Happy Hump Day, folks...
In honor or of our new tradition of Hump Day Happy Hours, I have not finished the last of the Jelly Bean Grab Bag reviews (see subject line above). They will, however, post tomorrow evening. Hopefully. Kidding.
When they do, we shall launch into this week's Cine Italiano Week, in honor of a blast from my Italian past who's in town. Gotta love it...
Buon Mercoledi Notte...
# 306 - SCREAM 4 (2011)
SCREAM 4 (2011 - HORROR / MYSTERY) *** out of *****
(Ghostface trots out the ol‘ “What‘s your favorite scary movie“ yet another time… Excuse me for not shitting my pants with fear…)
CAST: Neve Campbell, David Arquette, Courtney Cox, Emma Roberts, Hayden Panettierre, Nico Tortorella, Adam Brody, Anthony Anderson, Brittany Robertson, Lucy Hale, Alison Brie.
DIRECTOR: Wes Craven
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and more Ghostface antics straight ahead…
I remember the first time I heard about SCREAM back in 1996. I was living in Japan, and a friend who’d gone back to the States on vacation had caught it in theatres and returned to the Land of the Rising Sun singing its praises. He made it sound like the best thing since indoor plumbing and boxer briefs. Unfortunately, because he was drunk at a barracks party, he felt the need to recount the whole story - blow by bloody blow. And because we were all as drunk as he was, we just sat there and listened, slack-jawed, as he gave away every. Single. Fucking. Plot Twist.
Of course, to be fair, I can’t really blame him. No one made me slam back ten shots of vodka with a tumbler of gin as a chaser on a dare. When you do something like that, folks, the sort of judgment that would make you cover your ears to keep from hearing something you don’t want to hear, pretty much goes down the toilet. Needless to say, by the time he was done yapping, there was nothing about SCREAM that I didn’t know: who lives, who dies, who has the best chase scenes, who has the bloodiest kill, and - most devastatingly - who the killer (killers?) are.
By the time SCREAM came to the base theatre in Japan, I just sat in my seat seeing every plot beat coming from a mile away. Thanks to my flapping-mouthed buddy who did too good of a job of breaking down the movie’s plot. Determined not to go through this shite again, I deliberately avoided reviews and commentaries on SCREAM 2 and SCREAM 3 when they came out, and had a pleasant time getting my head spun around by the revelation of whodunit. Okay, maybe just for SCREAM 2. As far as SCREAM 3, I really didn’t give a rat’s ass who was behind that mask.
And now SCREAM 4 arrives in theatres, nine years after SCREAM 3, with a promise to reinvent the “Slasher Rules” for the Twitter Generation. And you know that’s the main demographic of this flick, because the obligatory opening murder sequence shows two teenaged chicks (Lucy Hale and Shenae Grimes) texting someone who is probably someone they should leave the hell alone. Needless to say, they don’t quit while they‘re ahead - and their jugular veins will never forgive them for it. That’s all I’m going to say about this scene, because it’s one of the better ones in the flick.
So, after our obligatory opening bloodbath, we focus on the main group of dead meat, er, characters who will find themselves at the mercy of yet another Ghostface killer. There are the returning survivors from the first three flicks: (1) Sidney Prescott (Never Campbell), a heroine so used to playing cat-and-mouse with killers that she could have an infomercial for a training DVD or something; (2) Dewey Riley (David Arquette), doofus deputy from the first SCREAM who is now - steel yourselves - the Sheriff; and (3) Gale Weathers (Courtney Cox), former cutthroat tabloid reporter who is now a blocked writer itching to get back into the game.
Then there’s the new platter of cold cuts: (1) Jill Roberts (Emma Roberts), Sidney’s virginal cousin who is basically Sidney 2.0; (2) Kirby Reed (Hayden Panettierre), Sidney 2.0’s best pal who is one of those smart-ass movie buffs (ahem); (3) Trevor (Nico Tortorella), Sidney 2.0’s cheating hunk of a boyfriend who, shall we say, gets it where it really counts later on (you’ll see); (4) Olivia (Marielle Jaffe), hot slut who is basically Ghostface fodder; (5) Robbie (Erik Knudsen), irritating film geek who you can’t wait to see gutted; (6) Charlie (Rory Culkin), second irritating film geek who you can’t wait to gutted even more; and (7) Deputy Judy Hicks (Marley Shelton), hot sidekick to our Sheriff Riley who is also a closet baker.
Anyhow, these walking dead bodies all converge on Woodsboro, CA, the site of the original SCREAM massacre. Sidney is now a bestselling self-help author who is in town to promote her new book. Apparently, surviving three massacres is a great training ground for emotional transformation. Forgive me, though, for not buying into it one goddamn bit. Because if there’s anything I learned from the last three SCREAMS, it’s this: Sidney Prescott is like Jessica Fletcher from MURDER SHE WROTE - wherever she goes, someone’s gonna croak. In Sidney’s case, lots of someones.
Sure enough, our reliable slasher Ghostface shows up and starts cutting through the cold cuts mentioned above like an overgrown backyard before Fourth of July weekend. Throw in some red herrings, a couple of okay chase scenes, some false alarms, a really sexy haircut for my girl Hayden Panettierre, a surprise killer from left field and basically we’ve got SCREAM rebooted for the Facebook crowd.
I think I liked it better back in 1996.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Like I wrote above, SCREAM 4 is just as much a remake of SCREAM as it is a sequel to the trilogy. Each of the major characters from the first film have younger equivalents in this movie: Sidney, Jill; Tatum, Kirby; Billy, Trevor; Dewey, Judy; Randy, Robbie; Stu, Charlie; Gale, Rebecca.
While this is an unorthodox approach, it’s not necessarily a clever one. Mainly because when you hew closely to the original film as this one does, you end up not exploring new territory the way SCREAM 2 and SCREAM 3 did. The result is an overwhelming sense of familiarity that fails to kick up the suspense to highly-adrenalized levels.
Another liability of SCREAM 4’s is the absence of any truly great setpieces. SCREAM was full of them: Casey’s (Drew Barrymore) opening murder scene, Sidney’s first attack, Tatum’s attack, and the final revelation of who the killers were. SCREAM 2 also had its own memorable sequences: Maureen and Phil’s (Jada Pinkett Smith and Omar Epps) double murder at theatre, Cece (Sarah Michelle Gellar) being terrorized in her sorority house alone, Randy’s murder in a busy campus quadrangle in broad daylight, Gale’s harrowing chase through the film department/radio station after hours. Even the fairly weak SCREAM 3 had one eye-opening moment in its opening murder sequence with Cotton Weary (Live Schreiber).
SCREAM 4, on the other hand, doesn’t have anything that matches the set pieces from the trilogy before it. Much has been made about the movie-within-a-movie opening sequence, but I didn’t find it that interesting. It almost seemed like Ghostface was going through the motions. The same goes for the equally trumpeted attack on Rebecca in the parking garage. They reshot the scene just to get this? I’d hate to see how it was before. It probably put the test audience to sleep. The only scene that shows promise is the attack on Olivia while Kirby and Jill watch helplessly from across the street. But the sequence is over before it can really register.
The reason SCREAM 4 rates above average are two-fold: (1) the energy and talent of its cast, especially Neve Campbell who has never made Sidney Prescott more compelling than she is here, and Hayden Panettiere who is easily the most intriguing of the new faces; and (2) the truly surprising twist about the killer’s identity. I started to suspect it about ten minutes before the revelation - and it was still a delicious surprise. It was a daring choice, and it helps save this film somewhat.
In the end, SCREAM 4 is a little too familiar to be a truly good movie. But its engaging cast and that final twist are just enough to keep it from being an average experience. For a film that probably wasn’t necessary, that’s about the best you can hope for.
(Ghostface trots out the ol‘ “What‘s your favorite scary movie“ yet another time… Excuse me for not shitting my pants with fear…)
CAST: Neve Campbell, David Arquette, Courtney Cox, Emma Roberts, Hayden Panettierre, Nico Tortorella, Adam Brody, Anthony Anderson, Brittany Robertson, Lucy Hale, Alison Brie.
DIRECTOR: Wes Craven
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and more Ghostface antics straight ahead…
I remember the first time I heard about SCREAM back in 1996. I was living in Japan, and a friend who’d gone back to the States on vacation had caught it in theatres and returned to the Land of the Rising Sun singing its praises. He made it sound like the best thing since indoor plumbing and boxer briefs. Unfortunately, because he was drunk at a barracks party, he felt the need to recount the whole story - blow by bloody blow. And because we were all as drunk as he was, we just sat there and listened, slack-jawed, as he gave away every. Single. Fucking. Plot Twist.
Of course, to be fair, I can’t really blame him. No one made me slam back ten shots of vodka with a tumbler of gin as a chaser on a dare. When you do something like that, folks, the sort of judgment that would make you cover your ears to keep from hearing something you don’t want to hear, pretty much goes down the toilet. Needless to say, by the time he was done yapping, there was nothing about SCREAM that I didn’t know: who lives, who dies, who has the best chase scenes, who has the bloodiest kill, and - most devastatingly - who the killer (killers?) are.
By the time SCREAM came to the base theatre in Japan, I just sat in my seat seeing every plot beat coming from a mile away. Thanks to my flapping-mouthed buddy who did too good of a job of breaking down the movie’s plot. Determined not to go through this shite again, I deliberately avoided reviews and commentaries on SCREAM 2 and SCREAM 3 when they came out, and had a pleasant time getting my head spun around by the revelation of whodunit. Okay, maybe just for SCREAM 2. As far as SCREAM 3, I really didn’t give a rat’s ass who was behind that mask.
And now SCREAM 4 arrives in theatres, nine years after SCREAM 3, with a promise to reinvent the “Slasher Rules” for the Twitter Generation. And you know that’s the main demographic of this flick, because the obligatory opening murder sequence shows two teenaged chicks (Lucy Hale and Shenae Grimes) texting someone who is probably someone they should leave the hell alone. Needless to say, they don’t quit while they‘re ahead - and their jugular veins will never forgive them for it. That’s all I’m going to say about this scene, because it’s one of the better ones in the flick.
So, after our obligatory opening bloodbath, we focus on the main group of dead meat, er, characters who will find themselves at the mercy of yet another Ghostface killer. There are the returning survivors from the first three flicks: (1) Sidney Prescott (Never Campbell), a heroine so used to playing cat-and-mouse with killers that she could have an infomercial for a training DVD or something; (2) Dewey Riley (David Arquette), doofus deputy from the first SCREAM who is now - steel yourselves - the Sheriff; and (3) Gale Weathers (Courtney Cox), former cutthroat tabloid reporter who is now a blocked writer itching to get back into the game.
Then there’s the new platter of cold cuts: (1) Jill Roberts (Emma Roberts), Sidney’s virginal cousin who is basically Sidney 2.0; (2) Kirby Reed (Hayden Panettierre), Sidney 2.0’s best pal who is one of those smart-ass movie buffs (ahem); (3) Trevor (Nico Tortorella), Sidney 2.0’s cheating hunk of a boyfriend who, shall we say, gets it where it really counts later on (you’ll see); (4) Olivia (Marielle Jaffe), hot slut who is basically Ghostface fodder; (5) Robbie (Erik Knudsen), irritating film geek who you can’t wait to see gutted; (6) Charlie (Rory Culkin), second irritating film geek who you can’t wait to gutted even more; and (7) Deputy Judy Hicks (Marley Shelton), hot sidekick to our Sheriff Riley who is also a closet baker.
Anyhow, these walking dead bodies all converge on Woodsboro, CA, the site of the original SCREAM massacre. Sidney is now a bestselling self-help author who is in town to promote her new book. Apparently, surviving three massacres is a great training ground for emotional transformation. Forgive me, though, for not buying into it one goddamn bit. Because if there’s anything I learned from the last three SCREAMS, it’s this: Sidney Prescott is like Jessica Fletcher from MURDER SHE WROTE - wherever she goes, someone’s gonna croak. In Sidney’s case, lots of someones.
Sure enough, our reliable slasher Ghostface shows up and starts cutting through the cold cuts mentioned above like an overgrown backyard before Fourth of July weekend. Throw in some red herrings, a couple of okay chase scenes, some false alarms, a really sexy haircut for my girl Hayden Panettierre, a surprise killer from left field and basically we’ve got SCREAM rebooted for the Facebook crowd.
I think I liked it better back in 1996.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Like I wrote above, SCREAM 4 is just as much a remake of SCREAM as it is a sequel to the trilogy. Each of the major characters from the first film have younger equivalents in this movie: Sidney, Jill; Tatum, Kirby; Billy, Trevor; Dewey, Judy; Randy, Robbie; Stu, Charlie; Gale, Rebecca.
While this is an unorthodox approach, it’s not necessarily a clever one. Mainly because when you hew closely to the original film as this one does, you end up not exploring new territory the way SCREAM 2 and SCREAM 3 did. The result is an overwhelming sense of familiarity that fails to kick up the suspense to highly-adrenalized levels.
Another liability of SCREAM 4’s is the absence of any truly great setpieces. SCREAM was full of them: Casey’s (Drew Barrymore) opening murder scene, Sidney’s first attack, Tatum’s attack, and the final revelation of who the killers were. SCREAM 2 also had its own memorable sequences: Maureen and Phil’s (Jada Pinkett Smith and Omar Epps) double murder at theatre, Cece (Sarah Michelle Gellar) being terrorized in her sorority house alone, Randy’s murder in a busy campus quadrangle in broad daylight, Gale’s harrowing chase through the film department/radio station after hours. Even the fairly weak SCREAM 3 had one eye-opening moment in its opening murder sequence with Cotton Weary (Live Schreiber).
SCREAM 4, on the other hand, doesn’t have anything that matches the set pieces from the trilogy before it. Much has been made about the movie-within-a-movie opening sequence, but I didn’t find it that interesting. It almost seemed like Ghostface was going through the motions. The same goes for the equally trumpeted attack on Rebecca in the parking garage. They reshot the scene just to get this? I’d hate to see how it was before. It probably put the test audience to sleep. The only scene that shows promise is the attack on Olivia while Kirby and Jill watch helplessly from across the street. But the sequence is over before it can really register.
The reason SCREAM 4 rates above average are two-fold: (1) the energy and talent of its cast, especially Neve Campbell who has never made Sidney Prescott more compelling than she is here, and Hayden Panettiere who is easily the most intriguing of the new faces; and (2) the truly surprising twist about the killer’s identity. I started to suspect it about ten minutes before the revelation - and it was still a delicious surprise. It was a daring choice, and it helps save this film somewhat.
In the end, SCREAM 4 is a little too familiar to be a truly good movie. But its engaging cast and that final twist are just enough to keep it from being an average experience. For a film that probably wasn’t necessary, that’s about the best you can hope for.
# 305 - LEAP YEAR (2010)
LEAP YEAR (2010 - COMEDY / ROMANCE) *** out of *****
(Let me get this straight - all I have to do is wait until Feb 29 to propose to either Uma Thurman, Chris Evans, Neve Campbell, or Russell Crowe, and I‘m in there? Seriously?)
CAST: Amy Adams, Matthew Goode, Adam Scott, John Lithgow, Maggie McCarthy,Pat Laffan.
DIRECTOR: Anand Tucker
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and rather nightmarish Irish road trips - straight ahead…
Italy is the most beautiful place on earth, with the most beautiful food and the most beautiful people. I’m not going to mince words here, folks: Italy is Paradise. I had the fortune of living there for over a total of 3.5 years. And having spent all that time there, I can say unequivocally that, despite all that perfection, there is still a downside. And that downside is… you can’t be bothered to go anywhere else. Which would normally be fine. Until someone invites you to go with them to another country on holiday - and you’re response is something along the lines of, “Succhiare mia sinistra dado, stronzos.” Which roughly translates to “Suck my left nut, assholes.”
I remember some fellow American friends planning to go from our homes in Italy to Ireland over the 4th of July weekend - and I told them that they could forget about me going. Why? Well, just two reasons: (1) Why the hell would you spend Independence Day in a country that’s part of a Kingdom that, you know, tried like hell to keep us from, you know, being able to have an Independence Day? …and (2) Why would you leave Bella Italia with all its sun, sea, and olive-skinned hotties for Ireland and all its rain, rutty roads, and pasty-assed limeys? Come on, bitches… argue with me on this one. I dare you.
Bottom line: Ireland is one of the few places I’ve never been to. Mainly because I couldn’t be bothered to leave behind the Stefanos, Paolos, Lucas, Giulianos, Marcos, and Enzos that ran the streets of Rome and Naples like wild animals in the World’s Sexiest Game Park - and I was their park ranger. Actually, more like a Petting Zoo. Ahem. Needless to say, I was thinking with the other head. Just keeping it real, folks. Anyone who’s been to Italy knows what the hell I’m talking about. And I didn’t regret my decision to stay behind in the Land of Sexy even just one bit.
Then I watched our latest review, the Ireland-set romantic comedy LEAP YEAR, and immediately wondered if I should have just suppressed my hormones long enough to leave Italy and have a short holiday in the Land of Elves. Or is that shamrocks? Or Jameson’s Whiskey? Whatever. Anyhow, if LEAP YEAR is anything to go by, Ireland is the second most beautiful place in the World after Italy. Not hard to surmise when you have hotties Amy Adams and Matthew Goode headlining the movie and doing the “bickering-couple-falls-in-love thing” amidst rolling green fields and sparkling lakes.
Our heroine is a Boston yank named Anna Brady (Amy Adams), who is one of those yuppie chicks who has her ear glued to her BlackBerry 70% of the time. The other 30% is spent dialing numbers. In other words, this chick seriously needs a vacation - fast. Otherwise, she just might die from BlackBerry overdose. Thankfully, an opportunity to get the hell out of Beantown soon presents itself.
The opportunity I speak of is a piece of folklore so utterly laughable it has to be true: apparently, the Irish have a tradition where women can propose to their men on Leap Day. This has a direct bearing on our dear Anna because of the following things: (1) her man Jeremy (Adam Scott), a renowned cardiovascular surgeon, has gone to Dublin on business; (2) she wants to marry him that same way some hopeless alcoholics need a shot of Tequila; and (3) this ridiculous Irish tradition will allow her to take matters into her own hands - and propose to Jeremy.
Before you can say “Bitch, what the fuck are you doing?” our dear Anna has booked a flight to Dublin to hatch her hare-brained scheme of nabbing Jeremy via one seriously questionable folkloric loophole. But who am I to judge anyone else. If I actually thought I had a fucking chance in hell of getting James Franco to do the Civil Union thing with me, you better believe I would pull an “Anna Brady” and circle the next Leap Day on all the calendars I own - and even some that I don’t.
Unfortunately, Anna’s plan to surprise Jeremy in Dublin goes the way of the Betamax and HD-DVD (read: down the crapper) when her plane is diverted by weather to Cardiff, Wales - which might as well be Outer Mongolia for the sheer odds Anna faces in finding transport to Dublin. Fortunately, being a hot redhead does have its international rewards. Not long after she parks her shapely ass in a local pub does a local hottie named Declan (Matthew Goode) offer to drive her to Dublin - for the very reasonable price of… 600 euros. Well, I guess our boy Declan senses he’s got desperate wannabe-bride on his hands, and is just milking her what she’s worth. You know you’d do the same.
At any rate, I don’t have to tell you that Declan and Anna must have watched ROMANCING THE STONE and THE SURE THING at least a dozen times, because they do an uncanny job of mimicking the relentless bickering of those movies’ stars. When did it become a requirement for would-be lovers to claw each other’s eyes out before fucking each other’s brains out. Inquiring minds (and libidos) would like to know. Needless to say, they argue and snipe at each other all the way from Cardiff to Dublin. To be fair, if I was traveling with a prissy diva who wrecked my car, tossed my sandwich out the window, and generally pirouetted with ice skates on my last goddamned nerve, I think it’s safe to say I wouldn’t be Mr. Sunshine with her either. More like Mr. Bitch Slap. And I’m a gentleman by nature, so that’s saying something.
But what happens when Declan and Anna start to, well, warm to each other? Will Declan realize that Anna is a sweet, vulnerable girl under that Whiny She-Devil exterior? Will Anna realize that Declan is a sweet, vulnerable guy under that Cocky He-Man façade? Will they realize they are kind of compatible? Or will Anna fight their attraction and go on with her crazy-ass plan to propose to Jeremy? Will Declan let her do this? Or will he do the Cocky He-Man thing and spank her over his knee then rock her world?
God, I hope Declan doesn’t take this lying down. Or, actually, maybe I do. Ahem…
BUT, SERIOUSLY: The first time I saw LEAP YEAR, I thought it was an okay film, but didn’t particularly think it to be anything special. While Amy Adams and Matthew Goode are well-matched and engaging, the story and its beats are ones that we’ve seen far too many times before. Indeed, the only thing novel about LEAP YEAR upon first viewing is its intriguing “woman-gets-to-propose-to-her-man” premise which is apparently based on a true Irish custom.
But, sometimes, certain films - like certain people - kind of grow on you. Upon watching LEAP YEAR again, its charms became more obvious. Much like GREEN CARD (review # 295), this movie follows a mismatched couple as they slowly evolve from bickering adversaries to companionable chums, and then to reluctant would-be lovers. And just like GREEN CARD, this film knows its not really delivering anything ground-breakingly new, and instead contents itself with trying to entertain you as much as possible.
Amy Adams is the film’s strong center, and she easily carries this movie on her shoulders. She perfectly captures Anna Brady’s interesting combo of no-nonsense pragmatism and girlish innocence in a way that is totally seamless. She also manages to invest a little melancholy in the character. Watch for the scene where she dresses down Declan for his facile platitudes by telling him about her sad family history. It’s an unexpectedly poignant scene that effectively gives the character of Anna Brady some very welcome dimension.
Matthew Goode is just as formidable as Declan, and he nails both the character’s early crustiness and eventual thawing with equal precision. It doesn’t hurt that he and Adams have a nice rapport that keeps us engaged in their actions. As with his co-star, Goode manages to rise above the script’s formulaic contrivances to actually make us care whether or not Declan will get the girl. Ultimately, it’s no-brainer that Declan and Anna will get together at the end - but give credit to Goode and Adams for making their characters rounded enough to make us wonder.
The only reason LEAP YEAR doesn’t rate any higher than above-average (***) is because it kind of suffers from the LLT Syndrome - or “Lopsided Love Triangle Syndrome”. We’ve talked about this in previous reviews. Essentially, it’s when the third point of a cinematic love triangle is clearly unappealing and therefore doesn’t pose much of a threat. LEAP YEAR would’ve rated ***½ or higher if the writers had fleshed out Jeremy to be more than just a callow careerist who's primarily concerned with status and success. Adam Scott doesn’t really do anything special with the character. He’s competent - but nothing more. Had Jeremy been made to be more of an appealing choice, we might have had the suspense we saw in the triangles for MY BEST FRIEND’S WEDDING and SWEET HOME ALABAMA.
In the end, though, LEAP YEAR is as warm and pleasant as a familiar, old blanket. Clearly, this is a formula romantic comedy. Fortunately, the talents of Amy Adams and Matthew Goode, the lovely Irish countryside, and that intriguing real-life tradition, all combine to elevate this film above the average mark. It could’ve been more surprising, but it also could’ve been far more pedestrian.
(Let me get this straight - all I have to do is wait until Feb 29 to propose to either Uma Thurman, Chris Evans, Neve Campbell, or Russell Crowe, and I‘m in there? Seriously?)
CAST: Amy Adams, Matthew Goode, Adam Scott, John Lithgow, Maggie McCarthy,Pat Laffan.
DIRECTOR: Anand Tucker
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and rather nightmarish Irish road trips - straight ahead…
Italy is the most beautiful place on earth, with the most beautiful food and the most beautiful people. I’m not going to mince words here, folks: Italy is Paradise. I had the fortune of living there for over a total of 3.5 years. And having spent all that time there, I can say unequivocally that, despite all that perfection, there is still a downside. And that downside is… you can’t be bothered to go anywhere else. Which would normally be fine. Until someone invites you to go with them to another country on holiday - and you’re response is something along the lines of, “Succhiare mia sinistra dado, stronzos.” Which roughly translates to “Suck my left nut, assholes.”
I remember some fellow American friends planning to go from our homes in Italy to Ireland over the 4th of July weekend - and I told them that they could forget about me going. Why? Well, just two reasons: (1) Why the hell would you spend Independence Day in a country that’s part of a Kingdom that, you know, tried like hell to keep us from, you know, being able to have an Independence Day? …and (2) Why would you leave Bella Italia with all its sun, sea, and olive-skinned hotties for Ireland and all its rain, rutty roads, and pasty-assed limeys? Come on, bitches… argue with me on this one. I dare you.
Bottom line: Ireland is one of the few places I’ve never been to. Mainly because I couldn’t be bothered to leave behind the Stefanos, Paolos, Lucas, Giulianos, Marcos, and Enzos that ran the streets of Rome and Naples like wild animals in the World’s Sexiest Game Park - and I was their park ranger. Actually, more like a Petting Zoo. Ahem. Needless to say, I was thinking with the other head. Just keeping it real, folks. Anyone who’s been to Italy knows what the hell I’m talking about. And I didn’t regret my decision to stay behind in the Land of Sexy even just one bit.
Then I watched our latest review, the Ireland-set romantic comedy LEAP YEAR, and immediately wondered if I should have just suppressed my hormones long enough to leave Italy and have a short holiday in the Land of Elves. Or is that shamrocks? Or Jameson’s Whiskey? Whatever. Anyhow, if LEAP YEAR is anything to go by, Ireland is the second most beautiful place in the World after Italy. Not hard to surmise when you have hotties Amy Adams and Matthew Goode headlining the movie and doing the “bickering-couple-falls-in-love thing” amidst rolling green fields and sparkling lakes.
Our heroine is a Boston yank named Anna Brady (Amy Adams), who is one of those yuppie chicks who has her ear glued to her BlackBerry 70% of the time. The other 30% is spent dialing numbers. In other words, this chick seriously needs a vacation - fast. Otherwise, she just might die from BlackBerry overdose. Thankfully, an opportunity to get the hell out of Beantown soon presents itself.
The opportunity I speak of is a piece of folklore so utterly laughable it has to be true: apparently, the Irish have a tradition where women can propose to their men on Leap Day. This has a direct bearing on our dear Anna because of the following things: (1) her man Jeremy (Adam Scott), a renowned cardiovascular surgeon, has gone to Dublin on business; (2) she wants to marry him that same way some hopeless alcoholics need a shot of Tequila; and (3) this ridiculous Irish tradition will allow her to take matters into her own hands - and propose to Jeremy.
Before you can say “Bitch, what the fuck are you doing?” our dear Anna has booked a flight to Dublin to hatch her hare-brained scheme of nabbing Jeremy via one seriously questionable folkloric loophole. But who am I to judge anyone else. If I actually thought I had a fucking chance in hell of getting James Franco to do the Civil Union thing with me, you better believe I would pull an “Anna Brady” and circle the next Leap Day on all the calendars I own - and even some that I don’t.
Unfortunately, Anna’s plan to surprise Jeremy in Dublin goes the way of the Betamax and HD-DVD (read: down the crapper) when her plane is diverted by weather to Cardiff, Wales - which might as well be Outer Mongolia for the sheer odds Anna faces in finding transport to Dublin. Fortunately, being a hot redhead does have its international rewards. Not long after she parks her shapely ass in a local pub does a local hottie named Declan (Matthew Goode) offer to drive her to Dublin - for the very reasonable price of… 600 euros. Well, I guess our boy Declan senses he’s got desperate wannabe-bride on his hands, and is just milking her what she’s worth. You know you’d do the same.
At any rate, I don’t have to tell you that Declan and Anna must have watched ROMANCING THE STONE and THE SURE THING at least a dozen times, because they do an uncanny job of mimicking the relentless bickering of those movies’ stars. When did it become a requirement for would-be lovers to claw each other’s eyes out before fucking each other’s brains out. Inquiring minds (and libidos) would like to know. Needless to say, they argue and snipe at each other all the way from Cardiff to Dublin. To be fair, if I was traveling with a prissy diva who wrecked my car, tossed my sandwich out the window, and generally pirouetted with ice skates on my last goddamned nerve, I think it’s safe to say I wouldn’t be Mr. Sunshine with her either. More like Mr. Bitch Slap. And I’m a gentleman by nature, so that’s saying something.
But what happens when Declan and Anna start to, well, warm to each other? Will Declan realize that Anna is a sweet, vulnerable girl under that Whiny She-Devil exterior? Will Anna realize that Declan is a sweet, vulnerable guy under that Cocky He-Man façade? Will they realize they are kind of compatible? Or will Anna fight their attraction and go on with her crazy-ass plan to propose to Jeremy? Will Declan let her do this? Or will he do the Cocky He-Man thing and spank her over his knee then rock her world?
God, I hope Declan doesn’t take this lying down. Or, actually, maybe I do. Ahem…
BUT, SERIOUSLY: The first time I saw LEAP YEAR, I thought it was an okay film, but didn’t particularly think it to be anything special. While Amy Adams and Matthew Goode are well-matched and engaging, the story and its beats are ones that we’ve seen far too many times before. Indeed, the only thing novel about LEAP YEAR upon first viewing is its intriguing “woman-gets-to-propose-to-her-man” premise which is apparently based on a true Irish custom.
But, sometimes, certain films - like certain people - kind of grow on you. Upon watching LEAP YEAR again, its charms became more obvious. Much like GREEN CARD (review # 295), this movie follows a mismatched couple as they slowly evolve from bickering adversaries to companionable chums, and then to reluctant would-be lovers. And just like GREEN CARD, this film knows its not really delivering anything ground-breakingly new, and instead contents itself with trying to entertain you as much as possible.
Amy Adams is the film’s strong center, and she easily carries this movie on her shoulders. She perfectly captures Anna Brady’s interesting combo of no-nonsense pragmatism and girlish innocence in a way that is totally seamless. She also manages to invest a little melancholy in the character. Watch for the scene where she dresses down Declan for his facile platitudes by telling him about her sad family history. It’s an unexpectedly poignant scene that effectively gives the character of Anna Brady some very welcome dimension.
Matthew Goode is just as formidable as Declan, and he nails both the character’s early crustiness and eventual thawing with equal precision. It doesn’t hurt that he and Adams have a nice rapport that keeps us engaged in their actions. As with his co-star, Goode manages to rise above the script’s formulaic contrivances to actually make us care whether or not Declan will get the girl. Ultimately, it’s no-brainer that Declan and Anna will get together at the end - but give credit to Goode and Adams for making their characters rounded enough to make us wonder.
The only reason LEAP YEAR doesn’t rate any higher than above-average (***) is because it kind of suffers from the LLT Syndrome - or “Lopsided Love Triangle Syndrome”. We’ve talked about this in previous reviews. Essentially, it’s when the third point of a cinematic love triangle is clearly unappealing and therefore doesn’t pose much of a threat. LEAP YEAR would’ve rated ***½ or higher if the writers had fleshed out Jeremy to be more than just a callow careerist who's primarily concerned with status and success. Adam Scott doesn’t really do anything special with the character. He’s competent - but nothing more. Had Jeremy been made to be more of an appealing choice, we might have had the suspense we saw in the triangles for MY BEST FRIEND’S WEDDING and SWEET HOME ALABAMA.
In the end, though, LEAP YEAR is as warm and pleasant as a familiar, old blanket. Clearly, this is a formula romantic comedy. Fortunately, the talents of Amy Adams and Matthew Goode, the lovely Irish countryside, and that intriguing real-life tradition, all combine to elevate this film above the average mark. It could’ve been more surprising, but it also could’ve been far more pedestrian.
UPCOMING REVIEWS FOR THE WEEK OF 4/18/11- 4/24/11
Hello, all..
In honor of a visiting Italian friend, I declare this week... Italian Movie Week! In case you haven't figured that out from the slide show earlier.
Ecco a voi e il vostro bel paese e popolo, Luca...
# 309 - OPERA (AKA: Dario Argento's Royally Fucked-Up Take On Gaston Leroux's Classic)
# 310 - CINEMA PARADISO (AKA: I Knew There Was Another Reason I Love Italy And The Movies!)
# 311 - LA FINESTRA DI FRONTE (AKA: If My Neighbor Looked Like Raoul Bova, My Ass Would Be Hanging Out That Finestra)
# 312 - SEI DONNE PER L'ASSASSINO (AKA: This Gives The Phrase "Dressed To Kill" A Whole New Meaning)
# 313 - GOMORRAH (AKA: Bella Napoli - Unless You Fuck With The Mafia, Then Its "Hella Napoli")
# 314 - DIVORZIA ALLA ITALIANO (AKA: As Italians, You People Should Know Better Than To Get Married)
# 315 - MALENA (AKA: Monica Belluci's Tits, Legs, Ass, and Smile)
Stock up on the pizza, vino, and the, um, sausage puttanesca. We sure as hell are going to...
In honor of a visiting Italian friend, I declare this week... Italian Movie Week! In case you haven't figured that out from the slide show earlier.
Ecco a voi e il vostro bel paese e popolo, Luca...
# 309 - OPERA (AKA: Dario Argento's Royally Fucked-Up Take On Gaston Leroux's Classic)
# 310 - CINEMA PARADISO (AKA: I Knew There Was Another Reason I Love Italy And The Movies!)
# 311 - LA FINESTRA DI FRONTE (AKA: If My Neighbor Looked Like Raoul Bova, My Ass Would Be Hanging Out That Finestra)
# 312 - SEI DONNE PER L'ASSASSINO (AKA: This Gives The Phrase "Dressed To Kill" A Whole New Meaning)
# 313 - GOMORRAH (AKA: Bella Napoli - Unless You Fuck With The Mafia, Then Its "Hella Napoli")
# 314 - DIVORZIA ALLA ITALIANO (AKA: As Italians, You People Should Know Better Than To Get Married)
# 315 - MALENA (AKA: Monica Belluci's Tits, Legs, Ass, and Smile)
Stock up on the pizza, vino, and the, um, sausage puttanesca. We sure as hell are going to...
REVIEW UPDATE: The Last Four Jelly Bean Grab Bag Flicks...
Hello, all...
Hope everyone had a lovely weekend. Still sore from doing the Burke Gilman yet again. But it's that nice kind of sore. Whatever you folks did this weekend, hopefully it was fun and made you see things differently.
At any rate, two things: (1) we are four reviews behind, but they should all be posted by Wednesday at the latest; and (2) I will be releasing the list of next week's films shortly. See the slide show below and guess the theme? Three clues: sun, sea, and Spumanti!
Hope everyone had a lovely weekend. Still sore from doing the Burke Gilman yet again. But it's that nice kind of sore. Whatever you folks did this weekend, hopefully it was fun and made you see things differently.
At any rate, two things: (1) we are four reviews behind, but they should all be posted by Wednesday at the latest; and (2) I will be releasing the list of next week's films shortly. See the slide show below and guess the theme? Three clues: sun, sea, and Spumanti!
# 304 - APRIL FOOL’S DAY (1986)
APRIL FOOL’S DAY (1986 - HORROR / COMEDY) ***½ out of *****
(Call me old-fashioned, but my idea of an April Fool‘s Day joke doesn‘t involve severed heads. Wait. That was a fake head, right? Right?)
CAST: Ken Olandt, Amy Steel, Deborah Foreman, Clayton Rohner, Tom Wilson, Deborah Goodrich, Leah King Pinsent, Griffin O‘Neal, Jay Baker.
DIRECTOR: Fred Walton.
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and rather messy practical jokes mixed in with some serious shit - straight ahead…
The last time I went on an island vacation recently was to Orcas Island - but before I’d spent barely 12 hours there, I was rushing back to Seattle to catch the finale of the Seattle Sounders vs. Chicago Fire match that saw our visitors from the Midwest getting their collective asses spanked by our local heroes. Needless to say, it wasn’t much of a vacation, but having the Sounders trounce the Fire was more than worth it. Note to self: next time, plan around the soccer matches, dumbass.
But that’s nothing compared to what happens to the characters of our next review, the underrated and ahead-of-its-time horror comedy APRIL FOOL’S DAY. We have our standard group of horny, mischievous college students on Spring Break who head to what looks like the San Juans but not as pretty or welcoming. These islands are smaller and, well, more scary-looking. Does that stop our partying students, though? If you think so, then you have obviously never seen a slasher movie. Suffice it to say, the sketchy isolation of their destination actually seems to excite them even more.
Our motley crue is comprised of: (1) Muffy St. John (Deborah Foreman), nuclear-hot brunette who loves practical jokes as much as she loves sex; (2) Rob Ferris (Ken Olandt), nuclear-hot poor boy on a scholarship who wants to go to med school; (3) Kit Graham (Amy Steel), nuclear-hot blonde who loves Rob; (4) Chad Vyshinski (Clayton Rohner), preppy rich prick who waltzes around with a mid-80’s video camera that’s bigger than most portable refrigerators; (5) Nikki Brashears (Deborah Goodrich), nuclear-hot slutty chick who’s banging Chaz; (6) Arch Cummings (Tom Wilson), nuclear-hot jock who fully intends to live up to his surname several times during the weekend; (7) Skip St. John (Griffin O’Neal), nuclear-hot cousin of Muffy’s who seems to be majoring in alcohol consumption; (8) Nan Youngblood (Leah King Pinsent), nuclear-hot bookworm whose surname pretty much guarantees she won’t be needing a seat on the ferry back to the mainland; (9) Hal Edison (Jay Baker), somewhat-hot Brooks Brothers-type who’s got dead meat stamped on his forehead.
Anyhow, our group arrives on the island where the only building is the St. John mansion. As you can imagine with an inveterate practical joker like Muffy, they all pretty much get a not-so-welcoming barrage of the following: (1) exploding cigars, (2) collapsing chairs, (3) champagne glasses that leak, (4) faucets that spray right into your face, and my favorite: (5) whoopee cushions. Hey, look, I’m old-school, alright?
Fortunately for Muffy, she’s so hot that her friends don’t take these trinkets and stuff them down her throat. Which is exactly what would have happened if she’d been any less attractive. Unfortunately, before too long, the jokes start turning real. As in, they find: (1) Skip’s dead body in a boat, (2) Arch’s head in a well, and (3) Nan’s corpse floating nearby. Seems like someone else has shown up uninvited to Muffy’s private island party. This is pretty much the buzz-killer to end all buzz-killers
Who is the killer? And why is he (she?) targeting Muffy and her friends? Is it the ferryman who got horribly injured in one of their practical jokes? Has he come back for revenge? Or is it the local constable who wants to teach them a lesson? Or is it… one of them? Who will get off the island alive? And who will just, you know, get off?
Come on. We’re talking Spring Break vacation with a bunch of college kids. You know someone’s getting off.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Way before SCREAM came out in 1996 and successfully combined scares and laughs to redefine and reinvigorate the Horror Genre, APRIL FOOL’S DAY came out in 1986 and tried to do something different with the Slasher Formula. Upping the humor quotient, lessening the gore, and shaping the characters better, this movie proved to be a breath of fresh air for the genre. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to save the Slasher Genre which was becoming increasingly moribund and finally petered out by the late 80’s - and stayed that way until SCREAM arrived.
APRIL FOOL’S DAY is not as self-referential or post-modern as SCREAM, but it has a lot of the same light humor that allows us to bond with the characters. The crew of people in this movie are all extremely likable despite their varied personalities. It helps that they are played by a cast of young performers who are several notches above the typical actor that appears in this type of film.
Deborah Foreman is a sexy hoot as the rich practical joker Muffy St. John, and is just ambiguous enough to make you wonder if she is a victim like the rest of her friends - or if she is the cold-blooded killer behind the whole thing. Amy Steel, an alumnus of FRIDAY THE 13th PART 2, makes a great heroine and show’s Kit’s smarts by being the one who unravels the mystery. Ken Olandt as Rob best exemplifies the All-American Boy Next Door, and proves to be a solid hero. Clayton Rohner and Deborah Goodrich as Chaz and Nikki make for an amusing “glama” couple, while Leah King Pinsent, Tom Wilson, Jay Baker, and Griffin O’Neal (the late son of Ryan O’Neal) all nail their very different characters to round out the colorful cast.
Indeed, the main reason APRIL FOOL’S DAY rises above the average, past above average, and lands in the good category, is because of its sharp cast and the very appealing characters they essay. So amiable is this crowd, that you actually root for all of them to figure out what’s going on and survive their weekend. That’s rare for a slasher film, which usually sees us praying for the characters to be knocked off as soon as possible.
On one last note, there is a very persistent rumor about a lost ending to APRIL FOOL’S DAY that adds another twenty minutes to the film. This longer ending is in the novelization of the film, which is based on the script, so there may be something to this rumor. If this is true, APRIL FOOL’S DAY would have been a much darker, and different film. As it is now, it’s the right blend of serious and funny. Perhaps that’s why the producers decided to nix that extra twenty minutes: they didn't want to mess with a good thing.
Bottom line: if you like SCREAM, you should appreciate APRIL FOOL’S DAY. It may not be as hip or glossy, but it sure is entertaining and enjoyable.
(Call me old-fashioned, but my idea of an April Fool‘s Day joke doesn‘t involve severed heads. Wait. That was a fake head, right? Right?)
CAST: Ken Olandt, Amy Steel, Deborah Foreman, Clayton Rohner, Tom Wilson, Deborah Goodrich, Leah King Pinsent, Griffin O‘Neal, Jay Baker.
DIRECTOR: Fred Walton.
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and rather messy practical jokes mixed in with some serious shit - straight ahead…
The last time I went on an island vacation recently was to Orcas Island - but before I’d spent barely 12 hours there, I was rushing back to Seattle to catch the finale of the Seattle Sounders vs. Chicago Fire match that saw our visitors from the Midwest getting their collective asses spanked by our local heroes. Needless to say, it wasn’t much of a vacation, but having the Sounders trounce the Fire was more than worth it. Note to self: next time, plan around the soccer matches, dumbass.
But that’s nothing compared to what happens to the characters of our next review, the underrated and ahead-of-its-time horror comedy APRIL FOOL’S DAY. We have our standard group of horny, mischievous college students on Spring Break who head to what looks like the San Juans but not as pretty or welcoming. These islands are smaller and, well, more scary-looking. Does that stop our partying students, though? If you think so, then you have obviously never seen a slasher movie. Suffice it to say, the sketchy isolation of their destination actually seems to excite them even more.
Our motley crue is comprised of: (1) Muffy St. John (Deborah Foreman), nuclear-hot brunette who loves practical jokes as much as she loves sex; (2) Rob Ferris (Ken Olandt), nuclear-hot poor boy on a scholarship who wants to go to med school; (3) Kit Graham (Amy Steel), nuclear-hot blonde who loves Rob; (4) Chad Vyshinski (Clayton Rohner), preppy rich prick who waltzes around with a mid-80’s video camera that’s bigger than most portable refrigerators; (5) Nikki Brashears (Deborah Goodrich), nuclear-hot slutty chick who’s banging Chaz; (6) Arch Cummings (Tom Wilson), nuclear-hot jock who fully intends to live up to his surname several times during the weekend; (7) Skip St. John (Griffin O’Neal), nuclear-hot cousin of Muffy’s who seems to be majoring in alcohol consumption; (8) Nan Youngblood (Leah King Pinsent), nuclear-hot bookworm whose surname pretty much guarantees she won’t be needing a seat on the ferry back to the mainland; (9) Hal Edison (Jay Baker), somewhat-hot Brooks Brothers-type who’s got dead meat stamped on his forehead.
Anyhow, our group arrives on the island where the only building is the St. John mansion. As you can imagine with an inveterate practical joker like Muffy, they all pretty much get a not-so-welcoming barrage of the following: (1) exploding cigars, (2) collapsing chairs, (3) champagne glasses that leak, (4) faucets that spray right into your face, and my favorite: (5) whoopee cushions. Hey, look, I’m old-school, alright?
Fortunately for Muffy, she’s so hot that her friends don’t take these trinkets and stuff them down her throat. Which is exactly what would have happened if she’d been any less attractive. Unfortunately, before too long, the jokes start turning real. As in, they find: (1) Skip’s dead body in a boat, (2) Arch’s head in a well, and (3) Nan’s corpse floating nearby. Seems like someone else has shown up uninvited to Muffy’s private island party. This is pretty much the buzz-killer to end all buzz-killers
Who is the killer? And why is he (she?) targeting Muffy and her friends? Is it the ferryman who got horribly injured in one of their practical jokes? Has he come back for revenge? Or is it the local constable who wants to teach them a lesson? Or is it… one of them? Who will get off the island alive? And who will just, you know, get off?
Come on. We’re talking Spring Break vacation with a bunch of college kids. You know someone’s getting off.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Way before SCREAM came out in 1996 and successfully combined scares and laughs to redefine and reinvigorate the Horror Genre, APRIL FOOL’S DAY came out in 1986 and tried to do something different with the Slasher Formula. Upping the humor quotient, lessening the gore, and shaping the characters better, this movie proved to be a breath of fresh air for the genre. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to save the Slasher Genre which was becoming increasingly moribund and finally petered out by the late 80’s - and stayed that way until SCREAM arrived.
APRIL FOOL’S DAY is not as self-referential or post-modern as SCREAM, but it has a lot of the same light humor that allows us to bond with the characters. The crew of people in this movie are all extremely likable despite their varied personalities. It helps that they are played by a cast of young performers who are several notches above the typical actor that appears in this type of film.
Deborah Foreman is a sexy hoot as the rich practical joker Muffy St. John, and is just ambiguous enough to make you wonder if she is a victim like the rest of her friends - or if she is the cold-blooded killer behind the whole thing. Amy Steel, an alumnus of FRIDAY THE 13th PART 2, makes a great heroine and show’s Kit’s smarts by being the one who unravels the mystery. Ken Olandt as Rob best exemplifies the All-American Boy Next Door, and proves to be a solid hero. Clayton Rohner and Deborah Goodrich as Chaz and Nikki make for an amusing “glama” couple, while Leah King Pinsent, Tom Wilson, Jay Baker, and Griffin O’Neal (the late son of Ryan O’Neal) all nail their very different characters to round out the colorful cast.
Indeed, the main reason APRIL FOOL’S DAY rises above the average, past above average, and lands in the good category, is because of its sharp cast and the very appealing characters they essay. So amiable is this crowd, that you actually root for all of them to figure out what’s going on and survive their weekend. That’s rare for a slasher film, which usually sees us praying for the characters to be knocked off as soon as possible.
On one last note, there is a very persistent rumor about a lost ending to APRIL FOOL’S DAY that adds another twenty minutes to the film. This longer ending is in the novelization of the film, which is based on the script, so there may be something to this rumor. If this is true, APRIL FOOL’S DAY would have been a much darker, and different film. As it is now, it’s the right blend of serious and funny. Perhaps that’s why the producers decided to nix that extra twenty minutes: they didn't want to mess with a good thing.
Bottom line: if you like SCREAM, you should appreciate APRIL FOOL’S DAY. It may not be as hip or glossy, but it sure is entertaining and enjoyable.
# 303 - GHOST (1990)
GHOST (1990 - ROMANCE / MYSTERY / DRAMA) ***½ out of *****
(What? No long-haired ghost chick hell-bent on revenge? Just Patrick Swayze in a burgundy shirt? I can live with that…)
CAST: Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, Whoopi Goldberg, Tony Goldwyn, Rick Aviles.
DIRECTOR: Jerry Zucker
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some rather handsome ghosts straight ahead….
In our last review for CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON (review # 302), we talked about how all that high-wire jumping, soaring, leaping, gliding, and bounding challenged some viewers’ ability to suspend their disbelief. Well, something tells me those very same viewers had absolutely no trouble buying Patrick Swayze as a ghost who comes back from the beyond to protect his lover played by Demi Moore in our latest review, GHOST. But, essentially, what we have here is exactly the same leaps in logic that many hurl against CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON.
For starters, if Sam Wheat (Swayze) is a ghost who can move through doors, then how come he doesn’t slide through the floor? If he has to concentrate all of his energies and emotions to be able to move something, shouldn’t he do the same to be able to stand on a solid surface? And what about Whoopi Goldberg’s medium character Oda Mae? If she can’t see Sam but only hear him, then how come we, the audience, see him? Are we psychic? And if ghosts can possess humans, then why doesn’t Sam possess someone and do the detective work himself instead of acting as The World’s Freakiest Sidekick?
I could go on and on… but whatever. All you need to know is that Sam is a NYC financial whiz with commitment issues (wow, novel concept) who is shot in a botched mugging one night after leaving an off-Broadway (way off-Broadway) show with his loving girlfriend Molly (Demi Moore). The mugger (Rick Aviles) asks for Sam’s wallet, and Sam, being an idiot, decides to roshambo him for it. You can guess where all this ends up: in the morgue - with Sam wearing a toe tag. At least his body, anyway.
His spirit is another matter. Wandering around downtown NYC like a tourist from Oklahoma, Sam is essentially caught between this world and the next. He finds out first-hand that it sucks to be a ghost because you can’t do the following anymore: (1) drink alcohol; (2) eat cheeseburgers; or (3) have sweaty sex with random acquaintances. There’s a reason why people fear death, folks, and it’s mainly because of the three preceding reasons. Trust me on that.
Anyhow, through a series of events that I’m not going to bother delineating, Sam begins to suspect that his murder was not a mugging-gone-bad, but rather an act of cold-blooded premeditation. It helps his cause immensely when he finds himself an ally in wacky faux medium Oda Mae Brown (Goldberg), who is more shocked than anyone else in the room that she can actually hear spirits when Sam starts yelling at her like they’ve been married for twenty years.
Before you know it, Sam and Oda Mae are playing Cagney and Lacey, except one of them has a penis. Well, not really, when you consider that Sam is now a ghost and can’t use it for anything worthwhile. Or even un-worthwhile, for that matter. Soon, they’re paying a visit to Molly, who is understandably perturbed that a chick who claims to be psychic has been having running dialogues (okay, more like running arguments) with her dead lover. What would you do? I sure as fuck wouldn’t have coffee with her. But I’m not Molly, who basically is told by Oda Mae that whoever killed Sam is now after her. And how was your week?
Will Molly believe Oda Mae? Will Sam be able to protect the love of his life? Or is she pretty much toast, too? What role does Sam’s best friend Carl (Tony Goldwyn) have in the whole mess? Is he friend? Or foe? And by the time Molly finds out which, will it be too late? Or will the 1,247th playing of “Unchained Melody” kill her first?
I’m betting on the latter. If I hear “Oh, my love, my darling, I’ve hungered for your touch” one more fucking time, I’m going to walk up to the nearest person and punch them in the stomach.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: In our recent review for LEGALLY BLONDE (review # 298), we talked about how a film can sometimes have a potentially silly premise, but be redeemed and saved by a capable cast, director, and script. Once again, we run into that very same situation with GHOST. This movie could’ve easily been a ludicrous mess. Somehow, though, it manages to not only work, but also engage us emotionally. Indeed, this film grossed over $200 million in North America alone, and over $500 million worldwide by the end of 1990. Not bad for a film that everyone was sure would do so-so, at the very best.
Much of GHOST’s power lies with the performances of its leads Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, and Whoopi Goldberg. Since we see nearly all of the story through Sam’s eyes, we need an actor playing him that we can feel a kinship to and be one with. Swayze’s empathetic performance allows this. He’s matched by Demi Moore, who’s probably one of the most beautiful “criers” in cinema history. The shot of her at the end, with tears pouring out of her eyes, as she says farewell to Sam for one last time is practically an iconic image. But Moore also refuses to make Molly just about vulnerability, and infuses the character with a spunkiness and fire that makes it clear she can take care of herself despite everything that has happened to her.
As good as Swayze and Moore are, though, the movie is nearly stolen from them by Whoopi Goldberg as the sketchy medium who discovers, quite by chance, just how gifted she really is. Goldberg delivers a comic turn that is both broad and specific at the same time, and gives the film a much-needed shot of humor to make up for some of its more somber tones. Say what you want, but Goldberg deserved the Oscar she won for the role that year.
In the end, you can do worse than GHOST for solid entertainment. As the tagline of the poster says, “believe.”
(What? No long-haired ghost chick hell-bent on revenge? Just Patrick Swayze in a burgundy shirt? I can live with that…)
CAST: Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, Whoopi Goldberg, Tony Goldwyn, Rick Aviles.
DIRECTOR: Jerry Zucker
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some rather handsome ghosts straight ahead….
In our last review for CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON (review # 302), we talked about how all that high-wire jumping, soaring, leaping, gliding, and bounding challenged some viewers’ ability to suspend their disbelief. Well, something tells me those very same viewers had absolutely no trouble buying Patrick Swayze as a ghost who comes back from the beyond to protect his lover played by Demi Moore in our latest review, GHOST. But, essentially, what we have here is exactly the same leaps in logic that many hurl against CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON.
For starters, if Sam Wheat (Swayze) is a ghost who can move through doors, then how come he doesn’t slide through the floor? If he has to concentrate all of his energies and emotions to be able to move something, shouldn’t he do the same to be able to stand on a solid surface? And what about Whoopi Goldberg’s medium character Oda Mae? If she can’t see Sam but only hear him, then how come we, the audience, see him? Are we psychic? And if ghosts can possess humans, then why doesn’t Sam possess someone and do the detective work himself instead of acting as The World’s Freakiest Sidekick?
I could go on and on… but whatever. All you need to know is that Sam is a NYC financial whiz with commitment issues (wow, novel concept) who is shot in a botched mugging one night after leaving an off-Broadway (way off-Broadway) show with his loving girlfriend Molly (Demi Moore). The mugger (Rick Aviles) asks for Sam’s wallet, and Sam, being an idiot, decides to roshambo him for it. You can guess where all this ends up: in the morgue - with Sam wearing a toe tag. At least his body, anyway.
His spirit is another matter. Wandering around downtown NYC like a tourist from Oklahoma, Sam is essentially caught between this world and the next. He finds out first-hand that it sucks to be a ghost because you can’t do the following anymore: (1) drink alcohol; (2) eat cheeseburgers; or (3) have sweaty sex with random acquaintances. There’s a reason why people fear death, folks, and it’s mainly because of the three preceding reasons. Trust me on that.
Anyhow, through a series of events that I’m not going to bother delineating, Sam begins to suspect that his murder was not a mugging-gone-bad, but rather an act of cold-blooded premeditation. It helps his cause immensely when he finds himself an ally in wacky faux medium Oda Mae Brown (Goldberg), who is more shocked than anyone else in the room that she can actually hear spirits when Sam starts yelling at her like they’ve been married for twenty years.
Before you know it, Sam and Oda Mae are playing Cagney and Lacey, except one of them has a penis. Well, not really, when you consider that Sam is now a ghost and can’t use it for anything worthwhile. Or even un-worthwhile, for that matter. Soon, they’re paying a visit to Molly, who is understandably perturbed that a chick who claims to be psychic has been having running dialogues (okay, more like running arguments) with her dead lover. What would you do? I sure as fuck wouldn’t have coffee with her. But I’m not Molly, who basically is told by Oda Mae that whoever killed Sam is now after her. And how was your week?
Will Molly believe Oda Mae? Will Sam be able to protect the love of his life? Or is she pretty much toast, too? What role does Sam’s best friend Carl (Tony Goldwyn) have in the whole mess? Is he friend? Or foe? And by the time Molly finds out which, will it be too late? Or will the 1,247th playing of “Unchained Melody” kill her first?
I’m betting on the latter. If I hear “Oh, my love, my darling, I’ve hungered for your touch” one more fucking time, I’m going to walk up to the nearest person and punch them in the stomach.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: In our recent review for LEGALLY BLONDE (review # 298), we talked about how a film can sometimes have a potentially silly premise, but be redeemed and saved by a capable cast, director, and script. Once again, we run into that very same situation with GHOST. This movie could’ve easily been a ludicrous mess. Somehow, though, it manages to not only work, but also engage us emotionally. Indeed, this film grossed over $200 million in North America alone, and over $500 million worldwide by the end of 1990. Not bad for a film that everyone was sure would do so-so, at the very best.
Much of GHOST’s power lies with the performances of its leads Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, and Whoopi Goldberg. Since we see nearly all of the story through Sam’s eyes, we need an actor playing him that we can feel a kinship to and be one with. Swayze’s empathetic performance allows this. He’s matched by Demi Moore, who’s probably one of the most beautiful “criers” in cinema history. The shot of her at the end, with tears pouring out of her eyes, as she says farewell to Sam for one last time is practically an iconic image. But Moore also refuses to make Molly just about vulnerability, and infuses the character with a spunkiness and fire that makes it clear she can take care of herself despite everything that has happened to her.
As good as Swayze and Moore are, though, the movie is nearly stolen from them by Whoopi Goldberg as the sketchy medium who discovers, quite by chance, just how gifted she really is. Goldberg delivers a comic turn that is both broad and specific at the same time, and gives the film a much-needed shot of humor to make up for some of its more somber tones. Say what you want, but Goldberg deserved the Oscar she won for the role that year.
In the end, you can do worse than GHOST for solid entertainment. As the tagline of the poster says, “believe.”
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