Evening, folks. Hope everyone's happy as a lark and enjoying life. Just remember - Magic Time is coming. Yes, the weekend. If that doesn't put a smile on your face, then maybe you need to check to see if you have a mouth.
Anyhow, the last of the Romantic Comedy flicks have posted - and we're on to the Serial Killer theme for this week. The list was published last Sunday, but here it is again. We've got a good mix of hits, misfires, underrated gems, and so-so entries.
# 135 - RED DRAGON
# 136 - THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
# 137 - HANNIBAL
# 138 - JENNIFER EIGHT
# 139 - SEVEN
# 140 - THE CRIMSON RIVERS
# 141 - TAKING LIVES
Here's a taste of what to expect this weekend:
Yup. Suffice it to say, no fields of roses and cutesy montage sequences...
Please expect the reviews to post by Sunday evening. Then we're on to next week's theme, which will be a Jelly-Bean Grab-bag week...
Ciao ciao...
# 134 - GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST (2009)
GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST (2009 - COMEDY/ROMANCE/FANTASY) ** out of *****
(Time to call the Ghostbusters. Now, GODDAMNIT!! NOW!! KILL THIS FUCKING MOVIE NOW!!)
CAST: Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Garner, Breckin Meyer, Lacey Chabert, Michael Douglas, Anne Archer, Emma Stone, Robert Forster.
DIRECTOR: Marc Waters.
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and rather questionable Scrooge parallels straight ahead…
The first sign that GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST is a film you should treat with the same seriousness you should extend a stock tip from a meth-head, is the scene where our hero, fashion photographer Conner Mead (Matthew McConaughey), convinces some singer/actress/bimbo to pose with an apple on her head. What’s so unbelievable about that? Well, hang on: a second later, a Japanese archer appears from the wings and, at Connor’s command, fires an arrow into the apple perched precariously on the terrified airhead celebrity’s, uh, head.
Right. Sure. That would be completely believable - in a world where attorneys and lawsuits don’t exist, that is. Evidently, the movie would have us believe that Connor Mead is such a brilliant stud muffin photographer that he can get away with shit like that. Then again, the movie exists in a world where Matthew McConaughey plays a guy who breaks up with three girlfriends. At the same time. On a video conference call.
Right. Sure. Only in movies do we find lecherous dirtbags this creative. Or at least movies like GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST, which would have us believe that a rampant lothario like Connor Mead is visited by the: (1) the Ghost of Girlfriends Past; (2) the Ghost of Girlfriends Present; and (3) the Ghost of Girlfriends Future. All during the weekend of Connor’s brother Paul’s (Breckin Meyer) wedding. Which is the second sign that GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST is probably not a film that will score high on the credibility scale - the fact that Matthew McConaughey and Breckin Meyer play brothers. Don’t get me wrong - both these guys are very handsome in their own ways. Just very different ways. Like a sleek rattlesnake and an adorable koala bear pretending to be siblings.
Anyhow, Connor’s presence at the rehearsal dinner is about as soothing as Bengal tiger in a hen house. For example, he does the following: (1) clashes with old pal and ex-flame Jenny Perotti (Jennifer Garner); (2) gets drunk and basically calls the sacrament of marriage a ridiculous travesty; (3) runs afoul of Paul’s soon-to-be father-in-law (Robert Forster); and (4) generally makes an unpleasant ass out of himself.
Not for long though, because the first of the Ghosts shows up and takes him on a journey through his past to show Connor how he became the incorrigible jerk that he is. And that ghost is his Uncle Wayne (Michael Douglas), a legendary womanizer that was Connor’s guardian after his parents died. Wayne warns Connor that if he doesn’t change his ways, he’s going to regret it - like Wayne himself eventually did. Like picking up a tall blonde in a bar with shoulders that are just a little too broad, a voice a little too deep, and hands a little too big. With a lump on her throat that looks suspiciously like an Adam’s Apple.
Will Connor learn from Uncle Wayne, the other three ghosts, and his journey? Will he realize the error of his ways? Will he try to make it up to Paul and his psycho bride, Sandra (Lacey Chabert), and save their wedding? Or will he fuck it up royally? Will he re-connect with Jenny? Or will she basically show him her hand and tell him to talk to it? Why is Matthew McConaughey’s tan the color of a Sicilian Blood Orange?
Discover for yourselves. And play a drinking game where everyone does shots whenever Connor is referred to as a “Man-Whore.”
BUT, SERIOUSLY: The only reason this film rates a ** (mediocre) and not *½ (utter crap) or even (God help it) lower, is the presence of some amusing scenes and funny lines. However for every one of those, there’s about ten that are just lame or corny. Watching this movie gave me the sensation watching a raft slowly sink into a lake - and feeling sorry for the nice people stuck on it.
The cast, led by Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Garner, are talented and have done better work elsewhere. Here, they are stuck playing characters that are only sporadically interesting. Connor Mead comes across as poor man’s Mike Chadway from THE UGLY TRUTH (review # 133). In that movie, Gerard Butler played a similar unapologetically promiscuous character - but sold him to the audience because he was hilarious. Aside from some droll lines and a few sharp scenes, Matthew McConaughey is stuck with character who doesn’t have much charm (despite all appearances to the contrary) under that smug surface. Which is why Connor Mead doesn’t hold a candle to Mike Chadway. Chadway told it like it is without being smarmy, while Mead fairly rolls in it.
Jennifer Garner is also stuck playing a rather bland character, despite her best efforts to try to liven her up. Jenny Perotti is supposed to be a no-nonsense good girl who is everyone’s rock. The problem is Jenny comes across as too much of a saint. You just don’t understand what a bad boy like Connor Mead would see in her - and her in him. Sure, the script tries to tell us that Connor is really a romantic who was just led astray by early heartbreak and an influential uncle. But it just all feels… false and lifeless. Contrast this film with THE UGLY TRUTH, which was full of energy but still felt real.
The rest of the cast do their best to support McConaughey and Garner, with Breckin Meyer his usual winning self as Connor’s less flashy brother. Lacey Chabert as the high-strung Sandra is just a tad too histrionic and shrill. Which would be fine, if it were funny. Sadly, it’s not.
The best I can say about GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST is that it had good intentions, but the execution leaves a lot to be desired. It’s a shame, too, because there’s a kernel of a good idea buried in the script.
(Time to call the Ghostbusters. Now, GODDAMNIT!! NOW!! KILL THIS FUCKING MOVIE NOW!!)
CAST: Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Garner, Breckin Meyer, Lacey Chabert, Michael Douglas, Anne Archer, Emma Stone, Robert Forster.
DIRECTOR: Marc Waters.
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and rather questionable Scrooge parallels straight ahead…
The first sign that GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST is a film you should treat with the same seriousness you should extend a stock tip from a meth-head, is the scene where our hero, fashion photographer Conner Mead (Matthew McConaughey), convinces some singer/actress/bimbo to pose with an apple on her head. What’s so unbelievable about that? Well, hang on: a second later, a Japanese archer appears from the wings and, at Connor’s command, fires an arrow into the apple perched precariously on the terrified airhead celebrity’s, uh, head.
Right. Sure. That would be completely believable - in a world where attorneys and lawsuits don’t exist, that is. Evidently, the movie would have us believe that Connor Mead is such a brilliant stud muffin photographer that he can get away with shit like that. Then again, the movie exists in a world where Matthew McConaughey plays a guy who breaks up with three girlfriends. At the same time. On a video conference call.
Right. Sure. Only in movies do we find lecherous dirtbags this creative. Or at least movies like GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST, which would have us believe that a rampant lothario like Connor Mead is visited by the: (1) the Ghost of Girlfriends Past; (2) the Ghost of Girlfriends Present; and (3) the Ghost of Girlfriends Future. All during the weekend of Connor’s brother Paul’s (Breckin Meyer) wedding. Which is the second sign that GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST is probably not a film that will score high on the credibility scale - the fact that Matthew McConaughey and Breckin Meyer play brothers. Don’t get me wrong - both these guys are very handsome in their own ways. Just very different ways. Like a sleek rattlesnake and an adorable koala bear pretending to be siblings.
Anyhow, Connor’s presence at the rehearsal dinner is about as soothing as Bengal tiger in a hen house. For example, he does the following: (1) clashes with old pal and ex-flame Jenny Perotti (Jennifer Garner); (2) gets drunk and basically calls the sacrament of marriage a ridiculous travesty; (3) runs afoul of Paul’s soon-to-be father-in-law (Robert Forster); and (4) generally makes an unpleasant ass out of himself.
Not for long though, because the first of the Ghosts shows up and takes him on a journey through his past to show Connor how he became the incorrigible jerk that he is. And that ghost is his Uncle Wayne (Michael Douglas), a legendary womanizer that was Connor’s guardian after his parents died. Wayne warns Connor that if he doesn’t change his ways, he’s going to regret it - like Wayne himself eventually did. Like picking up a tall blonde in a bar with shoulders that are just a little too broad, a voice a little too deep, and hands a little too big. With a lump on her throat that looks suspiciously like an Adam’s Apple.
Will Connor learn from Uncle Wayne, the other three ghosts, and his journey? Will he realize the error of his ways? Will he try to make it up to Paul and his psycho bride, Sandra (Lacey Chabert), and save their wedding? Or will he fuck it up royally? Will he re-connect with Jenny? Or will she basically show him her hand and tell him to talk to it? Why is Matthew McConaughey’s tan the color of a Sicilian Blood Orange?
Discover for yourselves. And play a drinking game where everyone does shots whenever Connor is referred to as a “Man-Whore.”
BUT, SERIOUSLY: The only reason this film rates a ** (mediocre) and not *½ (utter crap) or even (God help it) lower, is the presence of some amusing scenes and funny lines. However for every one of those, there’s about ten that are just lame or corny. Watching this movie gave me the sensation watching a raft slowly sink into a lake - and feeling sorry for the nice people stuck on it.
The cast, led by Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Garner, are talented and have done better work elsewhere. Here, they are stuck playing characters that are only sporadically interesting. Connor Mead comes across as poor man’s Mike Chadway from THE UGLY TRUTH (review # 133). In that movie, Gerard Butler played a similar unapologetically promiscuous character - but sold him to the audience because he was hilarious. Aside from some droll lines and a few sharp scenes, Matthew McConaughey is stuck with character who doesn’t have much charm (despite all appearances to the contrary) under that smug surface. Which is why Connor Mead doesn’t hold a candle to Mike Chadway. Chadway told it like it is without being smarmy, while Mead fairly rolls in it.
Jennifer Garner is also stuck playing a rather bland character, despite her best efforts to try to liven her up. Jenny Perotti is supposed to be a no-nonsense good girl who is everyone’s rock. The problem is Jenny comes across as too much of a saint. You just don’t understand what a bad boy like Connor Mead would see in her - and her in him. Sure, the script tries to tell us that Connor is really a romantic who was just led astray by early heartbreak and an influential uncle. But it just all feels… false and lifeless. Contrast this film with THE UGLY TRUTH, which was full of energy but still felt real.
The rest of the cast do their best to support McConaughey and Garner, with Breckin Meyer his usual winning self as Connor’s less flashy brother. Lacey Chabert as the high-strung Sandra is just a tad too histrionic and shrill. Which would be fine, if it were funny. Sadly, it’s not.
The best I can say about GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST is that it had good intentions, but the execution leaves a lot to be desired. It’s a shame, too, because there’s a kernel of a good idea buried in the script.
# 133 - THE UGLY TRUTH (2009)
THE UGLY TRUTH (2009 - COMEDY/ROMANCE) **** out of *****
(I think I just met my Prince Charming. Seriously.)
CAST: Katherine Heigl, Gerard Butler, Bree Turner, Eric Winter, Nick Searcy, Cheryl Hines, John Michael Higgins.
DIRECTOR: Robert Luketic
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some potentially disturbing telling-it-like-it-is shenanigans straight ahead.
There are certain movie characters that are considered iconic and timeless. Characters with names like Han Solo, Indiana Jones, Luke Skywalker, Hannibal Lecter, Ferris Bueller, Catherine Trammell, Clarice Starling, Robin Hood, James Bond, Jason Bourne, The Bride, Maximus Decidius Meridius, Harry Potter, The Terminator, John McClane, Bonnie and Clyde, Harry, Sally, Jake Gittes, Katherine Mulwray, Rosemary Woodhouse, Thomas Crown, Roger Thornhill, and Howard The Duck. Just to name a few. Okay, Howard The Duck wasn’t exactly an iconic character - more like notorious. But he might be on someone's personal list of iconic characters.
Which brings me to my next point: characters that should be iconic but are not well-known enough to considered so. This doesn’t change the fact that they’re utterly awesome, though. Just undiscovered, I guess. Everyone’s “List Of Should-Be-Iconic Characters” varies from person to person, but my own includes, but is not limited to: (1) Roy McAvoy (Kevin Costner) from TIN CUP; (2) Carly Norris (Sharon Stone) from SLIVER; (3) Johnny Storm (Chris Evans) from FANTASTIC FOUR 1 & 2; (4) Jensen (Chris Evans) from THE LOSERS; (5) Elektra King (Sophie Marceau) from THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH; (6) Bancroft (Timothy Dalton) from HAWKS; and (7) Mike Chadway (Gerard Butler) from… THE UGLY TRUTH.
Ah… Mike Chadway. If I ever had a soul brother for a movie character it would be this guy. Loud, lewd, promiscuous, rambunctious, cocky, sexy, profane, smart, spirited, and hilarious - Mike is a man’s man if there ever was one. This guy makes your average he-man look like, well, a thorough pussy. In other words, he just might the Best Drinking Buddy Ever. Unfortunately, one person’s godsend is another person’s demon. In other words, Mike just might also be the Worst Co-Worker Ever to certain uptight, humorless, and repressed individuals.
Abby Richter would be one such individual. So anal-retentive that she micro-manages a blind date’s choice of bottled water over tap water, Abby is one of those chicks that actually walks around with a checklist of what she wants from a potential mate. An actual, physical checklist. Which, to most red-blooded hetero men, makes Abby a hot, large-breasted, but no less deadly human version of a marauding Great White Shark. Actually, that would be unfair to a Great White Shark. At least the shark just puts you out of your misery immediately. With Abby, you’re pretty much guaranteed a slow, painful, agonizing death punctuated by questions like “What are you thinking?” and “What do you think we should name our first kid?”
Anyhow, Mike and Abby meet when he is hired by her TV station boss (Nick Searcy) to try to jumpstart the sagging ratings of their news/variety show. See, Mike has his own cable access show where he can pretty much run free with his wildly controversial and irreverently profane (read: truthful) take on the battle of the sexes. Abby, the TV station’s lead producer, is already familiar with Mike’s, um, body of work. As you can imagine, her opinion of it as about the same as her opinion on nude wrestling in a wading pool full of olive oil. In other words - not her cup of tea, thanks.
Fortunately, no one asks Abby for her opinion when Mike is hired on to the station. Probably nobody cares because she’s such an controlling bitch. So Abby has no choice but to work with someone for whom she has just a little bit less respect for than an empty tampon dispenser during a heavy flow day. Ordered to keep Mike happy - which presumably doesn’t include mint-enhanced blowjobs - Abby pretty much gnashes her teeth at the thought that her once clean and respectable show (read: boring as hell) is now laced with lewd and crude innuendo and shenanigans like semi-nude wrestling in a wading pool full of cherry Jell-O (read: FUN FACTORY!) which causes the uptight husband-and-wife anchors (Cheryl Hines and John Michael Higgins) to practically ravish each other right there in front of the camera (read: PARTAY!).
As you can imagine, the ratings of Abby’s show skyrocket. Seems there’s a huge audience for crude, clever, crudely-clever, and cleverly-crude humor. Thank. God. Ahem. For his part, Mike is enjoying his newfound status as a local celebrity. But he’s enjoying one privilege of his new job that just doesn’t compare to anything else in life: being able to annoy the living crap out of Abby. Which is kind of like shooting tuna in a barrell, because as Mike himself says, she’s “wound like a fucking top.” In other words: so many buttons, so little time...
Things start to change for the better (I guess) when Abby meets a handsome dude named Colin (Eric Winter). For someone as structured and married to checklists as Abby, this guy is a sopping wet dream. To wit, he: (1) is a doctor, (2) has awesome pecs, (3) is a doctor, (4) has a great smile, (5) is a doctor, (6) is a cat lover, (6) is a doctor, (7) has a great tan, (8) is a doctor, (9) and likes to go on romantic picnics. And did I mention he’s a doctor?
Anyhow, Mike smells trouble and quickly tells Abby like it is. Which is that she'll most likely scare Colin off with her control-freak-psycho-bitch-with-a-checklist tendencies. Outraged, Abby tells him that Colin is different from other guys and is kind and caring and really interested in what a woman has to say and not as a piece of meat and he also… Well, we never get to hear the rest of Abby’s description of Colin - because Mike pretty much cuts her off with his bellowing laughter of utter disbelief.
When he (and we) finally recover from that colossal load of fanciful horseshit, he tells Abby that she has a greater chance of getting D.B. Cooper to do a guest stint on her show than getting Colin to fall in love with her. Which might as well be a slap in the face with bag full of soap bars, if you’re a uptight and repressed chick like Abby. Sensing that Mike knows what he’s talking about, she opens up a little (and therefore sets off a blizzard halfway around the world in the Sahara) and wonders what she should do.
Well, Mike didn’t get to be the King of the Poonhounds by being a wallflower. Suffice it to say, he knows a thing or to about what gives a guy a hard-on. And better yet, he knows a thing or two about what keeps that hard-on raging. Before you know it, the Uptight Bitch and the Boorish Asshole make a bet: if Mike’s advice and help bags Colin for Abby, then she stops harping on Mike and lets him do as he pleases on his show. If, however, Colin runs for the hills anyway, then Mike will quit the show and let Abby live in peace - and spinsterhood - for the rest of her life.
Will Mike’s advice work? Will Colin be hooked by the new and improved Abby? Or will he see through the ploy? Does Abby really like Colin? Or will she realize that her “checklist” is a big load of hooey? Will she start to develop respect for Mike and his wisdom, however crude and lewd? Will Mike start to develop respect for Abby and her values, however boring and banal? Or will they go right back to sniping at each other like a couple of piranhas that haven’t been fed in three days? Will they - GASP! - fall in love?
And most importantly: will Mike see the light and ditch Abby and her show for a stint as my co-critic on this blog? Will he? Will he?
Now that would be a match made in heaven - or hell. At least we’d have fun - and I wouldn’t nag him. Unlike Abby, who must have a couple of Gold Medals in her closet for it.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Some folks will think “I can’t believe he gave THE UGLY TRUTH four stars out of five.” I don’t blame them. See, I didn’t hold out much hope for this film, either. The trailers looked okay enough, and Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler are certainly attractive and talented. But the movie didn’t look any different from a hundred other “odd couple” romantic comedies where two totally different people first hate each other’s guts - then gradually fall in love.
But when I actually watched the film, it happened. I fell for it. Very much the same way that Mike and Abby fall for each other: unexpectedly (on their part, anyway) but not unwillingly. And the chief reason is Mike and Abby themselves. Heigl and Butler manage to take two roles that were just a couple of nuances away from being stereotypes - and make them seem fresh and real. And the chemistry between the two of them is so explosive you can almost see the molecules burning in the air.
Katherine Heigl played an unlucky-in-love character in 27 DRESSES (2007), and Abby has a similar history. But while Jane from that earlier film was actually fairly laid-back, Abby in this film is far more high-strung and brittle. Professionally, Abby is cool and competent. Around men, though, she turns into a controlling nag. But Heigl manages to, at first, hint at the mischievous streak under Abby’s “Type-A” surface - then outright display it later on when Mike’s influence and advice take hold on her. The result is a heroine who is believably uptight but also believably spontaneous underneath. Heigl makes Abby’s transformation both seamless and funny.
But THE UGLY TRUTH’s ace up its sleeve is Gerard Butler as Mike Chadway. Mostly managing to suppress his Scottish accent, Butler makes Mike into a truly memorable character: someone louder and larger than life, but also idiosyncratic and human at the same time. He has some profanely clever lines that will bust you up. The script could’ve easily played Mike as a one-note pig, but it gives him enough dimension to keep the character from being an obnoxious stereotype. As Mike and Abby’s unexpected friendship deepen, you can see the effect it has on his emotions. Watch for the scene outside Abby’s hotel room wherein Mike struggles with his realization that he wants to be more than just a friend or a fuck buddy. Butler gives the character a tentative and surprisingly fragile quality that is endearing. And then watch for the scene wherein Mike is interviewed on a national TV show and is asked about who broke his heart. Without saying a single word, Butler’s expression conveys Mike’s secret broken heart - and just like that, we figure out why the character is the way he is.
Heigl and Butler also get stellar support from the actors around them. Cheryl Hines and John Michael Higgins are hilarious as the bickering anchors who slowly fall under Mike’s spell - and end up falling in lust with each other because of him. Bree Turner is a nice presence as Abby’s best friend, Joy. It’s nice to see a romantic comedy with a “best friend” character who is just as attractive as the heroine. Turner also has some nicely tart lines. Finally, Eric Winter as Abby’s crush, Colin, is appropriately handsome and deliberately bland - perhaps to contrast him starkly with the much more dynamic Mike. I would invoke the LLT syndrome here, but there was never meant to be a true triangle between Mike, Abby, and Colin. Colin’s just there as a reason to get Abby and Mike to conspire with one another - and not to give Mike a run for his money.
Because let’s face it - any guy competing against Mike Chadway would have his work cut out for him. And he’s one-third of what makes THE UGLY TRUTH soar. The other two-thirds is Katherine Heigl and their sizzling connection with one another.
Now that's chemistry...
(I think I just met my Prince Charming. Seriously.)
CAST: Katherine Heigl, Gerard Butler, Bree Turner, Eric Winter, Nick Searcy, Cheryl Hines, John Michael Higgins.
DIRECTOR: Robert Luketic
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some potentially disturbing telling-it-like-it-is shenanigans straight ahead.
There are certain movie characters that are considered iconic and timeless. Characters with names like Han Solo, Indiana Jones, Luke Skywalker, Hannibal Lecter, Ferris Bueller, Catherine Trammell, Clarice Starling, Robin Hood, James Bond, Jason Bourne, The Bride, Maximus Decidius Meridius, Harry Potter, The Terminator, John McClane, Bonnie and Clyde, Harry, Sally, Jake Gittes, Katherine Mulwray, Rosemary Woodhouse, Thomas Crown, Roger Thornhill, and Howard The Duck. Just to name a few. Okay, Howard The Duck wasn’t exactly an iconic character - more like notorious. But he might be on someone's personal list of iconic characters.
Which brings me to my next point: characters that should be iconic but are not well-known enough to considered so. This doesn’t change the fact that they’re utterly awesome, though. Just undiscovered, I guess. Everyone’s “List Of Should-Be-Iconic Characters” varies from person to person, but my own includes, but is not limited to: (1) Roy McAvoy (Kevin Costner) from TIN CUP; (2) Carly Norris (Sharon Stone) from SLIVER; (3) Johnny Storm (Chris Evans) from FANTASTIC FOUR 1 & 2; (4) Jensen (Chris Evans) from THE LOSERS; (5) Elektra King (Sophie Marceau) from THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH; (6) Bancroft (Timothy Dalton) from HAWKS; and (7) Mike Chadway (Gerard Butler) from… THE UGLY TRUTH.
Ah… Mike Chadway. If I ever had a soul brother for a movie character it would be this guy. Loud, lewd, promiscuous, rambunctious, cocky, sexy, profane, smart, spirited, and hilarious - Mike is a man’s man if there ever was one. This guy makes your average he-man look like, well, a thorough pussy. In other words, he just might the Best Drinking Buddy Ever. Unfortunately, one person’s godsend is another person’s demon. In other words, Mike just might also be the Worst Co-Worker Ever to certain uptight, humorless, and repressed individuals.
Abby Richter would be one such individual. So anal-retentive that she micro-manages a blind date’s choice of bottled water over tap water, Abby is one of those chicks that actually walks around with a checklist of what she wants from a potential mate. An actual, physical checklist. Which, to most red-blooded hetero men, makes Abby a hot, large-breasted, but no less deadly human version of a marauding Great White Shark. Actually, that would be unfair to a Great White Shark. At least the shark just puts you out of your misery immediately. With Abby, you’re pretty much guaranteed a slow, painful, agonizing death punctuated by questions like “What are you thinking?” and “What do you think we should name our first kid?”
Anyhow, Mike and Abby meet when he is hired by her TV station boss (Nick Searcy) to try to jumpstart the sagging ratings of their news/variety show. See, Mike has his own cable access show where he can pretty much run free with his wildly controversial and irreverently profane (read: truthful) take on the battle of the sexes. Abby, the TV station’s lead producer, is already familiar with Mike’s, um, body of work. As you can imagine, her opinion of it as about the same as her opinion on nude wrestling in a wading pool full of olive oil. In other words - not her cup of tea, thanks.
Fortunately, no one asks Abby for her opinion when Mike is hired on to the station. Probably nobody cares because she’s such an controlling bitch. So Abby has no choice but to work with someone for whom she has just a little bit less respect for than an empty tampon dispenser during a heavy flow day. Ordered to keep Mike happy - which presumably doesn’t include mint-enhanced blowjobs - Abby pretty much gnashes her teeth at the thought that her once clean and respectable show (read: boring as hell) is now laced with lewd and crude innuendo and shenanigans like semi-nude wrestling in a wading pool full of cherry Jell-O (read: FUN FACTORY!) which causes the uptight husband-and-wife anchors (Cheryl Hines and John Michael Higgins) to practically ravish each other right there in front of the camera (read: PARTAY!).
As you can imagine, the ratings of Abby’s show skyrocket. Seems there’s a huge audience for crude, clever, crudely-clever, and cleverly-crude humor. Thank. God. Ahem. For his part, Mike is enjoying his newfound status as a local celebrity. But he’s enjoying one privilege of his new job that just doesn’t compare to anything else in life: being able to annoy the living crap out of Abby. Which is kind of like shooting tuna in a barrell, because as Mike himself says, she’s “wound like a fucking top.” In other words: so many buttons, so little time...
Things start to change for the better (I guess) when Abby meets a handsome dude named Colin (Eric Winter). For someone as structured and married to checklists as Abby, this guy is a sopping wet dream. To wit, he: (1) is a doctor, (2) has awesome pecs, (3) is a doctor, (4) has a great smile, (5) is a doctor, (6) is a cat lover, (6) is a doctor, (7) has a great tan, (8) is a doctor, (9) and likes to go on romantic picnics. And did I mention he’s a doctor?
Anyhow, Mike smells trouble and quickly tells Abby like it is. Which is that she'll most likely scare Colin off with her control-freak-psycho-bitch-with-a-checklist tendencies. Outraged, Abby tells him that Colin is different from other guys and is kind and caring and really interested in what a woman has to say and not as a piece of meat and he also… Well, we never get to hear the rest of Abby’s description of Colin - because Mike pretty much cuts her off with his bellowing laughter of utter disbelief.
When he (and we) finally recover from that colossal load of fanciful horseshit, he tells Abby that she has a greater chance of getting D.B. Cooper to do a guest stint on her show than getting Colin to fall in love with her. Which might as well be a slap in the face with bag full of soap bars, if you’re a uptight and repressed chick like Abby. Sensing that Mike knows what he’s talking about, she opens up a little (and therefore sets off a blizzard halfway around the world in the Sahara) and wonders what she should do.
Well, Mike didn’t get to be the King of the Poonhounds by being a wallflower. Suffice it to say, he knows a thing or to about what gives a guy a hard-on. And better yet, he knows a thing or two about what keeps that hard-on raging. Before you know it, the Uptight Bitch and the Boorish Asshole make a bet: if Mike’s advice and help bags Colin for Abby, then she stops harping on Mike and lets him do as he pleases on his show. If, however, Colin runs for the hills anyway, then Mike will quit the show and let Abby live in peace - and spinsterhood - for the rest of her life.
Will Mike’s advice work? Will Colin be hooked by the new and improved Abby? Or will he see through the ploy? Does Abby really like Colin? Or will she realize that her “checklist” is a big load of hooey? Will she start to develop respect for Mike and his wisdom, however crude and lewd? Will Mike start to develop respect for Abby and her values, however boring and banal? Or will they go right back to sniping at each other like a couple of piranhas that haven’t been fed in three days? Will they - GASP! - fall in love?
And most importantly: will Mike see the light and ditch Abby and her show for a stint as my co-critic on this blog? Will he? Will he?
Now that would be a match made in heaven - or hell. At least we’d have fun - and I wouldn’t nag him. Unlike Abby, who must have a couple of Gold Medals in her closet for it.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Some folks will think “I can’t believe he gave THE UGLY TRUTH four stars out of five.” I don’t blame them. See, I didn’t hold out much hope for this film, either. The trailers looked okay enough, and Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler are certainly attractive and talented. But the movie didn’t look any different from a hundred other “odd couple” romantic comedies where two totally different people first hate each other’s guts - then gradually fall in love.
But when I actually watched the film, it happened. I fell for it. Very much the same way that Mike and Abby fall for each other: unexpectedly (on their part, anyway) but not unwillingly. And the chief reason is Mike and Abby themselves. Heigl and Butler manage to take two roles that were just a couple of nuances away from being stereotypes - and make them seem fresh and real. And the chemistry between the two of them is so explosive you can almost see the molecules burning in the air.
Katherine Heigl played an unlucky-in-love character in 27 DRESSES (2007), and Abby has a similar history. But while Jane from that earlier film was actually fairly laid-back, Abby in this film is far more high-strung and brittle. Professionally, Abby is cool and competent. Around men, though, she turns into a controlling nag. But Heigl manages to, at first, hint at the mischievous streak under Abby’s “Type-A” surface - then outright display it later on when Mike’s influence and advice take hold on her. The result is a heroine who is believably uptight but also believably spontaneous underneath. Heigl makes Abby’s transformation both seamless and funny.
But THE UGLY TRUTH’s ace up its sleeve is Gerard Butler as Mike Chadway. Mostly managing to suppress his Scottish accent, Butler makes Mike into a truly memorable character: someone louder and larger than life, but also idiosyncratic and human at the same time. He has some profanely clever lines that will bust you up. The script could’ve easily played Mike as a one-note pig, but it gives him enough dimension to keep the character from being an obnoxious stereotype. As Mike and Abby’s unexpected friendship deepen, you can see the effect it has on his emotions. Watch for the scene outside Abby’s hotel room wherein Mike struggles with his realization that he wants to be more than just a friend or a fuck buddy. Butler gives the character a tentative and surprisingly fragile quality that is endearing. And then watch for the scene wherein Mike is interviewed on a national TV show and is asked about who broke his heart. Without saying a single word, Butler’s expression conveys Mike’s secret broken heart - and just like that, we figure out why the character is the way he is.
Heigl and Butler also get stellar support from the actors around them. Cheryl Hines and John Michael Higgins are hilarious as the bickering anchors who slowly fall under Mike’s spell - and end up falling in lust with each other because of him. Bree Turner is a nice presence as Abby’s best friend, Joy. It’s nice to see a romantic comedy with a “best friend” character who is just as attractive as the heroine. Turner also has some nicely tart lines. Finally, Eric Winter as Abby’s crush, Colin, is appropriately handsome and deliberately bland - perhaps to contrast him starkly with the much more dynamic Mike. I would invoke the LLT syndrome here, but there was never meant to be a true triangle between Mike, Abby, and Colin. Colin’s just there as a reason to get Abby and Mike to conspire with one another - and not to give Mike a run for his money.
Because let’s face it - any guy competing against Mike Chadway would have his work cut out for him. And he’s one-third of what makes THE UGLY TRUTH soar. The other two-thirds is Katherine Heigl and their sizzling connection with one another.
Now that's chemistry...
# 132 - RUNAWAY BRIDE (1999)
RUNAWAY BRIDE (1999 - ROMANCE/COMEDY) *** out of *****
(And what, may I ask, is so wrong with bolting every time someone gets too clingy? What, I ask you!?!? WHAT?!?)
CAST: Julia Roberts, Richard Gere, Hector Elizondo, Joan Cusack, Rita Wilson, Christopher Meloni, Paul Dooley, Donal Logue, Jean Schertler, Reg Rogers, Yul Vazquez, Kathleen Marshall.
DIRECTOR: Garry Marshall.
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and serial-wedding-cuckolding shenanigans straight ahead…
In my review for CAIRO TIME (review # 107) I stated that chemistry between two stars can sometimes save a film from being average - or worse: being a piece of shit. There are certain films that, were it not for an electric connection between its leads, would hardly be able justify their release on DVD, let alone in theatres. Yup, powerful chemistry between actors is like Audience Beer Goggles: it completely blinds you to the fact that movie you’re watching is really, well, a dog.
Consider PRETTY WOMAN, that mega-hit from 1990 that even the inhabitants of Mars love. But take away the deliciously awesome combo of Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, and what do you have left? Bullshit of the highest magnitude that would have you believe a cold-hearted tycoon is capable of being melted by a Hollywood street walker. Right. And Cinderella and Prince Charming really did exist and are about to celebrate their Ruby Anniversary.
But put Gere and Roberts back into the picture and suddenly you’ve got CINDERELLA in thigh-high boots, a micro-mini, and a going rate of $3,000 a week. In other words, with Julia Roberts having such a blast in those thigh-highs, PRETTY WOMAN isn’t too far from being a recruiting poster for prostitution. Hell, the first time I saw it even I was ready to try life as a hooker.
Flash forward about nine years, and we find ourselves in similar territory. We have Richard Gere and Julia Roberts reuniting with each other and their PRETTY WOMAN director, Garry Marshall, for another go at Box-Office glory. The trio’s sophomore effort (literally and figuratively) is called RUNAWAY BRIDE - and its basically PRETTY WOMAN in a small town, without the thigh-highs or snooty Rodeo Drive shopgirls. And, technically, Julia Roberts doesn’t play a hooker - just a girl who repeatedly dazzles, woos, beds, and then dumps men at the altar. Hmmmm… Well, I guess she does kind of play a hooker, right?
Whatever. Anyhow, she plays Maggie Carpenter, who - as mentioned above - has made a name for herself in her small town of Hale, Maryland. If you’re thinking that “made a name for herself” translates to being super-successful, you’d be wrong. Unless you mean: “super-successful at making men fall for her, propose to her, then watching her bolt like a horse on acid just as they’re about to meet up at the altar.” In other words, Maggie Carpenter is to weddings, as Elmer Fudd is to rabbit-hunting. Which means she basically sucks at it.
Who’s Richard Gere playing in all of this? Thanks for asking. He is Ike Graham, a weekly columnist at USA TODAY who obviously doesn’t take his job seriously, because: (1) he waits until the last minute to write his shit; (2) then asks total strangers on the street for ideas out of desperation; and then (3) writes an entire column based on the say-so of a drunk asshole from his favorite bar, which (4) apparently, is also his office.
Now, I’d like to be frank here and say that I have about as much sympathy for Ike as I do for people who star in reality shows and then wonder why they’re suddenly national laughing-stocks. For starters, he’s freaking out over writing ONE whole column a week? Hey, Ike… newsflash for you, dude: try writing SEVEN of the goddamned things in a week. Or sometimes even more than that, especially if I’ve been busy socializing with fellow miscreants or having domestic disputes with my cat.
And then there’s taking the word of a drunken, bitter bastard and creating a whole column out of it. In this case, that column revolves around Maggie and her “See Ya!” antics at the altar. Fueled by either indignation or desperation or both, Ike whips out a lacerating indictment of our heroine - without confirming a single fucking thing that he’s been told. Wow. Even my college paper had more stringent fact-checking guidelines.
It comes as no surprise to us that Maggie eventually reads this column on her exploits - and explodes like Mt. Etna. In short order, she does the following: (1) writes a similarly lacerating letter to Ellie (Rita Wilson), managing editor of USA TODAY; (2) points out all the slanderous items in Ike’s column - such as she only cuckolded three guys, not seven, thank you very much; and (3) demands that Ike be handed his ass before being tossed out onto it; or (4) she will sue the newspaper within an inch of its life.
Guess what happens to Ike? Yup, Ellie basically bows to Maggie’s wishes. Of course, it doesn’t help that the Ellie is Ike’s ex-wife. It further doesn’t help that he basically patronizes Ellie and treats her like they’re still married - read: like shit. Fuck, I’d fire him, too - with or without the threat of Maggie’s lawsuit. And just like that, the great Ike Graham is reduced to a severance package and a bitch of a job search ahead of him.
Fortunately, Ellie’s new husband, Fisher (Hector Elizondo), is also Ike’s best friend (I don’t even want to know how that happened). Fisher is a fashion photographer who regularly works for GQ, and he manages to secure Ike a feature gig - writing about Maggie and her upcoming fourth marriage to Bob (Christopher Meloni). Fisher, being a good friend, wants to give Ike a shot at redemption - and vindication. Basically, Ike will document Maggie’s new would-be wedding. And if she runs again, then he’ll have proven his point - and will be back on top again. Or so he thinks.
Needless to say, Ike jumps all over Fisher’s offer and books it for Hale, Maryland to basically start stalking Maggie. And the race is on…
As you would expect, Ike and Maggie don’t exactly hit it off when they finally meet. Let’s recall that this guy basically trashed her in print in front of the entire nation - if not the world. And let’s not forget that this chick pretty much ruined him professionally - possibly permanently. In other words, people have stabbed each other in the eyes for less. And, yet, this is supposed to be the basis of an, ahem, “romantic comedy?”
Good luck with that, dipshits…
Will Ike be vindicated? Will Maggie bolt a fourth time? Or will she go through with it just to prove Ike wrong and ruin him for good? Or will Ike and Maggie fall for each other? Will Ike inadvertently cause Maggie to run? Or is he doing it intentionally as payback? Does Maggie have a secret agenda of her own? Why do men keep falling for Maggie anyway? I mean, I know she looks like Julia Roberts and all, but come on! Is she that good in the sack?
And most significantly: couldn’t the writers think of a better third-act twist than the one they toss onto us like one of those 100 lb. salmons at Pike Place Market?
Whatever. I need to drink a whole bottle of vinegar as an antidote to this movie.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Just going to come out and say it: if it weren’t for the star power and chemistry between Julia Roberts and Richard Gere, RUNAWAY BRIDE would be very average - if not even mediocre. What further saves the movie is the colorful and vibrant supporting cast. What’s interesting about this film is how it feels more like an ensemble rather than just a star vehicle for its leads. RUNAWAY BRIDE rises as high as it does because everyone in this film looks like they’re having a blast.
Julia Roberts manages, as usual, to make us believe in her character. Maggie Carpenter clearly has commitment and trust issues, but Roberts actually sells the reason why the character does what she does - even if she may not necessarily be aware of it herself until late in the game. And in doing so, she also sells the character. As Ike Graham, Richard Gere is both more laidback and animated than he’s been in awhile. In contrast to his role of Edward in PRETTY WOMAN, Ike is a more explosive and openly charming personality - and Gere wins us over with a combo of brash charisma and surprising sweetness.
As mentioned before, the supporting cast is a strong one. Joan Cusack, Paul Dooley, Rita Wilson, Hector Elizondo, Christopher Meloni, Donal Logue, and Jean Schertler - just to name a few - all knock their roles out of the park. Joan Cusack is the standout, though, as Maggie’s best pal who may harbor envious feelings towards her more vibrant and charismatic best friend.
Still, as good as everyone is, it can’t be denied that the script for RUNAWAY BRIDE has a serious flaw that’s enough to keep it from rising from being an above-average romantic comedy to an outright good one: that third-act twist that would have us believe that… well, I’m not going to spoil it. Suffice it to say, director Garry Marshall and his writers had the chance to turn this movie’s third act into a compelling one with an undeniably great hook: Ike and Maggie slowly fall in love - which ironically just might actually make her bolt a fourth time, and prove Ike right to the world. Except his feelings for Maggie have changed...
The movie is actually proceeding down this path - until it decides to chuck all the good groundwork that its leads and supporting cast have covered by throwing us a twist that looks, feels, and rings patently false. Sure, it makes for some cutesy montage sequence set to peppy pop songs - but its all dishonest. What a shame.
Fortunately, the film regains its footing, somewhat, because of two things at the very end: (1) a lovely reconciliation scene between Maggie and Ike that is touching and as honest as you can expect from a romantic comedy these days; and (2) a funny, vibrant end credit sequence that almost makes you believe in happily ever after.
Had Marshall and his writers found a more truthful way to handle the third act, RUNAWAY BRIDE would have scored higher than above average (***). But, taken as it is, it is still a pleasant and diverting film which proves that if you have the right leads and a solid supporting cast backing them up, you can get away with almost anything.
(And what, may I ask, is so wrong with bolting every time someone gets too clingy? What, I ask you!?!? WHAT?!?)
CAST: Julia Roberts, Richard Gere, Hector Elizondo, Joan Cusack, Rita Wilson, Christopher Meloni, Paul Dooley, Donal Logue, Jean Schertler, Reg Rogers, Yul Vazquez, Kathleen Marshall.
DIRECTOR: Garry Marshall.
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and serial-wedding-cuckolding shenanigans straight ahead…
In my review for CAIRO TIME (review # 107) I stated that chemistry between two stars can sometimes save a film from being average - or worse: being a piece of shit. There are certain films that, were it not for an electric connection between its leads, would hardly be able justify their release on DVD, let alone in theatres. Yup, powerful chemistry between actors is like Audience Beer Goggles: it completely blinds you to the fact that movie you’re watching is really, well, a dog.
Consider PRETTY WOMAN, that mega-hit from 1990 that even the inhabitants of Mars love. But take away the deliciously awesome combo of Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, and what do you have left? Bullshit of the highest magnitude that would have you believe a cold-hearted tycoon is capable of being melted by a Hollywood street walker. Right. And Cinderella and Prince Charming really did exist and are about to celebrate their Ruby Anniversary.
But put Gere and Roberts back into the picture and suddenly you’ve got CINDERELLA in thigh-high boots, a micro-mini, and a going rate of $3,000 a week. In other words, with Julia Roberts having such a blast in those thigh-highs, PRETTY WOMAN isn’t too far from being a recruiting poster for prostitution. Hell, the first time I saw it even I was ready to try life as a hooker.
Flash forward about nine years, and we find ourselves in similar territory. We have Richard Gere and Julia Roberts reuniting with each other and their PRETTY WOMAN director, Garry Marshall, for another go at Box-Office glory. The trio’s sophomore effort (literally and figuratively) is called RUNAWAY BRIDE - and its basically PRETTY WOMAN in a small town, without the thigh-highs or snooty Rodeo Drive shopgirls. And, technically, Julia Roberts doesn’t play a hooker - just a girl who repeatedly dazzles, woos, beds, and then dumps men at the altar. Hmmmm… Well, I guess she does kind of play a hooker, right?
Whatever. Anyhow, she plays Maggie Carpenter, who - as mentioned above - has made a name for herself in her small town of Hale, Maryland. If you’re thinking that “made a name for herself” translates to being super-successful, you’d be wrong. Unless you mean: “super-successful at making men fall for her, propose to her, then watching her bolt like a horse on acid just as they’re about to meet up at the altar.” In other words, Maggie Carpenter is to weddings, as Elmer Fudd is to rabbit-hunting. Which means she basically sucks at it.
Who’s Richard Gere playing in all of this? Thanks for asking. He is Ike Graham, a weekly columnist at USA TODAY who obviously doesn’t take his job seriously, because: (1) he waits until the last minute to write his shit; (2) then asks total strangers on the street for ideas out of desperation; and then (3) writes an entire column based on the say-so of a drunk asshole from his favorite bar, which (4) apparently, is also his office.
Now, I’d like to be frank here and say that I have about as much sympathy for Ike as I do for people who star in reality shows and then wonder why they’re suddenly national laughing-stocks. For starters, he’s freaking out over writing ONE whole column a week? Hey, Ike… newsflash for you, dude: try writing SEVEN of the goddamned things in a week. Or sometimes even more than that, especially if I’ve been busy socializing with fellow miscreants or having domestic disputes with my cat.
And then there’s taking the word of a drunken, bitter bastard and creating a whole column out of it. In this case, that column revolves around Maggie and her “See Ya!” antics at the altar. Fueled by either indignation or desperation or both, Ike whips out a lacerating indictment of our heroine - without confirming a single fucking thing that he’s been told. Wow. Even my college paper had more stringent fact-checking guidelines.
It comes as no surprise to us that Maggie eventually reads this column on her exploits - and explodes like Mt. Etna. In short order, she does the following: (1) writes a similarly lacerating letter to Ellie (Rita Wilson), managing editor of USA TODAY; (2) points out all the slanderous items in Ike’s column - such as she only cuckolded three guys, not seven, thank you very much; and (3) demands that Ike be handed his ass before being tossed out onto it; or (4) she will sue the newspaper within an inch of its life.
Guess what happens to Ike? Yup, Ellie basically bows to Maggie’s wishes. Of course, it doesn’t help that the Ellie is Ike’s ex-wife. It further doesn’t help that he basically patronizes Ellie and treats her like they’re still married - read: like shit. Fuck, I’d fire him, too - with or without the threat of Maggie’s lawsuit. And just like that, the great Ike Graham is reduced to a severance package and a bitch of a job search ahead of him.
Fortunately, Ellie’s new husband, Fisher (Hector Elizondo), is also Ike’s best friend (I don’t even want to know how that happened). Fisher is a fashion photographer who regularly works for GQ, and he manages to secure Ike a feature gig - writing about Maggie and her upcoming fourth marriage to Bob (Christopher Meloni). Fisher, being a good friend, wants to give Ike a shot at redemption - and vindication. Basically, Ike will document Maggie’s new would-be wedding. And if she runs again, then he’ll have proven his point - and will be back on top again. Or so he thinks.
Needless to say, Ike jumps all over Fisher’s offer and books it for Hale, Maryland to basically start stalking Maggie. And the race is on…
As you would expect, Ike and Maggie don’t exactly hit it off when they finally meet. Let’s recall that this guy basically trashed her in print in front of the entire nation - if not the world. And let’s not forget that this chick pretty much ruined him professionally - possibly permanently. In other words, people have stabbed each other in the eyes for less. And, yet, this is supposed to be the basis of an, ahem, “romantic comedy?”
Good luck with that, dipshits…
Will Ike be vindicated? Will Maggie bolt a fourth time? Or will she go through with it just to prove Ike wrong and ruin him for good? Or will Ike and Maggie fall for each other? Will Ike inadvertently cause Maggie to run? Or is he doing it intentionally as payback? Does Maggie have a secret agenda of her own? Why do men keep falling for Maggie anyway? I mean, I know she looks like Julia Roberts and all, but come on! Is she that good in the sack?
And most significantly: couldn’t the writers think of a better third-act twist than the one they toss onto us like one of those 100 lb. salmons at Pike Place Market?
Whatever. I need to drink a whole bottle of vinegar as an antidote to this movie.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Just going to come out and say it: if it weren’t for the star power and chemistry between Julia Roberts and Richard Gere, RUNAWAY BRIDE would be very average - if not even mediocre. What further saves the movie is the colorful and vibrant supporting cast. What’s interesting about this film is how it feels more like an ensemble rather than just a star vehicle for its leads. RUNAWAY BRIDE rises as high as it does because everyone in this film looks like they’re having a blast.
Julia Roberts manages, as usual, to make us believe in her character. Maggie Carpenter clearly has commitment and trust issues, but Roberts actually sells the reason why the character does what she does - even if she may not necessarily be aware of it herself until late in the game. And in doing so, she also sells the character. As Ike Graham, Richard Gere is both more laidback and animated than he’s been in awhile. In contrast to his role of Edward in PRETTY WOMAN, Ike is a more explosive and openly charming personality - and Gere wins us over with a combo of brash charisma and surprising sweetness.
As mentioned before, the supporting cast is a strong one. Joan Cusack, Paul Dooley, Rita Wilson, Hector Elizondo, Christopher Meloni, Donal Logue, and Jean Schertler - just to name a few - all knock their roles out of the park. Joan Cusack is the standout, though, as Maggie’s best pal who may harbor envious feelings towards her more vibrant and charismatic best friend.
Still, as good as everyone is, it can’t be denied that the script for RUNAWAY BRIDE has a serious flaw that’s enough to keep it from rising from being an above-average romantic comedy to an outright good one: that third-act twist that would have us believe that… well, I’m not going to spoil it. Suffice it to say, director Garry Marshall and his writers had the chance to turn this movie’s third act into a compelling one with an undeniably great hook: Ike and Maggie slowly fall in love - which ironically just might actually make her bolt a fourth time, and prove Ike right to the world. Except his feelings for Maggie have changed...
The movie is actually proceeding down this path - until it decides to chuck all the good groundwork that its leads and supporting cast have covered by throwing us a twist that looks, feels, and rings patently false. Sure, it makes for some cutesy montage sequence set to peppy pop songs - but its all dishonest. What a shame.
Fortunately, the film regains its footing, somewhat, because of two things at the very end: (1) a lovely reconciliation scene between Maggie and Ike that is touching and as honest as you can expect from a romantic comedy these days; and (2) a funny, vibrant end credit sequence that almost makes you believe in happily ever after.
Had Marshall and his writers found a more truthful way to handle the third act, RUNAWAY BRIDE would have scored higher than above average (***). But, taken as it is, it is still a pleasant and diverting film which proves that if you have the right leads and a solid supporting cast backing them up, you can get away with almost anything.
UPCOMING REVIEWS FOR THE WEEK OF 10/25/10 - 10/31/10
Well, folks... Halloween is just around the corner, and to commemorate this fun holiday, we will be reviewing... Serial Killer flicks. I thought about reviewing all seven of the HALLOWEEN films, which would've been perfect for the whole week. But that would also be too predictable and unsurprising.
So, here's the list:
# 135 - RED DRAGON: 2002 (AKA: Edward Norton Plus Ralph Fiennes Equals A Hot FBI Agent Vs. A Hot Serial Killer)
# 136 - THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS: 1990 (AKA: The Clarice And Hannibal Show)
# 137 - HANNIBAL: 2000 (AKA: Hannibal Lecter's Italian Holiday)
# 138 - JENNIFER EIGHT: 1992 (AKA: Anyone Up For A Deadly Game Of Blind Man's Bluff?)
# 139 - SEVEN: 1994 (AKA: That's Just Fucked Up)
# 140 - THE CRIMSON RIVERS: 2000 (AKA: SEVEN In The French Alps)
# 141 - TAKING LIVES: 2004 (AKA: The Killer Hermit Crab)
It's going to be a scary ride. Happy Halloween!
So, here's the list:
# 135 - RED DRAGON: 2002 (AKA: Edward Norton Plus Ralph Fiennes Equals A Hot FBI Agent Vs. A Hot Serial Killer)
# 136 - THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS: 1990 (AKA: The Clarice And Hannibal Show)
# 137 - HANNIBAL: 2000 (AKA: Hannibal Lecter's Italian Holiday)
# 138 - JENNIFER EIGHT: 1992 (AKA: Anyone Up For A Deadly Game Of Blind Man's Bluff?)
# 139 - SEVEN: 1994 (AKA: That's Just Fucked Up)
# 140 - THE CRIMSON RIVERS: 2000 (AKA: SEVEN In The French Alps)
# 141 - TAKING LIVES: 2004 (AKA: The Killer Hermit Crab)
It's going to be a scary ride. Happy Halloween!
REVIEW UPDATE: The last three Rom-Coms for this week...
Hello, folks... Hope the weekend was a great one for everybody. After all, we don't call it "Magic Time" for no reason.
And this weekend is extra special because a friend graduated and got her Master's Degree - and I'm quite ecstatic for her. In keeping with my code of using celebrities who resemble people I know in real life, we will refer to her as "Linda Evangelista." Linda looked great walking across the stage at Benaroya Hall today with her fellow graduates. Very inspiring...
At any rate, please note that we are only three reviews away from being caught up. One change though: I will no longer be reviewing LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. The cinema near my place is no longer showing it, and I've decided to replace it with another Katherine Heigl flick, the very underrated and very hilarious THE UGLY TRUTH. You'll thank me later...
So, please find below the new line-up:
# 132 - RUNAWAY BRIDE
# 133 - THE UGLY TRUTH
# 134 - GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST
The last of these Rom-Com reviews should post by Tuesday at the latest - then we're on to our Serial Killer movies to celebrate Halloween!
Next week's review list will be released as soon as I finish my bottle of Pinot Noir...
Ciao ciao
And this weekend is extra special because a friend graduated and got her Master's Degree - and I'm quite ecstatic for her. In keeping with my code of using celebrities who resemble people I know in real life, we will refer to her as "Linda Evangelista." Linda looked great walking across the stage at Benaroya Hall today with her fellow graduates. Very inspiring...
At any rate, please note that we are only three reviews away from being caught up. One change though: I will no longer be reviewing LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. The cinema near my place is no longer showing it, and I've decided to replace it with another Katherine Heigl flick, the very underrated and very hilarious THE UGLY TRUTH. You'll thank me later...
So, please find below the new line-up:
# 132 - RUNAWAY BRIDE
# 133 - THE UGLY TRUTH
# 134 - GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST
The last of these Rom-Com reviews should post by Tuesday at the latest - then we're on to our Serial Killer movies to celebrate Halloween!
Next week's review list will be released as soon as I finish my bottle of Pinot Noir...
Ciao ciao
# 131 - WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING (1995)
WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING (1995 - ROMANCE/COMEDY/DRAMA) ***½ out of *****
(Apparently, even a comatose vegetable can have a complicated lovelife, too…)
CAST: Sandra Bullock, Bill Pullman, Peter Gallagher, Peter Boyle, Micole Mercurio, Jack Warden, Glynis Johns, Monica Keena, Ally Walker, Michael Rispoli, Jason Bernard.
DIRECTOR: Jon Turtletaub
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and highly-dubious dalliances with comatose patients - straight ahead…
WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING is the kind of movie that would be over in fifteen minutes if its characters would just sit down and have a good honest conversation with each other. The Romantic Comedy genre seems to depend on its characters’ inability to cut through the bullshit and tell it like it is, which leads to misunderstandings, which lead to arguments, which lead to problems, which have to be resolved. And before you know it, two hours of your life have gone by.
Fortunately, Sandra Bullock is such a likable heroine that we don’t mind that WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING’s central problem snowballs and snowballs until its about the size of the Rockies. Rather than noticing how contrived the set-up is, we actually find it interesting due to Sandy’s appealing vulnerability. Instead of questioning the premise, we willingly go along with the ride.
Sandra plays Lucy Moderatz, a Chicago DOT worker who always gets stuck working holidays because: (1) she’s an accommodating person, (2) her boss Jerry (Jason Bernard) is an opportunistic prick, and (3) she has no family in town to spend her holidays with. This last one, in particular, is apparently enough to make Lucy the automatic go-to girl for shitty shifts. Well, girl, at least you get all that Holiday pay. Let’s stay positive.
And her home life isn’t any more exciting. Unless you count getting hit on by Joe Jr. (Michael Rispoli), the horny son of her landlord, with the frequency of an express train, exciting. Which she doesn’t. It’s all she can do not to wrap her scarf around Joe Jr.’s neck - and garrote him with it. Oh, and she often shares Oreos and milk with her cat. I own a cat, too, but I draw the line at sharing snacks with him. He wouldn’t stand for it anyway, the pig.
But I digress. As usual. So, anyway, Lucy’s life is a modest one - and she’s fine with that. She’s fine with living with a cat. She’s fine with drawing the short straw every single time at work. She’s fine daydreaming about certain commuters that pass by her token booth.
Oh, I forgot to mention that? Yeah, she’s got this huge crush on a yuppie (Peter Gallagher) whom we will call Mr. Spectacular for now. Mr. Spectacular catches the 8:15 every morning. He’s tall, dark, handsome, and has a smile that could blind oncoming drivers. And Lucy has pretty much accepted that she is doomed to love him from afar. Or at least from the other side of the token booth window. Our Lucy seems to have just gone ahead and accepted a lot of things, hasn’t she?
Well, things start looking up all of a sudden. Stuck with a Christmas shift, Lucy is all alone on the train platform when Mr. Spectacular is accosted by a bunch of thugs. In very quick order, the following things happen: (1) the thugs hassle him about his hoity-toity coat and scarf, (2) try to rob him, (3) inadvertently push him off the platform, (4) and book it the hell out of there.
Lucy leaps into action and jumps down onto the platform to try to help Mr. Spectacular. Unfortunately, he’s out like a light, due to hitting his head on the tracks. Fortunately, that old wives’ tale about superhuman strength kicking in when one is scared shitless turns out to be true - so Lucy makes like Xena The Warrior Princess and pulls Mr. Spectacular to safety.
Mr. Spectacular is rushed to the hospital, where we discover the following things: (1) his name is Peter Callaghan, (2) he’s a high-powered attorney, (3) he’s in a coma because of his fall from the platform, and (4) through a highly ludicrous turn of events that makes the plot of PREDATORS look like a model of plausibility, the hospital staff somehow believe that Lucy is Peter’s… fiancee. Say. WHAT?
To make matters worse, right at that moment, Peter’s loud and colorful family barrels into the hospital room like a runaway L train. The passengers of the Callaghan Locomotive are: (1) Dad (Peter Boyle), crusty furniture builder; (2) Mom (Micole Mercurio), bubbly homemaker who loves, uh, creamy mashed potatoes; (3) Grammy (Glynis Johns), chirpy crone who loves Cesar Romero; (4) sister Mary (Monica Keena), your average annoying teenager; and (5) family friend Saul (Jack Warden), a quick study of the highest order.
Naturally, they’re just a bit upset that Peter is in a coma on Christmas day of all days. But the news that Lucy is his fiancee cushions the blow somewhat - and they basically smother with love and attention. For someone who doesn’t have a family, especially on Christmas, this is kind of like being a starving lion and then having a bloody steak tossed at you.
In short order, the Callaghan clan welcome Lucy as one of their own, and involve her in family activities. Then Peter’s brother, Jack (Bill Pullman), shows up and turns out to be an even quicker study than Saul. Jack instantly begins to suspect something is off. Specifically, he has doubts about Lucy’s relationship with Peter - and begins to sniff around.
Will Jack blow Lucy’s story wide open? Or will Saul beat him to it? What happens when Jack slowly finds himself falling for Lucy? How will Lucy tell the Callaghans the truth? And what happens when Peter wakes up from his coma? Will he be the one to end Lucy’s charade? Or will things pan out differently? How is it possible for Bill Pullman and Peter Gallagher to play brothers?
Suffice it to say, none of this would’ve happened if Peter would’ve just taken a cab. He’s a high-powered attorney - he shouldn’t be on the L trains, for crying out loud.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: As I mentioned earlier, Sandra Bullock’s performance goes a long way in making WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING as appealing as it is. At first, it seems like one big gimmicky set-up (lonely women finds herself with an instant family), but the script and the actors treat the premise with the right blend of seriousness and whimsy. Gradually, we find ourselves buying in to the story. As the relationships between Lucy, Jack, Saul and the various other characters deepen, we find ourselves caring for how everything will turn out.
Just like Sandra Bullock’s touching but never maudlin performance, the film’s tone doesn’t overdo the sentimentality or the humor. Another director besides Jon Turtletaub might have gone for either too screwball or too sappy a tone. Turtletaub wisely lets the actors tell the story. Fortunately, the cast hits all the right notes.
Bill Pullman makes an appealing male lead. He adds just the right hint of suspicion towards Lucy at the beginning, without being too antagonistic and falling into the bickering rut that many romantic comedy couples fall into. Their developing relationship has the right flavor too it. Pullman turns Jack into a very likable man’s man, in contrast to the more smooth and upscale playboy Peter.
Speaking of Peter, Peter Gallagher spends most of the film in a coma, but when the character wakes up, he vividly (and humorously) essays his confusion and befuddlement. Imagine coming out of a coma to find out what he does. The various actors and actresses playing the other Callaghans are all well-cast and memorable. Jack Warden as the sharp-eyed but sympathetic Saul is the standout.
In the end, WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING wins you over by the sheer magnetic power of Sandra Bullock’s performance. She’s larger than life while being down to earth, at the same time. That quality is what makes us follow her characters every step of the way in whatever film they may feature in.
(Apparently, even a comatose vegetable can have a complicated lovelife, too…)
CAST: Sandra Bullock, Bill Pullman, Peter Gallagher, Peter Boyle, Micole Mercurio, Jack Warden, Glynis Johns, Monica Keena, Ally Walker, Michael Rispoli, Jason Bernard.
DIRECTOR: Jon Turtletaub
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and highly-dubious dalliances with comatose patients - straight ahead…
WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING is the kind of movie that would be over in fifteen minutes if its characters would just sit down and have a good honest conversation with each other. The Romantic Comedy genre seems to depend on its characters’ inability to cut through the bullshit and tell it like it is, which leads to misunderstandings, which lead to arguments, which lead to problems, which have to be resolved. And before you know it, two hours of your life have gone by.
Fortunately, Sandra Bullock is such a likable heroine that we don’t mind that WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING’s central problem snowballs and snowballs until its about the size of the Rockies. Rather than noticing how contrived the set-up is, we actually find it interesting due to Sandy’s appealing vulnerability. Instead of questioning the premise, we willingly go along with the ride.
Sandra plays Lucy Moderatz, a Chicago DOT worker who always gets stuck working holidays because: (1) she’s an accommodating person, (2) her boss Jerry (Jason Bernard) is an opportunistic prick, and (3) she has no family in town to spend her holidays with. This last one, in particular, is apparently enough to make Lucy the automatic go-to girl for shitty shifts. Well, girl, at least you get all that Holiday pay. Let’s stay positive.
And her home life isn’t any more exciting. Unless you count getting hit on by Joe Jr. (Michael Rispoli), the horny son of her landlord, with the frequency of an express train, exciting. Which she doesn’t. It’s all she can do not to wrap her scarf around Joe Jr.’s neck - and garrote him with it. Oh, and she often shares Oreos and milk with her cat. I own a cat, too, but I draw the line at sharing snacks with him. He wouldn’t stand for it anyway, the pig.
But I digress. As usual. So, anyway, Lucy’s life is a modest one - and she’s fine with that. She’s fine with living with a cat. She’s fine with drawing the short straw every single time at work. She’s fine daydreaming about certain commuters that pass by her token booth.
Oh, I forgot to mention that? Yeah, she’s got this huge crush on a yuppie (Peter Gallagher) whom we will call Mr. Spectacular for now. Mr. Spectacular catches the 8:15 every morning. He’s tall, dark, handsome, and has a smile that could blind oncoming drivers. And Lucy has pretty much accepted that she is doomed to love him from afar. Or at least from the other side of the token booth window. Our Lucy seems to have just gone ahead and accepted a lot of things, hasn’t she?
Well, things start looking up all of a sudden. Stuck with a Christmas shift, Lucy is all alone on the train platform when Mr. Spectacular is accosted by a bunch of thugs. In very quick order, the following things happen: (1) the thugs hassle him about his hoity-toity coat and scarf, (2) try to rob him, (3) inadvertently push him off the platform, (4) and book it the hell out of there.
Lucy leaps into action and jumps down onto the platform to try to help Mr. Spectacular. Unfortunately, he’s out like a light, due to hitting his head on the tracks. Fortunately, that old wives’ tale about superhuman strength kicking in when one is scared shitless turns out to be true - so Lucy makes like Xena The Warrior Princess and pulls Mr. Spectacular to safety.
Mr. Spectacular is rushed to the hospital, where we discover the following things: (1) his name is Peter Callaghan, (2) he’s a high-powered attorney, (3) he’s in a coma because of his fall from the platform, and (4) through a highly ludicrous turn of events that makes the plot of PREDATORS look like a model of plausibility, the hospital staff somehow believe that Lucy is Peter’s… fiancee. Say. WHAT?
To make matters worse, right at that moment, Peter’s loud and colorful family barrels into the hospital room like a runaway L train. The passengers of the Callaghan Locomotive are: (1) Dad (Peter Boyle), crusty furniture builder; (2) Mom (Micole Mercurio), bubbly homemaker who loves, uh, creamy mashed potatoes; (3) Grammy (Glynis Johns), chirpy crone who loves Cesar Romero; (4) sister Mary (Monica Keena), your average annoying teenager; and (5) family friend Saul (Jack Warden), a quick study of the highest order.
Naturally, they’re just a bit upset that Peter is in a coma on Christmas day of all days. But the news that Lucy is his fiancee cushions the blow somewhat - and they basically smother with love and attention. For someone who doesn’t have a family, especially on Christmas, this is kind of like being a starving lion and then having a bloody steak tossed at you.
In short order, the Callaghan clan welcome Lucy as one of their own, and involve her in family activities. Then Peter’s brother, Jack (Bill Pullman), shows up and turns out to be an even quicker study than Saul. Jack instantly begins to suspect something is off. Specifically, he has doubts about Lucy’s relationship with Peter - and begins to sniff around.
Will Jack blow Lucy’s story wide open? Or will Saul beat him to it? What happens when Jack slowly finds himself falling for Lucy? How will Lucy tell the Callaghans the truth? And what happens when Peter wakes up from his coma? Will he be the one to end Lucy’s charade? Or will things pan out differently? How is it possible for Bill Pullman and Peter Gallagher to play brothers?
Suffice it to say, none of this would’ve happened if Peter would’ve just taken a cab. He’s a high-powered attorney - he shouldn’t be on the L trains, for crying out loud.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: As I mentioned earlier, Sandra Bullock’s performance goes a long way in making WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING as appealing as it is. At first, it seems like one big gimmicky set-up (lonely women finds herself with an instant family), but the script and the actors treat the premise with the right blend of seriousness and whimsy. Gradually, we find ourselves buying in to the story. As the relationships between Lucy, Jack, Saul and the various other characters deepen, we find ourselves caring for how everything will turn out.
Just like Sandra Bullock’s touching but never maudlin performance, the film’s tone doesn’t overdo the sentimentality or the humor. Another director besides Jon Turtletaub might have gone for either too screwball or too sappy a tone. Turtletaub wisely lets the actors tell the story. Fortunately, the cast hits all the right notes.
Bill Pullman makes an appealing male lead. He adds just the right hint of suspicion towards Lucy at the beginning, without being too antagonistic and falling into the bickering rut that many romantic comedy couples fall into. Their developing relationship has the right flavor too it. Pullman turns Jack into a very likable man’s man, in contrast to the more smooth and upscale playboy Peter.
Speaking of Peter, Peter Gallagher spends most of the film in a coma, but when the character wakes up, he vividly (and humorously) essays his confusion and befuddlement. Imagine coming out of a coma to find out what he does. The various actors and actresses playing the other Callaghans are all well-cast and memorable. Jack Warden as the sharp-eyed but sympathetic Saul is the standout.
In the end, WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING wins you over by the sheer magnetic power of Sandra Bullock’s performance. She’s larger than life while being down to earth, at the same time. That quality is what makes us follow her characters every step of the way in whatever film they may feature in.
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