Hemphill (Holly Hunter). Go, girlz…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/the-firm-1993-20110523043341667_640w.jpg" alt="Go, boy…"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/Thefirmjtj-1.jpg" alt="Go, girl…"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thefirm77.jpg" alt="Go, girl…"/><br /><br /><br />EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Tom and Jeanne are pretty hot - but this award must go to Karina Lombard, who plays an exotic, mysterious chick who seduces Mitch on a Caribbean beach. Under orders from…. (Dun-Da-Dun-DUN!) The Firm. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thefirmkar-1.jpg" alt="Naughty!"/><br /><br /><br />MOST INTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Mitch fleeing from some assassins! Run, lawyer, run!<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thefirmmm.jpg" alt="Treadmill Time!"/><br /><br /><br />MOST UNINTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Mitch being grilled separately by the FBI - and his own security folks from the firm. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Or being up shit creek without a paddle. Or needing to take a serious dump in the woods with no toilet paper. Well, you get the idea…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/The-Firm-Tom-Cruise-wwwwhysoblucom_.jpg" alt="What?"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thefirmmn.jpg" alt="Seriously?"/><br /><br /><br />HOTTEST SCENE: The aforementioned “beach seduction” between Mitch and “Ms. Mysterious”. Oh, and the scene where Abby tries to help Mitch by digging some info out of Avery - and pulling a “Ms. Mysterious” on him. Yup, you got it - she tries to get into Avery's pants. Tit for tat, I guess…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thefirmkarrr-1.jpg" alt="Partay?"/> <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thefirms-1.jpg" alt="Partay?"/><br /><br /><br />INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: What will Mitch do? Will he snitch out his colleagues and align with the FBI? Is the FBI right when they say that if Mitch doesn’t work undercover for them, he will go down with the rest of the Attorneys From Hell? Or will Mitch become a money-oriented bastard and let all that money make up for the fact that he’s working from serious criminals? Or will he find another way to do the right thing? What will Abby do to help him? Will private investigator named Eddie Lomax (Gary Busey) whom Mitch approaches for help be able to, you know, help? What about Eddie’s secretary Tammy? What skills does she bring to the table? And what happens when Mitch and Abby find out that The Firm has been breathing down their neck this whole time with wiretaps? How will this shit end? Will Mitch wish he’d just go into Art History or something? <br /><br />WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “THE FIRM”: If you like very good thrillers that effectively combine suspense, intelligence, drama, humor, and humanity in perfect doses. And if you are fan of Tom Cruise and the bestselling book by John Grisham - and you don’t mind the tinkering that director Sydney Pollack and adapting screenwriter David Rayfiel did with the novel’s third act. <br /><br />WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “THE FIRM”: If you are not a Thriller fan, and if you don’t particularly care for the novel. Or, conversely, if you are so loyal to the book that you object to how the ending was changed… If so, too bad - this is an excellent thriller…<br /><br />BUT, SERIOUSLY: We recently reviewed the John Grisham novel-based THE PELICAN BRIEF (review # 423) - and found it to ultimately be an above-average experience, but not an outright good one. While the novel that THE PELICAN BRIEF is based on was exciting, zippy, and energetic, the film itself is curiously somber, chilly, and somewhat lethargic. The thriller elements are solid, if not smashing, and the character elements are, well, competent at best. Indeed, if it weren’t for Julia Roberts’ innate and almost supernatural ability to portray a character’s emotions with only expressions and no words, it would be hard to have a rooting interest in Darby Shaw, the heroine. If they had cast anyone else in that role, THE PELICAN BRIEF would be an **½ experience, easily - nothing more. In essence, Roberts elevates the film with her star power. <br /><br />THE FIRM is in similar territory in that it is headed up by a superstar with similarly potent charisma (Tom Cruise) and is also based on a John Grisham bestseller. Unlike THE PELICAN BRIEF, though, THE FIRM is an excellent thriller that hits all the right notes of suspense and character. In our review for THE PELICAN BRIEF, we attributed the difference between the two movies to the directorial styles of the men behind the production. Alan J. Pakula (THE PELICAN BRIEF) employed a more impersonal, almost mechanical approach that emphasized the plot over character, while Sydney Pollack went for character over plot - and used a warmer, more personal touch. The result? We care considerably more for the men and women of the THE FIRM than those in THE PELICAN BRIEF. <br /><br />To be fair, though, BRIEF’s premise, while catchy and enticing (brilliant law student correctly deduces the answer behind two high-profile assassinations - and is endangered), is not quite as compelling as that of FIRM’s (brilliant but humble law grad is wooed by a powerful law firm that seems like a dream come true - only to be revealed as a nightmare when it turns out it is mob-affiliated). FIRM also gives us considerable background on Mitch McDeere - he is from a blue-collar family with a brother in jail - and is determined to rise above his humble beginnings and make something of himself. It’s this hunger not just to succeed, but to have a better life that is far removed from the one he had growing up, that marks Mitch as a very interesting character. His path takes him through some uncomfortable territory when he realizes that everything he idealized (success and power) mean nothing if you sacrifice your morals - and that one should never forget one‘s roots. Yes, he’s money-oriented - but not so much so that he forgets how to be human and ultimately turn his back on that money for a more meaningful existence (more on this below). <br /><br />Contrast Mitch with Darby from BRIEF - we know next to nothing about her. Besides the fact that she has a scary-sharp, brilliant mind that allows her to correctly deduce the answer behind the assassinations, and was left a lot of money by a dead relative (which she uses to finance her escape from the baddies), her background is a blank. It’s up to Julia Roberts to try to give us an emotional rooting interest in Darby. She largely succeeds because of that hauntingly expressive face - but think about how much better BRIEF would’ve been if Darby had been given the same breadth of backstory as Mitch? With that clever premise, it could’ve been a classic like the similar THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR - which was also about a too smart-for-his-own-good person (Robert Redford) who stumbles upon a conspiracy, reports it to his superiors - and ultimately becomes a target. <br /><br />Pollack’s immediate, bracing directorial style also puts us smack-dab in Mitch and Abby’s situation - rather than at a distance, like with Darby’s (because of Pakula‘s chillier approach). Most of us can relate to what the McDeeres go through: graduating from school, trying to find your niche, charting your path through the world, finding where you belong, finding your place. In THE FIRM, their path unfortunately takes them right into the middle of the proverbial viper’s nest - and they must escape from it before it’s too late. Speaking of escape, readers of the the novel probably know by now that Pollack and Rayfiel changed the ending for the movie. Some loyalists disagree with this move, citing disloyalty to the novel. I agree 100% with what Pollack and Rayfield did. Without spoiling it for you folks, the new ending allows Mitch to be a more honorable, decent, less money-oriented person - and allows him and Abby to retain their integrity. The ending of the novel was, quite simply, cheap and cynical - basically making Mitch as bad as the villains. I remember reading the book when it first came out and thinking: “THIS is how it’s supposed to end? With the hero being just as money-hungry as the bad guys?”<br /><br />It also helps immensely that the supporting characters of FIRM are vibrant figures with vivid personalities, unlike the bland, nearly-interchangeable sideline players of BRIEF. Gene Hackman brings his usual dynamic presence as Avery Tolar, Mitch’s mentor who is not quite as cynical as he makes himself out to be. Hackman paints Avery in contrasting colors of good and misguided, ably suggesting the aura of an aging “bad boy” who is looking for something more meaningful - but doesn’t realize it. Avery has some great scenes with not only Mitch, but also Jeanne Tripplehorn’s Abby. Hackman and Tripplehorn have an interesting unexplored chemistry that makes you lean forward everytime they are onscreen together. Very intriguing. <br /><br />Hal Holbrook is suitably slippery as the head of the firm, while Wilford Brimley instantly makes us re-think how villains are portrayed with his surprisingly menacing turn as William Devasher, the firm’s security consultant who instantly suspects Mitch of disloyalty to the firm. Brimley is so widely-known as the grandfatherly “Quaker Oats Guy” on TV that he’s the last person you’d think would be a baddie - but the contrast works wonderfully here: behind that paternal/avuncular façade, is one scary guy you wouldn’t want to tussle with. Ed Harris is fine in his equally ambiguous role of Wayne Tarrance, the FBI agent trying to get Mitch to snitch on his superiors. Tarrance is a guy who doesn’t quite care what happens to Mitch - so long as he gets the goods that he wants - but he grossly underestimates Mitch’s wily resourcefulness. Indeed, one of this movie’s great pleasures is watching the three-way game of “Cat and Cat and Mouse” between Devasher, Tarrance, and Mitch. <br /><br />Then there’s Gary Busey whose oddball aura is perfect for the quirky Eddie Lomax, the P.I. who gets caught (badly) in the crossfire along with Mitch. The male supporting players are rounded out by David Strathairn, Mitch’s older incarcerated brother Ray, who starts out as a source of embarrassment for Mitch - but then ends up giving Mitch some valuable assistance late in the game. Another reason FIRM is so much more satisfying than BRIEF is because of Mitch’s arc of becoming less money-oriented and more family and friend-oriented. This includes the renewal and healing of his troubled relationship with his brother, proving once again that - for better or worse - family is everything. <br /><br />Finally, special mention must go to the women of the cast - who are more than just eye candy on the sidelines. Jeanne Tripplehorne takes a role that Robin Wright had to drop out of because of pregnancy, and makes it her own. Tripplehorne was a strong presence as the secretive psychologist in BASIC INSTINCT, and plays a more open character here. Abby McDeere has a sharp intelligence about her that is belied by her gracious elegance - and allows her to intuit, way before anyone else, that all is not well at the firm. Because Abby starts out far less money-oriented than Mitch, she is not as dazzled by the “bells-and-whistles” of wealth as he is. This makes it a lot easier for her to sense something is very wrong and to correctly surmise that the firm may be too good to be true. Abby also has a lot more to do in the suspenseful third act of the film than she did in the novel. Same goes for Holly Hunter’s Tammy Hemphill who, in an echo of Darby in BRIEF, witnesses the death of her lover (Eddie Lomax) and must go on the run to stay alive and help Mitch resolve the whole thing without getting themselves killed. Kudos to Pollack and Rayfiel for making these women active players in the unfolding story - and not just fretting on the sidelines. <br /><br />Then there’s Karina Lombard, who makes a strong impression with just a few minutes of screen time as the enigmatic beauty who seduces Mitch to give the firm something to hold over him. Lombard holds the screen with her ethereal, exotic beauty - and her role somehow feels bigger than it is because of her haunting presence. Tripplehorn, Hunter, and Lombard give us characters that are just as memorable as their male counterparts. Good job, ladies…<br /><br />In the end, THE FIRM is vastly superior to THE PELICAN BRIEF. More than any other genre, the Thriller Genre tends to be plot-heavy. But just like any other genre, these movies must have characters that we can get behind - otherwise all the thrills, chills, chases, and scares will fall flat. If you don’t care about someone, why should you be concerned about whether they survive or not? THE PELICAN BRIEF barely escaped being an average experience because of Julia Roberts’ skill. Fortunately, THE FIRM has a much stronger, far richer story that didn’t have to depend on Tom Cruise’s charisma to save it. It’s a very good movie on its own. With Cruise, Hackman, Tripplehorne, and the rest of the stellar cast, it becomes an excellent one.<br /><br />In closing, please see the trailer for the new current TV series that continues Mitch and Abby’s dilemma. Josh Lucas and Molly Parker take over the roles from Cruise and Tripplehorne…<br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/gcE3FLSbEIg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-31759377016741466112012-02-04T12:27:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.024-08:00# 427 - HAYWIRE (2012)HAYWIRE (2012 - ACTION / THRILLER) *** out of *****<br /><br />(I liked this movie better when it was called SALT…) <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/haywire-movie-poster-1.jpg" alt="Angelina wants her script back!"/><br /><br />CAST: Gina Carano, Ewan McGregor, Michael Fassbender, Channing Tatum, Michael Douglas, Michael Angarano, Antonio Banderas. <br /><br />DIRECTOR: Steven Soderbergh<br /><br />WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one really familiar mash-up between Jason Bourne and Lara Croft - straight ahead…<br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/VU06jytjvDA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br />IT’S LIKE THIS: Steven Soderbergh, the director of our next review (the estrogen-actioner HAYWIRE), must have been absolutely sick and tired of female-centric action movies with actresses whom we’re supposed to believe can kick butt - but barely look able to take on a 90-pound extra from REVENGE OF THE NERDS. Seriously. Think about it: Angelina Jolie and Charlize Theron might have been striking to look at in SALT and AEON FLUX, and were certainly dramatically credible, but who believed for even a nanosecond that their reed-thin bods could pull off in real life the heinous shit the baddies threw their way? They would be broken-in-half after the first rooftop jump or sucker punch. <br /><br />Enter Gina Carano, a mixed-martial experts/cage-fighter and former AMERICAN GLADIATOR contestant with no prior acting experience whom Soderbergh must have a serious jones for (not that I blame him) - because here she is in her own star vehicle as a present from him. Is that all I have to do to get my own movie? Beat up someone in a cage on television? And look hot doing it? <br /><br />Anyhow, Carano plays Mallory Kane, a former black-ops operative who now does contract work for shadowy international baddies. In true Thriller Genre fashion, her latest job that promises to be a “walk-in-the-park” turns out to be more of a “cluster-fuck-up-shit-creek” when the op goes sour - and she is nearly killed. Realizing she’s been had, Mallory goes rogue and takes more than a page of the “Jason Bourne Manual Of Self-Preservation.” Meaning she basically determines to wipe out each and everyone of the jackasses who done her wrong. They are the following: (1) Kenneth (Ewan McGregor), Mallory’s ex-lover and handler who may still have the hots for her; (2) Coblenz (Michael Douglas), high-level Fed who may or may not be on Mallory’s side; (3) Aaron (Channing Tatum), former colleague of Mallory’s who has a boner for her, too; (4) Rodrigo (Antonio Banderas), past employer of Mallory’s who might be a baddie; and (5) Paul (Michael Fassbender), Mallory’s latest contact who might have a secret or two up his sleeve. <br /><br />And then there’s the only true innocent in the whole bunch: Scott (Michael Angarano), who gets yanked into the fray when Mallory picks him up at a local diner - and not in that “let’s-go-home-and-fuck-each-other-senseless” way. More in that “do-you-have-a-car-because-I-need-to-get-the-fuck-out-of-Dodge” way. Just think of him as “The Girl” - he’s basically Franka Potente from THE BOURNE IDENTITY - but hotter and with a penis…<br /><br />THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Let’s not kid ourselves: Mallory’s got this one - all the way. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/hay.jpg" alt="Go, girl…"/><br /><br /><br />EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Gina Carano is pretty fine, yo. But the male beauty on parade here is staggering. Steven Soderbergh basically turned this into a belated Christmas present to chickz and gay dudez everywhere - because ALL the men are HOT: Channing Tatum, Ewan McGregor, Antonio Banderas, Michael Fassbender, Michael Douglas, Bill Paxton, Michael Angarano. The hottest guy (for yours truly, anyway) is Michael Angarano as the innocent dork who gets thrown into the deep end with Mallory. Then again, I have a thing for nerds - there’s so FUN to corrupt. So… this award, once again, goes to the Italians: Carano and Angarano. VIVA ITALIA!!!<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/haywire-gina-carano7.jpg" alt="Yay!"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/haywire-trailer-1.png" alt="Go, girl…"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/haywire-michael-angarano.jpg" alt="Yay!"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/haywire_michael_angarano.jpg" alt="Yay!"/><br /><br /><br /><br />MOST INTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Mallory putting the beat-down on Paul in their Dublin hotel room. Now that’s foreplay…<br /><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/haywire-gina-carano-michael-fassbender2.jpg" alt="Ouch!"/><br /><br /><br />MOST UNINTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Mallory putting the beat-down on Aaron over breakfast - then running off with Scott. YEAH!!!<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/Haywire-Clip-First-5-Minutes-Gina-Carano-vs-Channing-Tatum.jpg" alt="You want me, don‘t you?"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/Haywire-Trailer.jpg" alt="Yay!"/><br /><br /><br />HOTTEST SCENE: Mallory and Scott’s farewell. Awwwwwwwww….<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/hayy.jpg" alt="Same time, next year?"/> <br /><br /><br />INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Who betrayed Mallory and set her up? Aaron? Kenneth? Rodrigo? Coblenz? Paul? Someone else? What will she do when she finds out? And how long can Scott go on the run with her before he becomes another casualty? Will Mallory be able to protect him? Or is she the one that needs protection? Will her Dad be able to look out for her? Or is he another target, too? How will this all end? Put it this way: this is one chick I wouldn’t worry about. She’s got more testosterone in one butt-cheek than the entire NFL. <br /><br />WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “HAYWIRE”: If you like reasonably smart, entertaining action fests with believably tough female leads. <br /><br />WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “HAYWIRE”: If you want your actions thrillers to be more than just reasonably smart and entertaining - but also emotionally resonant and thematically distinctive. <br /><br />BUT, SERIOUSLY: At the beginning of our review, I joked about how Steven Soderbergh must have gotten tired of all the “Female Action Movies” that had lead actresses who weren’t believable as action figures. Seriously, though: I’m told that much of his motivation to direct HAYWIRE did stem from a desire to see a believably physical and tough woman front an action movie, for a change - and not your basic Hollywood Mega-Actress who might have the dramatic chops but not the “guns” to look believable in the role. Indeed, while Angelina Jolie sold her characters in the TOMB RAIDER films and SALT through the sheer power of her charisma, the fact remains she is far too diminutive to be 100% believable as an action heroine. We end up going along for the ride simply because of Jolie’s unique appeal. Ditto, for Charlize Theron in AEON FLUX, Jennifer Garner in ELEKTRA, and Halle Berry in DIE ANOTHER DAY.<br /><br />With HAYWIRE, we are dealing with a lead who is not a trained actress, but a trained mixed-martial arts/cage fighter. Unlike the actresses mentioned before, Gina Carano has the solid physicality to immediately convince you she is a lethal assassin. She moves like a dangerous jungle cat. But she’s more than just brawn alone - Soderbergh knew what he was doing by choosing her for his lead, because Carano also has a natural screen presence that keeps your eyes on her even when she’s not saying anything. She also delivers her hard-edged lines with enough conviction and cool fire to get you interested in her mission. Indeed, despite solid turns from the likes of Michael Fassbender, Ewan McGregor, Antonio Banderas, Michael Douglas, Channing Tatum, Michael Angarano, and Bill Paxton, Carano is the main reason HAYWIRE rates an above-average rating. <br /><br />But the reason it doesn’t rate any higher than that is because of Lemm Dobbs’ script. While it is a solid, zippy, and engaging actioner, HAYWIRE is also lacking the one necessary element that separates above-average films from the ones that are good or even better: heart. Dobbs and Soderbergh do not give Mallory any vulnerabilities that we can be concerned about - we never doubt that she’s going to get herself out of whatever bind that bad guys put her in. At some point, her relentless invulnerability becomes almost… Steven Seagal-like. Even Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) in the Bourne films had a hidden fragility stemming from his amnesia that, despite his crafty lethality, always kept us concerned for his fate. Not so with Mallory Kane - she’s 100% unfazed by anything. It’s all entertaining and engaging, but in the end it’s not enough.<br /><br />HAYWIRE does begin promisingly, though, with Mallory forced to go on the run with Scott, an innocent bystander played by Michael Angarano (in the film’s best performance after Carano’s) - and narrating to him everything that’s happened until that point (which we see in flashbacks). This promising Hitchcockian thread echoes similar elements in THE THIRTY-NINE STEPS, THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR, and THE BOURNE IDENTITY. Carano and Angarano have a nice chemistry that is both playful and sexy. There’s a telling moment at the beginning where Mallory is waiting for Aaron to arrive at the diner, and she sees Scott (for the first time) goofing around with his buddies at another table. She smiles this tiny smile at the sight of this stranger that speaks volumes - and hints at things to come for them. <br /><br />Indeed, the Mallory-Scott piece could’ve been HAYWIRE’s emotional center the way the Jason-Marie thread was the heart of THE BOURNE IDENTITY. In fact, it would’ve been even more interesting because of the gender-reversal of a tough woman having to look out for and protect a vulnerable male. Unfortunately, (SPOILER ALERT) Scott disappears from the action halfway through (don’t worry - he survives) and Mallory continues her mission on her own. After Angarano exits stage left, the rising promise of HAYWIRE stops abruptly - and we plateau with action scene after action scene after action scene, with very little character development in between. <br /><br />Soderbergh and Dobbs could’ve also given HAYWIRE some emotional heft by exploring Mallory’s connection to her tough military father played by Bill Paxton. But, as with the Mallory-Scott thread, this angle is shunted aside in favor of more fast-cut action scenes. The result is a movie that is just as cool, clinical, and emotionally-detached as its heroine. Soderbergh and Dobbs might’ve thought they were being fresh and original by creating a female action hero who’s just as remorseless and stone-cold as any male hero. In the end, though, they just created an interesting-but-flawed spin on the same old story.4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-12595994643422360712012-02-03T22:18:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.024-08:00RANDOM HILARIOUS YOUTUBE VIDEO - Spoof of THE DARK KNIGHT Interrogation Scene....And I thought I was the only one who couldn't figure out what the fuck Batman was saying half the time. Poor Joker - dude was just being honest...<br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/w2yv8aT0UFc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-68440762250363169142012-02-02T20:36:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.024-08:00# 426 - THE RECRUIT (2003)THE RECRUIT (2003 - THRILLER / ESPIONAGE) ***½ out of *****<br /><br />(Talk about a really strict school…) <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/therec-1.jpg" alt="I signed up for WHAT?!?!?!"/><br /><br />CAST: Al Pacino, Colin Farrell, Bridget Moynahan, Gabriel Macht, Kenneth Mitchell, Mike Realba. <br /><br />DIRECTOR: Roger Donaldson<br /><br />WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one REALLY SPOILER-FILLED TRAILER below - DO NOT WATCH if you don’t want to be SPOILED…<br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/-aqecRSJo3o" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br />IT’S LIKE THIS: Ah… the CIA. What would the Thriller Genre be without it? Sure, you could fall back on the FBI and DHS, but those guys are so… domestic, ya know? Your movie would be fine if it was set in NYC or LA, but what would you do if you have a thriller set in Rome? Or Tokyo? Or Zimbabwe? Or Manila? Or Kiev? Who’s going to be your hero/heroine? A dumb-ass tourist? A crazy ex-pat? Or even a wacky local? No, folks - you need an American CIA agent, goddamnit! Our next review is not only filled with CIA agents (and they’re all smokin’ hot - thank God), but it also shows how those “spooks” were created in the first place. We’ve seen FBI training in movies like FEDS and THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, but to my knowledge (which, admittedly, ain’t much) there’s never been a movie, comedy or thriller, that has detailed the rigorous (and I do mean ’rigorous’) training that the men and women of the CIA get. If I’m wrong, email me the title of the movie and I will send you an official Sarcasto beach towel. Can’t guarantee it won’t be used, though. Ha ha. <br /><br />Anyhow, our hot hero is James Clayton (Colin Farrell), who is a computer genius getting by as a bartender until his ship comes in. But just when it looks like the Dell Corp. (yes, that Dell Corp.) will buy one of his software designs, who should sweep into his life but the mysterious Walter Burke (Al Pacino). Burke works for the CIA and coyly hints to James that he has some info on how James’ dad really died years ago. As in: Mr. Clayton Sr. was, apparently, a CIA agent himself - and Walter believes that James also has the “secret agent” gene in him. Tantalized, James agrees to tell the Dell Corp. to go fuck themselves - and promptly joins a bunch of other CIA trainees at “The Farm”. Before you start thinking this is some utterly fucked-up Interagency training program between the CIA and the Bureau of Land Management, allow me to set you straight: “The Farm” is the CIA’s training facility for its agents. The same way the FBI has Quantico. The same way the Air Force has Lackland Air Force Base. The same way I have Chippendale’s and The Pussy Cat Lounge. I want my staff to be able to pole-dance on a dime, yo. <br /><br />But I digress. So, James winds up at the farm where he meets a bunch of over-competitive dipshits vying to be the American version of James Bond. Chief among them are: (1) Layla Moore (Bridget Moynahan), nuclear-hot brunette who has pouty lips you just want to suck on until dawn; and (2) Zack (Gabriel Macht), nuclear-hot blonde dude who has pouty lips you just want to suck on starting at dawn when you finally stop sucking on Layla’s lips. Where is this place, again? And how do I get in? Anyhow, James, Layla, and Zack are about to discover that “The Farm” truly lives up to its slogan: “In the CIA, Nothing Is What It Seems”. Cue the deception, betrayal, and murder. So much for the lip-sucking…<br /><br /><br />THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Well… I’m going to have to keep this one close to the chest... <br /><br />Is James our "savior"?<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/The_Recruit_12633_Medium.jpg" alt="Sexay"/><br /><br />Or is it Layla?<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/therecccxc.jpg" alt="Sexay"/><br /><br />Or is it Zack?<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/therecgabriel-macht-1.jpg" alt="Sexay"/><br /><br />Or is it Burke?<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/therecccv.jpg" alt="Sexay"/><br /><br />Or is it “Mr. Saturday Night?”<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/captain-america-the-first-avenger-movie-poster-1.jpg" alt="Sexay"/><br /><br />Cast your votes. Mine is on the last one. But then again I’m a horndog. <br /><br /><br />EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: See same pics above. If we were rating movies on Hotness Factor alone, this movie would nab a ****½. The only thing keeping it from rating a perfect ***** is because “Mr. Saturday Night” isn’t in it. Colin Farrell, Bridget Moynahan, and Gabriel Macht is one threesome I would gladly photograph and record. Then there’s Al Pacino, who is the Quintessential Italian Silver Fox. Win-win-win-win.<br /><br /><br />MOST INTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: James tracking the “mole” in downtown D.C. The chase is on!<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/therecs-1.jpg" alt="Yay!"/><br /><br /><br />MOST UNINTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: James strapping a polygraph sensor on Layla - and then asking her if she wants him to fuck her six ways from Sunday. Or something along those lines. We play this game at parties, too. Only we call it “How Many Shots Of Vodka Do You Have To Take Before You Will Do Anything I Tell You To?” <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/therecruit.jpg" alt="You want me, don‘t you?"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/The_Recruit_BRD.jpg" alt="You want me, don‘t you?"/><br /><br /><br />HOTTEST SCENE: James and Layla trying to make out in the CIA parking lot while trying to avoid the security cameras. Kin-KAY!!!<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/Recruit_234.jpg" alt="You like to watch, don‘t you?"/> <br /><br /><br />INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Will James, Layla, and Zack survive their “trial-by-fire” at “The Farm”? Or will one or more of them drop out? What kind of Machiavellian tactics does Burke and the other instructors have up their sleeves? What does Burke mean when he says in the CIA “nothing is what it seems”? Who of the class will end up becoming the coveted “NOC” - or “Non-Official Cover” which is basically the Valedictorian position? What happens when Walter tells James that someone very close to him is a mole? How can James help ferret this person out? And, as Burke himself would ask, is everything here what it seems? Only if you think the CIA is about as transparent as the local Girl Scouts chapter. <br /><br />WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “THE RECRUIT”: If you like reasonably well-made, fast-paced thrillers that combine suspense and sexiness in equal measure. And if you are fan of Al Pacino, Colin Farrell, Bridget Moynahan, or Gabriel Macht. <br /><br />WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “THE RECRUIT”: If you watched the trailer, then about 70% of this movie is already spoiled for you. If so, good luck - you may still like it. If not, you still have a chance to truly be surprised by it. <br /><br />BUT, SERIOUSLY: We’ve talked about in past reviews how some movies are not done any favors by their trailers. Sometimes, the trailers just don’t even begin to hint at how good the film they’re advertising is (CRUSH, GROWN-UPS). Other times, the trailers are fine, but are so chock-filled with SPOILERS that when you finally watch the film, there are hardly any surprises left (WHAT LIES BENEATH, MAN ON A LEDGE). Our latest review has a trailer that is an example of the latter. I was lucky enough to see THE RECRUIT without seeing any of its trailers, which preserved its twists and turns for me. The result? I was leaning forward the whole time - even as the story became more and more conventional as it hurtled towards its climax. <br /><br />I placed a warning near the trailer above so folks can have the option to skip it until they see the film. I am not kidding when I say that the trailer gives away A LOT. Because I don’t want to give away anything more, I will keep this analysis short and less detailed. <br /><br />THE RECRUIT is a solidly good film that starts out very intriguingly as it shows us the unusual training that aspiring CIA agents receive at “The Farm” - a real-life training facility for the Agency. It isn’t until the third act that THE RECRUIT starts to feel more and more like a conventional thriller. Had director Roger Donaldson (TOMORROW NEVER DIES, THE BANK JOB) managed to keep the fresh, bracing feel of the first two acts, THE RECRUIT might have rated **** or higher. To be fair, though, the third act is still pretty solid for a thriller. <br /><br />Al Pacino, Colin Farrell, Bridget Moynahan, and Gabriel Macht are all perfectly cast. Pacino manages to tone down his customary scenery-chewing here - at least until the climax - and make Walter Burke a nice combo of world-weariness and quick wits. Farrell complements him well as the wary James Clayton who hides a sharp mind under a cool surface. The gorgeous Moynahan (who looks like a cross between Sandra Bullock and Famke Janssen) gives Layla a somewhat feline ambiguity, making her both approachable and mysterious at the same time. Macht makes the most of his limited screen time, making Zack an effectively sunny “blonde” foil to James’ “dark” intensity. And, as I wrote above, these are some beautiful people. Talented, too….<br /><br />THE RECRUIT is a twisty, suspenseful thriller - but only if you skip the trailer. It’s a shame the studio couldn’t come up with a trailer that preserved the film’s secrets better. THE RECRUIT did well at the box-office when it first came out - but I have to wonder if it would’ve done better with a more mysterious trailer that kept its card closer to its chest. <br />We’ll never know…4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-81699208597412854442012-01-29T17:32:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.024-08:00REVIEW UPDATES: The Thrillers, Valentine's Celebration, and The Soccer Blog...Happy Sunday, folks! Hope everyone is doing great. It's been a short but eventful weekend. On that note, please note the following updates:<br /><br />1. With FERRIS BUELLER in the can, we are ready to start our Thriller Reviews. <br /><br />2. With the MLS season about to start, and the World Cup Qualifiers heating up, I will be spending more time on the Soccer Blog. Accordingly, I have to reduce our film reviews on this blog to two or three a week - one new film, and one or two general films. <br /><br />3. As such, please note our revised Thriller schedule. The reviews will start posting tomorrow and should all post by next weekend.<br /><br /># 426 - THE RECRUIT <br /><br /># 427 - HAYWIRE<br /><br /># 428 - THE FIRM<br /><br /># 429 - ENTRAPMENT<br /><br /># 430 - CELLULAR<br /><br /># 431 - THE GREY<br /><br />4. Once the Thrillers post, we begin our Valentine's Celebration, starting 2/6/12. We will be reviewing a dozen or so films (new and general) for the entire month of February - films that celebrate love in all its shapes and sizes. Love of lovers, love of family, love of friends, love of sport, love of cause and ideals, love of food, love of love. As a reminder, please see the Valentine sneak peeks below...<br /><br /><div style="width:480px; text-align: center;"><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" src="http://w1194.photobucket.com/pbwidget.swf?pbwurl=http%3A%2F%2Fw1194.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Faa366%2Fjadena1%2F170bef02.pbw" height="480" width="480"><a href="http://photobucket.com/slideshows" target="_blank"><img src="http://pic.photobucket.com/slideshows/btn.gif" style="float:left;border-width: 0;" ></a><a href="http://s1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/?action=view&current=170bef02.pbw" target="_blank"><img src="http://pic.photobucket.com/slideshows/btn_viewallimages.gif" style="float:left;border-width: 0;" ></a></div><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/GkkvlXeNM3w" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/vYrlYGe_YT4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/0utXWsKLOYQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/1W8igqK_QWU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/C2lQOhQ2es8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/b11veRAh-bE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/uaLSBdL-zCY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/JEuYaFRGatY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/zAMlwcJchoQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/7FoexC7gccQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/EmlNgKlHViY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/t0kY3ByzQfQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/xY5bKAHWHHQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/T2W0TeuHbJ0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br />Have a great evening, folks. Please expect all the Thriller reviews to post by Sunday - then we start our Valentine's celebration in full...4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-13966902332174310292012-01-29T12:44:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.025-08:00# 425 - FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF (1986)FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF (1986 - COMEDY) ****1/2 out of *****<br /><br />(Ferris Bueller - For President. Seriously…) <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/ferris-buellers-day-off-movie-poster-1-1.jpg" alt="Go, boyieeeee!!!"/><br /><br />CAST: Matthew Broderick, Alan Ruck, Mia Sara, Jeffrey Jones, Jennifer Grey, Cindy Pickett, Lyman Ward, Charlie Sheen.<br /><br />DIRECTOR: John Hughes<br /><br />WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one really awesome slacker genius - straight ahead…<br /><br /><iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/R-P6p86px6U" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br />IT’S LIKE THIS: We all know or have known at least one “Ferris Bueller” in our lifetime. You know: a guy who is impossibly clever, funny, charismatic, intelligent, creative, disarming, cute, unpredictable, exciting, and daring - and gets away with murder. My “Ferris Bueller” is my best friend “Forest Whitaker”, who would pull off such Machiavellian shit without so much as breaking a sweat - and have everyone eating out of his hands afterwards. I could only stand at the back of the room, shaking my head while thinking, “Amazing. Fu-cking amazing.” If he could bottle that “X-Factor” and sell it, he’d make a trillion dollars - easy. <br /><br />The real Ferris Bueller is the hero of our latest review. He looks at lot like Matthew Broderick, and on one particular day, decides to play hookie from school by feigning sickness. The movie helpfully points out the best way to snow your parents into letting you stay home. See below: <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/Ferris1.jpg" alt="Are you paying attention!!!"/><br /><br />Needless to say, Mom and Dad Bueller (Cindy Pickett and Lyman Ward) fall for it like Carrie Bradshaw going for the last half-off pair of sapphire rhinestone-glitter strappy Manolo Blahniks on the sale table. And just like that, our boy Ferris has got 10-12 hours of potentially awesome skating (not literally, although that is an option) ahead of him. He recruits best pal Cameron Frye (Alan Ruck), who (in an ironic twist) is actually sick, and together they snatch Ferris’ gal Sloane Petersen (Mia Sara) outta school - and set their mischievous sights on the Windy City. <br /><br />Not so fast, though, because Ferris’ two nemeses are hot on this trail to bust his shit wide open: (1) Jeannie Bueller (Jennifer Grey), Ferris’ jealous spiteful sister; and (2) Mr. Rooney (Jeffrey Jones), high school principal/douchebag who has been chasing Ferris for years - and just might nab him now. The chase is on!<br /><br />THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Believe it or not, Jeannie. And that’s all I’m going to say. Go, girl. Talk about hidden layers…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/ferrisjenn.png" alt="Go, girl!"/><br /><br /><br />EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Everyone in this flick is hot. My special favorite, though, is Alan Ruck - who’s got that sweet nerd thing going….<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/ferrrrs.jpg" alt="Sexay"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/ferrrs.jpg" alt="Sexay"/><br /><br /><br />MOST INTENTIONALLY HILARIOUS SCENE: Oh, where the hell do I start? Ferris stealing Cameron’s dad’s Ferrari? Our trio crashing an art museum? A hoity-toity restaurant? The stock exchange? The Sears Building? A downtown Chicago parade? They’re all winners!<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/ferris.jpg" alt="Yay!"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/ferris-bueller-2.jpg" alt="Yay!"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/FerrisBuellersDayOff.jpg" alt="Yay!"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/ferrisssss.jpg" alt="Yay!"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/ferriss.jpg" alt="Yay!"/><br /><br /><br />MOST UNINTENTIONALLY HILARIOUS SCENE: Jeannie’s scene with The Actor Who Will Go On To Star On TWO AND A HALF MEN - Then Leave It Abruptly. And the scene at the very end where Jeannie saves Ferris’ ass. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/ferris_bueller_jennifer_grey_and_charlie_sheen.jpg" alt="Are you serious, bitch?"/><br /><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/ferris-buellers-day-1986-paramount-pictures-matthew-broderick-43886.jpg" alt="Are you serious, bitch?"/><br /><br /><br />HOTTEST SCENE: Sorry, but I have to go for Ferris‘ shower scene where he… well, I‘m not sure what he‘s doing but he obviously doesn‘t want us to see it. So it has to be naughty! <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/ferrissssss.jpg" alt="Whatcha doin‘, Ferris?"/> <br /><br /><br />INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Will Ferris, Cameron, and Sloane have a crazy day of illicit fun in the Windy City? Or will someone see them on the street and report them to Rooney? Or will Rooney catch them himself? And what will he do if he does? What about Ferris’ parents? Will they catch on to his schtick? Or will he live to play hookie another day? How will this “day off” end? And the most important question of all: where is that sequel? <br /><br />WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “FERRIS BUELLER‘S DAY OFF”: If you like youth comedies that are just as clever, funny, quirky, and intelligent as their lead character. If so, you are in for sooooooo much fun.<br /><br />WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “FERRIS BUELLER‘S DAY OFF”: If you have a hard time sitting through “youth” comedies and prefer “mature” fare. If so, you’re loss…<br /><br />BUT, SERIOUSLY: Just as smart, funny, irreverent, and unpredictable as its hero, FERRIS BUELLER DAY’S OFF is a one-of-a-kind film. It’s a lot more mature and intelligent than your average teen comedy. Not surprising since its director, John Hughes, was also responsible for THE BREAKFAST CLUB, PRETTY IN PINK, and SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL. While Hughes was also responsible for more juvenile (but still good) fare like SIXTEEN CANDLES and WEIRD SCIENCE, he is also notable for adding surprisingly serious and somber threads to his latter films like the first three mentioned above. FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF is a nice combination of these two categories. <br /><br />It was crucial to have the right actor play Ferris. You can’t just have someone who’s very handsome, because looks are only skin deep, and Ferris is more than just another cute face. The right actor also has to be boyish, intelligent, funny, creative, subversive, and have the perfect amount of swagger. In casting Matthew Broderick, Hughes found the perfect actor for this unique character. Broderick makes the role his own, and instantly elevates it to iconic status. Broderick as Ferris charms us just as he does everyone onscreen. <br /><br />He is complemented nicely by Alan Ruck as the far less vibrant, more subdued Cameron Frye. Ruck has an unconventionally handsome face that further helps give Cameron some welcome quirkiness. Ruck also nicely pulls off some semi-dramatic moments later in the film. It really helps that he and Broderick are very believable as best friends - and sell the relationship with their brotherly chemistry. Then there’s Mia Sara, who is just as good as Sloane Petersen, Ferris’ girlfriend who is just as free-wheeling as him. Sara’s slightly-exotic, dark-eyed beauty is a nice match for Broderick’s, and she turns Sloane into a very fresh and welcome “Third Musketeer”. <br /><br />Of the supporting cast, the most important roles are Mr. Rooney, Ferris’ nemesis, and Jeannie, Ferris’s sister who envies Ferris’ “X-Factor”. Both roles are perfectly cast. Jeffrey Jones makes Rooney hissable, but also somewhat sympathetic - after all, he’s just doing his job (even if he goes to extreme lengths to do it). The result is a fine adversary for the wily and talented Ferris. Jennifer Grey also has some great scenes as Jeannie, and gives her character some unexpected shadings, especially at the very end where she must choose between throwing her brother under the bus - or saving him. She also has a great scene with a “bad boy” played by Charlie Sheen in a hilarious early role. Good work here from both Jones and Grey (and Sheen). <br /><br />Lyman Ward and Cindy Pickett are suitably clueless as Ferris’ oblivious parents, but in the end, this movie belongs to the titular character himself - and his two partners-in-crime. Their day-long adventures in downtown Chicago are cinematic and comic gold. Whether crashing an art museum, a ritzy restaurant, or huge parade, Ferris, Cameron, and Sloane’s shenanigans are filled with that special energy you get when you’re around some really fun people and have a short amount of time to burn with them. A lot of these scenes, just like the movie they grace, are now iconic. And deservedly so. <br /><br />Few movies, before or after, capture the power and vibrancy of youth as FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF does. Perhaps it’s just as well that a sequel (Ferris in college or in the workforce) never materialized. Because how do you top this? <br /><br />In closing, please find below the amusing Super Bowl teaser for this year that had people mistakenly thinking there was a FERRIS BUELLER sequel coming. Ha ha. Go, Ferris:<br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/DEGlwYrPQVU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/wtrBJ64vaxY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br />Oh, and speaking of "special days": HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO GIANLUIGI BUFFON! The Juventus keeper turned 34 yesterday! Go, G.G.!4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-81265729468717533692012-01-28T15:54:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.025-08:00# 424 - HUMPDAY (2009)HUMPDAY (2009 - COMEDY) *** out of *****<br /><br />(Wait… what? You guys are going to do WHAT!?!?!) <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/humpday09-5-19-1.jpg" alt="Really? REALLY!?!?"/><br /><br />CAST: Mark Duplass, Joshua Leonard, Alycia Delmore, Lynn Shelton, Trina Willard. <br /><br />DIRECTOR: Lynn Shelton<br /><br />WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one really compelling reason not too drink too much around your drinking buddies - straight ahead…<br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/tMr_LQDlYH8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br />IT’S LIKE THIS: You’re all familiar with the term “Designated Driver”, right? Someone who purposefully doesn’t drink so that he/she can keep all the drunk fuckers at the party from killing themselves on their way home? Well, someone should amend the “Party Constitution Manual” to expand the duties/responsibilities of the “Designated Driver”. Specifically, those chosen for this hallowed position should also look out for their inebriated comrades AT the party - not just when driving them home AFTER. As in: monitor their drunken conversations to ensure they don’t end up making outlandishly asinine dares such as the one at the center of our next review, the indie darling HUMPDAY. And I assure the movie isn’t about “Wednesday”. If it were, we wouldn’t need a “designated driver”.<br /><br />Our “heroes” are two former college buds: (1) Ben (Mark Duplass), sane-and-settled Seattle yuppie who is trying to start a family with his wife Anna (Alycia Delmore); and (2) Andrew (Joshua Leonard), stoned-and-soused hippie who thinks he’s still an undergraduate and has no intentions of settling down - ever, apparently. Ben’s world is all fine until Andrew comes trekking back into it. And before you know it, the buttoned-up Ben is hanging out again with Andrew and a bunch of hipster lesbos - and slammin’ back lots of judgement-impairing alcohol. Which leads to the reason why they should’ve had a designated driver with them that night…<br /><br />You see, in the middle of their drunken stupor, Ben and Andrew hear about some amateur porn film festival called, ahem, “Humpfest”. And being drunk, stupid characters in a “clever“ indie film, they hit on the idea of making a movie of them… having sex. Their hook? Simple: “Two straight guys having sex is beyond gay!” Um, yes, it is. It is idiotic. Ben and Andrew somehow think this shit is actually original, novel, and will win them the top prize at, ahem, “Humpfest“. Completely overlooking the fact that two pale, tubby, okay-looking, hetero white guys porking each other is about as erotic as watching a blind person devein a shrimp. And about as awkward, too. It’s not like these guys are GQ models or anything like that. That would be a different story. Very different.<br /><br />THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: The guys are so busy trying to prove who’s the bigger stud (stupid men), to realize the colossal blunder they are planning. So its up to Anna to try and talk some sense into these chuckleheads. Good luck, girl. You’ll need it. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/HumpdayStill3.jpg" alt="Stupid White Males!"/><br /><br /><br />EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Mark Duplass, Joshua Leonard, and Alycia Delmore are reasonably attractive. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/humpday_filmstill3-1-1.jpg" alt="Sexay?"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/humpday-star.jpg" alt="Sexay?"/><br /><br />MOST INTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Anna discovering the true details of Ben and Andrew’s, ahem, project…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/Humpday-2009-Alycia-Delmore-Joshua-Leonard-pic-6.jpg" alt="No. Way."/><br /><br /><br />MOST UNINTENTIONALLY HILARIOUS SCENE: Ben and Andrew trying to “suck face” for the first time. That shit is enough to make Elton John go straight…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/Humpday-Movie-Review.jpg" alt="Are you serious, bitch?"/><br /><br /><br />HOTTEST SCENE: Um… none. Really. After watching this movie, I’m ready to fly to L.A. and party hardy at the Playboy Mansion. If you know what I mean. Or call up Chris Evans’ Twin for an intervention. Seriously. <br /><br /><br />INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Will Ben and Andrew, two Grade-A straighties, go through with this colossally stupid idea? Who the hell wants to see two thoroughly-ordinary-looking heteros fuck each other? It’s not like we’re taking about Sam Worthington and Gerard Butler here. Will Anna put a stop to this nonsense? Or will Ben and Andrew just run roughshod over her? What are their motivations, anyway? Is one or both of them a closet case - and is using the movie as an excuse to explore his sexuality? And what happens when “Humpday” finally arrives? Will they both get it up? Or is someone going to have to chug a Viagra shake? Who cares. I’m going to fuck Chris Evan’s Twin’s brains out now to erase the memory of this movie. <br /><br />WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “HUMPDAY”: If you like talky, quirky, reasonably funny, but also somewhat overrated indie flicks. If so, pull up a chair…<br /><br />WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “HUMPDAY”: If you don’t like talky, quirky, reasonably funny, but also somewhat overrated indie flicks. If so, pull out of this one and stick it in a big, expensive studio movie instead. <br /><br />BUT, SERIOUSLY: An audience darling at the 2009 Sundance 2009 Film Festival (where it won the Audience Award) HUMPDAY was mostly well-received during its release. I didn’t see this film until last year, when a reader recommended it as a review. Based on all the positive critiques and word-of-mouth, it was easy to believe that HUMPDAY was a modern comedy classic. The reality is very different. Is HUMPDAY a good movie? In my opinion, not quite. It’s definitely far from being a bad movie, and broaches some very intriguing ideas. Unfortunately, like other elements in the film, it is half-baked and not fully realized - and doesn’t quite live up to all the hoopla surrounding it. <br /><br />My main issue with HUMPDAY is the same quibble I had with THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (another interesting but flawed film): it is largely improv. Now, improv can yield some truly inspired comic and/or dramatic gold - but it can also lead to some endless and unfocused meanderings. This was very true of BLAIR WITCH, which had tension and suspense that was constantly being undercut by some unfocused scenes and improv dialogue on the part of its performers. The same thing occurs in HUMPDAY - much of the dialogue of the characters in HUMPDAY is made up on the spot, and while it does occasionally lend the film some depth and amusement, it also goes on far too long than necessary. Instead of feeling as if you’re watching characters interacting, you instead get the sense of actors being unleashed to do their thing - and it actually takes away somewhat from the naturalism of the film. Ironically, for all of HUMPDAY’s “mumblecore” unadorned pedigree, you can’t help but feel you are watching just another “stagey” movie. <br /><br />The actors themselves are competent. Unfortunately, I just don’t think they delivered any convincing characters - but, rather, were only giving endless speeches. There’s a difference between creating a full-blooded, three-dimensional, unique character - and just making up lines that are purportedly interesting. Alycia Delmore as Anna fares better than Mark Duplass and Joshua Leonard as Ben and Andrew, primarily because we can totally relate to her disbelief at what her husband and his best friend are attempting to do. It’s only later when she calmly lets them do as they please “to get it out of your system” that Anna starts to appear as contrived as Ben and Andrew.<br /><br />This lack of actual written dialogue may be the reason why it’s hard to buy into Ben and Andrew’s dare. I understand that males can be irrationally competitive at times, but two straight men reluctant to be the first to back down from a drunken bet to sleep with each other (especially when one of them is married and starting a family) is simply ridiculous. And while Duplass and Leonard are decent actors, they do not quite get us to suspend our disbelief and buy into Ben and Andrew’s motivations. Towards the end of the film, Ben does provide something of an explanation when he talks about a surprisingly powerful same-sex attraction he had to a male video store clerk when he first moved to the big city. This is ostensibly supposed to provide the impetus for Ben to pursue the “Humpfest” project with Ben - to find out if he has any secret desires for men. Unfortunately, because of the lack of a carefully crafted script, it feels like something pulled out of mid-air and not a motivation organic to the plot. In the end, it’s just another bit of improv.<br /><br />I have to state again that HUMPDAY is not a bad film, or even average one. It is an interesting but flawed one - proof that just because you have a clever idea, doesn’t mean you automatically have a good film. You also must have the right execution. And in my opinion, they should’ve used an actual written script and jettisoned the improv.4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-84165150309810668442012-01-27T21:10:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.025-08:00RANDOM HILARIOUS YOUTUBE VIDEO - Behind The Scenes of THE PROPOSAL...Hiya, folks...<br /><br />Remember that classic "I Love You/I Hate You/I Love You" romantic comedy THE PROPOSAL (review # 369)? Well, a loyal viewer just alerted me to the hilarious behind-the-scenes spoof of stars Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, and Betty White going at it like a bunch of spoiled divas. Check out the vid below. Even funnier than the MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA spoof. <br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/aVN5lvZV5oc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br />Ha ha ha. Damn. Ryan got owned by the girlz... And not in that good way.4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-8097746243252042292012-01-27T16:55:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.025-08:00REVIEW UPDATE: HUMPDAY & FERRIS BUELLER....Hello, all...<br /><br />Happy Friday! We made it to the weekend - finally. We were supposed to have been waist-deep in our Thriller Reviews by now, but it's been a busy week for the Soccer Blog (and other social engagements), and so all my energies have been focused on those avenues. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/humpday09-5-19.jpg" alt="Really? REALLY!?!?"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/ferris-buellers-day-off-movie-poster-1.jpg" alt="Really? REALLY!?!?"/><br /><br />However, please note that the reviews for HUMPDAY and FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF will both post tomorrow. Then we start our Thriller Reviews, beginning with THE RECRUIT, ENTRAPMENT, and THE FIRM. Others to follow. <br /><br />Thanks for understanding. It's been a "molto-particulare" week. In other words, "one of a kind" - but in a very good way.<br /><br />Ciao, folks...4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-25679352507238643912012-01-22T11:18:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.025-08:00Arise, Sir David, MLS Savior, and (*update*) Juventus, Serie A 2011-2012 Winter Champs......Happy Sunday, folks...<br /><br />It's been a terrific weekend for various reasons, which is why I haven't gotten HUMPDAY and FERRIS BUELLER'S OFF DAY posted yet. Please expect them to go up tonight when we get back in. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/beckham1REX_468x5921.jpg"> <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/David-Beckham-LA-Galaxy-2011.jpg"> <br /><br />And while I know I've decided to separate all soccer, Sounders, and World Cup-related matters to the other blog, I can't resist posting a little tribute to Sir David Beckham here. I posted a tribute and celebratory post on the soccer blog to commemorate his decision to give the finger to Paris-St. Germain - and remain here in the U S of A. And now I'm finally posting a similar (if a lot shorter) tribute to him here on this movie review blog. <br /><br />I don't have to tell you how important it is for American soccer to have this brilliant, unique individual in our folds, especially on the eve of the MLS 2012 season kickoff in March... We were genuinely concerned that Becks would actually go to to France. Turns out we have nothing to worry about - for the next two years, anyway. <br /><br />But let the images of this brilliant man speak for themselves:<br /><br /><iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/lgM4xR4f0ak" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br />Cheers, Becks. See you at CenturyLink Field this season. Give me some great pictures like you did last season...<br /><br />UPDATE: And to fellow Juventus fans back in Italy and around the World, congrats on Juve being the Winter Champs for the Serie A 2011-2012 season, which is the half-way mark title. This is a good sign because, historically, the teams that won the Winter Champs title, went on to win the Scudetto (Serie A version of the MLS Cup). After Napoli, Inter-Milan, and Roma, Juventus is my next fave team, which along with Becks' decision to stay Stateside, makes this month a great time in soccer, both domestic and international.<br /><br />A tribute to La Vecchia Signora, AKA The Old Lady (Juventus's nickname as one of the oldest football clubs in Italy)...<br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/UWck1ti-GHI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-86447299086270388022012-01-19T20:28:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.026-08:00UPCOMING REVIEWS FOR 1/23/12 - 2/3/12Evening, folks...<br /><br />Hope everyone's doing great thus far, and having a blast. We're right on schedule with our film reviews. I still owe you folks HUMPDAY and FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF for this week. Yup, our list changed a bit because I pulled BELLA and MONEYBALL to save them for the Valentine's Celebration for most of the month of February. They're great examples of "Love of Sports" movies. <br /><br />Speaking of the Month of Love, the last two weeks of January will be devoted to... thrillers. Since most of February will be devoted to movies about love in all its shapes and sizes, we have to get all the adrenaline out of our system. I've chosen a bunch of thrillers, mostly recommendations with a couple of personal favorites, to also mark the release of THE GREY and HAYWIRE in theaters and ABDUCTION on DVD. Yup. Once we get the thrills and chills out of our system, we'll be ready for a month of Amore. <br /><br />Please see our Thriller Schedule for the next two weeks below:<br /><br /><div style="width:480px; text-align: center;"><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" src="http://w1194.photobucket.com/pbwidget.swf?pbwurl=http%3A%2F%2Fw1194.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Faa366%2Fjadena1%2Ffebe6415.pbw" height="480" width="480"><a href="http://photobucket.com/slideshows" target="_blank"><img src="http://pic.photobucket.com/slideshows/btn.gif" style="float:left;border-width: 0;" ></a><a href="http://s1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/?action=view&current=febe6415.pbw" target="_blank"><img src="http://pic.photobucket.com/slideshows/btn_viewallimages.gif" style="float:left;border-width: 0;" ></a></div><br /><br /># 426 - THE RECRUIT (AKA: If All CIA Agents Looked Like Colin Farrell And Bridget Moynahan, I Would Gladly Be A Bad Guy Just So They Could Frisk Me)<br /><br /># 427 - CELLULAR (AKA: Jason Statham And Chris Evans In One Movie - I Think I Just Died And Went To A "Happy Ending" Sauna)<br /><br /># 428 - THE FIRM (AKA: Goddamn That Fucking Placement Office)<br /><br /># 429 - ENTRAPMENT (AKA: Catherine Zeta Jones In A Catsuit - Partay!)<br /><br /># 430 - THE GREY (AKA: More Reasons Not To Fly Anywhere North of Seattle)<br /><br /># 431 - ABDUCTION (AKA: Taylor Lautner Plays A Bastard - No, He's Literally A Bastard, As In: An Illegitimate Spawn)<br /><br /># 432 - HAYWIRE (AKA: Jason Bourne - With Tits)<br /><br /># 433 - THE CLIENT (AKA: Susan Sarandon - Best. Lawyah. Evah.)<br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/-aqecRSJo3o" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/7DKQh59_yCo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/71qhx1LlHAY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/zMmE8RLieiA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/VRWF4cepn8U" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/0i78UBHpGbg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/qCyuHpNacmw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Hwcys2PUtsA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br />Please expect the reviews for HUMPDAY and FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF to post sometime this weekend. Have a great one, folks!4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-84097741435864434532012-01-19T19:28:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.026-08:00# 423 - THE PELICAN BRIEF (1993)THE PELICAN BRIEF (1993 - THRILLER / MYSTERY) *** out of *****<br /><br />(So… is this flick about a bird‘s underwear?) <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thepelicanbrief.jpg" alt="Ooopsie?"/><br /><br />CAST: Julia Roberts, Denzel Washington, Sam Shepard, Tony Goldwyn, John Lithgow, Robert Culp, Stanley Tucci, Cynthia Nixon, Jake Weber, Hume Cronyn, Ralph Cosham. <br /><br />DIRECTOR: Alan J. Pakula<br /><br />WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one really fucked-up way to be proven right - straight ahead…<br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/4k9bqqLUge0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br />IT’S LIKE THIS: In one night, two Supreme Court Justices, Justices Rosenberg (Hume Cronyn) and Jensen (Ralph Cosham) are brutally iced. Given that one was a conservative Republican (Rosenberg) who was older than mold with one foot in the grave, and the other (Jensen) was a middle-aged Democrat who liked to secretly frequent gay porno theaters (in fact, he is killed in one), it’s safe to say their social circles didn’t exactly overlap, know what I’m sayin’? So why would an assassin kill those particular two? What did they have in common that made them targets? While the FBI and the rest of Washington DC go into conniption fits over the assassinations and try to find out who was behind them, someone 1,000 miles away in New Orleans has already done their fucking jobs for them.<br /><br />She is Darby Shaw (Julia Roberts), a brilliant and driven Tulane University law student who has a flash of inspiration after the murders - and writes a lengthy speculative paper explaining who ordered the hits and why. She dubs this saga as, ahem, “The Pelican Brief”, for reasons that you will find out if you see the movie. Anyhow, Darby passes the brief on to her professor/lover Thomas Callahan (Sam Shephard) - who then passes it on as a joke to FBI pal Gavin Verheek (John Heard), who then passes it on up to his higher-ups, who then pass it on to the… the President (Robert Culp).<br /><br />Bad move. Because it turns out that whoever ordered the killings of Justices Rosenberg and Jensen is very well-connected - and very powerful. Before you can say “Run, Julia, Run!” Thomas is killed in a car bombing that Darby herself barely manages to escape. It appears that someone wants anyone who’s read “The Pelican Brief” to be a thing of the past - including the author herself. Especially the author herself. After lots of THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR-like shenanigans and perils, Darby hooks up with Washington Post reporter Gray Grantham (Denzel Washington), and together they try to figure who hates Darby’s theory enough to kill her for it. Damn, Darby, what the fuck did you write in that thing? <br /><br />THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Gray and Darby, I guess. They’re the only ones doing anything to figure out what the hell is going on. Everyone else just wants ‘em dead. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thepell.jpg" alt="Nancy Drew and friend!"/><br /><br /><br />EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: It‘s the Julia and Denzel show - make no mistake…. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/The_Pelican_Brief_42761_Medium.jpg" alt="Sexay…"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/The_Pelican_Brief_42763_Medium.jpg" alt="Sexay…"/><br /><br /><br />MOST INTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: The final parking gargage chase scene where the assassins chase Darby and Gray, just after they’ve uncovered proof of the conspiracy, is the closest thing this movie has to an outright climax - therefore it’s the most exciting, if only by default. Oh, and the scene where Darby and Gray break the story of the, uh, “bird brief”.<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/pelican1-1.jpg" alt="Confluence."/><br /><br /><br />MOST UNINTENTIONALLY HILARIOUS SCENE: That dipshit assassin Khamel (Stanley Tucci) getting a dose of his own medicine when Darby’s “guardian angel” assassin crashes their party…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thepel.gif" alt="Are you serious, bitch?"/><br /><br /><br />HOTTEST SCENE: Any time Julia is called upon to convey the kaleidoscope of emotions going through Darby - without a single word and just using her face. This. Woman. Rocks. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/pelicanqq-1-1.jpg" alt="Hawt!"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/pelicannn-1.png" alt="Hawt!"/<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/The-Pelican-Brief-julia-roberts-27792081-960-540-1.jpg" alt="Hawt!"/<br /><br /><br />INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: What the hell is in “The Pelican Brief”? What kind of a shit-storm has Darby started with her (apparently) dead-on speculations? And who is behind the whole thing? A powerful friend of the President’s? If so, is the President himself a baddie? And if he is, what hope does Darby have of surviving this thing? Can Gray help her? Or is he part of the conspiracy, too? Will the assassins eventually catch up with Darby? If so, how will she outwit them? And why didn’t she just take the brief to the NATIONAL ENQUIRER instead? Because assassins wouldn’t dare go after paparazzi. It would wind up in all the papers, you see…<br /><br /><br />WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “THE PELICAN BRIEF”: If you like conspiracy-chase legal thrillers based on bestselling books. And if you like Julia, Denzel, and author John Grisham. <br /><br />WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “THE PELICAN BRIEF”: If you don’t care for conspiracy-chase legal thrillers and prefer to see Roberts in lighter fare like PRETTY WOMAN, RUNAWAY BRIDE, AMERICA’S SWEETHEARTS, and SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY. Kidding about that last one… <br /><br />BUT, SERIOUSLY: I first read John Grisham’s bestselling thriller “The Pelican Brief” not long after its publication in 1992. Hot off the mega-success of his previous novel “The Firm”, Grisham once again hit the bull’s eye with this story about a too-brilliant-for-her-own-good law student who correctly deduces the motive and perpetrator behind the high-profile assassinations of two Supreme Court Justices, and must go on the run to not only stay alive, but also prove that she’s right. From reading the heroine’s physical description the book, I couldn’t help but think Grisham had written the role of Darby Shaw with Roberts in mind. Whether or not this is the case, it’s a good thing she took the role because she elevates this film with her star power. <br /><br />I write “elevates” because without Julia Roberts, THE PELICAN BRIEF would’ve been an average film. Suffice it to say, I was somewhat disappointed when I finally saw the cinematic version of the novel that I thoroughly enjoyed. I love Hitchcockian chase thrillers, and the novel was a solidly good example of one. On the surface, THE PELICAN BRIEF looks like it can’t miss: (1) Alan J. Pakula (director of such classics as ALL THE PRESIDENT’S MEN, KLUTE, and PRESUMED INNOCENT) at the helm; (2) Roberts and Denzel Washington as her co-lead; and (3) a solid supporting cast consisting of Sam Shepard, John Heard, Stanley Tucci, John Lithgow, Robert Culp, Tony Goldwyn, and a young Cynthia Nixon, pre-SEX AND THE CITY. <br /><br />Unfortunately, the kinetic energy of the book is replaced by a broodingly-slow pace that might’ve been welcome in another kind of thriller, but somehow doesn’t feel right for this “race-to-stay-alive” story. Scenes that came across as tense and exciting on book and script page somehow feel muted and lackluster onscreen. To be sure, there are still a few suspenseful setpieces here, such as Khamel the assassin going after Gavin Verheek, and the final confrontation (as such) in the parking garage between Darby, Gray, and the killers on their trail. But these are too few and far between. Most of the time, we get a whole slew of perfunctory sequences of Darby being chased by nameless thugs, or she and Gray going about their investigation in mechanical manner. <br /><br />I’m not sure what to attribute this lethargic feel to THE PELICAN BRIEF except Pakula must have specifically aspired to it. Sadly, Pakula was killed in a bizarre car accident years ago, and I certainly respect the man’s talent. After all, he gave us ALL THE PRESIDENT’S MEN, KLUTE, and PRESUMED INNOCENT. Like those films, THE PELICAN BRIEF is a thriller. Unlike those films, however, THE PELICAN BRIEF is a chase thriller. As such, it needed a more galvanizing, and less somber, feel. Think of THREE DAYS OF A CONDOR from 1974, which was the right blend of cerebral and visceral. Director Sydney Pollack made that movie a memorably energetic thriller that didn’t short-change the audience’s intelligence. Pollack would go on to repeat this winning combo with THE FIRM (1993 - the same year as THE PELICAN BRIEF and also from a Grisham novel) and THE INTERPRETER (2005). <br /><br />Indeed, if you want to see the kind of directorial approach THE PELICAN BRIEF should have received, just watch THE FIRM (review coming next week) and see how Pollack manages to not only combine suspense and action, but also humor and humanity. Unfortunately, THE PELICAN BRIEF doesn’t have enough of these elements to allow it to reach THE FIRM’s level of quality. I often wonder how THE PELICAN BRIEF would’ve turned out if Sydney Pollack had directed it. Again, I’m a deep admirer of Alan J. Pakula’s talents, and I certainly mourn his passing like all film lovers, but I just feel his handling of THE PELICAN BRIEF was not the most ideal one. <br /><br />Why, then, does THE PELICAN BRIEF manage to rate *** (above average). As I wrote before, two words: Julia. Roberts. Prior to THE PELICAN BRIEF, Roberts had done mostly comedies and dramas, and only starred in two other thrillers: the flawed-but-interesting FLATLINERS (1990) and SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY (1991). Coming straight off PRETTY WOMAN, Roberts proved in these flicks that she was more than just a comedy actress and could also do “serious and scared” compellingly. There are moments in both FLATLINERS and SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY where Roberts holds the screen and our attention with her expressions alone - revealing more about her characters’ emotional states than ten pages of dialogue. <br /><br />She does the same thing in THE PELICAN BRIEF with Darby Shaw, beautifully. Some great examples to look for: (1) Darby’s reaction when Thomas is first killed in the car bombing; (2) her realization in the Emergency Room that his death was not an accident - and she was supposed to die, as well; (3) Darby hiding in the hotel room, trying to control her panic; (4) Darby’s reaction when she discovers that Gray’s contact at the law firm has been killed, and her ensuing “breakdown”; and (5) her farewell look to Gray at the end. <br /><br />If there was ever proof of star power being able to save a movie from average-dom, it’s Roberts’ emotionally compelling turn in THE PELICAN BRIEF. As it is, Roberts manages to do this even when the script shunts Darby to the side for extended periods of time while it follows the uninteresting machinations of most of the male supporting characters (including Gray - more on that below). Imagine how much more stunning Eoberts could’ve been - and how much better THE PELICAN BRIEF would be - if Darby was the main focus of the story for most of the running time. That’s another reason why THE FIRM is a superior film to THE PELICAN BRIEF - in the former, we spend more time in the lead character’s shoes and get caught up in his dilemma. <br /><br />Another reason THE PELICAN BRIEF isn’t as energetic as it can be is a rather bland performance from Denzel Washington. Anyone who reads this blog knows I’m a fan of the guy. But, as I’ve mentioned in previous Washington film reviews, I find him more interesting when he’s playing flawed, imperfect characters. When he plays “goodie-goodie” type of heroes (as in THE BOOK OF ELI), I tune out. Here, he is playing such a guy: someone who is not only perfect, but boringly-so. I didn’t feel this way about the character in the book, so I can only surmise it’s Washington’s “Knight-In-Shining-Armor” approach to the role - or Pakula’s direction of him. In any case, THE PELICAN BRIEF would’ve been a stronger thriller with a “rougher-edged” reporter as its co-lead. Think of Russell Crowe’s dynamic character in STATE OF PLAY - that’s how Gray should’ve been played. Or even just casting Laurence Fishburne in the role - he always seems to have an element of dangerous unpredictability to him, no matter how nice his character is.<br /><br />Ultimately, THE PELICAN BRIEF is a curiously restrained chase thriller (there’s a contradiction in terms) that is enlivened by Julia Roberts’ sheer charisma and “X-Factor“. Without her, I don’t know how enjoyable this film would’ve been. No disrespect to the talented late Mr. Pakula. Just keeping it real.4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-68467158387575347812012-01-18T12:45:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.026-08:00# 422 - CONTRABAND (2012)CONTRABAND (2012 - ACTION / THRILLER) ***1/2 out of *****<br /><br />(Damn - is it that easy to get ahold of a bunch of counterfeit money?) <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/contraband-poster.jpg" alt="Spare a million dollars?"/><br /><br />CAST: Mark Wahlberg, Kate Beckinsale, Giovanni Ribisi, Ben Foster, J.K. Simmons, Caleb Landry Jones, David O‘Hara, Lukas Haas, Diego Luna. <br /><br />DIRECTOR: Baltasar Kormakur<br /><br />WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some rather unpleasant Panamanian vacations - straight ahead.<br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/dFOBpZcJh1M" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br />IT’S LIKE THIS: Just when reformed contraband (get it?) smuggler Chris Farraday (Mark Wahlberg) thought he’d left the bad life behind, he gets sucked back into it when his dipshit brother-in-law Andy (Caleb Landry Jones) does the very thing Chris told him not to do: “running” for slimy scumbag crime kingpin Tim Briggs, Chris’ former crony. One of Andy’s jobs for Tim goes bad, and he’s forced to toss over 10 pounds of blow (powder/snort kind, not mouth/suck kind - relax) into the bay of New Orleans to keep customs from snatching it. <br /><br />Tim, understandably, ain’t too thrilled about this unforeseen glitch, even if it really isn’t Andy’s fault. Being a colossal prick, Tim beats Andy and a friend within an inch of their lives, and tells Chris that if Andy doesn’t pony up the $5,000,000 that the blow would’ve fetched, he’s coming after all of them - to include Chris’s wife Kate (Kate Beckinsale) and their two sons. Before you know it, Chris is reluctantly organizing one last “run” with fellow ex-smuggler and best pal Sebastian Abney (Ben Foster) to dig Andy and his clan out of the hole. This involves infiltrating a Panama-bound cargo ship, where Chris and his crew must snag a bunch of counterfeit cash (in sheets) from a murderous Panamanian kingpin (Diego Luna) and smuggle it back to New Orleans, detected. The shit you do for family, huh? <br /><br />THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Chris - easily. Mark Wahlberg could be playing The Hamburglar, and still win this award. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/contraband-mark-wahlberg3.jpg" alt="Kick ass!"/><br /><br /><br />EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Mark Wahlberg, who is like an American Russell Crowe. Kate Beckinsale and Ben Foster tie for second. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/contraband-mark-wahlberg4.jpg" alt="Sexay…"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/contrakate.jpg" alt="Sexay…"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/contraben.jpg" alt="Sexay…"/><br /><br /><br />MOST INTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Chris and co.’s little day trip in Panama, where they must fetch the “contraband” and get their fine asses back to the ship before that asshole captain leaves them behind. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/Contraband.jpg" alt="Bond. Mark Bond."/><br /><br /><br />MOST UNINTENTIONALLY HILARIOUS SCENE: Kate telling Andy not to worry, because Tim probably won’t come after him and kill him for losing over $5 million worth of Tim’s cocaine. Remember the “I.T.F.F.R. Look” we discussed in previous reviews? As in: “Is This Fucker For Real?” Well, let’s just say that’s the look Chris gives his wife for this exceedingly naïve (read: stupid) statement. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/contravand.jpg" alt="Are you serious, bitch?"/><br /><br /><br />HOTTEST SCENE: Any time Mark Wahlberg gets to furrow those eyebrows. Sexiest eyebrows this side of Michael Keaton, Colin O‘Donoghue, Chris Evans, Famke Janssen, Jennifer Connelly, and my # 1 man Russell Crowe… <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/contraband-movie-mark-wahlberg-620X400-thumb-550x354-37035.jpg" alt="Hawt!"/><br /><br />And the rest of the “Eyebrow Porn Brigade”:<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/michaelkeaton.jpg" alt="Hawt!"/><br />Michael Keaton<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/ColinODonoghuePremiereRiteh9cZnI1wpuyl.jpg" alt="Hawt!"/><br />Colin O’Donoghue<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/ChrisEvansBlog110311001.jpg" alt="Hawt!"/><br />Chris<br /><br /><img src="http://www.celebsinfo.com/gallery/famke_janssen/images/famke_janssen7.jpg" alt="Hawt!"/><br />Famke Janssen<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/JenniferConnellyEyebrows.jpg" alt="Hawt!"/><br />Jennifer Connelly<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/russellee.jpg" alt="Hawt!"/><br />Russ<br /><br /><br />INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Will Chris be able to save Andy, Kate, and the rest of his family? Will his high-stakes, all-or-nothing gamble down in Panama work? Or will the asshole captain catch on to what he and his team is up to? And what happens when the dangerous Panamanian drug lord double-crosses him? Will their plan still work? Or does Chris have to think fast and improvise? Meanwhile, back in New Orleans, can Sebastian continue to protect Kate from Tim and his homeys? Or does, ahem, Sebastian have some secrets of his own? If so, what are they? And will they help - or hinder - Chris? And the most important question of all: is it really that easy to get your mits on millions of dollars worth of counterfeit money? If so, I need assemble my own crack team of, uh, crackheads and head to Panama, ASAP!!!<br /><br /><br />WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “CONTRABAND”: If you saw and liked the original Icelandic film this is based on, REYKJAVIK-ROTTERDAM. And if you like reasonably entertaining action/thrillers, and are a fan of Mark Wahlberg, Kate Beckinsale, Giovanni Ribisi, or Ben Foster. <br /><br />WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “CONTRABAND”: If you are more into light comedies or romances. And if Mark Wahlberg, Giovanni Ribisi, and Ben Foster are too intense for you. <br /><br />BUT, SERIOUSLY: Baltasar Kormakur is the star of the 2008 Iceland action/thriller REYKAVIK-ROTTERDAM, and in an interesting twist, he has been given the directorial helms for its American remake CONTRABAND. It’s not uncommon for foreign directors to direct the American versions of their previously successful films (Takashi Shimizu with JU-ON and THE GRUDGE, Ole Bornedal with NATTEVAGEN and NIGHT WATCH). It is far less common, though, for the star of a foreign film to do the same. After all, even the most talented actor may not have the first clue of how to tell a story visually. In the case of REYKJAVIK-ROTTERDAM and CONTRABAND, original director Oskar Jonasson doesn‘t return for the American remake - his original star Kormakur does. <br /><br />Fortunately, it appears Kormakur knows a thing or two about directing a film, and the result is a solid action/thriller that is seriously helped by the intensity and charisma of its lead and his supporting cast. I have not seen REYKJAVIK-ROTTERDAM, and can’t compare it to CONTRABAND, but it must be at least an above-average film it warranted an American remake. While the practice of smuggling has been shown in many thrillers, it mostly has been presented as tangential subplots - and not the main thrust of the film as it is here. This gives CONTRABAND a degree of originality. While you can’t help but wish Kormakur and his writers would’ve delved into the topic a little more, they still manage to take us on a relatively tense and entertaining ride by going into somewhat uncharted territory. <br /><br />Mark Wahlberg always turns up the heat in any film he’s in, and I don’t mean that in a sexual way (although he is most definitely attractive). I mean that in a dramatic way. The man has a powerful screen presence. He walks into a room, everyone takes notice, and the air becomes charged with anticipation - “something is going to happen“. The only other film stars I’ve seen with this kind of electricity are Russell Crowe, Tom Cruise, and Chris Evans. Wahlberg turns Chris Farraday into a solid, decisive hero that we can get behind, and he has nice way of hinting at deeper layers with simple looks, gestures, and movements. Watch for the early scene at the hospital, where Kate tries to reassure Andy that Tim and his goons won’t come after him anymore. The contrary look on Chris’ face very much says otherwise - and it is a chilling moment. Wahlberg pretty much makes this movie. <br /><br />The strong support is headed up by Kate Beckinsale as Chris’ imperiled wife Kate. Beckinsale is a talented actress and handles this easy role well. She doesn’t get much to do here except fret and comfort her kids, but she does it sympathetically. To be fair, Kormakur and his writers try their best to involve Kate in the plot, especially in the third act. Giovanni Ribisi turns in another edgy, unpredictable performance as Tim Briggs, the lowlife crime lord whom Chris locks horns with. As with all his roles, the talented Ribisi manages to show some specks of humanity within his scummy character. But the most interesting presence (after Wahlberg) is the intense Ben Foster as Chris’ best pal Sebastian, who reveals some surprising sides as CONTRABAND unfolds. Like Wahlberg, Foster conveys a lot of these layers with some very telling non-verbals. Foster’s standout scene is Sebastian’s confrontation late in the film with an Irish crime lord played by David O’Hara. Foster shows a lot of Sebastian’s guilt, shame, and fear - without saying a word. Talented, talented man. <br /><br />Ultimately, CONTRABAND can stand on its own as a good film. At some point, I’d like to watch REYKJAVIK-ROTTERDAM just to see how it compares to its American cousin. Until then, kudos to star/director Baltasar Kormakur for giving us some solid entertainment that nicely showcases the talents of Mark Wahlberg, Kate Beckinsale, Ben Foster, and Giovanni Ribisi.4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-74214636176465228312012-01-16T20:03:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.026-08:00# 421 - THE DESCENDANTS (2011)THE DESCENDANTS (2011 - DRAMA / COMEDY) ***** out of *****<br /><br />(Hey, maybe I can get a cut of that land trust by saying I‘m King Kamehameha‘s half-Haoli bastard great-great-great-great-grandson - could work….) <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/the-descendants-movie-poster.jpg" alt="Aloha?"/><br /><br />CAST: George Clooney, Shailene Woodley, Amara Miller, Nick Krause, Patricia Hastie, Beau Bridges, Robert Forster, Matthew Lillard, Judy Greer, Michael Ontkean. <br /><br />DIRECTOR: Alexander Payne<br /><br />WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some strong reasons to wish you were descended from Hawaiian royalty - straight ahead…<br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/CWHNXJ1K4yA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><br />IT’S LIKE THIS: Workaholic Honolulu attorney Matt King (George Clooney) is having a rough few months: (1) wife Elizabeth (Patricia Hastie) had a boating accident and is now in a deep coma, which forces him to take time off from work and care for his two daughters whom he barely knows: (2) 10-year old daughter Scottie (Amara Miller), who is an elementary school nightmare who likes to terrorize her classmates with obscene text messages; and (3) 17-year-old daughter Alex (Shailene Woodley), who is a recovering drug addict hanging out with a stoner dork named Sid (Nick Krause), so it’s safe to say there’s a relapse in her future. Oh, and just because all that isn’t enough to turn his hair gray (just look at his pictures), Matt also has to (4) deal with his cousins over the sale of 25,000 acres of prized land on Kauai that they all inherited from their Royal Hawaiian (not the airline) ancestors - because Matt‘s the trustee. They’re thisclose to finalizing a sale that will make all of them rich. Well, richer…. So, naturally, the ass-pucker factor is kind of stratospheric. <br /><br />Oh, but I forgot the real kicker: during yet another argument, Alex blurts out to Matt that (5) Elizabeth was fucking someone else before her accident. This, naturally, turns Matt’s world upside down even more. Which technically means his world has, lately, been doing more spinning and twirling than the chuckleheads on SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE. And you thought that rich people who live in Hawaii had nothing to worry about besides not wearing enough sunblock. Silly, silly bastards…<br /><br /><br />THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Matt himself, with a nice solid assist from Alex. These two make a great team. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/descendants-george-clooney-video.jpg" alt="‘Bring-your-daughter-to-work’ day!"/><br /><br /><br />EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: George Clooney, by a mile. We should all look that great with silver hair…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/the-descendants-george-clooney.jpg" alt="Sexay…"/><br /><br /><br />MOST INTENTIONALLY FUNNY/SWEET SCENE: Matt tracking down Elizabeth’s secret boyfriend Bryan (Matthew Lillard) by using the super-duper high-tech technique of… hiding behind a bush. And also Matt, Alex, and Scottie surveying their land on Kauai. Lucky jerks…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/Thedesc.jpg" alt="Bond. Matt Bond."/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thedescendants-1.jpg" alt="Land barons"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thedescendants4-1.jpg" alt="Land barons"/><br /><br /><br />MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY/SWEET SCENE: Matt, Alex, Scottie, and Sid traveling to Kauai as “family” - to track down that fucker who was screwing Mom before she went into the coma. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thedes.jpg" alt="Tally ho!"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thedd.jpg" alt="Tally ho!"/><br /><br /><br />HOTTEST SCENE: Any time Matt looks like he’s about to cry. Come here, baby, let me make it all better…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/theddd.jpg" alt="Awwwwwww!"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/The-Descendants-Trailer.jpg" alt="Awwwwwww!"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thedescendantsx.jpg" alt="Awwwwwww!"/><br /><br /><br />INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Will Matt and his family surmount their numerous problems? Will Elizabeth ever wake up from her coma? Will Scottie finally stop behaving like a hooligan and act like a normal ten-year-old girl? Will Alex stop giving her dad a hard time and start cooperating with him? Will they confront Bryan about his affair with Elizabeth? If so, what will happen? And what about the sale of all that land? Will Matt go through with it and become even wealthier - or will he honor his duty to his ancestors and continue to safeguard and protect the land? Will the King family make it through this difficult time? Will they learn the value of family? Time will tell. One thing I know for sure: if I lived in Hawaii permanently, I know who I’d be spending most of my time with:<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/IMG_3604sm.jpg" alt="Never-ending Hawaiian Scuba Vacation - YEAH…"/><br />The natives…<br /><br /><br />WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “THE DESCENDANTS”: If you like quirky, funny, beautiful, and intelligent comedies about family and friendship - all given a fresh setting in Hawaii. And if you are a fan of George Clooney and/or director Alexander Payne (ABOUT SCHMIDT, SIDEWAYS) - who deliver their most accomplished work here. And if you are fan of the book by Kaui Hart Hemmings that it’s based on. <br /><br />WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “THE DESCENDANTS”: If none of the above apply to you, you should beat a path to THE DEVIL INSIDE or CONTRABAND instead.<br /><br />BUT, SERIOUSLY: I have to admit that the only other film by talented director Alexander Payne I’ve seen is SIDEWAYS (review # 119), the wine country road trip/buddy movie starring Paul Giamatti and Thomas Haden Church as Miles and Jack - best friends on one last hurrah before Jack gets married. While I like that film and found it to be a solidly good ride with a few truly beautiful moments (such as Miles’ speech about the beauty of Pinot Noir to Maya, Virgina Madsen’s character), I also thought it was just a bit overrated considering all the glowing reviews heaped on it. <br /><br />It further didn’t help that Miles and Jack start out very unlikable - the former was a whiny pessimist and the other was a thoughtless jerk. Of course, they do change somewhat towards the third act of the film (especially Miles), but they do try your goodwill and patience during the first half of the movie. And I was afraid that Payne’s latest film would feature the same problem: a lead character that is difficult to sympathize with. <br /><br />Fortunately, in THE DESCENDANTS, we have a much more likable lead character in Matt King. Unlike Miles who basically goes around whining and feeling sorry for himself excessively, Matt keeps his emotions to himself and only rarely vents to his daughters. He prefers to basically keep a stiff upper lip and soldier on through the tough situation he and his daughters find themselves in. And despite the fact that he is quite rich, Matt doesn’t flash it around - and is instead very humble and low-key. <br /><br />It also helps considerably that George Clooney manages the neat trick of making Matt’s stoicism very expressive, with flashes of vulnerability peeking beneath his forced calm. He doesn’t make the mistake of making it look like Matt is not perturbed about what is happening around him - as a less talented and less expressive actor could’ve mistakenly done. Basically, Clooney turns him into a man of cool reason (he’s a lawyer, after all), who is clearly fighting to remain reasonable. This has the effect of evoking our concern and interest. <br /><br />Clooney does a terrific job of charting Matt’s transformation from the workaholic, barely-present father he was before Elizabeth’s accident, to the fumbling, bewildered forced single parent to two feisty daughters he suddenly becomes, and eventually to the confident, authoritative, but also magnanimous authority figure he ends up being. Clooney won the Best Actor Award for Drama at the Golden Globes last night, and I will be very surprised if he doesn’t win his second Oscar at the Academy Awards come end of February. He is so good as Matt King that you actually forget he’s playing a part - essentially, Clooney disappears into the role. As any actor worth his salt (and then some) should do. It’s a wonderful performance that deserves to be recognized.<br /><br />Shailene Woodley as Alex is just as terrific as Clooney. They have a nice rapport and are very believable as father and daughter. The best thing about THE DESCENDANTS is watching Alex slowly lower her guard (and stingers) and slowly realize the pain behind Matt’s composed façade. There’s a terrific shot in their car where the defeated Matt sits hunkered down in the driver’s seat, still shell-shocked by the news of Elizabeth’s infidelity. Then Alex leans forward and seems to almost absorb his sadness. With one sentence (“I know where he lives”), she starts to bridge the gap that will eventually re-connect them. <br /><br />Indeed, the biggest pleasure of THE DESCENDANTS is watching Alex become Matt’s fiercest ally. Whether defending him from their bullying grandfather (Elizabeth’s father) or helping him track down her mother’s lover, Alex’s rekindled loyalty to her dad - and his renewed appreciation for her and her sister - is this movie’s biggest reward. If I hadn’t already promised to deliver this review, I would’ve saved it for the Valentine’s Day line-up as a sterling example of a Father-Daughter love story. This movie is quietly amazing - and its mainly because of Clooney and Woodley. <br /><br />Another interesting angle of the film is the whole “land trust” issue. The secondary conflict facing Matt is the seemingly no-brainer decision to cash in tremendously on the land he and his cousins inherited from their Hawaiian royalty ancestors. While no one would blame him for going through with the sale, Matt eventually understands that family loyalty extends back to our forebears - and our responsibility to safe guard their legacy, even if it means losing out on hundreds of millions of dollars. Suffice it to say, this sub-plot has a resolution that’s just as satisfying as the main plotline. Sometimes, doing the right thing isn’t easy - but it still must be done. <br /><br />The supporting cast shines just as brightly as Clooney and Woodley. Amara Miller is a goofy, quirky delight as Scottie, and Nick Krause is an unexpected source of comfort for the family as Sid, the smarter-than-he-looks stoner pal of Alex’s who is brutally honest and says the wrong thing at the wrong time. But when he does say the right thing at the right time, he is amazing. Two scenes with Sid stand out as winners: (1) the nice talk that he and Matt have late at night while the girls are sleeping, wherein Matt discovers just how truly smart and sensitive this seemingly dumb kid is; and (2) the late scene at the hospital where Sid (and Alex) stand up to defend Matt from his tyrannical father-in-law. Krause does a terrific job of showing all of Sid’s different colors. His memorable work here, along with Woodley and Miller’s, signals greater things ahead for these young performers. <br /><br />Veteran performers Robert Forster, Beau Bridges, Matthew Lillard, Judy Greer, and Michael Ontkean are sharp and vivid in their roles, but THE DESCENDANTS truly belongs to the main quartet of Matt, Alex, Scottie, and Sid - who end up forming an impromptu family of their own as they navigate their way through the stormy events around them. The final shot is a perfect way to visually end their journey - which, along with the film’s beautiful and evocative poster, clearly illustrates the double meaning behind the title: “The Descendants” doesn’t only refer to Matt, his cousins, and their responsibility to protect the land bequeathed to them by their ancestors, but also Matt’s responsibility to his kids to be an active, positive force in their lives. Because they are <i>his</i> “descendants”. The same way we are responsible to our children, whether they be sons, daughters, nieces, nephews, grandkids, or younger siblings,<br /><br />Like THE WAY, this film is now one of my favorites. In comparison, SIDEWAYS is almost a non-event.4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-57872129973089111582012-01-16T12:58:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.026-08:00# 420 - THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO (2011)# 420 - THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO (2011) <br /><br />THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO (2011 - MYSTERY / THRILLER) **** out of *****<br /><br />(If this movie is to be believed, those Swedes are even more repressed than the Japanese - and that‘s saying something…) <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/girl_with_the_dragon_tattoo_ver4-1.jpg" alt="Piercings much?"/><br /><br />CAST: Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara, Robin Wright, Christopher Plummer, Stellan Skarsgaard, Steven Berkoff, Joely Richardson, Geraldine James, Yorick Van Wageningen, Ulf Friberg, Embeth Davidtz, Moe Garpensal.<br /><br />DIRECTOR: David Fincher<br /><br />WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some strong arguments for never going to any family reunions - straight ahead. <br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/WVLvMg62RPA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><br />IT’S LIKE THIS: Remember how in our last review, THE DEVIL INSIDE, we talked about how its heroine Isabella Rossi’s family was seriously dysfunctional? What with her mom killing three people while supposedly demonically possessed? Then subsequently getting institutionalized in a Rome hospital for the criminally insane? Well, compared to the Vangers, the fucked-up family in our latest review THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO, the Rossis were virtually like the Cleavers. Yes, folks. It could always be worse, and the Vangers are proof of that. On the surface, they appear to be Sweden’s powerful first family - kind of like the Kennedys but with Swedish meatballs, pickled gherkins, lingonberry jam, and serial murder served at dinner each week. Even the family’s powerful patriarch Henrik Vanger (Christopher Plummer) essentially says he would trust a rattlesnake with PMS before placing faith in most of his immediate family. That’s bad.<br /><br />At any rate, Henrik hires troubled journalist Mikael Blomquist (Daniel Craig) to write his memoirs and do a little, erm, family research. Why Mikael of all people? Well, for starters he: (1) is a brilliant, determined, and incisive writer who always has integrity; and (2) needs a new gig ever since he tussled unsuccessfully with a powerful tycoon (Ulf Friberg) who didn’t care for Mikael’s unflattering but brutally honest portrayal of him. See where integrity gets you? Anyhow, it turns out the “memoirs” job is just a smokescreen, and Henrik really wants Mikael to solve the mystery of his favorite niece Harriett’s (Moa Garpendal) disappearance during a family reunion on the Vanger island estate almost 45 years ago. And he’s sure one of the family members is responsible. Told you they were a bunch of snakes. <br /><br />Helping Mikael in his investigation is brilliant loner punk computer hacker Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara), who is like James Bond, Lara Croft, Hannibal Lecter, Smilla Jaspersen, The Crow, Superman, and a whole tattoo/piercing parlor - rolled into one. Turns out Lisbeth helped do the background check on Mikael before Henrik hired him - and she knows all the most vital stats about him. Such as he wears sports briefs - not the boxer kind, but the bikini kind. And is good with his tongue. Which, if I was Lisbeth, is all I would need to know. Let the party begin…<br /><br /><br />THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Lisbeth, hands down. Like I said, this chick is basically Superman - but without a dick and more body piercings. Mikael is basically just her bitch boy. Without her, he’d scarcely be able to solve the mystery of how to get his car door unlocked - let alone the one about Harriet’s disappearance.<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/Rooney-Mara-as-Lisbeth-Salander-in-The-Girl-With-the-Dragon-Tattoo.jpg" alt="Lisbeth Rules!"/><br /><br /><br />EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Daniel Craig, hands down. As if there was any doubt…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/Daniel-Craig--The-Girl-with-the-Dragon-Tattoo-is-too-violent-for-youngsters--6405.jpg" alt="Sexay…"/><br /><br /><br />MOST INTENTIONALLY SCARY SCENE: Lisbeth’s sleazebag “parole officer” (Yorick Van Wageningen) roughing her up in the worst way. I refuse to show a picture of it - it’s that disturbing. Anyone who has read the book knows what I’m talking about - but also knows that Lisbeth eventually gets her sweet revenge. That one, I will show a picture of. Because the bastard deserves it. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thegirl1.jpg" alt="Take that!"/><br /><br /><br />MOST UNINTENTIONALLY SCARY SCENE: Any scene where Mikael wanders around the Vanger island estate. That place is just a little less inviting than a mortuary. How could anyone live there for a long period of time? No wonder the Vangers are so fucked-up. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/the-girl-with-the-dragon-tattoo-2011-20110816003345081_640w.jpg" alt="Yikes!"/><br /><br /><br />HOTTEST SCENE: Mikael and Lisbeth get it on a few times in this flick, but there’s just something iffy and icky about the whole thing, since she looks young enough to be his daughter. So, I suppose, this award has to go to the brief glimpse of darkly gorgeous Embeth Davidtz as Mikael’s lawyer sister Annika at a Christmas party. Hopefully we will get to see more of Embeth’s beauty and talents in the sequels…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/emb.jpg" alt="Hawt!"/><br /><br /><br />INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: So… what happened to Harriet? Did one of the Vangers kill her and hide the body? Or is there another explanation? If so, what is it? And what secrets are the other family members hiding? How will Mikael and Lisbeth discover them? And what does Anita Vanger (Joely Richardson), who fled to London because she hates her family so much, know about that day back in 1966? As Harriet’s best friend, what answers does Anita have? And what happens when Mike and Lizzy eventually link Harriet’s disappearance to a series of serial murders reaching all the way back to the 1940s? Is her death connected somehow to those crimes? Is the killer still loose? Who will be the next victim? Mikael? Lisbeth? Henrik? Anita? Annika? The Swedish Chef from THE MUPPETS? Say it ain’t so! I love that goofy bastard…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/Swedish-Chef-002.jpg" alt="Wurly Wurly Wurly…"/><br /><br /><br />WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO”: If you’re a fan of the book and the Swedish film adaptation starring Noomi Rapace. And if you like moody, atmospheric mystery/thrillers that peer into dark souls under seemingly-respectable facades…. <br /><br />WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO”: If you didn’t like the book or the Swedish film adaptation. And if you would rather see sunny, chirpy romantic comedies. Because this movie is at the opposite end of the spectrum from those flicks…<br /><br />BUT, SERIOUSLY: I’ve only read a few snippets of the novel “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo” by the late journalist Stieg Larsson, but I have to say that it reminds me a lot of my favorite book of all time: the wonderful “Smilla’s Sense Of Snow” by Peter Hoeg, published in 1992. In fact, I would venture to even say that Hoeg’s book may have even paved the way for Larsson’s novel. I wouldn’t be surprised if Larsson was actually inspired by “Smilla’s Sense Of Snow” and perhaps wrote “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo” as somewhat of an homage. Both novels share some striking similarities: (1) both were written by Scandinavian authors (Hoeg is Danish, Larsson was Swedish) and set in wintry, brooding environments; (2) both revolve around quirky, brilliant, nonconforming heroines who don’t care what society thinks of them; (3) both deal with serpentine mysteries involving seemingly-respectable members of high society that the heroines and their male sidekick must unravel at a great danger to themselves. <br /><br />“Smilla’s Sense Of Snow” was ultimately turned into a movie in 1997, and while it was a solid, above-average thriller, SMILLA’S SENSE OF SNOW didn’t quite capture the existential and philosophical leanings of the novel. Furthermore, Smilla as played by the lovely Julia Ormond in an otherwise creditable performance, just wasn’t rough-edged or acidly humorous enough. Not having read completely though Larsson’s novel, I can’t honestly say how THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO compares to it (or the Swedish adaptation). What I saw onscreen, though, was a very good mystery/thriller with some moody underpinnings and bleak atmosphere - much like SMILLA’S SENSE OF SNOW. GIRL rates higher than SMILLA because of a more twisty third act and satisfying (and poignant) double ending. <br /><br />I’m not sure if the essence of Mikael Blomquist and Lisbeth Salander transfers faithfully from the novel, but both are vividly played by Daniel Craig and Rooney Mara, respectively. Craig brings his usual combo of steely grit and quiet intelligence, and does a good job of keeping Mikael from appearing as just another crusading journalist. Meanwhile, Mara delivers a suitably unpredictable and restless performance as the troubled hacker who is more tenacious and gifted than everyone around her combined. I’ve heard that Mara’s take on Lisbeth is a bit softer and more vulnerable than Noomi Rapace’s interpretation in the Swedish film. I think that’s a good thing, because it allows us to sympathize with the character more. Given that she’s already a fairly formidable person with all her piercing, tattoos, and rough-edged intelligence, Lisbeth’s more accessible vulnerability courtesy of Mara is very welcome indeed. <br /><br />The supporting cast is stellar, peopled by such luminaries as Robin Wright, Christopher Plummer, Stellan Skarsgaard, Joely Richardson, Steven Berkoff, Embeth Davidtz, Geraldine James, and Yorick Van Wageningen (who was so likable in the recent wonder THE WAY, but is despicable here - I guess that’s what they call “acting”). In the end, though, this movie is Craig and Mara’s, and it could’ve easily foundered had they been ineffective or miscast in their roles. Fortunately, they weren’t - and they successfully make this a promising harbinger for the next two films in the GIRL trilogy: THE GIRL WHO PLAYED WITH FIRE and THE GIRL WHO KICKED THE HORNET’S NEST. <br /><br />If Craig and Mara stay on board, and if David Fincher (SEVEN, THE GAME) continues to direct them, there’s a good chance we could have a quality trilogy that may even reach classic status. Here’s hoping…4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-27096622589022700512012-01-15T11:50:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.026-08:00# 419 - THE DEVIL INSIDE (2012)THE DEVIL INSIDE (2012 - HORROR) **1/2 out of *****<br /><br />(What a waste of all that Italian scenery…) <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/the-devil-inside-movie-poster.jpg" alt="That blister has to hurt…"/><br /><br />CAST: Fernanda Andrade, Simon Quarterman, Evan Helmuth, Ionat Grama, Suzan Crowley, Maude Bonnani.<br /><br />DIRECTOR: William Brent Bell<br /><br />WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some strong arguments for never watching a horror movie again - straight ahead…<br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/OyT7xMPurgw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><br />IT’S LIKE THIS: New Jersey hottie Isabella Rossi (Fernanda Andrade) has got some family issues, and when you hear what they are, you will never ever again think your family is fucked-up. Compared to the shit that’s going down in the Rossi household, every other clan is downright Brady Bunch-like. See, turns out Isabella’s mother Maria (Suzan Crowley) went apeshit when Isabella was just, like, a toddler or something - and killed three people. Gets even weirder: turns out these “three people” were members of the clergy who were, erm, trying to exorcise demons from inside Maria. Hence that title - get it? No - we are not talking about the kind of devil that takes you over after ten straight shots of Absolut Vodka. We’re talking about the real Devil - the one who has a zip code in some place far south and very hot, and I ain’t talkin’ about Florida in August. <br /><br />Anyhow, as you can imagine, growing up with this kind of cloud over your head ain’t fun. So Isabella eventually decides to find out just what the fuck really happened that night years and years ago. She recruits Michael (Ionat Grama), a jackass director friend, to travel to Italy with her. Seems Maria has been transferred by the Vatican to the Centrino Hospital For Total Lunatics And Utter Whackjobs - and Isabella going to pay a visit. Yes, folks… the Vatican got involved. Somehow the Pope and his homeys decided this New Jersey housewife going nuclear on their brethren was important. But why? This is what Isabella and Michael want to find out - and have decided to film their investigations. In Rome, they meet two priests willing to help them with their inquiry: (1) Father Ben Rawlings (Simon Quarterman), studious and stoic British man-of-the-cloth; and (2) Father David Keane (Evan Helmuth), American priest who looks more like he should be working behind the counter of your local Krispy Kreme. <br /><br />Before you know it, Isabella, Michael, Ben, and David make like the gang from Scooby-Doo and get neck-deep in all sorts of heinous supernatural shit. Are you even surprised? <br /><br /><br />THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Everyone seems to have the IQ of wilting lettuce - except for Father Ben, who actually looks and acts like he has a few brain cells to rub together. But is he smart enough to save everyone from “Dumb Horror Movie Character Syndrome”?<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/devil-inside2.jpg" alt="Satan, begone!"/><br /><br />EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Brazilian hottie Fernanda Andrade as our Italian-American heroine Isabella wins this one hands-down. The only way she could be hotter is if she truly were Italian…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thedevilinside-1.jpg" alt="Sexay…"/><br /><br /><br />MOST INTENTIONALLY SCARY SCENE: The baptismal scene. That’s all I’m saying. One word: DAMN. Oh, and the scene with that blind nun staring at Isabella. How the fuck did she know someone was there if she’s blind? HOW?!?!<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thedevil.jpg" alt="Eeek!"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/devilinside.jpg" alt="Eeek!"/><br /><br /><br />MOST UNINTENTIONALLY SCARY SCENE: Some of the acting. Seriously, guys. Tone it down a little…<br /><br />HOTTEST SCENE: The demon looking right at Father David and saying (and I’m not making this up): “Let me suck your cock - I know you’ve been fantasizing about it…” Let’s just say the resulting look on Father Dave’s face is something along the lines of: “How did he know? And can I get him alone for just five minutes?” Ha ha ha. Wow… Go for it, dude. Crazy people give the best head. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/Devilmovie_.jpg" alt="You want it, don‘t you?"/><br /><br /><br /><br />INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: So… is Maria Rossi actually possessed by demons? Or is she just batshit crazy? What will Isabella discover when she sees her mother for the first time in over 20 years? Will mother and daughter bond? Or will this family reunion be a train wreck? How will Father Ben and Father David combat the evil terrorizing them? And what happens when the demon’s evil influence spreads from Maria - to the team itself? And the most important question of all: will Father David finally give in to temptation and whip his pecker out to let the demon drain his nuts? You know he’s seriously considering it. Just look at that face:<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/thedevilinsideww.jpg" alt="Hmmmmmm, should I?"/><br /><br /><br />WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “THE DEVIL INSIDE”: If you like “demonic possession” movies and “found footage” flicks. And if you love Italy so much that you are willing to watch any movie set there. <br /><br />WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “THE DEVIL INSIDE”: If you want your horror movies to actually, you know, go somewhere instead of being a bunch of gimmicks. And if you are so so so over the whole “demonic possession” and “found footage” sub-genre…<br /><br />BUT, SERIOUSLY: With the recent commercial (if not critical) success of demonic-possession horror films like THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE, THE RITE, and THE LAST EXORCISM, as well as that of found-footage horror entries like QUARANTINE and the PARANORMAL ACTIVITY movies, it was only a matter of time until the next bid for box-office gold came rolling down the pipe. Last week saw the release of THE DEVIL INSIDE - and strike gold, it did. With a relatively miniscule budget of $1 million, the film grossed over $33 million in its first three days of general release in North America. To date, the film has grossed almost $47 million. Unquestionably, it is a box-office smash. <br /><br />But does that mean it is a good movie? No. Not quite. That’s not to say that THE DEVIL INSIDE didn’t have promise, though. It certainly did. With a foreboding premise and an atmospheric setting (the lovely Italy), it could’ve become a solid entry into the “Demonic Possession-Found Footage” horror subgenre - if it played its cards right. Unfortunately, while there are certainly some eerie and gripping scenes to be found here (such as the exorcisms of Rosa and Maria, the glimpse of that nun, and the disturbing baptism scene), there’s also a lot of theatrical acting that counteracts the whole naturalistic tone that the all “found footage” movies should aspire for. Unlike the best entries into this subgenre like THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, QUARANTINE, and PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 1 & 2, you never forget for a second that you are watching a movie with actors. <br /><br />The first part of THE DEVIL INSIDE also drags interminably, with endless scenes of Isabella, Michael, Ben, and David just sitting around and talking. And just when the story starts to go someplace truly scary - the evil spreading through the exorcists themselves - director William Brent Bell drops the ball in a major way. Fortunately for him, the mere promise of where this movie could’ve gone is enough to keep it from sinking into mediocrity. The last few scenes of THE DEVIL INSIDE are the most effective. If Bell had just explored the promising thread he introduced, this movie would’ve rated higher than average. <br /><br />The cast is competent, but most of them seem either too detached (Fernanda Andrade) or too melodramatic (Evan Helmuth, Ionat Grama, Suzan Crowley, and the hospital staff). Only Simon Quarterman as Father Ben Rawlings strikes a good balance between the two ends of the emotional spectrum. He’s easily the standout of the film. As such, he becomes more sympathetic than Isabella, who should be the focus of our empathy and interest - but isn't because Andrade, as lovely as she is, somehow fumbles the character. Quarterman and the lovely, brooding Roman scenery are some compensation. <br /><br />In the end, THE DEVIL INSIDE had promise but was cut short by some half-baked execution. I would wait to rent this one on DVD instead…<br /><br />Speaking of Italy, I have to cut this review short so we can tune in to the much-awaited Serie A death match between city rivals AC Milan and Inter-Milan. Kickoff is just minutes away…<br /><br />My money’s on Giampaolo Pazzini, Javier Zanneti, Dejan Stankevic, Yuto Nagatomo, and their Nera-Azzuri fratellos from Inter-Milan. I always root for the Underdog, and I bet this game is going to be a lot more exciting than THE DEVIL INSIDE.<br /><br />And there goes the ball!<br /><br />UPDATE: Inter won, 1-0. Viva Nera-Azzuri!4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-64835825665732717672012-01-14T02:47:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.027-08:00# 418 - MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA (2005)MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA (2005 - ROMANCE / DRAMA) ***1/2 out of *****<br /><br />(Work that ghost-face make-up and kimono, girlfriends…) <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/memoirs.jpg" alt="No, they‘re not gray-blue contacts - well, actually they are, but don‘t tell anyone…"/><br /><br />CAST: Ziyi Zhang, Gong Li, Michelle Yeoh, Ken Watanabe, Kaori Momoi, Youki Koudoh, Suzuki Ohgo, Koji Yakusho, Cary Hiroyuki-Tagawa, Ted Levine, Eugenia Yuan. <br /><br />DIRECTOR: Rob Marshall<br /><br />WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some smokin’ hot escorts, er, hookers, er, courtesans, er, geishas, er, whatevers - straight ahead…<br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/h_XzjXqS_9U" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/q-h0X3TVjUo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/WeXEIO5OBGg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><br />IT’S LIKE THIS: Let me clarify something upfront: Geishas are not prostitutes. They do not sell their bodies for sex. Nope. Instead, they sell their, ahem, “artistic” services such as, uh, dancing, playing music, pouring tea, doting, flattering, chatting, and basically showing their, um, clients a good time. Oh, and when they are teenagers, a bidding war is held over their, uh, “mizuage“. If you’re thinking that’s some sort of rare type of miso soup, allow me to let you down hard: “mizuage” means “virginity”, folks. Yup. Basically, a bunch of rich guys throw down their yen (a lot of it) to see who gets bragging rights for popping that Geisha’s cherry. <br /><br />Well, I guess they kind of are like hookers then, huh? <br /><br />Whatever. Anyhow, our next review chronicles the “Cinderella” story of grey-eyed Japanese chick Sayuri (Ziyi Zhang as an adult, Suzuki Ohgo as a child) as she goes from being a humble fishing village orphan, to the persecuted maid of a Kyoto okiya (geisha house), to finally becoming a geisha herself. Apparently, these chicks were the supermodels of their time - and the hottest of them all is Hatsumomo (Gong Li), an icily dangerous diva who is like Elektra King, Catherine Trammell, and Hannibal Lecter in Kabuki make-up. Hatsumomo is the queen of her okiya, and doesn’t particularly cherish the idea of Sayuri dethroning her anytime soon. Things get even more interesting when Sayuri falls in love with The Chairman (Ken Watanabe) after he buys her some flavored ice one day (don’t ask). <br /><br />Then, as if all that wasn’t complicated enough, Sayuri acquires a mentor in the form of super-kind and graciously elegant Mameha (Michelle Yeoh), who is basically the most-loved geisha in the whole city (as opposed to Hatsumomo, who is the most beautiful but also most-feared). When Hatsumomo gets wind that her nemesis Mameha is grooming Sayuri as her protege, things get even more intense in the okiya - even more intense than the upcoming soccer game this Sunday between bitter rivals AC Milan and Inter-Milan. And when we’re talking about something trumping those hot-blooded Italian calcio fanatics, that’s saying something. <br /><br />Let’s sit back and watch the fur fly, shall we? Ladies, on my mark, let the catfights begin…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/memours.jpg" alt="Meow, bitches…"/><br />Sayuri, Mameha, and Hatsumomo…<br /><br /><br />THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Mameha, all the way… Love, love, love this chick. Basically my cinematic role model. As in: when I run into a sticky situation, I think: “What would Mameha do?“ Seriously. Not that I always succeed in emulating her. But, hey, at least I try…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/mameha.jpg" alt="Go, girl!"/><br /><br />EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: This is basically the Ziyi/Michelle/Gong show. Those cheekbones are probably the most-requested in Beverly Hills plastic surgeons’ offices. Oh, and Ken Watanabe is probably the hottest Japanese guy I’ve ever seen - in or out of Japan. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/memziyi.jpg" alt="Sexay…"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/memmichelle-yeoh.jpg" alt="Sexay…"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/memgong.jpg" alt="Sexay…"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/memken-watanabe.jpg" alt="Sexay…"/><br /><br /><br />MOST INTENTIONALLY TOUCHING SCENE: The ending. And that’s all I’m going to say…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/memoirs-of-a-geisha-2.jpg" alt="Awwww!"/><br /><br /><br />MOST UNINTENTIONALLY TOUCHING SCENE: The protective Mameha apologizing to Sayuri for not doing a better job of protecting her from The Baron (Cary Hiroyuki-Tagawa), Mameha’s sleazy danna (sugar daddy). And also Mameha taking Sayuri under her wing - and teaching her everything she needs to know about being a Geisha - in record time. Go, sisterz…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/memsaa-1.jpg" alt="Awwwwwww…."/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/memoirs_of_a_geisha_3.gif" alt="Awwwwwww…."/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/memoirs-of-a-geishamichelleyeoh.jpg" alt="Awwwwwww…."/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/memmm.jpg" alt="Awwwwwww…."/><br /><br />HOTTEST SCENE: That ending. Again, that’s all I’m going to say… Oh, and the scene where Mameha teaches Sayuri how to stop a man in his tracks - with just one look. Let’s just say a certain dude on a bike goes ass-over-teakettle when he catches Sayuri’s “let’s-get-it-on-homey” bedroom eyes. Ouch. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/meem.png" alt="Awwwwww…"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/memmmmm.jpg" alt="Awwwwww…"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/memoirs-of-a-geisha-hd-trailer-045-1.jpg" alt="Awwwwww…"/><br /><br /><br />INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: So… will Mameha succeed in transforming Sayuri into the most successful Geisha ever? Will Hatsumomo just stand by and let that happen? Or does she have something up her sleeve? And does Mameha have her own “wild card”? If so, what is it? What happens when Hatsumomo takes Sayuri’s friend Pumpkin (Youki Kudoh) under her wing? Is she going to drive a wedge between the friends? Or will their friendship survive? Speaking of friendship, how long can Mameha go on protecting Sayuri from Hatsumomo? And what happens when Hatsumomo finds out about Sayuri’s secret love for the The Chairman? Can Sayuri still have a happy ending? Well, let’s just say that if The Chairman becomes her danna, he’s the one who’s going to get a bunch of Happy Endings. Ha ha…<br /><br />WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA”: If you loved the novel by Arthur Golden (as I do). And if you have ever lived in Japan (as I did). And if you love Japanese culture and tradition (as I do). And if you love complex, layered female characters that are played by gorgeous and talented actresses (as I do). Then this is your early Valentine’s present…<br /><br />WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA”: If you didn’t like the novel. Or if you don’t get Japan. Or if you don’t like female-driven films. Or if you were one of those that had an issue with three Chinese actresses playing Japanese characters. In which case, go see CONTRABAND, instead<br /><br />BUT, SERIOUSLY: As I mentioned at the beginning, geishas are not prostitutes. According to Japanese tradition, they are something between a hostess and a performance artist - with a dash of courtesan mixed in. However, one could also argue that someone who sells her virginity to the highest bidder and actively seeks a wealthy man to have her as his mistress… well… isn’t entirely innocent, either. In any case, the mysterious art of being a geisha was tackled majestically in Arthur Golden’s stunning 1997 bestseller “Memoirs Of A Geisha.” It landed on many readers’ Top 10 lists (including mine - it is #6), and was filled with rich, lyrical prose and vivid, complex characters - especially the women. <br /><br />It was only natural that the popular novel would be turned into a film, and the legions of fans could hardly wait. Anticipation for the release of MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA was further stoked by the controversial casting of Chinese/Chinese-descent superstars Ziyi Zhang, Gong Li, and Michelle Yeoh in what were clearly Japanese roles. Many people seem to take issue with this, citing ethnic and literary inaccuracy, at best, to perpetuating the “Asians all look the same” stereotype, at worst. I am not one of those people. If anything, the main reason to see MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA are the strong performances of Li, Zhang, and Yeoh. The fact that they are not Japanese does not detract one bit from their showcase. And that’s a good thing, because the film itself, while a solidly good experience, is not perfect. The novel was near flawless, but in transferring the story to the screen, the feel of the story has changed a little. <br /><br />As a romance, MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA is a very restrained one. Ken Watanabe is an intensely charismatic and handsome leading man, and Sayuri’s love for his character The Chairman, which she carefully hides from everyone around her, is certainly intriguing. But, unless you’ve read the book, you never know until the last five minutes whether or not he feels the same way for her. For most of the film, they circle one another in a sort of tentative dance that is both bashful and wary. As a result, the love story aspect of the film is curiously low-key and muted. Of course, at the very end, when (*SPOILER ALERT*) The Chairman confesses to Sayuri that he’s loved her all this time, and was actually the one who sent Mameha to protect and mentor her, all the simmering emotions and buried desire finally click into place and take off - creating one of the most rewarding endings out there. Unfortunately, for a romance to be considered a true romance you have to know it’s a two-way street well before the ending. <br /><br />However, taken as a sort of exotic meditation on female empowerment and women’s roles in old Japan, MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA is a stronger film. And when you get down to it, this movie is more about Sayuri, Mameha, and Hatsumomo - and their relationships with each other and the society around them - than it is about Sayuri and The Chairman. These three women are rich, layered, and fascinating - and screenwriter Robin Swicord does a great job of transferring their essence from the novel. It also helps considerably that the three actresses chosen to play them, despite all the hoopla surrounding their casting, are all perfect for the roles, regardless of their nationality. <br /><br />Sayuri is a compelling heroine who juxtaposes earnest and sincere qualities with surprisingly sly and guileful ones. This actually makes her a credible adversary for the ruthless Hatsumomo, and her crafty intelligence also comes in handy when interacting with the various male characters within her world who are essentially using her - she’s using them right back, and they don’t even know it. And she’s also smart enough to recognize that being a geisha is the same thing as being in a cage - it may be a beautiful cage, but it’s still a cage. Ziyi Zhang captures all of Sayuri’s facets and keeps us firmly in her corner, blending fragility, strength, wisdom, and cunning in perfect doses. <br /><br />As the formidable Hatsumomo, the cat-like Gong Li delivers another memorable turn. It’s a credit to her performance that Hatsumomo doesn’t comes across as a one-dimensional and unpleasant bitch. In our review for YOUNG ADULT (review #), we talked about how Charlize Theron vividly portrayed such a repellent character that you eventually couldn’t stand to even look at her despite her physical attractiveness - all you could see was the inner ugliness. In MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA, Li does the exact opposite: while Hatsumomo is certainly amoral and ruthless, Li imbues her with so much nuance, charm, and intelligence that you can’t take your eyes off her. If anything, the more devious Hatsumomo becomes, the more seductive and fascinating she is. The difference between Li and Theron’s characters is this: Hatsumomo actually has some class and a functioning brain - Mavis Gary (Theron’s character) doesn‘t. <br /><br />Also, despite their polar opposite standings as protagonist and antagonist, Sayuri and Hatsumomo actually share one very striking thing in common: both of them want to pursue their own lives and loves - which their traditional roles as Geishas strictly forbid them to do. Put simply, they don't want to be fenced in. Indeed, a lot of Hatsumomo's "villainy" can be partially attributed to her simply not willing to play by the rules that the men have set. In a way, she was just ahead of her time - and Sayuri actually muses at one point whether or not she and Hatsumomo are all that different in the end. Both want to be free to do their own thing - but their society sadly doesn't want them to. <br /><br />MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA’s best character, though, is Mameha - the kind, gracious, and elegant veteran geisha who acts almost like a fairy godmother to Sayuri and shows her the geisha ropes, so to speak. Mameha was my favorite character in the novel, and when I heard Michelle Yeoh was cast in her role, I was overjoyed. Cool, poised, intelligent, witty, classy, and somewhat mysterious, Yeoh is one of my favorite actresses and is perfect as the similarly-enigmatic Mameha. Indeed, she brings a potent combo of ethereal star power and earthy humility to the role that instantly marks any scene she’s in as a highlight. Especially great is the “training sequence” that shows Mameha schooling Sayuri on the art of geisha-dom and stopping a man in his tracks with a “single glance”. If Zhang and Li were any less effective, Yeoh would’ve easily stolen the movie from them. As it is, they are all equally terrific. <br /><br />The supporting cast is fine, with Youki Kudoh and Kaori Momoi the standouts as Pumpkin, Sayuri’s okiya friend, and Mother, the actual owner of the okiya. But in the end, MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA belongs to the geishas themselves - and the beautiful and talented actresses who play them. Without them, this may not have turned out as good as it did.<br /><br />In closing, a little humor: MAD TV's hilarious and very very wrong spoof of the MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA trailer. I haven't laughed so hard since, well, last night...<br /><br /><iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/mrE_6gi4u1I" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-60425320365497238822012-01-09T19:02:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.027-08:00UPCOMING REVIEWS FOR 1/9/12 - 1/22/12Hello, folks...<br /><br />Here's to a great start to 2012. Hope everyone is in the best of spirits. Our Holiday Movie Review ended up changing somewhat, but the movies we didn't get to will be saved for later. For now, please find below our movie review schedule for this week and next:<br /><br /><div style="width:480px; text-align: center;"><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" src="http://w1194.photobucket.com/pbwidget.swf?pbwurl=http%3A%2F%2Fw1194.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Faa366%2Fjadena1%2F4603a30c.pbw" height="480" width="480"><a href="http://photobucket.com/slideshows" target="_blank"><img src="http://pic.photobucket.com/slideshows/btn.gif" style="float:left;border-width: 0;" ></a><a href="http://s1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/?action=view&current=4603a30c.pbw" target="_blank"><img src="http://pic.photobucket.com/slideshows/btn_viewallimages.gif" style="float:left;border-width: 0;" ></a></div><br /><br /># 418 - MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA (AKA PRETTY WOMAN In The Land Of The Rising Sun)<br /><br /># 419 - THE DEVIL INSIDE (AKA Old Scratch Is At It Again)<br /><br /># 420 - THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO (AKA Daniel Craig Is Brooding Again)<br /><br /># 421 - THE DESCENDANTS (AKA George Clooney Is Fretting Again)<br /><br /># 422 - CONTRABAND (AKA Mark Wahlberg Is Angry Again)<br /><br /># 423 - HUMPDAY (AKA: Brokeback Mountain With Straight Guys)<br /><br /># 424 - THE PELICAN BRIEF (AKA: Julia Roberts Goes Denzel, er, Damsel In Distress)<br /><br /># 425 - FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF (AKA My Hero)<br /><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/OyT7xMPurgw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/WVLvMg62RPA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/CWHNXJ1K4yA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/h_XzjXqS_9U" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/tMr_LQDlYH8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/R-P6p86px6U" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/dFOBpZcJh1M" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/4k9bqqLUge0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-677596047897664664.post-18428678049447549192012-01-08T23:31:00.000-08:002012-02-09T20:23:16.027-08:00# 417 - SOCCER MOM (2008)SOCCER MOM (2008 - COMEDY / SOCCER FLICK) ***½ out of *****<br /><br />(Let‘s just say that Gianluigi Buffon, Marco Materazzi, Gennaro Gattuso, and Paolo Cannavaro have absolutely nothing to worry about…) <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/soccermom-cover.jpg" alt="VIVA CALCIO ITALIA!!!"/><br /><br />CAST: Missy Pyle, Emily Osment, Dan Cortese, Elon Gold, Robert Cavanah, Master P, Cassie Scerbo, Kristen Wilson.<br /><br />DIRECTOR: Gregory McClatchy<br /><br />WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one faux-Italian soccer coach - straight ahead…<br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/0Pv_onj4o9o" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><br />IT’S LIKE THIS: It’s a bleak time in the Handler household, for the following reasons: (1) Papa Handler just died, and (2) daughter Becca (Emily Osment) is devastated for obvious reasons, but also because (3) Dad was her soccer team’s coach, and (4) he was the Shiznit, apparently, and (5) the new coach isn‘t, and (6) mom Wendy (Missy Pyle) while sweet and supportive, also knows as much about soccer as a Brit does about American football. Which ain’t enough to fill 1/10th of a thimble. And Wendy rarely makes it to the games because of the hair salon she runs. For crying out loud, Wendy thinks soccer is played in “innings”, and that a “red flag” gets a player booted out of the game, and that “Mia Hamm” is a food product. Needless to say, not exactly dad’s equal when it comes to appreciation of the “Beautiful Game.”<br /><br />At any rate, things start to look up ever so slightly (okay more than ever so slightly) when Coach Kenny (Steve Hytner) gets transferred to Italy because of his day job (some sort of zipper designer for a fashion house - really). What’s even better is that Kenny has arranged for World-famous Italian soccer superstar Lorenzo Vincenzo (Dan Cortese) to exchange countries with him - and coach the girls since Lorenzo will be spending a sabbatical in the States. Unfortunately, when Lorenzo arrives in Bella America and Wendy meets him, they both discover there was a fundamental misunderstanding - Lorenzo didn’t realize the girls were fourteen-year olds. And according to Lorenzo, he “does-a not-a coach-a the-a little-a girls-a team-a!” The only thing missing is him yelling “Succhiare il cazzo!” at Wendy and grabbing his crotch at the same time. Maybe in the deleted scenes…<br /><br />Anyhow, faced with this last-minute unpleasant surprise, Wendy has two options: (1) break the bad news to the girls that Lorenzo Vincenzo is out of the picture in a big way and tell them to roll with the punches; or (2) have her best gay friend/hair salon employee/closet soccer devotee Tony (Elon Gold) not only give her a makeover that makes her look exactly like Lorenzo - but also pose as her assistant coach and school her on everything soccer so she can pretend she is Lorenzo Vincenzo, Italian Soccer Stud, and coach the girls’ team to victory. <br /><br />Guess which one she chooses…<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/missi-pyle.jpg" alt="Hmmmm…"/>Before<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/soccermommissyu.jpg" alt="Yikes…"/>After<br /><br />Yes - she makes the choice that every reasonable human being of at least average intelligence would make. Not sure why, though, because the Galaxy girls don’t look like they know the difference between a sliding tackle, a block tackle, or a bait and tackle shop. <br /><br />By the way, I should mention that Becca’s team is called, ahem, “The Galaxy“. No, I assure you they are not affiliated with <i>that</i> Galaxy from L.A. They fucking wish. If they were, David Beckham would go back to England forever and burn all of his MLS gear. <br /><br /><br />THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Tony, the fairy who knows more about soccer than most announcers at Fox Soccer. If it weren’t for the fact that this guy is a hairdresser and not an armchair film critic, I would’ve been sure the producers of SOCCER MOM had based him on me - and demanded a cut of the profits. <br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/MissyPileElonGold.jpg" alt="Soccer Fairies!"/><br /><br />EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Dan Cortese, being Italian, is naturally very hot. Even though in his “Lorenzo Vincenzo” get-up, he looks too much like Cheech and Chong rolled into one. That’s okay, though. He still wins. Missy Pyle never fails to crack me up, whether she’s playing sweet, kooky, or both, and is very pretty. Tony Elon is kind of cute, too. Three-peat! Hat Trick Hotties!<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/soccermomdan.jpg" alt="Sexay…"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/soccermommi.jpg" alt="Sexay…"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/elongold.jpg" alt="Sexay…"/><br /><br /><br />MOST INTENTIONALLY FUNNY SCENE: Wendy impersonating Lorenzo, then hanging out with all the soccer dads, trying to act all “butch and manly”. Then the real Lorenzo shows up at the same bar… uh-oh Fucking. Priceless. <br /><br /><br />MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY SCENE: Coach Kenny’s “pep” talk to the Galaxy at the very beginning. Damn, dude, why not just bitch-slap them while you’re at it? Also, the scene where Wendy’s best pal Dee Dee (Kristen Wilson) gives “Lorenzo” some serious “fuck-me” eyes - not realizing it is really, ahem, Wendy. Kinky.<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/soccm.jpg" alt="Really?"/><br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/soccerrr.jpg" alt="Really?"/><br /><br />HOTTEST SCENE: Well, if you mean “hottest” as in “most exciting in a non-sexual way” it would have to be the climactic battle between the Galaxy and the Bitches. Well, technically they’re called the Malibus - but let’s face it: they’re the bad team so they’re Bitches.<br /><br /><img src="http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa366/jadena1/socccj.jpg" alt="Time to Beat Some Ass…"/><br /><br /><br />INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: How long can Wendy get away with this harebrained scheme? How long can she trick Becca, the other Galaxy girls, and their parents into thinking she is actually an Italian stud-muffin soccer player? How long can Tony continue to feed her with his endless knowledge of soccer technique and history? How long can she and the real Lorenzo keep nearly-running into each other? How long can Becca and the Galaxy girls last in the final match against the Malibu Biyatches? How long? HOW LONG!?!?!<br /><br /><br />WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “SOCCER MOM”: If you love soccer, female soccer players, and comedies about them that are pretty wacky but also surprisingly funny and good. If so… GOAL!!!<br /><br />WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “SOCCER MOM”: If you are more into football (American) or baseball, and would rather watch movies about those sports. And if you don’t like your comedies to be too wacky. If so, your choice - and your loss. <br /><br />BUT, SERIOUSLY: Watching SOCCER MOM, I kept thinking of another one of our reviews, the solidly hilarious GRANDMA’S BOY (review # 48). Now, SOCCER MOM and GRANDMA’S BOY have nothing in common, plot-wise, but they both share the same goofy/wacky type of humor. And, most importantly, they are both so confident and cheery that you can’t help but be won over by them. They also had leads that were very likable and easy to root for. That is something that many films surprisingly lack; if you don’t like the main character, why would you hang out with them for a couple of hours? <br /><br />SOCCER MOM’s premise is admittedly pretty farfetched. How could a suburban American woman who knows nothing about soccer hope to impersonate a swarthy Italian soccer star for more than five seconds? The script at least tries to provide Wendy a reason for employing this fairly ridiculous tactic: her daughter can’t take any more disappointment after the death of her father who was also her soccer coach. In short, Wendy does it for her daughter - which, from a “movie logic“ (if not a “reality logic”) standpoint, makes some sense. That’s the biggest leap we as the audience have to take, and you pretty much have to take it or stop watching the movie. My advice is to go ahead - because once you do, some of the gags and yuks waiting around the corner are fairly inspired. <br /><br />There’s a great sequence in a bar where Wendy-as-Lorenzo has to socialize with all the fathers of her players - and she has to try to match their swagger by boasting about women and sex and other such things. Then, to make matters even more dicey, the real Lorenzo shows up and sits right behind her, making the charade doubly hilarious. And then the same waitress ends up serving both tables - leading to some priceless confusion. Then there’s the scene (glimpsed in the trailer) where Wendy-as-Lorenzo gives a cashier her driver’s licence - and the cashier just gives the most priceless reaction. Best non-soccer scene in the movie…<br /><br />Speaking of the soccer scenes, they are energetic and also amusing - primarily because Wendy knows nothing about soccer and has to rely on Tony’s expertise and knowledge. A lot of humor comes from her “fish-out-of-water” trial-by-fire, and trying not to give away the fact that she is not “Lorenzo.” It should be noted that SOCCER MOM is as funny as it is because of Missy Pyle’s charm and appeal. As mentioned above, she turns Wendy into a very likable lead you can get behind, and it’s nice to see her take on a leading role for a change. Pyle and Elon Gold as the gay but soccer-savvy Tony make a great comic team. They’re the best thing about this movie. <br /><br />The rest of the cast is solid. Dan Cortese hams it up as the Italian soccer star Lorenzo Vincenzo, and he’s clearly having a good time just like everyone else. Emily Osment spends much of the first part of the movie looking understandably glum, but does a credible job of lightening up when “Lorenzo” begins coaching the team. Then there’s Steve Hytner as Coach Kenny, who is a droll delight - especially in that early “pep” speech he gives the team. With that kind of leadership, is it any wonder they’re at the bottom of their league? Very, very mean speech - but also very, very funny. <br /><br />In the end, SOCCER MOM is a wacky, goofy, and surprisingly good comedy that benefits from the same cheerful confidence that elevated the similarly goofy and wacky GRANDMA’S BOY. Both of them will definitely put a smile on your face. <br /><br />In closing some music and soccer to toast this good flick - and the achievements of the U.S. National Women’s Soccer Team. Go, girlz! Some great pics in the vid below. <br /><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/qza8VeED-hY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>4INUL4RI3Fhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490123923509255951noreply@blogger.com