(Wow, Pip, she must really give good head for you to chase her like that…)
CAST: Gwyneth Paltrow, Ethan Hawke, Anne Bancroft, Hank Azaria, Robert DeNiro.
DIRECTOR: Alfonso Cuaron
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and rather glitzy modernization of a creaky old classic - straight ahead…
FAVORITE OF: Fan
IN A NUTSHELL: In this glossily modern take on Charles Dickens’ ancient classic, we follow crazy rich old bat Mrs. Havisham (Anne Bancroft) as she coaches her pretty ward Estella (Gwyneth Paltrow) to grow into a heartless cocktease who is constantly yanking (figuratively then, later, literally) the dick of humble poor boy Pip (Ethan Hawke). Fortunately, Pip has a mysterious benefactor who reaches out from the shadows to help him realize his dream of becoming a celebrated artist in NYC. Then Pip runs into Estella again, and the cockteasing begins anew. Pip, dude, seriously… there are plenty of other vaginas in the sea. Just because that one is attached to a chick who looks like Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t mean it’s not replaceable.
WHY SHE LOVES IT: Because she liked the original novel, and thinks this modern riff on it is “fresh” and “romantic”. Well, it’s also uneven and sometimes tedious, and kind of left me unsatisfied. Were it not for the lovely sequence where Pip boldly escorts Estella away from dinner with her fiancee and friends in a restaurant - and out into the rain where they kiss - this movie would’ve been unremarkable. This scene is awesome and feels like it belongs in another movie entirely. If the rest of the movie was as strong as this scene, we might be dealing with semi-classic here. Patrick Doyle’s vibrant, evocative score is another strong point. Sorry, sweetie. Could’ve been better. Great trailer, though….
