(Sharon Stone as a gunslinger. Right. And I’m Calamity Jane)
CAST: Sharon Stone, Gene Hackman, Russell Crowe, Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobin Bell, Roberts Blossom, Keith David, Olivia Burnette.
DIRECTOR: Sam Raimi
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and rather unbelievable gunslinging heroines straight ahead…
Ellen, the heroine of our next review THE QUICK AND THE DEAD played by Sharon Stone, is one grumpy bitch. Seriously - I would not want to be stuck in a car with this chick for hours on a road trip. Or, given that THE QUICK AND THE DEAD is a western, I wouldn’t want to be saddled with her on the same horseback. She just might kill me. Or I might kill her first. I don’t care how much she looks like Sharon Stone.
Of course, to be fair, Ellen does have good reason to be grumpy. To wit, the following has happened to her: (1) an evil dude named Herod (Gene Hackman) killed her marshal father (Gary Sinise) when she was just a little girl; (2) this has scarred her for the rest of her life and now she wants revenge; and (3) Pantente Pro-V Hair Conditioner has not been invented yet and so Ellen must walk around with her hair looking like a dusty mophead. Trust me - you’d be pissed off, too.
Anyhow, our story kicks off when Ellen rides into town, scowling like a champ of course. The town is called Redemption, and apparently it has a yearly event called “The Quick Draw” contest. This is basically similar to the gun duels you’ve seen on the Looney Tunes Cartoon where Elmer, Bugs, Daffy, Sylvester, Tweety, or any two cartoon characters basically try to see who is the fastest at, uh, blowing their wad. And I don’t mean in that “That’s alright, dude, we can try again in fifteen minutes” way.
Whatever. The point is, this is an interesting time to be in Redemption, and before you know it, Ellen has entered the contest. Basically all the players will shoot each other off - until only one person is left standing to claim the prize: a whopping….$123,000. Hmmmmm. Thank god this is the Wild Wild West, because $123,000 is barely enough money to have a killer block party these days.
Again, whatever. So the other contestants in the, uh, contest are: (1) The Kid (Leonardo DiCaprio), Herod’s ultra-cocky son who is convinced of his greatness, obviously being prescient enough to know he will one day star in a movie called INCEPTION; (2) Cantrell (Keith David), spiffy dude with a hidden agenda; (3) Cort (Russell Crowe), smokin’ hot dude who is apparently both a preacher and a killer, making him the perfect guy - good boy and bad boy rolled into one; and or course: (4) Herod himself, who basically sponsors this contest. Kind of like the way Microsoft sponsors the Sounders. You know ho Kasey K. and the rest of his gang where jerseys that read “X-BOX 360”? Well, The Kid, Ellen, Cort, Cantrell, and the rest of the gunslingers should wear ponchos that read “HEROD INC.”
Anyway, there are a bunch of other contestants but none of them are as hot as the five mentioned above. Pretty soon, people are challenging each other to duels that wind up leaving the street of Redemption littered with corpse. Not for long, though, because apparently the people of Redemption just love to strip down corpses of all their valuables. Nice place to live, Redemption…
Before you know it, only four players are left: (1) Ellen, (2) Cort, (3) The Kid, and (5) Big Daddy Herod. Who will survive the semi-finals? Will Ellen bust a hole in Cort’s chest? Or will Cort beat her to it? Will they even try to kill each other considering they clearly look like they want to fuck each other’s brains out? What about The Kid and Herod? Will The Kid kill his own father? And will Herod cap his own son? Are they even really related?
And the most important question of all: will Ellen get her revenge on Herod? Wait… the real question is this: will Ellen finally get some fucking conditioner for that hair. Seriously, it’s starting to bug me.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: In the wake of BASIC INSTINCT, SLIVER, INTERSECTION, and THE SPECIALIST in the early 90’s, Sharon Stone was in danger of being permanently typecast as either: (1) the cool, calculating femme fatale with hidden depths who may or may not be evil; or (2) the strong but emotionally vulnerable career gal who may or may not be in serious danger from the man she loves. Stone was quite good playing # 1 in both BASIC INSTINCT and THE SPECIALIST, and was just as compelling as # 2 in both SLIVER and INTERSECTION.
Still, she must have felt that she needed to broaden her range and play other kinds of women. Which is probably why she chose to do THE QUICK AND THE DEAD. The decision is not entirely without merit. After all, there’s no better way to leave behind the sleek, polished, glamorous bombshells Stone played in the past, than to don some leather chaps, cowboy boots. duster and hat, and cover it all in grime. In theory, anyway. The result, unfortunately, is underwhelming despite the initial novelty of having the soigne Stone play a Wild West Woman.
I adore Sharon Stone, and think that is a very underrated talent, but the fact remains she is simply not believable as gunslinger. She does her best, and tries to invest Ellen with the emotional intensity needed for us to keep our eyes on her, even when she spends most of the movie silent and keeping to herself. Sadly, Stone doesn’t quite manage it.
It’s not entirely her fault. Blame for this weak central performance must also go to writer Simon Moore and director Sam Raimi. The way the script is written, Ellen spends far too much time on the sidelines watching the action. Moore concentrates on the trio of Herod, Cort, and The Kid - supporting male characters who end up driving the action and plot more than Ellen does. Of course, it doesn’t help that these guys are played by three of the most charismatic actors out there. They basically steal the show from the star.
Gene Hackman is a delight as Herod, and he actually makes his villainy seem playful and sexy. His performance here is one of his best, chiefly because he knows how to act with our without words. Matching him in the charisma department is Russell Crowe, who made his American film debut in this movie. The guy is simply a wonder of the acting world, and has more potent masculine screen presence in one little finger, than the majority of Hollywood’s male acting contingent combined.
Then there’s Leonardo DiCaprio, whom I have slowly grown to appreciate over the years. I could never understand the TITANIC hoopla (which came after this movie), but after BLOOD DIAMOND and INCEPTION, my eyes have seen the light. This guy may be no Russell Crowe (who is but Rusty himself?), but he is up there in the intensity department. And watching him in his youth in THE QUICK AND THE DEAD you can see the simmering talent just waiting to bloom. He hold every scene he’s in - and matches his much more experienced co-stars.
In the end, THE QUICK AND THE DEAD might have been more than just an above-average western if Ellen’s role had been rewritten to be more dynamic and present. As it is, she seems to be a supporting player in her own showcase. Stone does what she can with the role, but she facing an uphill slog. Even Meryl Streep might have had a hard time making Ellen register, considering how much she’s absent from the action.
Still, it’s a decent western, and considering I abhor westerns, that’s saying something. Of course, it’s a western with Russell Crowe in it…
