Hello, all...
Please find below our usual collage of next week's movies. Can you guess what they have in common? Three words: bailiff, gavel, flamboyant defense attorney...
Discuss:
Stay tuned for the official list on Sunday night...
REVIEW UPDATE: The Last Five Alien Invasion Flicks...
Hi, folks...
Hope everyone's had a great week. Here's to a good weekend - and then some. Just a quick note to let you all know that the subject reviews shall post sometime over the next two days. Don't worry - we'll make our deadline of Sunday night. Remember - 7 reviews in one week! : )
In the meantime, please expect a sneak preview of next week's movie theme very soon... See if you can guess what it is...
Hope everyone's had a great week. Here's to a good weekend - and then some. Just a quick note to let you all know that the subject reviews shall post sometime over the next two days. Don't worry - we'll make our deadline of Sunday night. Remember - 7 reviews in one week! : )
In the meantime, please expect a sneak preview of next week's movie theme very soon... See if you can guess what it is...
# 275 - INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (1978)
INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (1978 - HORROR / SCI-FI / ALIEN INVASION ) ****1/2 out of *****
(Say “Hasta La Vista“ to catnaps and beauty sleep….)
CAST: Donald Sutherland, Brooke Adams, Leonard Nimoy, Jeff Goldblum, Veronica Cartwright, Lelia Goldoni, Kevin McCarthy.
DIRECTOR: Philip Kaufman
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and pretty strong reasons to stock up on No-Doz - straight ahead…
If one is an avid horror buff, there’s not much one finds frightening on the silver screen. Zombies, psycho killers, mutants, vampires, werewolves, aliens, or even Vin Diesel pretending to be a babysitter. Oh, wait… THE PACIFIER was not a horror film - it just felt like one. My bad. Anyhow, a horror fan knows his/her way through the pantheon of beasties and baddies that occupy the genre.
But every horror fan has his/her weakness. For some, it’s zombies - something to do with being eaten alive. For others, it’s vampires - something to do with, uh, being sucked to death (personally I think that’s a great way to go - whether you’re the sucker or the suckee, but I digress). For yet others, it’s slashers - something to do with the possibility that Michael Myers or Jason Voorhees is about to crash your party.
For me, though, it’s the idea that everyone you know will suddenly change and turn into… someone else. Yup. Your crackhead best friend. Your rambunctious little brother. Your lush boyfriend. Your whiny commuter mate. One day, you wake up and discover that they have all… changed. They all behave the same way, like a bunch of goodie-two-shoes trying to impress Teacher. In other words, welcome to Stepford - only somehow worse. Far worse.
This premise is at the core of our next review, the classic sci-fi horror thriller INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS. Basically, space seeds rain down on the Earth one stormy day and blossom into odd-looking plants that the silly humans can’t resist but take home with them. Not the best idea, considering these plants are actually aliens - and they achieve human form by cloning us when we sleep. Then the original, uh, copy of us withers and dies. If you know what I mean. The “clones” or “pod people” basically assume our identities - only without any kind of emotion, empathy, or individuality. This happens over and over until no human are left - just “body snatchers”. People who look like us but are actually stone-cold dickheads…
A few of the folks who gradually realize that something sinister is afoot are: (1) Miles Bennell (Donald Sutherland), civil servant for the Department of Health; (2) Elizabeth Driscoll (Brooke Adams), Miles’ lovely colleague; (3) Jack Bellicec (Jeff Goldblum), quirky writer who never met a conspiracy theory that didn’t give him a raging hard-on; (4) Nancy Bellicec (Veronica Cartwright), Jack’s high-strung wife who never met a situation she never screamed her head off over; and (5) Dr. David Kibner (Leonard Nimoy), celebrity shrink and friend of Miles’ who can’t figure out why everyone in the Bay area is suddenly complaining about their husband and wives “changing”. Hey, David… maybe you should tell them it’s because of this thing called “marriage”.
At any rate, our quintet of heroes soon find themselves faced with the prospect of being the only humans left in San Francisco. Will they succumb to the need to sleep and be cloned, too? Or will they find a way to fight back against the ever-growing army of emotionless “carbon copies”? What do the “pod people” want, anyway? What’s the point of traveling all the way across the universe to Earth to clone people - only to sit around and stare at each other?
Personally, I think the dipshits took a wrong turn somewhere between Orion’s Belt and Mars…
BUT, SERIOUSLY: A remake of the 50’s classic, INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS moves the action from a small town to the bustling city of San Francisco. There are arguments for and against this. The original film capitalized on the familiarity of the townspeople with one another to starkly illustrate what happens when they begin to change, one-by-one. Radical changes in behavior would be noticed much faster in a small-town setting than in big city one.
You’d think that the 1978 remake’s decision to set the story in San Francisco would diminish the dread which the original film so masterfully orchestrated. It doesn’t. It just provides the audience with a different set of chills. Director Philip Kaufman appears to be making a point about the impersonal nature of city living. How well do we really know our own neighbors? And when they “change” would we even know them well enough to notice? In the end, the remake seems to be saying that even before the invasion occurs, the people of San Francisco - or any other city - are already disconnected from one another. The “alien duplication” is merely window dressing.
The cast is uniformly terrific. Donald Sutherland turns in a warm, appealing performance as Miles Bennell, a guy who only realizes how much he loves Elizabeth when he is faced with the threat of being cloned and never experiencing human emotion ever again - which makes him fight for it all the more. Brooke Adams similarly finds Elizabeth’s quirky center, making her both offbeat and strong. She matches well with Sutherland, as do the characters they play. A lovely moment in the film before the madness starts sees Elizabeth playfully performing an “eye trick” in front of Miles to convince him she’s sane. This passage solidifies our empathy for this couple - and makes us want to see them survive with their humanity intact.
Jeff Goldblum, Veronica Cartwright, and Leonard Nimoy round out the roster of major players. Their characters, just like Sutherland and Adams’, are all just a little odd - which makes them ring true. In this day and age, characters’ edges and quirks are often sanded over to “sanitize” them. I miss the days when movie characters felt like real people - and not plastic concoctions created to artificially push the plot forward.
Director Philip Kaufman imbues INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS with a palpable tension that builds and builds until a terrifying climax. Not to give too much away, but this is one ending you will not forget for a long time to come. Danny Zeitlin’s odd musical score also adds to the “off” feel of the proceedings.
Ultimately, this film can stand shoulder-to-shoulder with its predecessor from the 1950’s. Whereas that film explored small-town familiarity turning deadly, the 1978 version explores the isolation and disconnect that city-dwellers often experience - and how that lack of familiarity and humanity ultimately becomes their downfall.
(Say “Hasta La Vista“ to catnaps and beauty sleep….)
CAST: Donald Sutherland, Brooke Adams, Leonard Nimoy, Jeff Goldblum, Veronica Cartwright, Lelia Goldoni, Kevin McCarthy.
DIRECTOR: Philip Kaufman
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and pretty strong reasons to stock up on No-Doz - straight ahead…
If one is an avid horror buff, there’s not much one finds frightening on the silver screen. Zombies, psycho killers, mutants, vampires, werewolves, aliens, or even Vin Diesel pretending to be a babysitter. Oh, wait… THE PACIFIER was not a horror film - it just felt like one. My bad. Anyhow, a horror fan knows his/her way through the pantheon of beasties and baddies that occupy the genre.
But every horror fan has his/her weakness. For some, it’s zombies - something to do with being eaten alive. For others, it’s vampires - something to do with, uh, being sucked to death (personally I think that’s a great way to go - whether you’re the sucker or the suckee, but I digress). For yet others, it’s slashers - something to do with the possibility that Michael Myers or Jason Voorhees is about to crash your party.
For me, though, it’s the idea that everyone you know will suddenly change and turn into… someone else. Yup. Your crackhead best friend. Your rambunctious little brother. Your lush boyfriend. Your whiny commuter mate. One day, you wake up and discover that they have all… changed. They all behave the same way, like a bunch of goodie-two-shoes trying to impress Teacher. In other words, welcome to Stepford - only somehow worse. Far worse.
This premise is at the core of our next review, the classic sci-fi horror thriller INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS. Basically, space seeds rain down on the Earth one stormy day and blossom into odd-looking plants that the silly humans can’t resist but take home with them. Not the best idea, considering these plants are actually aliens - and they achieve human form by cloning us when we sleep. Then the original, uh, copy of us withers and dies. If you know what I mean. The “clones” or “pod people” basically assume our identities - only without any kind of emotion, empathy, or individuality. This happens over and over until no human are left - just “body snatchers”. People who look like us but are actually stone-cold dickheads…
A few of the folks who gradually realize that something sinister is afoot are: (1) Miles Bennell (Donald Sutherland), civil servant for the Department of Health; (2) Elizabeth Driscoll (Brooke Adams), Miles’ lovely colleague; (3) Jack Bellicec (Jeff Goldblum), quirky writer who never met a conspiracy theory that didn’t give him a raging hard-on; (4) Nancy Bellicec (Veronica Cartwright), Jack’s high-strung wife who never met a situation she never screamed her head off over; and (5) Dr. David Kibner (Leonard Nimoy), celebrity shrink and friend of Miles’ who can’t figure out why everyone in the Bay area is suddenly complaining about their husband and wives “changing”. Hey, David… maybe you should tell them it’s because of this thing called “marriage”.
At any rate, our quintet of heroes soon find themselves faced with the prospect of being the only humans left in San Francisco. Will they succumb to the need to sleep and be cloned, too? Or will they find a way to fight back against the ever-growing army of emotionless “carbon copies”? What do the “pod people” want, anyway? What’s the point of traveling all the way across the universe to Earth to clone people - only to sit around and stare at each other?
Personally, I think the dipshits took a wrong turn somewhere between Orion’s Belt and Mars…
BUT, SERIOUSLY: A remake of the 50’s classic, INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS moves the action from a small town to the bustling city of San Francisco. There are arguments for and against this. The original film capitalized on the familiarity of the townspeople with one another to starkly illustrate what happens when they begin to change, one-by-one. Radical changes in behavior would be noticed much faster in a small-town setting than in big city one.
You’d think that the 1978 remake’s decision to set the story in San Francisco would diminish the dread which the original film so masterfully orchestrated. It doesn’t. It just provides the audience with a different set of chills. Director Philip Kaufman appears to be making a point about the impersonal nature of city living. How well do we really know our own neighbors? And when they “change” would we even know them well enough to notice? In the end, the remake seems to be saying that even before the invasion occurs, the people of San Francisco - or any other city - are already disconnected from one another. The “alien duplication” is merely window dressing.
The cast is uniformly terrific. Donald Sutherland turns in a warm, appealing performance as Miles Bennell, a guy who only realizes how much he loves Elizabeth when he is faced with the threat of being cloned and never experiencing human emotion ever again - which makes him fight for it all the more. Brooke Adams similarly finds Elizabeth’s quirky center, making her both offbeat and strong. She matches well with Sutherland, as do the characters they play. A lovely moment in the film before the madness starts sees Elizabeth playfully performing an “eye trick” in front of Miles to convince him she’s sane. This passage solidifies our empathy for this couple - and makes us want to see them survive with their humanity intact.
Jeff Goldblum, Veronica Cartwright, and Leonard Nimoy round out the roster of major players. Their characters, just like Sutherland and Adams’, are all just a little odd - which makes them ring true. In this day and age, characters’ edges and quirks are often sanded over to “sanitize” them. I miss the days when movie characters felt like real people - and not plastic concoctions created to artificially push the plot forward.
Director Philip Kaufman imbues INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS with a palpable tension that builds and builds until a terrifying climax. Not to give too much away, but this is one ending you will not forget for a long time to come. Danny Zeitlin’s odd musical score also adds to the “off” feel of the proceedings.
Ultimately, this film can stand shoulder-to-shoulder with its predecessor from the 1950’s. Whereas that film explored small-town familiarity turning deadly, the 1978 version explores the isolation and disconnect that city-dwellers often experience - and how that lack of familiarity and humanity ultimately becomes their downfall.
# 274 - BATTLE: LOS ANGELES (2011)
BATTLE: LOS ANGELES (2011 - ACTION / THRILLER / ALIEN INVASION FLICK) ***½ out of *****
(This I know to be true: if the staff sergeants in my squadron were as hot as Aaron Eckhart and Ramon Rodriguez , there’s no way I would’ve left the military…)
CAST: Aaron Eckhart, Michelle Rodriguez, Bridget Moynahan, Ramon Rodriguez, Cory Hardrict, Gino Anthony Pesi, Ne-Yo, Michael Pena.
DIRECTOR: Jonathan Liebesman
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and fairly strong reasons to stay out of L.A. County - straight ahead…
Ever been on a date with someone who has the smokin’ hot face and bod of a Playboy/Playgirl centerfold? Someone that just makes you ready to sell your first-born just for the chance to know what their tits taste like? Or rub your chin all over their chest hair? Or give them a rubdown with Neutrogena Body Oil (I never have less than three bottles in my bathroom cabinet) - before playing Nekkid Twister? Or play “Last One Outta The Bathtub Has To Dry The Other With His Tongue“? Or take an egg-beater and make them--
Okay, stop. Goddamnit… Stop.
Where was I… oh, yeah. My point is we’ve all gone out with someone who was Grade A Hottie - only to discover, in some cases, that they have the personality of wet toilet paper. In other words, someone who’s hotter than the sun but is more boring than a Payless Shoe Source sale. Look, I don’t ask for my sex objects to be rocket scientists, okay? Just fun-loving, goofy, hilarious, and interesting. And when I don’t get that, well… you can look like Jason Statham or Scarlett Johanssen, but I’m afraid I’m getting off the ride after a few dates (after I get tired of using the egg-beater on them - ahem) if you can't make me laugh or smile.
Anyway, the same goes for movies. There are some films that are awesome, kinetic, kick-ass experiences - as long as no one is talking too much. But the minute the characters opens their mouths, the fun gradually gets sucked out of the air like my judgment after the sixth bottle of Merlot. We’re talking dialogue riper than those super-melons that Cindy Crawford uses for her anti-aging skincare line (I‘m not talking about her breasts, pervs…). We’re talking dialogue cheesier than the entire output of Parmigiano, Italy and Velveeta, Wisconsin - combined.
I like to call these flicks “Speak Softly But Carry A Big Stick” Flicks. Actually, we wish they would speak softly, because when they do, the movie is fucking amazing. When they don’t, you look over at your buddy and ask, “Who wrote this dialogue? A bunch of movie theatre-ushers and their pets? Ahem?” Our next review is one such film, the recent alien invasion (#1 box-office weekend draw) BATTLE: LOS ANGELES. When its characters are just shutting the fuck up, the movie is a trip. When they insist on, you know, talking and shit it turns into a trip - to the concession stand.
Our hero is Staff Sergeant Michael Nantz (Aaron Eckhart), and he and his posse (well, platoon would be more appropriate, I guess) of marines are about to deploy somewhere in two weeks, so they’re enjoying their last days of freedom in sunny Camp Pendleton, CA. Some of our jarheads (I say that with utmost respect - really) include (1) Lt. William Martinez (Ramon Rodriguez), married man and father-to-be (AKA Dead Meat); (2) Cpl Jason Lockett (Cory Hardrict), marine with attitude; (3) Cpl Nick Stavrou (Gino Anthony Pesi), another marine with, uh, attitude; (4) Cpl Kevin Harris (Ne-Yo), yet another marine with attitude; and (5) a whole bunch of other marines with attitudes. Let’s just say these folks - with the exception of hotties Nantz and Martinez - all look alike with their helmets and body armor.
Anyhow, our platoon’s “Let’s Live It Up Before We Deploy To Someplace Miserable!” plans are rudely (really rudely) interrupted by the arrival of a shitload of meteors from outer space. Said meteors seems to be targeting coastal areas - and are slowing down as they descend closer to Earth. Now, folks, I’ll come right out and say that I’m dumber than a box of rocks, but even I know that crap about a falling body accelerating the farther it falls. Which means that the “meteors” slowing down as they near our planet can only mean one of three possible things: (1) our science teachers duped us; (2) these meteors are special meteors; or (3) these meteors are actually aliens out to colonize us for our resources and basically make us their bitches.
All those who think we’re dealing with option 3, please raise your hands. Besides those of you who have seen the trailers and actually know what the hell this movie is about, that is…
Yes, sir. Seems like we gotz ourselves a good-old fashioned alien invasion up in Southern Cali, yo. But pardon our marine platoon for not being as jazzed as me over this development - because they are recalled from their partyin’ to carry out some search and rescue missions in the middle of the madness. Can’t say I blame them: I’ve been on the receiving end of a “Let’s Live It Up Before We Deploy To Someplace Miserable!” vacation - and you cannot afford to waste one minute of it fending off a bunch of cockroaches with laser guns. Anything besides booze, sex, and a hot tub is a major incovenience and considered poor partying skills.
Will our marines beat the aliens? Or will the aliens spank them into the next dimension? What happens when Nantz and his men run into a hot Air Force Intel Tech (Michelle Rodriguez) and an even hotter veterinarian (Bridget Moynahan)? Will they find some time for some Cali Lovin’ amidst all the alien-human internecine warfare? Or am I a demented pervert for expecting any kind of sex scene in a movie like this?
Peanut Gallery, shut the fuck up.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: As I wrote above, BATTLE: LOS ANGELES is a bracingly good action-thriller that drops you right in the middle of the action, while loading up on the atmosphere and crackling tension. That is, until we get to some key dialogue scenes that are filled with purple, jingoistic prose that only succeeds in calling attention to how silly the actors sound. Had these scenes been rewritten - or omitted entirely - BATTLE: LOS ANGELES would rate substantially higher. As it is, it’s merely a solidly good flick.
Aaron Eckhart and Ramon Rodriguez are the standouts among the male cast, with Ne-Yo coming in a close second. Each of these men make their characters distinct, which is always a challenge when everyone is wearing the same uniform and running around in dimly-lit scenes.
The female cast is limited to Michelle Rodriguez and Bridget Moynahan, with Rodriguez getting substantially more to do than Moynahan. At least the latter’s character is given some vet skills needed to perform an impromptu examination of a captive alien. Other than that, Moynahan is pretty much wasted. Rodriguez, on the other hand, gets a better showcase as the Air Force Intel Tech who proves she’s just as lethal and capable as the men around her.
Special mention should also go to Brian Tyler’s musical score, which manages to be a pulsating experience in fear and tension. One to definitely seek out and listen to during a workout to get the blood going…
All in all, BATTLE: LOS ANGELES is a good film that could have actually reached classic status, were it not for some really bad dialogue. This shouldn’t keep you from rushing out to watch it, though, because those action scenes play like gangbusters on the big screen.
(This I know to be true: if the staff sergeants in my squadron were as hot as Aaron Eckhart and Ramon Rodriguez , there’s no way I would’ve left the military…)
CAST: Aaron Eckhart, Michelle Rodriguez, Bridget Moynahan, Ramon Rodriguez, Cory Hardrict, Gino Anthony Pesi, Ne-Yo, Michael Pena.
DIRECTOR: Jonathan Liebesman
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and fairly strong reasons to stay out of L.A. County - straight ahead…
Ever been on a date with someone who has the smokin’ hot face and bod of a Playboy/Playgirl centerfold? Someone that just makes you ready to sell your first-born just for the chance to know what their tits taste like? Or rub your chin all over their chest hair? Or give them a rubdown with Neutrogena Body Oil (I never have less than three bottles in my bathroom cabinet) - before playing Nekkid Twister? Or play “Last One Outta The Bathtub Has To Dry The Other With His Tongue“? Or take an egg-beater and make them--
Okay, stop. Goddamnit… Stop.
Where was I… oh, yeah. My point is we’ve all gone out with someone who was Grade A Hottie - only to discover, in some cases, that they have the personality of wet toilet paper. In other words, someone who’s hotter than the sun but is more boring than a Payless Shoe Source sale. Look, I don’t ask for my sex objects to be rocket scientists, okay? Just fun-loving, goofy, hilarious, and interesting. And when I don’t get that, well… you can look like Jason Statham or Scarlett Johanssen, but I’m afraid I’m getting off the ride after a few dates (after I get tired of using the egg-beater on them - ahem) if you can't make me laugh or smile.
Anyway, the same goes for movies. There are some films that are awesome, kinetic, kick-ass experiences - as long as no one is talking too much. But the minute the characters opens their mouths, the fun gradually gets sucked out of the air like my judgment after the sixth bottle of Merlot. We’re talking dialogue riper than those super-melons that Cindy Crawford uses for her anti-aging skincare line (I‘m not talking about her breasts, pervs…). We’re talking dialogue cheesier than the entire output of Parmigiano, Italy and Velveeta, Wisconsin - combined.
I like to call these flicks “Speak Softly But Carry A Big Stick” Flicks. Actually, we wish they would speak softly, because when they do, the movie is fucking amazing. When they don’t, you look over at your buddy and ask, “Who wrote this dialogue? A bunch of movie theatre-ushers and their pets? Ahem?” Our next review is one such film, the recent alien invasion (#1 box-office weekend draw) BATTLE: LOS ANGELES. When its characters are just shutting the fuck up, the movie is a trip. When they insist on, you know, talking and shit it turns into a trip - to the concession stand.
Our hero is Staff Sergeant Michael Nantz (Aaron Eckhart), and he and his posse (well, platoon would be more appropriate, I guess) of marines are about to deploy somewhere in two weeks, so they’re enjoying their last days of freedom in sunny Camp Pendleton, CA. Some of our jarheads (I say that with utmost respect - really) include (1) Lt. William Martinez (Ramon Rodriguez), married man and father-to-be (AKA Dead Meat); (2) Cpl Jason Lockett (Cory Hardrict), marine with attitude; (3) Cpl Nick Stavrou (Gino Anthony Pesi), another marine with, uh, attitude; (4) Cpl Kevin Harris (Ne-Yo), yet another marine with attitude; and (5) a whole bunch of other marines with attitudes. Let’s just say these folks - with the exception of hotties Nantz and Martinez - all look alike with their helmets and body armor.
Anyhow, our platoon’s “Let’s Live It Up Before We Deploy To Someplace Miserable!” plans are rudely (really rudely) interrupted by the arrival of a shitload of meteors from outer space. Said meteors seems to be targeting coastal areas - and are slowing down as they descend closer to Earth. Now, folks, I’ll come right out and say that I’m dumber than a box of rocks, but even I know that crap about a falling body accelerating the farther it falls. Which means that the “meteors” slowing down as they near our planet can only mean one of three possible things: (1) our science teachers duped us; (2) these meteors are special meteors; or (3) these meteors are actually aliens out to colonize us for our resources and basically make us their bitches.
All those who think we’re dealing with option 3, please raise your hands. Besides those of you who have seen the trailers and actually know what the hell this movie is about, that is…
Yes, sir. Seems like we gotz ourselves a good-old fashioned alien invasion up in Southern Cali, yo. But pardon our marine platoon for not being as jazzed as me over this development - because they are recalled from their partyin’ to carry out some search and rescue missions in the middle of the madness. Can’t say I blame them: I’ve been on the receiving end of a “Let’s Live It Up Before We Deploy To Someplace Miserable!” vacation - and you cannot afford to waste one minute of it fending off a bunch of cockroaches with laser guns. Anything besides booze, sex, and a hot tub is a major incovenience and considered poor partying skills.
Will our marines beat the aliens? Or will the aliens spank them into the next dimension? What happens when Nantz and his men run into a hot Air Force Intel Tech (Michelle Rodriguez) and an even hotter veterinarian (Bridget Moynahan)? Will they find some time for some Cali Lovin’ amidst all the alien-human internecine warfare? Or am I a demented pervert for expecting any kind of sex scene in a movie like this?
Peanut Gallery, shut the fuck up.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: As I wrote above, BATTLE: LOS ANGELES is a bracingly good action-thriller that drops you right in the middle of the action, while loading up on the atmosphere and crackling tension. That is, until we get to some key dialogue scenes that are filled with purple, jingoistic prose that only succeeds in calling attention to how silly the actors sound. Had these scenes been rewritten - or omitted entirely - BATTLE: LOS ANGELES would rate substantially higher. As it is, it’s merely a solidly good flick.
Aaron Eckhart and Ramon Rodriguez are the standouts among the male cast, with Ne-Yo coming in a close second. Each of these men make their characters distinct, which is always a challenge when everyone is wearing the same uniform and running around in dimly-lit scenes.
The female cast is limited to Michelle Rodriguez and Bridget Moynahan, with Rodriguez getting substantially more to do than Moynahan. At least the latter’s character is given some vet skills needed to perform an impromptu examination of a captive alien. Other than that, Moynahan is pretty much wasted. Rodriguez, on the other hand, gets a better showcase as the Air Force Intel Tech who proves she’s just as lethal and capable as the men around her.
Special mention should also go to Brian Tyler’s musical score, which manages to be a pulsating experience in fear and tension. One to definitely seek out and listen to during a workout to get the blood going…
All in all, BATTLE: LOS ANGELES is a good film that could have actually reached classic status, were it not for some really bad dialogue. This shouldn’t keep you from rushing out to watch it, though, because those action scenes play like gangbusters on the big screen.
UPCOMING REVIEWS FOR THE WEEK OF 3/14/11 to 3/20/11
Hello, folks...
Hope everyone had a great weekend. Too bad it's so short, but that just gives us something else to look forward to - next weekend! And my personal belief is happiness is something to look forward to! That and spending time with friends and food and good flicks! Yeah!
Anyhow, as you may have guessed by now, our theme for next week based on the collage I posted on Monday is... Alien Invasion Week!
Yup. In honor of the release of BATTLE: LOS ANGELES this past weekend, we are going to be reviewing flicks that explore what happens when little (and not-so-little) green men come to Earth to throw down, yo!
Please find the list below. Get your alien-ass-kicking boots on!
# 274 - BATTLE: LOS ANGELES: 2011 (AKA Another Reason To Move The Hell Out Of La-La Land)
# 275 - INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS: 1978 (AKA They Get You When You Sleep! Like Certain Exes Of Mine! Fucking Perverts!)
# 276 - CRITTERS: 1985 (AKA Proof Positive That All Aliens Are Butt-Ugly)
# 274 - THEY LIVE: 1988 (AKA: Seeing Aliens With Those Special Sunglasses Is Cool, But Can I Get Ones That Let Me See Through People's Clothes?)
# 275 - INDEPENDENCE DAY: 1994 (AKA: Not Your Average Fourth Of July. Far From It)
# 276 - STARMAN: 1984 (AKA: Jeff Bridges Once Was Clean Shaven. Yes, It's True.)
# 277 - SIGNS: 2002 (AKA: Mel Gibson Vs. A Bunch Of Aliens You Barely Even See.)
Get ready for the invasion!
Hope everyone had a great weekend. Too bad it's so short, but that just gives us something else to look forward to - next weekend! And my personal belief is happiness is something to look forward to! That and spending time with friends and food and good flicks! Yeah!
Anyhow, as you may have guessed by now, our theme for next week based on the collage I posted on Monday is... Alien Invasion Week!
Yup. In honor of the release of BATTLE: LOS ANGELES this past weekend, we are going to be reviewing flicks that explore what happens when little (and not-so-little) green men come to Earth to throw down, yo!
Please find the list below. Get your alien-ass-kicking boots on!
# 274 - BATTLE: LOS ANGELES: 2011 (AKA Another Reason To Move The Hell Out Of La-La Land)
# 275 - INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS: 1978 (AKA They Get You When You Sleep! Like Certain Exes Of Mine! Fucking Perverts!)
# 276 - CRITTERS: 1985 (AKA Proof Positive That All Aliens Are Butt-Ugly)
# 274 - THEY LIVE: 1988 (AKA: Seeing Aliens With Those Special Sunglasses Is Cool, But Can I Get Ones That Let Me See Through People's Clothes?)
# 275 - INDEPENDENCE DAY: 1994 (AKA: Not Your Average Fourth Of July. Far From It)
# 276 - STARMAN: 1984 (AKA: Jeff Bridges Once Was Clean Shaven. Yes, It's True.)
# 277 - SIGNS: 2002 (AKA: Mel Gibson Vs. A Bunch Of Aliens You Barely Even See.)
Get ready for the invasion!
# 273 - VIBES (1988)
VIBES (1988 - COMEDY / SONGSTRESS FLICK) **1/2 out of *****
(I liked this movie better when it was called INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL…)
CAST: Jeff Goldblum, Cyndi Lauper, Julian Sands, Peter Falk.
DIRECTOR: Ken Kwapis
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some
It’s a good thing I like George Lucas. Otherwise, I’d have no choice to conclude that our latest review, the 1988 Cyndi Lauper/Jeff Goldblum starrer VIBES, possibly inspired his very divisive INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL. Adventurers trying to find some temples in South America? Check. Squabbling leading man and leading lady who end up falling in love? Check. Psychics using their skills to track down some mysterious glowing crystals? Very check.
Of course, quality-wise, CRYSTAL SKULL is the better movie. About the only thing going for VIBES is how short its title is which, believe me, is more of an asset than you realize. Try repeating INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL ten times in a row. It’s enough to make your tongue pack up its bags and go to Hawaii where it would rather lick the sweat off from a lifeguard’s pecs. Ahem. Oh, and VIBES has a few awesome lines. Like when one character asks another to help him find his missing son. Her reply: “I don’t mean to sound callous, but it’s almost happy hour!”
Ha ha. My sentiments exactly.
Anyhow, our story revolves around two psychics who get roped into some bogus missing-person search waaaaaay south of the border. Our heroes are Nick Deezy (Jeff Goldblum) and Sylvia Pickel (Cyndi Lauper), two psychics who are being studied by the Paranormal Center of Manhattan. Or something. Anyway, Sylvia is a clairvoyant, meaning she can see the future. Only she seems to choose such useless feats like what people will doodle the next day, and not worthwhile crap like, oh, trying to figure out what the numbers for the Super-5 Lotto will be next week.
Nick, on the other hand, is some sort of medium who can tell the history of an object just by touching it. For example, he touches a table and declares “Someone had sex here!” Keep that guy out of my place. He’s going to get readings like that on everything from the dinner table to the kitchen counter. Even the washer and dryer. Possibly the bathroom sink. Still can’t tell if that one’s a dream or not. Hard to tell after seven bottles of Chardonnay.
But I digress. Again. At any rate, Nick and Sylvia spend their days being studied by Dr. Harrison Steele (Julian Sands) and his troop of highly-trained and even more highly-clueless scientists. Fortunately, they are given a “hall pass” from the center when bizarro Harry Buscafusco (Peter Falk), some sort of businessman, comes along and recruits Nick and Sylvia to go to South America with him to look for his missing son.
Faced with the prospect of staying in the big city for more inane testing, Nick and Sylvia understandably jump all over that offer. Before you know it, all three of them are arriving in Ecuador to search for Harry’s son. They’re not there for long, though, before they discover that the “missing son” story was just a cover for a… treasure hunt. And Harry needs Nick and Sylvia’s skillz to find the loot.
Will Rick and Sylvia go for it? Or will they resist? What is Harry really up to? Is there more that he hasn’t shared with them? What happens when Dr. Steele and his own posse of dumb-ass psychics show up in Ecuador? Are we going to get an X-Men sort of showdown?
I hope so. Because these are the two of the most boring psychics I’ve seen outside of the Psychic Friends Network.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Okay, folks. Going to keep this brief, because I have to get a night-cap in with a buddy before the weekend ends. VIBES is an occasionally amusing comedy that seems to predate INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSAL SKULL. It’s mostly rote and average, though, enlivened here and there with some great lines and line reading from the ever dependable Jeff Goldblum. Cyndi Lauper is okay in her debut, but nothing more. At least she gets some of the zingers. Like the one about Happy Hour.
VIBES also hasn’t aged well, unlike WHO’S THAT GIRL (review #266) from Lauper’s rival Madonna. The latter flick remains the loony treat that it was when it first came out. VIBES, on the other hand, labors hard to reach the same level of fizz and energy. Without Jeff Goldblum, it would’ve rated far lower.
The supporting cast of Julian Sands and Peter Falk are, just like Lauper, okay but nothing more. This movie belongs to Jeff Goldblum, and him alone. Make no mistake about that. Like I said in my review for THE SWITCH (review # 72), this guy needs to be in more comedies.
In closing, please revel in some of Cyndi Lauper’s music. The woman may not be the best actress, but she can certainly sing.
(I liked this movie better when it was called INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL…)
CAST: Jeff Goldblum, Cyndi Lauper, Julian Sands, Peter Falk.
DIRECTOR: Ken Kwapis
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some
It’s a good thing I like George Lucas. Otherwise, I’d have no choice to conclude that our latest review, the 1988 Cyndi Lauper/Jeff Goldblum starrer VIBES, possibly inspired his very divisive INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL. Adventurers trying to find some temples in South America? Check. Squabbling leading man and leading lady who end up falling in love? Check. Psychics using their skills to track down some mysterious glowing crystals? Very check.
Of course, quality-wise, CRYSTAL SKULL is the better movie. About the only thing going for VIBES is how short its title is which, believe me, is more of an asset than you realize. Try repeating INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL ten times in a row. It’s enough to make your tongue pack up its bags and go to Hawaii where it would rather lick the sweat off from a lifeguard’s pecs. Ahem. Oh, and VIBES has a few awesome lines. Like when one character asks another to help him find his missing son. Her reply: “I don’t mean to sound callous, but it’s almost happy hour!”
Ha ha. My sentiments exactly.
Anyhow, our story revolves around two psychics who get roped into some bogus missing-person search waaaaaay south of the border. Our heroes are Nick Deezy (Jeff Goldblum) and Sylvia Pickel (Cyndi Lauper), two psychics who are being studied by the Paranormal Center of Manhattan. Or something. Anyway, Sylvia is a clairvoyant, meaning she can see the future. Only she seems to choose such useless feats like what people will doodle the next day, and not worthwhile crap like, oh, trying to figure out what the numbers for the Super-5 Lotto will be next week.
Nick, on the other hand, is some sort of medium who can tell the history of an object just by touching it. For example, he touches a table and declares “Someone had sex here!” Keep that guy out of my place. He’s going to get readings like that on everything from the dinner table to the kitchen counter. Even the washer and dryer. Possibly the bathroom sink. Still can’t tell if that one’s a dream or not. Hard to tell after seven bottles of Chardonnay.
But I digress. Again. At any rate, Nick and Sylvia spend their days being studied by Dr. Harrison Steele (Julian Sands) and his troop of highly-trained and even more highly-clueless scientists. Fortunately, they are given a “hall pass” from the center when bizarro Harry Buscafusco (Peter Falk), some sort of businessman, comes along and recruits Nick and Sylvia to go to South America with him to look for his missing son.
Faced with the prospect of staying in the big city for more inane testing, Nick and Sylvia understandably jump all over that offer. Before you know it, all three of them are arriving in Ecuador to search for Harry’s son. They’re not there for long, though, before they discover that the “missing son” story was just a cover for a… treasure hunt. And Harry needs Nick and Sylvia’s skillz to find the loot.
Will Rick and Sylvia go for it? Or will they resist? What is Harry really up to? Is there more that he hasn’t shared with them? What happens when Dr. Steele and his own posse of dumb-ass psychics show up in Ecuador? Are we going to get an X-Men sort of showdown?
I hope so. Because these are the two of the most boring psychics I’ve seen outside of the Psychic Friends Network.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Okay, folks. Going to keep this brief, because I have to get a night-cap in with a buddy before the weekend ends. VIBES is an occasionally amusing comedy that seems to predate INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSAL SKULL. It’s mostly rote and average, though, enlivened here and there with some great lines and line reading from the ever dependable Jeff Goldblum. Cyndi Lauper is okay in her debut, but nothing more. At least she gets some of the zingers. Like the one about Happy Hour.
VIBES also hasn’t aged well, unlike WHO’S THAT GIRL (review #266) from Lauper’s rival Madonna. The latter flick remains the loony treat that it was when it first came out. VIBES, on the other hand, labors hard to reach the same level of fizz and energy. Without Jeff Goldblum, it would’ve rated far lower.
The supporting cast of Julian Sands and Peter Falk are, just like Lauper, okay but nothing more. This movie belongs to Jeff Goldblum, and him alone. Make no mistake about that. Like I said in my review for THE SWITCH (review # 72), this guy needs to be in more comedies.
In closing, please revel in some of Cyndi Lauper’s music. The woman may not be the best actress, but she can certainly sing.
# 272 – MY BLUEBERRY NIGHTS (2004)
MY BLUEBERRY NIGHTS (2004 – DRAMA / SONGTRESS FLICK) *** out of *****
(That’s some blueberry pie… pass that shit around…)
CAST: Norah Jones, Jude Law, David Straithairn, Rachel Weisz, Natalie Portman.
DIRECTOR: Wong KarWai.
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one seriously trippy road trip inspired by blueberry pie – straight ahead
Folks, I was supposed to review DREAMGIRLS for this slot, but the rental I have is skipping majorly, so I must again pull a switcheroo. My apologies. Everything happens for a reason, though, and our replacement flick is actually pretty interesting.
Ever been on a cross-country road trip? If not, you should. Preferably, do this by car, because that’s the most immediate way to experience the journey. You don’t have to deal with conductors or flight attendants, and you get to meet more interesting people that way. On the road is where the quirkiest characters are. You know, the kind that you still think of ten years later because they were so colorful.
Road trips, both emotional and literal, are at the heart of our next review, the quirky and offbeat MY BLUEBERRY NIGHTS, which stars jazz chanteuse Norah Jones as Elizabeth, an aimless young woman in NYC who, as our story opens, has just caught her boyfriend cheating on her by using the super-sleuth method of… interrogating a local diner owner. Apparently, Elizabeth’s scumbag boyfriend’s been taking his new paramour to said diner for dinner. Seems like ol’ boy was just begging to be found out, eh?
Fortunately, Jeremy, the local diner owner, provides our Elizabeth with some solace. He is definitely not your average Manhattan diner owner. To wit, he: (1) has a British accent, (2) look a lot like Jude Law, and (3) is almost supernaturally sensitive and sweet. In other words, he’s the kind of Manhattan diner owner that exists only in movies. No matter, though, because he and Elizabeth hit it off – and he ends up pretty much giving her an entire blueberry pie to nosh on. Who said only men could be wooed with food? I know a lot of women who would go down on you for a couple of Quarter Pounders. Of course, they are hookers.
Unfortunately, whatever connection there is between Jeremy and Elizabeth is cast aside when she gets skittish and bolts for a cross-country road trip “to find herself.” Sorry, but if I had to choose between a sweet, sensitive, goofy diner owner who looks like Jude Law or the open road, then let’s just say I’m throwing away my driver’s license. Anyhow, Jeremy continues to prove just how atypical he is for a Manhattan diner owner (or man, in general) by continuing to pine for Elizabeth even after her departure. Most men would’ve followed their natural compasses (i.e., their dicks) to the closest vagina, instead.
Elizabeth’s odyssey of self-discovery takes her to Memphis, then Las Vegas. Along the way, she meets the various colorful folks: (1) Arnie (David Straithairn), a Memphis cop drinking away his pain over separating from his slutty wife; (2) Sue Lynne (Rachel Weisz), Arnie’s slutty ex-wife; and (3) Leslie (Natalie Portman), a mega-babe who drives a kickin’ Jag and has a serious gambling addiction. Let’s just say these folks are a far cry from the polished Manhattanites Elizabeth is more used to running into. Far from it.
What lessons will Elizabeth learn from these people? Will she become a better person because of it? Or a worse one? Will she find who she truly is? And what role does Jeremy play in her life? Were they meant for each other? Will their paths cross again? If for nothing else than so she can pay for all the goddamn blueberry pies she’s been scarfing down?
It’s only fair. She must have inhaled at least a hundred of them.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: In our reviews for INCEPTION (review # 35) and INFERNO (review # 56), we discussed films that have a surreal, dreamy effect that hypnotizes the audience. This type of film has an atmosphere that makes you question what is real and what isn’t. Genre is usually irrelevant (INCEPTION was an action film, while INFERNO was horror thriller) as long as the movie lulls you into an otherworldly state.
MY BLUEBERRY NIGHTS is another one of these films. It unfolds in a lyrical, hypnotic fashion that you will either find boring – or entrancing. I found myself entranced, as the story explores Elizabeth’s attempts to find herself, as well as figure out her connection to Jeremy, who acts like a sort of beacon for her while she wanders across the country on her journeys. He’s almost like a lifeline connecting her to New York, her starting point and, possibly, her final destination.
Norah Jones’ acting in this film has been criticized by many quarters. The fact of the matter is that she’s not that bad. She’s actually quite competent. The problem is she’s surrounded by such stellar performers as David Straithairn, Jude Law, Rachel Weisz, and Natalie Portman – all of whom give dynamite performances – that she appears a bit tentative in comparison. To be fair, this can also be chalked up to the character of Elizabeth herself, who is a young woman just now finding out who she really is.
In the end, MY BLUEBERRY NIGHTS, while not perfect, is still an attractive, dreamy love letter to the chance encounters with strangers that we have every day, and how those encounters can often change our lives – sometimes for the better. It’s also an ode to that saying: “If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back, it was never yours. If it does, it always was.” Jeremy and Elizabeth’s relationship beautifully explores this…
In closing, please bask in the sublime vocals of Ms. Jones…
(That’s some blueberry pie… pass that shit around…)
CAST: Norah Jones, Jude Law, David Straithairn, Rachel Weisz, Natalie Portman.
DIRECTOR: Wong KarWai.
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one seriously trippy road trip inspired by blueberry pie – straight ahead
Folks, I was supposed to review DREAMGIRLS for this slot, but the rental I have is skipping majorly, so I must again pull a switcheroo. My apologies. Everything happens for a reason, though, and our replacement flick is actually pretty interesting.
Ever been on a cross-country road trip? If not, you should. Preferably, do this by car, because that’s the most immediate way to experience the journey. You don’t have to deal with conductors or flight attendants, and you get to meet more interesting people that way. On the road is where the quirkiest characters are. You know, the kind that you still think of ten years later because they were so colorful.
Road trips, both emotional and literal, are at the heart of our next review, the quirky and offbeat MY BLUEBERRY NIGHTS, which stars jazz chanteuse Norah Jones as Elizabeth, an aimless young woman in NYC who, as our story opens, has just caught her boyfriend cheating on her by using the super-sleuth method of… interrogating a local diner owner. Apparently, Elizabeth’s scumbag boyfriend’s been taking his new paramour to said diner for dinner. Seems like ol’ boy was just begging to be found out, eh?
Fortunately, Jeremy, the local diner owner, provides our Elizabeth with some solace. He is definitely not your average Manhattan diner owner. To wit, he: (1) has a British accent, (2) look a lot like Jude Law, and (3) is almost supernaturally sensitive and sweet. In other words, he’s the kind of Manhattan diner owner that exists only in movies. No matter, though, because he and Elizabeth hit it off – and he ends up pretty much giving her an entire blueberry pie to nosh on. Who said only men could be wooed with food? I know a lot of women who would go down on you for a couple of Quarter Pounders. Of course, they are hookers.
Unfortunately, whatever connection there is between Jeremy and Elizabeth is cast aside when she gets skittish and bolts for a cross-country road trip “to find herself.” Sorry, but if I had to choose between a sweet, sensitive, goofy diner owner who looks like Jude Law or the open road, then let’s just say I’m throwing away my driver’s license. Anyhow, Jeremy continues to prove just how atypical he is for a Manhattan diner owner (or man, in general) by continuing to pine for Elizabeth even after her departure. Most men would’ve followed their natural compasses (i.e., their dicks) to the closest vagina, instead.
Elizabeth’s odyssey of self-discovery takes her to Memphis, then Las Vegas. Along the way, she meets the various colorful folks: (1) Arnie (David Straithairn), a Memphis cop drinking away his pain over separating from his slutty wife; (2) Sue Lynne (Rachel Weisz), Arnie’s slutty ex-wife; and (3) Leslie (Natalie Portman), a mega-babe who drives a kickin’ Jag and has a serious gambling addiction. Let’s just say these folks are a far cry from the polished Manhattanites Elizabeth is more used to running into. Far from it.
What lessons will Elizabeth learn from these people? Will she become a better person because of it? Or a worse one? Will she find who she truly is? And what role does Jeremy play in her life? Were they meant for each other? Will their paths cross again? If for nothing else than so she can pay for all the goddamn blueberry pies she’s been scarfing down?
It’s only fair. She must have inhaled at least a hundred of them.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: In our reviews for INCEPTION (review # 35) and INFERNO (review # 56), we discussed films that have a surreal, dreamy effect that hypnotizes the audience. This type of film has an atmosphere that makes you question what is real and what isn’t. Genre is usually irrelevant (INCEPTION was an action film, while INFERNO was horror thriller) as long as the movie lulls you into an otherworldly state.
MY BLUEBERRY NIGHTS is another one of these films. It unfolds in a lyrical, hypnotic fashion that you will either find boring – or entrancing. I found myself entranced, as the story explores Elizabeth’s attempts to find herself, as well as figure out her connection to Jeremy, who acts like a sort of beacon for her while she wanders across the country on her journeys. He’s almost like a lifeline connecting her to New York, her starting point and, possibly, her final destination.
Norah Jones’ acting in this film has been criticized by many quarters. The fact of the matter is that she’s not that bad. She’s actually quite competent. The problem is she’s surrounded by such stellar performers as David Straithairn, Jude Law, Rachel Weisz, and Natalie Portman – all of whom give dynamite performances – that she appears a bit tentative in comparison. To be fair, this can also be chalked up to the character of Elizabeth herself, who is a young woman just now finding out who she really is.
In the end, MY BLUEBERRY NIGHTS, while not perfect, is still an attractive, dreamy love letter to the chance encounters with strangers that we have every day, and how those encounters can often change our lives – sometimes for the better. It’s also an ode to that saying: “If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back, it was never yours. If it does, it always was.” Jeremy and Elizabeth’s relationship beautifully explores this…
In closing, please bask in the sublime vocals of Ms. Jones…
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