HOPE FLOATS (1998 - ROMANTIC DRAMA) ***1/2 out of *****
(That. Fucking. Bitch.)
CAST: Sandra Bullock, Harry Connick Jr., Gena Rowlands, Mae Whitman, Michael Pare, Cameron Finley, Rosanna Arquette.
DIRECTOR: Forest Whitaker
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one really messed-up way of discovering of your husband’s infidelity - straight ahead…
IT’S LIKE THIS: The, uh, “fucking bitch” I refer to in the caption above is most definitely NOT our heroine Birdee Pruitt. Nope, Birdee is sweet and winsome and looks an awful lot like Sandra Bullock. No, sir… the “fucking bitch” is her “best friend” Connie (Rosanna Arquette). See, Connie is having an affair with Birdee’s husband Bill (Michael Pare). Then, as if that was not heinous enough, Connie decides to do the classy thing… and break it to Birdee on national television. Yes, folks, very classy is our bitch Connie. Anyhow, as you can imagine, Birdee hightails it back to her hometown in Texas with daughter Bernice (Mae Whitman) in tow, until they can get back on their feet. Birdee’s “recuperation” is complicated by her eccentric (read: crazy) mother (Gena Rowlands), and attractive (read: fucking hot) high school friend, Justin Matisse (Harry Connick Jr.) I’m sorry… Bill who?
THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Mom, who proves the sanest person under the roof. When Justin isn’t visiting, that is. He’s like Yoda - in Harry Connick Jr.’s fine-ass bod.
EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Harry. Connick. Junior. He’s like the gardener who you just want to invite in for a lemonade - and a game of Nekkid Twister. My girl Sandy B. is also at her most gorgeous here. Now them’s some cheekbones, yo!
MOST INTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Birdee getting drunk at a local bar - and putting on a “truth-telling” show. Watch out, townspeople…
MOST UNINTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Anytime Harry Connick Jr. is on screen. I kept thinking, “Damn, why is he wearing so many clothes, like that T-shirt and blue jeans, when it looks so warm outside. Take that shit off!”
HOTTEST SCENE: Justin saying to Birdy, “You used to be so audacious! People used to stop just to watch you come down the street. You think you’ve lost that! I can still see it!” Come on Justin… I’ll show you audacious. You bring your swagger, and we’ll have ourselves a party.
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Will Birdee divorce Bill? Or will she continue to expect him to come crawling home? Is Justin right when he says there’s a greater chance of Texas enforcing harsh gun control laws than that happening? Will Birdee listen to her mom’s counsel and just drain Justin’s nuts already? What the hell is the hold up? Get busy, girl!
WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “HOPE FLOATS”: If you don’t mind female-centric films that deal with relationships, characters, and, you know, emotions - and not explosions, chase scenes, dirty monkey sex, and stunt doubles.
WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “HOPE FLOATS”: If your favorite movie is ARMAGEDDON and TRANSFORMERS. In which case, what the fuck are you doing reading this review?
BUT, SERIOUSLY: In past reviews, we’ve discussed how certain films are the equivalent of wrapping a warm blanket around yourself. Essentially, these films are like “comfort movies” that celebrate friendship, family, and relationships - often in a winningly quirky and crazy way. Examples include MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING, SWEET HOME ALABAMA, JUNEBUG, A GOOD YEAR, KISS ME GUIDO, MY LIFE IN RUINS, and THE UPSIDE OF ANGER - just to name a few. HOPE FLOATS is another such movie.
This film has a very languid and relaxed pace that may challenge anyone who’s used to a more kinetic and linear plot line. Indeed, there really isn’t much plot to HOPE FLOATS - it sort of moseys along as we follow Birdee slowly regain her footing in the wake of Bill and Connie’s devastating betrayal. Someone once said that friends and family are like buffers in times of crisis. That’s never more apparent than in this film. Birdee’s mom, her equally quirky nephew (Cameron Finley), Bernice, and even Justin form a new family unit for her as she recovers.
The film also tracks Bernice’s reaction to the whole situation. There’s a scene late in the film that is almost difficult to watch because it’s played with a reasonable degree of realism: when Bill definitively walks out on Bernice and Birdee. Birdee takes it in a very cool, almost detached manner. Bernice, on the other hand, is destroyed by it. Mae Whitman plays this scene and the whole role in a very moving way, and she’s matched by Sandra Bullock.
Bullock should also get kudos for basically making what is essentially an internal (or closed off) character appear transparent. As I’ve always said, certain characters need very expressive actors so that we can read them without them ever saying a word. Birdee is such a character: she hides her emotions and pain. It’s her business and no one else’s. The danger with that kind of character is they can come off as chilly and distant. The trick is to have an actor who can use little non-verbal gestures and expressions to reveal these hidden levels. And Bullock is one such actor. She ably shows us Birdee’s seamless journey from passive, emotionally-damaged victim, all the way to confident, assertive heroine.
Gena Rowlands is a nice, earthy presence as Birdee’s mother, who quirkiness lends much color to the proceedings. Some of the nuggets of wisdom she impresses upon Birdee are ultimately helpful in getting the latter out of her funk. Especially the ones about being true to yourself no matter what anyone else says. Rowlands and Bullock also have a nice mother-daugher rapport, just like Bullock and Whitman.
Finally, there’s my favorite member of the cast, Harry Connick Jr. He’s essentially playing a slightly idealized character, and it would’ve been great to have explored some of Justin’s backstory to give him some added dimension and imperfections. But Connick takes what he’s given and delivers an engaging turn, nonetheless. He’s the kind of guy I imagine every divorcee would like to start over with: smart, funny, tough, sexy, and unpredictable. With this film, Connick basically proves his leading man mettle by taking a character that might’ve been a little underwritten on paper - and making him appear vibrant and alive onscreen.
In the end, HOPE FLOATS is the cinematic equivalent of a nice hot cup of cocoa on a winter night. It gets you all warm inside…
FROM MEXICO WITH LOVE (2009 - DRAMA / SPORT FLICK) ***1/2 out of *****
(That‘s one mean left hook you got, ese!)
CAST: Kuno Becker, Steven Bauer, Danay Garcia, Bruce McGill, Stephen Lang, Alex Nesic, Steve Bilich, Lisa Suarez.
DIRECTOR: Jimmy Nickerson
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one really determined illegal alien/boxer straight ahead…
IT’S LIKE THIS: Okay, there’s this dude names James Bond who gets sent to Istanbul to pick up this Russian chick who wants to defect - only she’s really a double-agent and… wait a minute… Oh, right: that’s the plot for FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE. Our latest review is FROM MEXICO WITH LOVE. My bad. Okay - start over… there’s this dude names Hector Villa (Kuno Becker) who is an illegal alien working a farm on the U.S./Mexico border along with his mom (Lisa Suarez) and his childhood sweetheart Maria (Danay Garcia). Hector also like to spend his off-time boxing, like his late pops who was something of a legend. Then our boy Hec lets his temper get the better of him, and before you know it, his ruthless employers toss his ass back to Mexico. Concerned for his ailing mother, Hector determines there’s only one way to make money to get back his family and his footing: win a boxing match against his former employer, Big Al Stevens (Stephen Lang). Well, more specifically, against Big Al’s son, Robert (Alex Nesic). Better start training, ese…
THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Billy (Bruce McGill), grizzled dude who trained Hector’s dad - and now must train our hot hero to get him ready for the match of his life.
EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Kuno Becker and Alex Nesic are like Dark-Haired Hunk/Blonde-Haired Hunk Killer Combo. And since this is a boxing flick, they spend a lot of their time with their shirts off. Sign. Me. Up. For the “Slalom Off Alex Nesic’s Awesome Pecs” trip. And “Backstroke On Kuno Becker’s Sea of Chest Hair” trip.
MOST INTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: The final match between our hot and his equally hot nemesis. Sexiest scene, too, because they’re half-naked, yo! Look it’s been a long day and a certain someone isn’t home from work yet. Shoot me.
MOST UNINTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Big Al Stevens finding out his cucumber crop is infested with root maggots. Take that, asshole.
HOTTEST SCENE: Any scene where Kuno Becker or Alex Nesic take their shirts off. Which is pretty much a third of this movie. Yay! And that final match with them all sweaty and shit. Double Yay! Goddamnit, where is that guy?
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Will Hector win his match against Robert? Will the illegal alien actually trounce the spoiled rich white boy? Or will Robert triumph and show Hector who’s boss? Will Billy succeed in preparing Hector for the fight? And what is the role of the cunning wheeler-dealer named Tito (Steven Bauer) in the whole thing? And the most important question: who will Maria choose beween Hector and Robert. Girl, my advice: either way, you’re getting a pair of pecs that you could ski on. Win-win, girl, win-win…
WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “FROM MEXICO WITH LOVE”: If you don’t mind above average sports/underdog dramas that become outright good films because of a nice group of complex characters and a solid cast playing them. And if you love boxing…
WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “FROM MEXICO WITH LOVE”: If you don’t like sports movies or underdog dramas. And if you’d rather watch badminton than boxing. If so, may I ask you what planet you're from?
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Touted by some reviews as a movie in the vein of ROCKY, FROM MEXICO WITH LOVE covers the same groundwork as that classic from the 70’s. But is FROM MEXICO WITH LOVE as good as ROCKY? Well, it’s good in its own way. It’s not as flashy or as soaring as ROCKY, but it holds its own rewards. The illegal alien angle also lends the film an interesting texture. You can’t help but feel for people who are working their fingertips off for barely $15 a day. This strengthens Hector’s underdog status and solidifies our sympathies for him.
In fact, its because of the characters and their surprising complexity that FROM MEXICO WITH LOVE soars past the average and above average mark to turn into a solidly good film. With the exception of Hector’s ailing mother (who doesn’t get much screen time anyway), everyone is painted in shades of gray. The “good” characters have selfish streaks, while the “bad” characters have unexpected humanity and vulnerability.
The complexity starts with our hero, Hector, who is a loyal son, hard worker, and talented boxer, but who also is waylaid by a bad temper and pig-headed pride inherited from his father. There’s an early scene where Robert (not a nemesis yet) reaches out to Hector in a genuine act of kindness - and Hector reacts very ungraciously. This has the unfortunate effect of sending their relationship down the wrong path. Robert himself is definitely no saint, but his gesture to Hector was definitely done out of peace. As with his character in the soccer classics GOAL 1 (review # ), GOAL 2 (review # ), and unfortunately disappointing GOAL 3 (review coming), Kuno Becker delivers a strong performance that combines boyish qualities and manly wisdom.
As far as Robert, he is probably the movie’s most interesting character. As played by Alex Nesic, this is a guy who is used to getting what he wants and is not above using his power for gain, but also has a sweetly generous and open nature. It’s an interesting combination for an antagonist. I was actually hoping for an adversarial-turned-brotherly relationship between him and Hector, very much the same way Santiago Munez and Gavin Harris from GOAL 1 and 2 ended becoming loyal friends. Unfortunately, Hector and Robert’s association devolves into bitter rivalry. Even with his character’s change to the dark side later on, though, Nesic never fails to imbue Robert with a certain vulnerability that sort of keeps you in his corner a little. That is, until he starts taunting Hector about his dead mother - then we know he's gone too far.
The rest of the cast are written as many-sided as Hector and Robert. Danay Garcia’s Maria is a fetching combo of innocence, calculation, and sincerity, and easily holds up her end of the triangle with the two male leads. Bruce McGill is very likable as Billy, the Gringo who stuck by Hector’s father through thick and thin - and now does the same for his son. Most of what little humor is in FROM MEXICO WITH LOVE comes from their training sessions. Especially one that combines a game of Chess with boxing. You’ll see… hilarious.
Steven Bauer is equally good as Tito, the opportunistic wheeler-dealer who has made a living ferrying illegal aliens across the border for the wealthy American farmers. His calculated, all-or-nothing bet to change his life - and the lives of the illegal aliens is what pushes the story to a head by pitting Hector and Robert against each other in the ring. Suffice it to say, this is one smart guy. As Robert’s demanding father Big Al, Stephen Lang manages to find the sadness under his character’s cold, hard exterior - as well as the sense that he loves Robert very much, but doesn’t know how to show it.
If there’s anything that keeps FROM MEXICO WITH LOVE from rating higher than ***½, it’s because the climactic bout between Hector and Robert, while exciting, also has a curiously muted feel. It feels a little short, too. Had this sequence gone on just a little longer, the film might have rated highter.
As it is, though, FROM MEXICO WITH LOVE is enjoyable entertainment buoyed by its dimensional characters and the talented cast playing them. It also reminds us that there are people out there who would do anything to have a fraction of what most of us enjoy on a daily basis. As one of the migrant workers asks Tito in one scene: “When will we stop living just to work for enough money so that we can live? When do we actually start living?”
Did ROCKY ask that question? Nope. And it makes Hector’s journey (and victory?) even more satisfying…
FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009 - HORROR/SLASHER) **1/2 out of *****
(Should‘ve just gone to Maui, kids…)
CAST: Jared Padalecki, Danielle Pannabaker, Amanda Righetti, Travis Van Winkle, Aaron Yoo, Arlen Escarpeta, Julianne Guill, Willa Ford, Ryan Hansen, Derek Mears, Jonathan Sadowski, Nana Visitor.
DIRECTOR: Marcus Nispel
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one really pissed-off hockey mask-wearing psycho redneck hillbilly with a very, very sharp machete - straight ahead…
IT’S LIKE THIS: Camp Crystal Lake was the scene of a brutal massacre perpetrated by a wacko named Mrs. Voorhees (Nana Visitor) back in 1980. Fortunately, a lone survivor decapitate the bitch and escaped. Unfortunately, Mrs. Voorhees had a bizarre son named Jason (Derek Mears) who saw his mother beheaded - and swore revenge on anyone who trespasses on Crystal Lake. Flash forward a couple dozen years later or so, and a bunch of dimwit college students decide to spend a nice weekend relaxing at… Crystal Lake. You don’t have to be a Mensa candidate to figure out they should’ve just stayed in the city. Hope they cancelled any future appointments because they won’t be keeping them. Cue the screaming…
THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Clay Miller (Jared Padelecki), nice guy dude who is searching for his missing sister Whitney (Amanda Righetti) who‘s being held captive by Jason. Jenna (Danielle Pannabaker) is also pretty smart and resourceful. Besides these three, everyone else is pretty much useless.
EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Jared Padalecki is pretty cute, and so are Travis Van Winkle and Ryan Hansen as two of the other dudes. But again, this award goes to the ladies: Danielle Pannabaker and - especially - Amanda Righetti are pretty fetchin’. Besides, all the guys in this movie seem to share the same haircut that makes them all look like overgrown Justin Biebers. What the hell?
MOST INTENTIONALLY SCARY SCENE: Clay and Jenna diving into Jason’s subterranean lair to rescue Whitney.
MOST UNINTENTIONALLY SCARY SCENE: Trent (Van Winkle) screaming like a little biyatch when Jason surprises him with a falling corpse. Actually, more like unintentionally hilarious.
HOTTEST SCENE: You get the usual horny-college-students-fucking number, but that isn’t so much hot as expected. Nope… Hottest Scene goes to Whitney putting the beatdown on Jason at the end.
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Who will survive? Clay? Jenna? Whitney? Trent? Any of the others? Or will Jason pretty much make mincemeat of them all? My money’s on the guy in the hockey mask, yo!
WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “FRIDAY THE 13TH”: If you don’t mind remakes/reimagining to classic slashers.
WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “FRIDAY THE 13TH”: If you don’t like classic slashers and their remakes/reimaginings. If so, steer clear…
BUT, SERIOUSLY: In the wake of HALLOWEEN’s stunning success in 1978, a whole slew of slashers went into production and subsequently flooded movie theatres. The most successful of the HALLOWEEN clones was FRIDAY THE 13th. Made for next to nothing (just like HALLOWEEN), FRIDAY THE 13th grossed over $35 million at the North American box office. Endless sequels soon followed, eventually petering out with the absymal JASON X in 2002.
With the recent slew of classic slasher remakes that saw new versions of TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, HALLOWEEN, PROM NIGHT, BLACK CHRISTMAS, and MY BLOODY VALENTINE, it was only a matter of time before FRIDAY THE 13th would get the same treatment. With TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake director Marcus Nispel at the helm, things looked promising. TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE was one of the best remakes, and hopes were high for Nispel to work him same magic with FRIDAY THE 13th.
Is the FRIDAY THE 13th remake as good or better than the TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake? No on both counts. That doesn’t mean the former is bad, though. Just not as strong and visceral as the latter. Nispel brings some of the same grit and intensity to this film as he did to the other one, mainly in the first act. The whole early sequence showing Whitney and her friends’ ill-fated camping trip hums with dread and danger, and seems to promise us a more intense film than we ultimately get.
Once the main cast of characters are introduced in the second act, the film sort of levels out as we get the usual party-animal stereotypes. While Jared Padalecki makes for a good hero that we can root for, he is only joined by Danielle Pannabaker and Amanda Righetti in giving us characters that we can identify with. Everyone else is just a vapid or unlikable cliché. They may bring us occasional flashes of humor, but in the end it’s not sufficient for us to be concerned for their survival. Comparatively, we were more concerned to the fates of the characters in the original film.
Another problem is the rather weak ending. The chase scenes leading up to it are fine, but the original FRIDAY THE 13th had a whopper of a final confrontation, followed by a humdinger of twist ending that had audiences literally jumping out of their seats with fright. The remake recreates much of the tense final battle, but seriously fumbles the last-minute twist. It actually had us laughing instead. Shame.
All in all, FRIDAY THE 13TH is a solid remake/reimagining that combines elements from the first 3 FRIDAY movies. It also has nice performances from Padalecki, Pannabaker, and Righetti to keep it afloat, as well as a tense first and third act. Had the makers been able to make the rest of the cast as likable as the lead trio, and punched up that second act and final twist, we might have had a stronger movie. As it is, it is merely average for a remake.
WHAT’S YOUR NUMBER? (2011 - ROMANTIC COMEDY) *** out of *****
(Brain is fried… too much Chris Evans near-full frontal nudity…. Brain is fried… too much Chris Evans chest hair and buttock sightings… call paramedics… think I‘m dying of ecstacy here…)
CAST: Anna Faris, Chris Evans, Ari Graynor, Blythe Danner, Ed Begler Jr., Dave Annable, Andy Samberg, Martin Freeman, Anthony Mackie.
DIRECTOR: Mark Mylod
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and Chris Evans Nudity overload - straight ahead... pray for my soul...
IT’S LIKE THIS: Boston career gal Ally Darling (Anna Faris) is busy with her sister’s (Ari Graynor) wedding prep, when her life is suddenly turned upside down by two things: (1) she is canned from her magazine job because of budget cuts, and (2) she reads an article in said magazine which states that women who have slept with more than 20 men are not likely to ever get married. Given that Ally has already fucked 19 guys in her life and still sees no marriage proposal on the horizon, she takes this news with the same calm that she would after being told an asteroid is going to slam into Boston in ten minutes. In other words, she fairly freaks out. And, apparently, when one freaks out, one also tends to gets hare-brained ideas. Seriously hare-brained ideas…. Such as not sleeping with another guy, lest she hit the 20 mark and be condemned to a life of unwedded bliss. And tracking down all of her 19 exes to see if one of them was the “one who got away.” Aiding her (very reluctantly, trust me) in this stupid endeavor is uber-hottie poonhound Colin Shea (Chris Evans), who finds Ally’s project both fascinating and laughable at the same time. Clearly, he know this shit will not end well and just wants front-row seats for the ensuing train wreck. Can’t say I blame him. Let the show begin…
THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Colin, who’s the closest thing to a voice-of-reason this flick has. He’s like a Reality Check Buzzer on Ally’s shoulder. A really, really, really sexy Reality Check Buzzer. Believe me - she needs it.
EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Chris Evans. Chris Evans. Chris Evans. Chris Evans. They might as well have called this movie CHRIS EVANS’ SMOKIN’ HOT NAKED BODY.
MOST INTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Colin standing butt-nekkid in his hallway with only a tiny dish-towel to cover Colin Jr. Colin lounging around with only tiny boxer briefs on to cover Colin Jr. Colin playing strip Basketball until he’s almost butt-nekkid. Colin ripping those boxer briefs off to go skinny-dipping. Yes, folks… I wasn’t kidding when I said this movie is all about Chris Evans’ body.
MOST UNINTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Colin standing butt-nekkid in his hallway with only a tiny dish-towel to cover Colin Jr. Colin lounging around with only tiny boxer briefs on to cover Colin Jr. Colin playing strip Basketball until he’s almost butt-nekkid. Colin ripping those boxer briefs off to go skinny-dipping. Yes, folks… I wasn’t kidding when I said this movie is all about Chris Evans’ body.
HOTTEST SCENE: Colin standing butt-nekkid in his hallway with only a tiny dish-towel to cover Colin Jr. Colin lounging around with only tiny boxer briefs on to cover Colin Jr. Colin playing strip Basketball until he’s almost butt-nekkid. Colin ripping those boxer briefs off to go skinny-dipping. Yes, folks… I wasn’t kidding when I said this movie is all about Chris Evans’ body.
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Will Ally be able to track down all of her 19 exes? Will she find her Prince Charming among them? Or is her Prince Charming actually Colin? Who cares. I just want to know if we’ll get a sequel where Chris Evans just spends two hours working out butt-nekkid with an equally-bare-assed Russell Crowe. Hell, I’ll produce and direct the damn thing.
WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “WHAT’S YOUR NUMBER?”: If you don’t mind semi-cute romantic comedies that could be better. And if you like Anna Faris. And - last but not the least - if you would drink Chris Evans’ bathwater.
WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “WHAT‘S YOUR NUMBER?”: If you want your romantic comedies to better than just a tad above average. And if, for some ungodly reason, you do not want to drink Chris Evans’ bathwater.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Based on the novel “20 Times A Lady”, WHAT’S YOUR NUMBER is an ideal vehicle for showcasing the winsome charms of Anna Faris and the sexy/goofy everyman smolder of Chris Evans. The idea of a girl thinking that she missed her “matrimonial” boat, and then going back through her past to re-evaluate her relationships has potential. I haven’t read the novel this movie is based on, but it must have some degree of popularity if it was adapted for the silver screen.
Unfortunately, WHAT’S YOUR NUMBER goes the light and easy route with this premise. I’m not expecting a seriously in-depth examination of Ally’s romantic history, but something a little deeper than what we get would’ve lent some gravity and resonance to the film. Indeed, it takes some time for us to buy into Ally’s burning need to track down her exes because of how loosey-goosey the set-up is handled. We don’t get much character development for Ally in the first and second act of the film. Same goes for Colin, who is portrayed as your basic marauding playboy with a killer smile for the longest time. And the movie doesn’t really explore their relationship as much as we’d like. Fortunately, these portions of the film are funny enough to keep us entertained.
But what makes WHAT’S YOUR NUMBER rise above the average is the unexpected emotional heft it suddenly gains in the third act. It’s as if the script finally realized it needed to look at Ally and Colin as complex humans much sooner - and shows us all the deeper layers to them. There’s a lovely scene at Ally’s sister’s wedding where the bride and groom exchange wedding vows that feel real and genuine. And watch for Ally’s reaction to the vows - it’s a heartfelt one. This scene feels like it belongs to a different film - the film that WHAT’S YOUR NUMBER could’ve been if it would’ve treated Ally’s journey a little more seriously.
From this point out, the film actually gets better and a tad more serious. Not too spoil anything, but WHAT’S YOUR NUMBER’s manages to end on just the right note. It would’ve been nice if director Mark Mylod had decided to show the deepening of Ally and Colin’s relationship much sooner, but I suppose its better late than never. Anna Faris and Chris Evans are also another reason this film rates above average. While their chemistry is more “brother/sister” or “friendly” instead of “hot” or “smoldering” as it should’ve been, they still make a pleasant and funny couple. Evans, in particular, shows again his talent at balancing swagger and sweetness. And the guy is very hilarious, to boot. I’d like to see him in more comedies and romances.
In the end, WHAT’S YOUR NUMBER? could’ve been better. By the same token, though, it could’ve been much worse. It’s salvaged by the charisma and talent of its stars.
DÉJÀ VU (2006 - ROMANCE / ACTION / THRILLER ) ***** out of *****
(SLIVER meets SOMEWHERE IN TIME meets SEVEN equals… one awesome movie!)
CAST: Denzel Washington, Paula Patton, Val Kilmer, Bruce Greenwood, Adam Goldberg, Jim Caviezel, Elden Henson, Erika Alexander.
DIRECTOR: Tony Scott
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one seriously trippy romantic thriller reaching across time and space - straight ahead…
IT’S LIKE THIS: It’s Fat Tuesday in New Orleans and a bunch of U.S. Navy sailors and their families are on the Algiers ferry, enroute to one hell of a celebration. Unfortunately, before they can get there, the ferry explodes sky-high, courtesy of a powerful bomb left by a whackjob terrorist. Enter ATF agent Doug Carlyn (Denzel Washington), determined to find out who the baddie is. But before he can get too busy investigating the ferry bombing, he finds himself unraveling the mystery of the death of one Claire Kurchever (Paula Patton). Seems Claire’s body washed up onshore just before the ferry blew. Being the super-smart and super-sharp agent that he is, Doug correctly surmises that Claire’s murder is somehow related to the explosion - and believes the same guy that planted the bomb on the ferry also killed her. As if that wasn’t enough to give a guy a migraine, Doug learns that the local FBI unit led by Val Kilmer (or someone who looks just like him) has developed a technology that allows them to look four days into the past through recorded surveillance satellite footage. Soon, Doug and his new buddies are “watching” Claire’s last few days on huge video screens like they’re practicing for SLIVER 2, only they’re not perverts like William Baldwin’s character was. They’re hoping to find clues to her impending murder - and hopefully solve both her death and the ferry explosion. Talk about a tall order…
THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Doug Carlyn and his band of FBI techno-geeks. Just call them Time Cops. Oh, wait. That’s a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie. Never mind…
EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Denzel is one fine mo-fo. He’s like Daniel Craig, Kevin Costner, and Robert Redford rolled into one - but, you know, a brutha. Still, I have to go with the hauntingly and exotically gorgeous Paula Patton on this one. She is the main reason I love this film - and there are many reasons…
MOST INTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Doug and co. trying to track down the terrorist’s hideout - by driving around blind using the recorded surveillance from four days ago. Sounds crazy - but it’s awesome. Watch and see.
MOST UNINTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Doug watching footage of Claire‘s daily activities (with her completely unaware that she will die in a few days) and slowly deciding he has to save her. There’s nothing more romantic than someone saving your life - by putting theirs on the line.
HOTTEST SCENE: The aforementioned scene of Doug deciding to save Claire. And the scene where Doug and Claire finally meet across time and space. How can that be? Well… watch the movie. : )
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Is the surveillance footage the FBI is using really just recorded from satellites? Or is it something else? Something more to do with - gasp - time travel? If so, is it possible for them to reach into the past and warn the authorities of the impending ferry bombing? What about Claire? Can they track down her killer before he gets to her? Can they send a message through time to warn her before that happens? Can Doug actually save Claire? Does he have to travel back in time himself? If so, can he take me with him so I can, this time, accept that internship with James Cameron’s Lightstorm Entertainment instead of turning it down like the dumb shit that I am? Ha ha.
WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “DEJA VU”: If you can suspend your disbelief - and buy into some pretty fantastic sci-fi elements. And if you like ambitious, provocative films that are also confident without being arrogant, and romantic without being false. If so, you will love the shit out of DÉJÀ VU.
WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “DEJA VU”: If you are incapable of suspending your disbelief and taking a logical leap of faith. If so, watch the NASDAQ report instead.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: In our review for MR. & MRS. SMITH (review # 376), we discussed how I didn’t see that movie until fairly recently despite being released over five years ago. The reason was not because of any moral judgement on the whole Team Jolie/Team Aniston thing, but simply because the trailers didn’t excite me. They were okay - but not enough to make me crave seeing the film. When I finally did, I was very impressed. MR & MRS. SMITH was great entertainment: smart, funny, exciting, fresh, and memorable.
DÉJÀ VU was released in 2006, but I didn’t catch it in theatres during its initial theatrical run. As with MR & MRS SMITH, the trailers for DÉJÀ VU were okay, even interesting, but they just didn’t make me want to beat a path to the cinemas to see it. But, as with MR & MRS SMITH once more, I ended up loving DÉJÀ VU very much - so much so that I had to rewatch the trailers to see any clues to the near-brilliant movie they advertised. In our review for NIGHTS IN RODANTHE (review # 377), we discussed great trailers that turn out to be disappointing films. The reverse is true of MR & MRS SMITH and DÉJÀ VU - their trailers do not even begin to hint at how terrific movies they are.
DÉJÀ VU is such a tricky blend of action, thriller, romance, and sci-fi that it must have been a terrifying prospect to pitch to studio executives. Fortunately, the execs bought into it and greenlit the project. Even more fortuitously, skilled action/thriller director Tony Scott and his usual star Denzel Washington came on board to frontline the project. These two had collaborated to give us such stellar fare as CRIMSON TIDE and MAN ON FIRE, and would go on to give us THE TAKING OF PELHAM ONE TWO THREE and UNSTOPPABLE. In between would be one of their most interesting and atypical efforts - DÉJÀ VU.
Despite its complicated set-up, DEJA VU movie succeeds admirably because of the deft, graceful way Scott combines a pulsating mystery, provocative sci-fi element, galvanizing actioner, and haunting romance into one dynamically kinetic movie. Quite frankly, this is a movie-going experience like no other. But, as I wrote before, much of how you enjoy DÉJÀ VU hinges on how capable you are of suspending your disbelief. This movie will require it. If you can manage it, though, you will be rewarded.
However, Scott is not solely responsible for this film’s success. His stars are just as deserving of credit. Denzel Washington once again proves his unique leading man mettle. As I’ve written in previous Washington movie reviews, he is most interesting when he’s playing a combo of swagger, smarts, and soul. And Doug Carlyn is probably the Denzel Washington hero who best represents this combo. Doug is not some boring goodie-goodie, but a believably flawed human who sometimes lets his emotions rule him.
This is never more apparent than in Doug’s growing obsession with the memory and image of Claire. The scenes where he watches what he thinks is surveillance footage of Claire (before he realizes he’s actually looking at the past) is filmed in such a compelling way as to make us understand completely why he would be haunted by this woman - and eventually decide to risk everything to save her - and thereby save the ferry explosion victims.
It further helps that the talented Harry Gregson-Williams (a protégé of Hans Zimmer) composed the musical score for DÉJÀ VU - which is one of the best I’ve ever heard. It’s sinister, energetic, and deeply romantic at the same time. Especially the themes for Claire - which play over the scenes of Doug watching Claire’s life. These pieces are evocative and memorable. The Deleted Scenes on the DVD have an extended version of Carlyn studying Claire’s days leading to her death, and I think it should’ve been retained in the final cut of the film to further drive home his growing love for her. This scene is titled “Carlyn Studies Claire” and is required viewing by anyone who loves this film. It is accessible through the DVD’s Bonus Features.
Speaking of Claire, just as with Denzel Washington and his lead role, it was absolutely crucial to have the right actress play her. If we don’t get why Doug would be so entranced and almost hypnotized by her, then we won’t understand the risks he takes to save her and change her future. And Paula Patton is the perfect actress to embody a character whom Doug (and we) initially glimpse as a corpse, then as a “phantom image” through a time window looking into the past in the days before her murder, then finally as a living, breathing woman when he travels back in time to rescue her. Patton’s exotic, dark-eyed, cat-like beauty is instrumental in having us understand why Doug would be so captivated by her, first in memory, then in image, then for real.
But Patton brings more than beauty to the role; she also has a certain magnetic vulnerability. In the scenes of Doug and his team watching her every move in the past for clues to how she will cross paths with DÉJÀ VU’s villain, this is more than evident. Whether she’s sitting on the couch drinking wine and writing in her journal, or feeding her cat and playing with him, or preparing a meal for herself, we can’t help but be drawn to her the way Doug is. And much of how hypnotic Claire is comes from Patton’s striking combo of beauty, humor, and intelligence. I can’t wait to see her as the heroine in the latest MISSION IMPOSSIBLE movie.
The support cast is, as typical for Tony Scott/Denzel Washington movie, reliably solid. Bruce Greenwood and Val Kilmer are vivid as the “bad cop” and “good cop” FBI agents who hinder (Greenwood) and aid (Kilmer) Doug in his quest to save both Claire and the ferry victims. Erika Alexander and Adam Goldberg are the standouts of the technical crew manning the “time window.” Finally, Jim Caviezel manages the neat trick of making his villainous terrorist unexpectedly vulnerable and soulful, in addition to being expectedly psychotic and dangerous. He does this with little gestures and expressions, reminding us just how talented an actor he is. It’s a shame we don’t see much of him these days.
In the end, DÉJÀ VU is a film that is almost indescribable. We’ve discussed in past reviews how some movies should be felt and experienced, rather than described. DÉJÀ VU is another title to add to that list. It’s an experience that will stay with you - just like how Claire stays with Doug…
Someone posted one of the DEJA VU score's best tracks on YouTube. It is titled "You Can Save Her" and it plays over the scenes of Doug studying Claire's life - and slowly falling for her. This track also doubles as Claire's theme. Great music...
GOLDENEYE (1995 - JAMES BOND FLICK / ACTION ADVENTURE) ****1/2 out of *****
(Are you sure that “golden eye“ isn‘t just a cataract? Or a urinal that needs flushing? Just asking…)
CAST: Pierce Brosnan, Sean Bean, Izabella Scorupco, Famke Janssen, Joe Don Baker, Judi Dench, Robbie Coltrane, Michael Kitchen, Tchecky Karyo, Alan Cummings, Gottfried John, Minnie Driver, Samantha Bond, Serena Gordon.
DIRECTOR: Martin Campbell
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and chicks wielding some seriously powerful thighs - straight ahead…
IT’S LIKE THIS: Another week, another wacky megalomaniac intent on world domination. This time it’s MI-6 agent-turned-baddie Alec Trevelyan (Sean Bean), AKA 006. Trevelyan now runs the shadowy Russian syndicate called Janus with the assistance of Soviet fighter pilot-turned-killer dominatrix Xenia Onatopp (Famke Janssen), who literally has thighs of steel which she uses to crush unwary - or just horny - men. Enter everyone’s favorite secret agent to save the day. No, not Jason Bourne. He had another seven years to go before making his film debut. Nope, I’m talking about James Bond (Pierce Brosnan), AKA 007. Bond pursues the trail of Trevelyan and Xenia with the assistance of Natalya Simonova (Izabella Scorupco), scrappy and feisty Russian computer programmer who won the “Survival Lottery” when Xenia and her cronies basically showed up Natalya’s place of work one day and vaporized everyone. I guess Natalya took a coffee break just at the right time, eh? Now, Good Couple (Bond and Natalya) must track down Bad Couple (Trevelyan and Xenia) and find out what’s what - before it’s too late…
THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: You’d think Bond, but Natalya wins this contest. She saves Bond’s ass almost as much as he saves hers. Plus, ya gotta love a woman who is a computer programmer - but still knows how to fire a handgun without being shown how, as well as survive on her own for a good part of the film. Talk about multi-talented.
EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Pierce Brosnan and Sean Bean are great examples of Dark-Haired Stud and Blonde-Haired Stud. Izabella Scorupco and Famke Janssen are great examples of Red Haired Babe and Raven Haired Babe. By the way, Scorupco’s coppery hair in this movie is the shade my hair unfortunately turned into when I covered my gray with my natural shade of Darkest Brown/Black - just before going to Hawaii and spending endless hours in the sea and under the sun. Lesson learned? Salt water and hot sun will react with the chemicals in hair color and lighten your shit up until one day you walk by a shop window and realize you look like Carrot Top’s dorkier brother. Don’t worry - I’m raven-haired again now. But only after an emergency consult with my hairdresser. Learn from my mistake. Cover your gray after you come back from vacation. Unless you want double-takes of the wrong kind. But I digress….
MOST INTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Tons of contenders: (1) the opening bungee-jump scene; (2) the Tiger Helicopter hijack scene with Xenia; (3) the computer station massacre scene where Natalya barely survives; (4) the tank-car chase scene that pretty much levels downtown St. Petersburg; (5) Xenia trying to kill someone with her thighs; or (6) the climactic showdown in the Cuban reservoir. The winner? Natalya’s THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR scene at the computer station. Go, girl!
MOST UNINTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Bond demands that Natalya tell him everything she knows about Janus. Natalya, not trusting him yet, says she doesn’t know anything. Bond grabs Natalya and yells “I don’t believe you!” Natalya yells back: “I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU BELIEVE!” Ha ha ha. Love that scene for some reason. Bond got owned big time. I love this woman. Oh, and the scene where M (Judi Dench) calls Bond a “sexist misogynist dinosaur” gives me chills, too. That woman rocks, too.
HOTTEST SCENE: Trevelyan trying to prove to Natalya what a stud muffin he is while holding her captive on his train. Sorry, I know he’s evil but if I was Natalya I’d be all over his blonde ass. It’s the bad boy thing, you know?
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Will Bond and Natalya figure out what Trevelyan and Xenia are up to? Will Trevelyan and Xenia outwit them instead? What kind of cool gadgets will Q foist on Bond for this adventure? Will they help save his hide? Will Bond’s American contact Wade (Joe Don Baker) also be able to help? What does the Russian secret weapon called “GoldenEye” have to do with Trevelyan’s plan? What does Natalya know about it - and will she trust Bond in time to help him stop whatever heinous shit is about to go down? And - most importantly - was Natalya’s hair supposed to be as dark as Xenia’s - but got bleached by too much sea water and sun? If so: girl, I feel your pain…
WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “GOLDENEYE”: If you like your Bond movies to be a good balance of action and drama, light and serious, with charismatic villains, and Bond Girls who are definitely more than girls.
WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “GOLDENEYE”: If you loathe the James Bond series. Period.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: In the summer of 1989, the 15th Bond film was released. It was titled LICENCE TO KILL (review # 33), and despite being one of the strongest recent entries in the canon, it underperformed at the North American box office - causing it to be labeled a misfire, at best, or an outright bomb, at worst. Our review of LICENCE TO KILL dissects the reasons for its “failure”, as well as its many strengths and eventual widespread recognition as a very good Bond film. The fact remains, however, that it divided audiences sharply when it came out.
Add to that Metro Goldwyn Mayer’s financial brouhaha and the battle over the rights to the Bond franchise, and the result was a delay in production and release of the next Bond film (originally slated for 1991). Eventually, United Artists acquired the Bond franchise and Pierce Brosnan was brought on board when Timothy Dalton (a very good Bond in his own right) declined to come back for a third outing (his first was THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS - review coming). Before you knew it, Bond # 16 (titled GOLDENEYE) was in production, and it looked like the Bond series would go on fighting, after all.
But many quarters were still nervous in the year leading up to the film’s release in November 1995. There was some belief that the six-year gap between LICENCE TO KILL and GOLDENEYE had weakened interest in the series. There was also speculation that strong action franchises like the LETHAL WEAPON films and the Jack Ryan adventures (CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER and PATRIOT GAMES) would give the Bond series some serious competition. Bottom line: there were many folks who feared that GOLDENEYE would open weakly the way LICENCE TO KILL did six years before. It wasn’t until November 17, 1995 that we all knew for sure what the future of the Bond franchise would be.
It was going to be a very, very bright one.
I saw GOLDENEYE one week before its national release in November 1995. A theater near school was having an advance press screening - and a friend and I contrived to pose as journalists and sneak in. We had an inside person in the form of the manager of the theater who was a pal of ours, and arranged for us to get in. My friend and I dressed ourselves up in what we thought journalists would wear (cords, blazers with elbow patches, sensible shoes) and got in line with our notepads. I don’t know if security really thought we were reporters and didn’t bother to check our credentials at the door, or if they were just as excited about the movie.
The point is, we got in. And spent the next two hours in Cinematic Heaven… Put simply, GOLDENEYE is an excellent Bond film - and it dispelled any fears that the Bond series was dead in the water - or even had one foot in the grave. No, sir. It was alive and well - and GOLDENEYE was celluloid proof of that. It has even moved even higher up lately in my list of TOP 10 BOND FILMS to land at # 1:
1. GOLDENEYE (1995)
2. THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH (1999)
3. FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE (1963)
4. QUANTUM OF SOLACE (2008)
5. LICENCE TO KILL (1989)
6. CASINO ROYALE (2006)
7. THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS (1987)
8. GOLDFINGER (1966)
9. FOR YOUR EYES ONLY (1982)
10. THUNDERBALL (1966)
GOLDENEYE gets so many things right. Pierce Brosnan proves to be a worthy heir to the James Bond role, blending light and dark shadings to the character. He has some of Sean Connery’s swagger, Timothy Dalton’s menace, and Roger Moore’s insouciance - blending all of these together in just the right doses. He’s just as effective flirting in a casino with Xenia, as he is having a no-nonsense confrontation with the Russian defense minister played by Tcheky Karyo, as well as his nemesis Alec Trevelyan. Same thing with his scenes with Natalya, which start out grim and serious because of how they are thrown together - then turn melancholy and touching, like the scene on the beach in Cuba where she asks how about his troubled relationship with Alec. This is a scene of surprising depth and nuance, and is well-played by both Brosnan and Izabella Scorupco.
Speaking of Alec Trevelyan, he is easily one of the best villains in the series, right up there with Franz Sanchez (LICENCE TO KILL), Elektra King (THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH), Auric Goldfinger (GOLDFINGER), and Ernst Blofeld (YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE and other 60’s/Early 70’s Bond films). In fact, he’s almost like an “anti-Bond” - Bond’s dark side reflection who is equally handsome and lethal. The difference is Trevelyan is out for his own personal gain and is motivated by revenge, while Bond is loyal to Queen and Country. We’ve talked about how thrillers (and most Bond films are thrillers with action) are only as strong as their baddies - and with GOLDENEYE we have one very compelling baddie.
On the subject of baddies, model-turned-actress Famke Janssen delivers a memorable henchwoman in the form of Xenia Onatopp. Gorgeous, unpredictable, and sexy in a very cat-like way, Onatopp makes for a formidable ally to Trevelyan and a dangerous foe to Bond and Natalya. Her modus operandi of crushing men with her thighs is a unique one and instantly sets her apart from all the other henchwomen who came before her. It also helps that Janssen attacks the role with gusto and sells the character, however over-the-top she may be. Janssen would use this role as a springboard to equally strong work in big studio movies like X-MEN (and its sequels), I SPY, HIDE AND SEEK, THE GINGERBREAD MAN, TAKEN, DON’T SAY A WORD, and CELEBRITY, as well as smaller indie fare like LOVE AND SEX, CITY OF INDUSTRY, 100 FEET, and THE WACKNESS.
As far as the film’s main Bond girl, Natalya Simonova is my #1 Bond Girl of All Time. As played by the gifted Izabella Scorupco, Natalya is the perfect heroine even for a non-Bond movie. The great thing about Natalya is how “Hitchcockian” she is: an ordinary woman thrust into an extraordinary situation. She’s no mercenary like Pam Bouvier (LICENCE TO KILL) or a trained agent like Jinx Johnson (DIE ANOTHER DAY), Camille Montes (QUANTUM OF SOLACE), or Eve (the latest Bond film SKYFALL - due next year). Natalya’s just a computer programmer living a humble, routine existence - until the Janus syndicate wipes out her friends and co-workers and forces her to go on the run, using only her wits to stay alive. She instantly becomes our “eyes” into this world of espionage.
Natalya represents the class of Bond Girl that Kara Milovy (THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS), Vesper Lynd (CASINO ROYALE), and Dr. Christmas Jones (THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH) belong to. They’re all minding their own business when they get pulled into the fray that Bond ignites. The difference between Natalya and those ladies, though, is Natalya gets a surprising amount of solo screen time away from Bond. During these scenes we get to see her at her most resourceful and resilient. Prime examples are the attack on the Severnaya computer station that she barely survives, and her subsequent lone journey through the wilds of Siberia back to civilization where she must elude the villains and figure out what’s going on. She connects with Bond quite by chance - but by the time she hooks up with him, she’s already survived a lot on her own.
Izabella Scorupco is so good as Natalya, that she could’ve gone on to forge a major Hollywood career after GOLDENEYE. She was subsequently offered the female leads in L.A. CONFIDENTIAL (which Kim Basinger won an Oscar for) and THE MASK OF ZORRO (which launched Catherine Zeta Jones). Instead, however, she turned down both roles and pretty much chose a more low-key life. You have to admire someone like that. I’m just thankful that Scorupco accepted the role of Natalya Simonova. I heard at one time that supermodels Elle MacPherson and Paulina Porizkova were each offered the role at some point. Both are fine actresses, but I just don’t see either of them bringing the same intriguing blend of strength, smarts, and soul that Izabella Scorupco brought to the role. That’s the mark of a great performance.
The supporting cast is great, with Judi Dench delivering a nicely pragmatic and assertive female M. It was very smart of the producers to insist on giving Bond a female boss. In this film, Dench imbues the M-Bond relationship with a somewhat maternal vibe. You can’t help but see her as the mother figure trying to control and mentor a gifted but volatile son in the form of Bond. This interesting connection between the two characters would develop in subsequent Bond movies. I can’t wait to see how SKYFALL, the latest Bond film in production now, will further explore the M-Bond dynamic.
In the end, director Martin Campbell and his perfectly-cast performers deserve major kudos for not only reviving the Bond franchise after a period of uncertainty, but also giving us one of the strongest entries in the series. GOLDENEYE marks a golden debut for Pierce Brosnan in the role of the world-famous super spy - and paved the way for the Bond franchise to successfully transition into the 21st century…
And it gave us Natalya Simonova, the Best Bond Lady ever.
Now check out GOLDENEYE’s opening credits below. I remember first watching them in that press screening back in 1995, me and my buddy posing as baby-faced reporters, and having that delicious feeling that we were about to witness something grand. We were right...
NIGHTS IN RODANTHE (2008 - ROMANTIC DRAMA) **1/2 out of *****
(Thank you, but I think I‘ll stick to “Nights in Oahu“…)
CAST: Richard Gere, Diane Lane, James Franco, Viola Davis, Mae Whitman, Christopher Meloni, Scott Glenn.
DIRECTOR: George C. Wolfe
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and sub-BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY antics straight ahead…
IT’S LIKE THIS: Hot mega-prick surgeon Dr. Paul Flanner (Richard Gere) is in the Outer Banks of North Carolina for two reasons: (1) visit the husband (Scott Glenn) of a patient who died under his care; and (2) prepare for a trip to South America to visit his equally hot but much less prick-like doctor son (James Franco). Paul books a room for the weekend in some inn by the sea run by babe Adrienne Willis (Diane Lane). Adrienne’s got issues of her own - specifically, whether or not she should divorce her cheating scum of a husband (Christopher Meloni). Given that he’s played by the equally babe-like Meloni, I think I’d be willing to forgive a few indiscretions on his part if I were Adrienne. Come on, have you seen that man’s pecs? Anyway, Paul and Adrienne get to know each other over the course of two days - and realize they are soulmates. Wow. That was fast. Or maybe Paul and Adrienne are just dimwits.
THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Nobody. This is pretty much the Paul-and-Adrienne-Show, and they’re both so love-whipped they barely notice that big-ass hurricane bearing down on them.
EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Gere and Lane for those who like “classy“, and Franco and Meloni for those who like “dirty“. Guess who I’m going with. Pass the whipped cream and edible body oil…
MOST INTENTIONALLY DRAMATIC SCENE: Paul and Adrienne racing around the inn to secure the windows and doors against the oncoming hurricane. Hey, dipshits, maybe if you two weren’t so busy ogling each other, you would’ve noticed those gale force winds slamming in from the sea much sooner… just a thought.
MOST UNINTENTIONALLY DRAMATIC SCENE: Paul and Adrienne emptying out the inn’s cupboards by tossing cans of Spam into the garbage. How… dare… they. Spam is a food group where I’m from. Sacrilege! Sacrilege, I tell you!
HOTTEST SCENE: That scene where Paul says to Adrienne: “I want you to know… any man is a fool, if he doesn’t know how lucky he is to have you.” Hmmmm… Wait a minute… this sounds familiar. Hmmmmm. Did Chris Evans’ twin actually base his proposal to me on this scene? Well, it worked. You sneaky bastard…
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Will Paul and Adrienne cement their weekend romance with a true relationship? Or will they call it what it is and go back to being miserable in their separate lives? How will Paul’s son feel about his dad’s romance? What about Adrienne’s husband and kids? Are they forcing a weekend fling into something it wasn’t meant to be? Or is this truly, as Adrienne tells her daughter, “a love that makes you feel as if anything is possible?” Do Paul and Adrienne have a happy ending in store for them? Or do they seriously need to get their fucking heads out of the clouds? And most importantly, who should I complain to about all the Spam-abuse this movie perpetrates? Who, goddamit?!
WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “NIGHTS IN RODANTHE”: If you like author Nicholas Sparks’s novels, one of which forms the basis of this film. And if you like Richard Gere and Diane Lane - together or separately…
WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “NIGHTS IN RODANTHE”: If you loathe Nicholas Sparks particularly saccharine brand of “literature” - and the movies they spawned. If so, even an iron-strength loyalty to either Gere, Lane, or Franco may not be enough to protect you from the sugar shock this film may slam you with.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: The trailer for NIGHTS IN RODANTHE is one of the best out there: compelling, enticing, irresistible, with a strong sense of romance and soulfulness. Whoever cut this trailer together did it in such a slick and effective way, and made seriously judicious use of Gavin Rossdale’s haunting ballad “Love Remains The Same”. This trailer made such an impression on me that a friend whom we will call “Lee Remick” thoughtfully burned it to CD and gave it to me one year as a birthday present. It was one of my best birthday presents ever. That’s how much I liked the trailer.
However, as we all know, the annals of cinema history are filled with movies with previews that gripped audiences and put them in an electric state of anticipation - only to end up disappointing, mildly to severely, upon release. Some examples are: SLIVER, BASIC INSTINCT 2, THE HAUNTING, WHAT’S YOUR NUMBER?, PREDATORS, KILLERS, and MY LIFE IN RUINS, just to name a few. Does NIGHTS IN RODANTHE join their unfortunate ranks?
The answer, put simply, is “yes.” Perhaps I should’ve known that with a trailer so near-perfect, and with the high degree of anticipation it planted in me for the actual movie, there was only one way to go but down. I suppose it’s a testament to the canny skills of the trailer company which assembled NIGHTS IN RODANTHE’s trailer that they created such a rich and inviting preview for a film that is so thoroughly average and lackluster. Perhaps it’s also a testament to the power of Gavin Rossdale’s beautiful song, “Love Remains The Same” that it makes us think the movie we’re about to see has genuine spirit of romance.
Whatever the reason for the huge disparity between NIGHTS IN RODANTHE’s trailer and the actual film, the fact remains it has a strong and timeless idea at its core: two lost souls, each at a personal crossroads, meet and fall unexpectedly in love - and must decide if they have a future together. This formula is the basis of some vibrant cinema classics and near-classics: THE BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY, LOST IN TRANSLATION, BEFORE SUNRISE, BEFORE SUNSET, BRIEF ENCOUNTER, LAST CHANCE HARVEY, and the brand new LIKE CRAZY. What do these films have in common that NIGHTS IN RODANTHE sorely lacks?
Again, put simply: in all those movies, we could understand why the leads were in love. We could understand why their worlds were turned upside down and the turmoil it caused them. In NIGHTS IN RODANTHE, we don’t get why Adrienne Willis and Paul Flanner are supposed to be crazy about each other, or why they fall for each other so hard in so short a time. In the classics mentioned before, we accepted that the leads would be so head over heels for one another after such a brief period. In this film, it’s just not believable.
Technically, Diane Lane and Richard Gere’s performances are fine. After THE COTTON CLUB (1984) and UNFAITHFUL (2002), this is their third pairing. It shows in their comfortable rapport with each other. Maybe even too comfortable, because their chemistry here isn’t so much sensual or romantic as it is warm and friendly. Also, their characters are just not that interesting, despite their elaborate backstories.
Adrienne, while somewhat sweet, is just not memorable or alluring enough to make us believe that she could melt the chilly, standoffish Paul so quickly. At the same time, despite the script’s flourishes, we don’t get a sense of the fire and passion underneath Paul’s cool-bordering-on-cold exterior to understand why Adrienne would even bother trying to melt him.
The result? A tepid romance that makes you care very little as to how everything will turn out. So much so that when Paul says that line to Adrienne which played great in the trailer (“any man is a fool if he doesn’t know how lucky he is to have you”), we don’t get why he feels like that about her. By the same token, when Adrienne tells her rebellious daughter played by Mae Whitman that “there is a love that makes you feel like anything is possible - I want you to know that you can have that” (another line that played great in the trailer), we don’t understand what the basis of that is.
Which is just as well, since NIGHTS IN RODANTHE has one of the more nonsensical endings out there right now. Just as with author Nicholas Sparks’ previous and better weeper-turned-movie MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE, this film has an ending that is supposed to be powerful, profound, and heartbreaking. Instead, because its romantic foundation is so weak, the climax (and denouement) is simply, well, stupid. Had Paul and Adrienne been written more effectively (and had Gere and Lane had a more combustible chemistry), the ending might have been devastating and heartbreaking.
The supporting cast provides able support. James Franco, Christopher Meloni, Viola Davis, Scott Glenn, and Whitman are all solid. But, in the end, this movie is Gere and Lane’s. And as much as I adore them, they’re too comfortable with one another, and their characters so flat, that the emotional center of this film remains hollow - and it hampers the film considerably, making it a merely average affair. Pun intended.
Well, at least I will always have that trailer to dazzle me. An even better birthday gift would’ve been for the NIGHTS IN RODANTHE to have actually turned out to be a good film.
MR. & MRS. SMITH (2005 - ROMANTIC ACTION COMEDY) **** out of *****
(That‘s one form of marriage counseling that probably won‘t catch on across the country…)
CAST: Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Vince Vaughn, Adam Brody, Kerry Washington, Keith David, Michelle Monaghan.
DIRECTOR: Doug Liman
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one serious love-hate relationship - straight ahead…
IT’S LIKE THIS: John (Brad Pitt) and Jane (Angelina Jolie) are your basic married-couple-going-on-six-years-of-wedded-sort-of-bliss: they are bored out of their skulls. So much so that they’ve taken to having meetings with marriage counselors to ensure that their, ahem, “engine” is still running well. Instead of, you know, just going to Hawaii and going scuba diving with sharks or just doing some other fun thang. Whatever… Anyhow, turns out these two are more exciting than meets the eye: they’re both super-skilled and super-secret assassins who work for competing agencies. Yup, you read that right folks. Our Vanilla Couple is not so vanilla after all. They are both experts at unleashing El Can De Whoop-Ass on targets who deserve it. Only problem is they don’t know this secret truth about one another. Then their agencies send them both after the same target: Benjamin Danz (Adam Brody), who’s somehow been marked for death despite looking like an uber-dork. And just like that, the cat's out of the bag, folks. You don’t have to be psychic to intuit that John and Jane’s neighborhood is about to see a reenactment of THE WAR OF THE ROSES - only with martial arts moves and Uzis. Run. Run now.
THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: John and Jane. If they ever just decide to accept that each of them is married to a savage, bloodthirsty killer. Which makes them perfect for each other. And if each - or both - of them can fight off the goons that their respective agencies unleash on their neighborhood.
EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Toss up between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, at first. But it’s Vince Vaughn who gets my vote as John’s excitable buddy. He’s like a big rumpled teddy bear that you just want to titty-twist into submission.
MOST INTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: John and Jane beating the tar out of each other - and subsequently redecorating their lavish home, and not for the better.
MOST UNINTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: The dinner scene where John picks at a pot roast that Jane prepared - and possibly poisoned. Sorry, but that fucker looked so delicious, I would’ve swallowed it whole - cyanide-laced or not.
HOTTEST SCENE: The aforementioned John-and-Jane-Smackdown. In my household, we call that “Foreplay.”
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Can this marriage be saved? Will these two hotties just finally stop playing war games and meet each other halfway and accept that they‘re soulmates? Do they really love each other? If so, what’s up with all the bitchslaps and dropkicks? For that matter, is Benjamin a true target? Or was he used to set-up John and Jane? How will the Smiths celebrate their sixth anniversary with half the world’s assassins after them? Will they do a spoof called MR. & MR. SMITH? If so, I volunteer for the Angelina Jolie role.
WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “MR. & MRS. SMITH”: If you like dynamic and kinetic action flicks with nice doses of humor, sexiness, and romance. And if you are on Team Jolie.
WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “MR. & MRS. SMITH”: If you can‘t suspend your disbelief or accept that sometimes a couple just needs to smack each other around to spice up their marriage. And if you are on Team Aniston…
BUT, SERIOUSLY: In previous reviews, we’ve talked about how many films need to be taken with tongue-sort-of-planted-in-cheek. Lots of movies have plots that, while set in the everyday, definitely do not traffic in the mundane. Such a film is MR & MRS SMITH. Sure, the mundane is the surface veneer that the movie cleverly projects to us: a married couple starting to get bored with one another. The script cleverly uses this façade to draw a sharp contrast with the true natures of its protagonists. So much so that when the action kicks into high gear after the crucial reveal, it’s all the more powerful because of the “normal” set-up.
It took me awhile to finally see MR & MRS SMITH. It wasn’t because of the whole hoopla over the Brad-Angie-Jen thing. That’s none of my business, or anyone else’s but the trio who were involved. No, the reason I never got around to seeing it was simply lack of interest in my part. The trailers were okay, but just never really hinted at the movie’s electricity. Nor did they even begin to tap the considerable chemistry between its leads.
We’ve also discussed the elusive thing that is chemistry. What cause some screen couples to explode, others to ignite, others to flicker reasonably, and many to simply fail to light up at all. The degree of chemistry between the leads of a film, whatever the genre, can sometimes make or break film. Our last review was the solid and enjoyable Katherine Heigl vehicle 27 DRESSES. It’s only real shortcoming was the lack of any real spark between Heigl and co-star James Marsden. Contrast this lukewarm connection with the one between the lead couple of the review before that one, CAPTAIN AMERICA. In that film, Chris Evans and Hayley Atwell essayed a touching and resonant kinship that was helped considerably by their magnetic chemistry. So much so that the “love that dare not speak its name” romance between Steve Rogers and Peggy Carter is one of the things many people best remember about that movie.
I’m happy to report that with our latest review, MR & MRS SMITH, we have another example of a screen couple who set the silver screen on fire - figuratively and almost literally. The chemistry between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie is so potent here that it is almost unsurprising that their characters’ combustible union spilled over into real life. As I said, it’s their business. But the fact remains, this is one electric couple. Pitt and Jolie’s characters’ interactions are so compelling that they easily paper over the story’s inherent flaws - specifically, in the area of believability. Note that similarly-themed films like THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT and KILLERS didn’t fare quite as well. Put simply, those films’ leads didn’t have the hypnotic chemistry that Pitt and Jolie generate with stunning ease.
The rest of the cast is similary effective, with the standouts being Vince Vaughn and Adam Brody. Vaughn isn’t really acting so much as flaunting his usual “sexy spaz” schtick. But he does it well. Same thing with Brody, who is basically playing the same character here that he played in the TV series THE OC. But, as with Vaughn, he does it well. Both Brody and Vaughn have scenes of comic gold. Especially hilarious is Danz’s encounter with John and Jane.
Doug Liman stages the action with the same confidence and grace that brough to THE BOURNE IDENTITY. Of course, the action here is decidedly less serious. That doesn’t make it any less exciting, though. And entertaining - especially an extended sequence where John and Jane have a “domestic dispute” in a mini-van while trying to escape and fend off some very determined pursuers.
My only quibble with the film is its somewhat abrupt ending. I cannot help but feel that some scenes may have been deleted. If Liman and his writers had found a more graceful way to bring us to that very funny last scene, MR & MRS SMITH would be near-perfect. As it is, though, it is very good enough to be considered classic entertainment.
Check out that fight scene…. Now this is foreplay - and chemistry:
27 DRESSES (2008 - ROMANTIC COMEDY / WEDDING FLICK) ***½ out of *****
(Let‘s put it this way: if there was a World Cup for being a bridesmaid, this chick would have nailed it - hands down…)
CAST: Katherine Heigl, James Marsden, Malin Akerman, Ed Burns, Judi Greer, Brian Kerwin.
DIRECTOR: Anne Fletcher
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one seriously accommodating veteran bridesmaid - straight ahead…
IT’S LIKE THIS: Despite being a statuesque uber-hottie, Jane (Katherine Heigl) has yet to get married. Right, okay. Whatever. On the bridesmaids front, though, she is most definitely a pro. Yup - she’s been a Gal Friday for 27 brides for 27 weddings in a row, making her somewhat of an old-timer at the wedding prep thang. Things take a turn for the fucked-up when her visiting spoiled bitch sister Tess (Malin Akerman) sets her eyes on Jane’s hunky boss George (Ed Burns). What’s wrong with that, you ask? Oh, nothing much - just that Jane is crazy about George and has secretly loved him all these years. And now Baby Sis is about to bag that particular piece of Jane-coveted man-ass. To make things even more fucked-up, Tess requests - nay, expects - Jane to do her usual “Bridesmaid Does It All” routine for Tess and George’s suddenly-announced marriage. And if that wasn’t enough to seriously piss on Jane’s parade, she has to contend with cynical bastard journalist Kevin (James Marsden) covering Tess’s wedding, who thinks marriage is basically the last form of legal slavery - and doesn’t mind telling Jane every chance he gets. Damn, girl. It’s okay…. We won’t hold it against you if sneak a sip of the sauce to get through your day…
THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Jane, if she ever finds the cojones to tell Tess basically go take her wedding to George - and shove it where she ain’t ever gonna need to wear sunblock.
EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Oh, hell… where do I start? Katherine Heigl, Malin Akerman, and Judi Greer as Jane’s zany best pal Casey are fine specimens of the female gender. In the meantime, James Marsden, Ed Burns, and Brian Kerwin as Jane and Tess’s clueless dad Hal, spend the movie playing “Quien Es Muy Macho?” The winner: James Marsden, baby.
MOST INTENTIONALLY HILARIOUS SCENE: Jane leveling a condescending old crone by reminding her that it’s a lot easier to have hot meaningless sex when you are single and unmarried. Damn it.
MOST UNINTENTIONALLY HILARIOUS SCENE: The scene where Jane tries to convince Kevin that her 27 bridesmaid dresses aren’t the unfashionable train wrecks that they are…. That’s right, sweetie. Keep telling yourself that.
HOTTEST SCENE: Jane doing sit-ups very very late at night in her apartment. Not sure why I find this so sexy, since I would rather eat broken glass and wash it down with isopropyl alcohol than do a single crunch. Which explains why I’m fat. But whatever… Oh, and the sight of Kevin dripping wet after a rainstorm is also enough to make one, uh, dripping wet… Or do I need help?
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Will Jane be able to, in the words of the terminally-sarcastic Casey, “plan your sister’s wedding to the man you love”? Or will her heart collapse first? Will she confess to George that she really loves him? What about Kevin? Is he right when he says George doesn’t deserve Jane? Is he just saying this because he has the hots for Jane himself? Will anyone reveal Tess to be the skank that she is? Who will marry who in the end? George and Tess? Jane and George? Kevin and Kane? Casey and Tess? Chris Evans’ twin and I on the shores of Hawaii? Oh, wait. That already happened.
WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “27 DRESSES”: If you love romantic comedies centered on weddings that are not too sappy and sardonic in the right places. And if you adore Katherine Heigl. Which I do. In spades.
WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “27 DRESSES”: If you have an allergic reaction to romantic comedies about weddings. In that case, this movie might just level you. It sure knocked over Chris Evans’ twin. Such a man...
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Starting from an intriguing concept of a woman who is “always a bridesmaid and never a bride”, then multiplying it by 27, then employing a cast that is equally talented and attractive - and the result is 27 DRESSES. The glue holding this film together is the central character of Jane. As played by Katherine Heigl, Jane is never less than fascinating and relatable. Much of this has to do with Heigl’s approachable aura. Jane may appear intimidatingly beautiful, but once you make the jump to talk to her, she opens up and blossoms.
Heigl sells both the character’s sentimental attachment to the tradition of marriage, but also her level-headed and direct approach to life. Another actress (say, Meg Ryan) might have sunk the character by turning her into a fluttering ditz (as Ryan did with her character in the highly overrated SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE), but Heigl understands that Jane is multi-faceted and plays her that way. The result is a heroine who is both emotionally vulnerable and tentative but also tough and together at the same time. It’s a great combo.
It helps greatly that almost all of the cast is peopled by all the right performers. Ed Burns makes for just the right mix of dashing, charming, and smug as George, the boss whom Jane secretly adores. He’s dashing and charming enough to make us understand why Jane would fall for him, but also smug enough to make us also understand Jane’s realization later on that he doesn’t deserve her. Malin Akerman is similary well-cast as Jane’s spoiled sister who’s used to getting what she wants. Kudos to the script and Akerman by successfully keeping Tess from turning into a hissably one-note antagonist. There’s a nice reconciliation scene between the sisters near the end that is very well-played by Heigl and Akerman.
As for the last major female cast member, Judi Greer proves again to be a comic delight as Casey, Jane’s witheringly sarcastic (and highly promiscuous) best friend. The Sarcastic Best Friend has become a staple in romantic comedies - but Greer takes that archetype and delivers one of its best examples. In her hands, Casey is the gal pal that everyone should have: funny, brave, crazy, adventurous, saucy, sassy, and extremely loyal. I can’t wait to see Greer be the heroine of her own romantic comedy.
If 27 DRESSES has a slight flaw, it’s with James Marsden as Kevin, the film’s true love interest. Marsden is technically fine as the cynical journalist whose hard exterior conceals a soft heart, and he is certainly attractive enough to hold your attention. However, the chemistry that he shares with Heigl is more of a “comfortable-hanging-out-friends-buds” type, rather than the “smoldering-circle-around-each-other-because-we-don’t-know-what-to-do-about-the-smolder” type. We need the potent chemistry that Heigl shared with Gerard Butler in THE UGLY TRUTH (review # 133), the one Angelina Jolie had with Brad Pitt in MR. AND MRS. SMITH (review coming later), or the sultry simmer between Chris Evans and Hayley Atwell in CAPTAIN AMERICA (review # 374).
That kind of chemistry is missing between Heigl and Marsden in 27 DRESSES. They seem more like close comfortable pals than two people with an electric connection. And that lends a lukewarm aspect to their interactions. The character of Kevin is fine, and Marsden in the role is okay on all fronts - except the romantic one. It’s no fault of his or Heigl’s. It’s just that chemistry is a mystery. Just because it exists, doesn’t mean it’s the right kind. Having the right chemistry is like catching lightning in a bottle.
In the end, 27 DRESSES is a pleasant romantic comedy with a near-perfect cast. It’s sweet, but also tart enough to keep things somewhat real. And it’s certainly leagues ahead of other romantic comedies about weddings, like BRIDE WARS and SOMETHING BORROWED. All in all, a solidly good film.
Hello, everyone. Had to restrict access to this blog since mid-August for the following reasons:
1. The race for the MLS Cup was heating up, with the Sounders seriously contending for it - and I had to cover the games in an armchair photojournalist capacity.
2. The focus on the Sounders progress (and their eventual shortfall) kept me from getting any film or film music reviews done. It was all Soccer, all the time since mid-August. The movies and movie music fell by the wayside.
3. I made the decision to extract all soccer, World Cup 2014, and Sounders-related photos and news coverage and transfer them to a separate blog with restricted access for copyright reasons. I intend to use the photos for several photojournalism projects and have to minimize access to them at this stage. In any case, keeping soccer and movies separate is, in the end, a good idea because not all movie fans are soccer fans. Although I don't understand why. Soccer is just as exhilarating, breathtaking, and moving as the movies... So, while the restricted blog will focus on World Cup, MLS, and general soccer photojournalism, this blog will return its focus on movies and movie music reviews...
All that by way of saying that the movie reviews will be back online soon. I am busy this weekend with work related to the MLS Final Battle between the Houston Dynamos and LA Galaxy down in Los Angeles, but I will try to post a movie review schedule before I get too busy with soccer.
With the MLS season winding to a close, the only Sounders activity to monitor and photograph will be the CONCACAF race - before the 2012 MLS season begins again early next year. When my boys - and me - will be busy once more. For now, it's movie and movie music reviews left and right.
It's great to be back. Thanks for everyone's patience and understanding. In the meantime, all our previous 378 movie/movie music reviews are here intact. Enjoy them - and get ready for the many new ones to come...
Also, please note that in recent months, many of the YouTube trailers that I linked to our reviews have been deleted by YouTube's militia because the folks who posted them on YouTube weren't supposed to. With the current effort to clean up YouTube, you will likely see more and more trailers disappear. Oh, well... we roll with the punches right?
One last thing: as with all blogs that have some degree of following and popularity, other sites have tried to embed links in some of our reviews. I don't have the time to constantly weed through to find them, so I will say this and please take note: the only links I place myself in this blog are to IMDB.com, Entertainment Weekly, Amazon, and Empire Magazine. All other links are ones I do not endorse. So if you see a hyperlinked word in one of the reviews, do not click on it. It could take you to a dating site or something.
Please expect the movie and movie music review schedule to post when I get back very early on Monday... For now, here is a sneak peek at some of the movies we will be reviewing, old, new-ish, and brand new:
Whew! That's our line-up for the Holiday Season. Have a great weekend. Wherever you spend it and whatever you do, in the words of singer Alex Lloyd from his song on IMAGINE ME AND YOU's soundtrack and trailer, make it "AMAZING!"
